I thought I knew
I had no idea,

Like seeing the splendor of a new dawn for the first time,
I am learning the void gets darker and heavier than you thought

My instincts tell me to convert it all to rage because that's what I understand best
But im too old not to know better, anger is a mask for pain and there is a lot hide these days.

I feel it all, in moments where my focus shouldn't leave me.
In the moments just before my body realizes its time for rest. I feel it all. I carry it all.

I am quite simply burdened by  my best.
Doing all the right things in the right moments.
Being the right person for every moment that mattered.

And it all meant nothing, i carry it all. The weight of a new nothing.

Hollow.
Hollow thoughts, the actions seemed to be the same.
Now we're the same,
Learning how to survive our days.

Definitely apart but the universal pull still stains our grief and makes it last a little longer.

You walked, to my dismay and disbelief.
Took a part of me with that im not sure I was even going to be able to give to someone else even if I wanted

Time and distance keep forcing me to rebuild myself from the ruins you left. How selfish of you to disappear into the void when I all I wanted to do was love you

But i know, as much I think about you and on the days when it feels like I need you to come back.
I know that im okay. Even at my worst, I am okay and I will be fine.

I just have to be man enough to accept it. I guess thats what moving on looks like.

And I will know soon enough.

I believe there is a monster inside all of us
Insidious in nature, but all so fragile
Begging to be tamed

Tamed and loved.
Love is the only guarentee to peace
But every thing in this life meets its end and must be mourned before it can be fully appreciated

My monster lost its peace, now I'm restless.
Lashing out and acting out of character
Is this who I become after getting every thing I prayed for?

The fleeting moments of recalled joy in between the weight of loss make him hesitate.
But he has tasted the other side of his nature and yearns for it again

And he will seek it the only way he knows how, violence until peace can be found again.
I am just as foolish as him, this time hoping it sticks around.

I became every person I was warned not to be. It was beautiful until the very end

We are not our choices but we are are most definitely our consequences.

I'm thankful for so much because now I know I can
I used to wonder with envy for others imagining who I would become when I finally encountered love

It was even better than I dreamt it to be.
I was blessed beyond measure.

But even forever is finite in the face of this life.
The void is proof I was there for every moment, every whisper, every giggle and every smile.

We live with regrets but this time I have none. I will be happy again when fault is not at the forefront of my mind.

I wish we had more time, now I really do sound like everyone else.

I'm glad it was you, even if it was for a while.
Farewell my muse, we had a hell of a ride.

Who am I when its all said and done?
A question that needs answers i dont have

My light was taken away from me,
I saw it starting to dim but the hope kept guiding me

I have much to accept,
I have even more to learn.

Who was I before this?
Who am I going to become during this?
Who am I going to be after this?

Questions I have to answer while I walk in the moonlight as my guide now,

My light is gone, and I can only reminisce
As that is when I thought I was at my best

Thats the thing about circles of life, you don't know where they start and where they end,

But living in them, and realizing you are happy.
That is an immense joy.

I.
I believe in the death of emotions,
Trust became an exercise to teach you how fickle hope can be.
How it takes your desires in the heat of the moment only to drown them in despair.


II.
This life is something else, i transitioned from one who thrives in midst of chaos to a man lost in the search of peace. Vulnerability being my only sin.

Confusion mocks my pride, inexperience stains my actions. Desires tell me to try again, but to what end?



III.
These thoughts push me close to the edge to confront the one thing i fear most in this chase:

Falling.

Either i dare to fly like Icarus or my destiny is to share drinks with the worst versions of myself in
Valhalla.


IV.
This is the last time I will grace these halls, its been a hell of a ride.
For once, even I drink to that.🍺


-Yours Formerly,
  The7thday

Some times things are meant to happen once and once only.

No matter how much the artist craves to paint on a particular canvas he can never do it again.

It might haunt him, it might relieve him. But one thing i can guarantee is that he will day to reminisce