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remember when the world
looked like it was colourful
and suddenly your memories
began to loose their shades
of fluorescent brightness
and they didn't seem
quite as they used to when
things were different
and the world spun
the right way around
and it didn't quite feel
as thought it was all wrong
and you wanted to leave
and live among the brightness
of the stars up in space
to replace the colourful
hues that earth once gave
to your eyes as a gift
in return for the smile
it'd leave upon your face
when the now grey flowers
were once beautiful spectrums
of colours you couldn't
imagine even with the best
of minds or eyes
before those memories
that you have now forgotten
had happened and stripped
the colour you once remembered
They're simply words
Used to help someone
Live comfortably
In a society
Where they don't
Feel that they belong
Because you decided
For yourself that they don't
Because you were raised
To be afraid of those
Who do not conform
To what you believe
Is a society where
You wish to spread
Your negativity
And futile behaviour
It's always the people you meet by chance
That make life bearable and leave you
Standing in a trance
Unaware of the effect they have on you
Like our fate had somehow
Become intertwined with one another
Somewhere along the way
Like a gust of wind traveling
With such beauty and grace
You're unaware it is there
And helping fuel your lungs with fire
In which you need to stay alive
In order to be with the people who somehow
Got stuck with you
Platonic or romantically in love
With someone's grace and personality
Unexpectedly crossing paths with someone
Who has a lot to offer for your life
To heal or break you inside or offer help
And guidance along the way
Like a soul to hold you in safe hands
As you pass through all places in life
~ This isn't my usual poetry style but I like it a lot
How am I supposed to react
When inside my own body
I feel so trapped

I'm expected to be what I present
But that doesn't reflect me
And this person you see, I've began to resent

Her pronouns don't feel like mine
And they haven't for a while
But changing them has helped over time

Sometimes it feels okay
Others I can't take it
Because how I feel changes day to day

The girl you see who wears the skirts
Who wears makeup to be confident
Isn't a girl at all, and feels like dirt

When you call me beautiful
I don't know how to feel
It feels so unusual

My body doesn't feel like mine
It belongs to a woman
If it didn't maybe I'd feel fine

My clothes don't reflect me
Neither does my makeup
This isn't who I want to be

I'm scared I'll never look neutral
Maybe you'll always see a girl
It just feels so brutal

The person you raised
Isn't who I grew into
I'm a new person today

I've never came out
But it's because I'm still so unsure
And if I told you you'd feel doubt

You raised a girl
Not someone doesn't feel right
A child who'd grow to wear dresses and pearls

I was always your princess
Never your prince or neither
But I've never felt secure in a dress

I'll never feel feminine
Not how you perceive it
But how I feel it is relevant

The tiara never fit my head quite right
And the long hair felt wrong
I wish I could change overnight

One day you'll know
I'll explain it all to you
But until then, I'll continue to grow
It's you
The boy with the brown hair
And brown eyes that glisten
The cheeks that go red so easily
That smile that could light up a room

It's you
The one who distracts me from my sadness
Who is a face to imagine when I need you
The boy I live so far from
Yet couldn't feel any closer

It's you
The one I met at the perfect time
The boy who showed me I was lovable
Right when I felt I wouldn't find love again
When everything hurt and you took it away

It's you
The one the other side of the world
Who I can't wait to meet
Because the calls with friends are nice
But being with you would make me whole

It's you
The one who's pain I wish I could take away
The person I wish I could make feel right
The boy who's stuck in the wrong body
But the one I get to call mine

It's you
The one who listens to me rant at 3am
Who makes me feel safe
The boy who's hand I want to hold
And my shoulder to cry on

It's you
The one who helps me come alive
Who helps me feel the most like me
When I feel like I'm a ghost
It's you who makes me feel alive
I love you
Marching the streets
Holding my flag
With my boyfriend
Holding my hand
Feeling so at home
Feeling I belong
Crying happy tears
Surrounded by people
Just like me
Not feeling judged
Feeling in place
I finally understood who I was
It felt so right
Happy faces all around
Celebrating who we are
How we were born
Different but perfect
Just the way we are
No matter who we love
This is about my experience at London Pride in 2019. Ive never felt so at home.
I always wondered
Why I didn't fit in
With all the other girls
Who would gossip about boys
Why it didn't feel right
But I still liked guys

My best friend
Who I'd dream of kissing
Not understanding
That maybe it meant something
And I was into girls

I realised something later
Had an epiphany
And decided to come out
It still feels so right
That I liked girls
And not only guys
The people in between too
And why I loved you

When I fell in love with a man
I felt as though my queerness
Wasn't as valid as I'd hoped
Because I wasn't with a woman
And I wanted forever
With the opposite ***

I've learned that it doesn't matter
Either way I'm queer
No matter who I fall for
Whoever I love and marry
And spend my life with
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