I need to just stop,
Get my life together,
And stop hurting people..

When I seen you body for the first time,
I realized how worn and torn you were,
How many battles you lost,
On your wrist,
Your thighs,
How many fires occurred,
On your sides,
Your lovely sides,
And how many times I told you,
I loved you because I do,
Because no matter how many times,
You have lost the battle,
You will always win the war.

You say you don't want anything to do with me,
maybe I should just end it all,
because I really believed,
that we were a forever,
i'm so stupid,
and i'm sorry,
but you said so yourself,
that you won't leave,
ever,
then i get a message,
from "babygirl"
and you are saying "this is our last time texting"
when last night I asked if it was our last phone call,
and you said no,
was that just another lie,
that i was stupid enough to believe,
so no it's all my fault like i once said before,
you should of listened and stayed away,
im sure you will next time,
but it's all my fault so live on darling.

I will always care for you,
Even if we're not together,
And even if we're far,
Far away from each other,

We cut into our skin,
Because,
We are angry,
We are sad,
We are hurting,
We are trying to hide it,
We are lost,
We are broken,
We cut into our skin because we want to feel the scars we feel on the inside,
We want to have proof that we are still alive,
We cut into our skin because we are lost for words and we were left alone,
We cut into our skin because it's all that is left,
We are done, looking for a better way,
We don't talk about "it",
Because we don't trust anymore,
We cut into our skin because it's all we know.

Yes I do, I believe,
That the only day I will be where I was,
Right there, next to you,
And it's hard, The days just seem so dark,
The moon, the stars are nothing without you,
You touch, your skin, where do i begin?
No words can explain the way I'm missing you,
Deny this emptiness, this hole that I'm inside,
These tears, they tell their own story,
Told me not to cry, when you were gone,
But the feelings overwhelming, it's much too strong,
Can I lay by your side, next to you, you,
And make sure you're alright,
I'll take care of you,
I don't want to be here if I can't be here with you tonight,
I'm reaching out to you,
Can you hear my call,
This hurt that I've been through,
I'm missing you, missing you like crazy,
Told me not to cry, when you were gone,
But the feelings overwhelming, it's much too strong,
Can I lay by your side, next to you, you,
And make sure you're alright,
I'll take care of you,
I don't want to be here if I can't be with you tonight,
Lay me down tonight, lay me by your side,
Lay me down tonight, Lay me by your side,
Can I lay by your side, Next to you, you-ou.

I'd rather be in bed away from the world..

So  I was seven days clean,
But that all went down in flames,
And so did mine and your forever's,
But it's all okay,
Because I just painted a really big picture,
Anywhere I could tonight,
And I really miss you,
Like You don't even know,
I put so much strength and fight,
That I didn't have in for you,
And I guess yet,
I still wasn't enough,
But it's okay,
Because I'll cry tonight until my eyes bleed,
Holding "our" jacket,
And wonder why I was so stupid,
It's okay,
I hear you voice and I brake,
But tomorrow I will put the mask on,
See you and pretend,
That I'm fine,
Sleep in the same area as you,
And feel nothing right?
THAT'S NOT ******* POSSIBLE!
But I will have to pretend it is huh?
But it's okay because,
I'll come home after my "great" time,
And come cry in my bed,
You know I would say no I'm not coming,
But, I promised,
And I yet to this very second still love you with everything,
So I want to see your face,
But as I picture it,
It brakes me..
But yet know,
I didn't cut over you,
I cut because I,
Lost the most amazing thing..

One thing you did teach me, Even if you promise me a forever a million times, it's not true.

So many people,
Yet I pick you,
Because I see you,
And only you,
But yet,
You only picked me,
For temporary,
Not Forever,
When I had my heart,
Mind and body,
Set for forever,
You yet,
Choose others..
It's okay,
Haven't I told you,
Just like the rest,
They always leave,
I'm use to it,
Go ahead,
Just know I love you,
Like NO other..

...Family has finally gave up on me.
I'm seven days clean from cutting,
Haven't ate in 3 days..
And cry myself to sleep..
Sorry, its just me.

No one knows how I honestly feel,
Because I cant bring myself to tell them.

Leave,
Stay,
Leave,
Stay,
Leave,
Stay,
Happy,
Sad,
Happy,
Sad,
I don't ******* know anymore you do it, it'll be easier..

I know this is a place for poems, but about three years ago, my cousin named Chastity, (my name) Was very small, blonde, with blue eyes, loved school, friends. My uncle would beat me and her, unfortunately I would get to leave at the end of the week. And Chastity wouldn't get to, She was my world. We did everything together. She was 6 at the time. I got a call on June 17 that Chastity had been beat to death and that he had told the cops that I was next.  Because we where suppose to die together. And there was no point in him going to jail because she was nothing anyways. Yes, it kills me to type this. I miss her so much living life without her has not been easy. And that is for shore. But here is a little poem for my little angel.


I miss you more then
I thought I would
And I cry much more
Than I thought I could
Time heals all..
That's what they say!
But loves the price,
And so I pray
Sometimes I smile
I know you're near
Its not enough
You are not here
The years roll by
I'm not the same
Yet in my heart
You still remain
You left love behind
When you flew away
But a piece of me
You to that day

Locked within the walls of my own mind,
Unable to escape,
Reaching out for help that is not there,
My demons are inside,
No one can save me from myself,
So tired of failing ad struggling to no avail,
exhausted, worn down,
Every fiber of my being screaming,
**Let Me Out

And i bet you didn't know,
That she cries herself to sleep EVERY,
night thinking of you,
Replaying everything you ever said,
Everything you ever did,
And wondering where she went wrong.

I'd be lying,
If I told you,
Loosing you,
Is something,
I could,
Handle.

The pain grew and grew,
And I began to experience suicidal thoughts,
I realized that life for me,
Was at a desperate impasse,
I thought of the garage,
Of a place where I might sit in the car,
And inhale carbon monoxide,
I'd look at the rafters,
In the attic and think,
Of them as places where,
I might hang myself,
I look at sharp objects,
As being implements,
For my wrist.

At the age of 2 I wanted to be a cop,
At the age of 4 I wanted to be a rock star,
At the age of 6 I wanted to be a doctor,
At the age of 8 I wanted to be a vet,
At the age of 10 I wanted to be a writer,
At the age of 12 I wanted to be a chief,
At the age of 14 I want to die.



The thing is,
At the age 2 I wanted to be a cop,
At the age 4 I was messed with,
At the age 5 I was still messed with so I cut,
At the age 6 I was still messed with so I cut,
At the age 7 I was still messed with so I tried to overdose,
At the age 8 he got what h wanted so I tried to **** myself and it almost worked I was in the hospital for 2 weeks.
At the age 9 I still want to be dead,
At the age 10 I get forced into it again, and end up having a miscarriage,
At the age 11 I am broken from loosing a baby I carried for 5 months,
At the age 12 I tried to **** myself again,
At the age 13 I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety,
At the age 14 I am here, giving up, now had two miscarriages, and I'm broken, still cutting, wanting to overdose everyday, but now has a girl that means the world to me, She and my Nephew and baby brother is the only reason I'm still on this place you call Earth.

do I
eat breakfast
or starve myself
again? tonight
i will write my
suicide note
but only in
in my head
tomorrow i
will wish
i was already
dead, and despite
all this i will still
will get myself out of bed.

Sometimes,
It's better to keep silent,
Than to tell others what you feel,
Because,
It hurts badly when you come to know that,
They can hear you,
But can not understand.

Sometimes,
It's better to keep silent,
Than to tell others what you feel,
Because,
It hurts badly when you come to know that,
They can hear you,
But can not understand.

Silly little girl,
Don't fool yourself,
You've seen your scars,
Just don't want to help,

Little do they know,
How much could change,
With three little words,
*Are you okay?

I know this is a place for poems,
but I just wanted to let you know,
i wont be on for a while,
I'm going out of state,
To visit,
And get my life back on track,
And yes, when I leave I am getting help,
I have to go talk too someone,
And get all new meds.
Ill be back,
I'm not up and leaving.
That''s a promise,
So from the 25 of this month to the 3rd of next month I wont be on.

"I'm fine"
When people say no you are not,
Then just walk away,
Thank you for letting me know,
I'm even more worthless for not hiding it,
With one of those fake smiles,
But thanks?
I didn't know I was dying inside.

I am so*                          Worthless

                           *Hopeless              Invisible

                                           Helpless
                                                                 Damaged
                             Lost
                                             flawed
                                                                 Fragile
                                  Hurt
                                                    Confused
                                                                            Hurt
                                 Unlovable
                                                            Sad
                                                                          Ruined
                                   *Scared