I avoid my reflection because the person who looks back at me is pale and looks dead
The body I once saw looking back at me no longer feels like my own
At 3am I am standing there staring with my hand tracing my skin
I wonder why Ive never felt like my body was home
Because my reflection is no longer mine it belongs to you
The demons in my head
Food is scary and the thought of it makes me sick
When I don't eat the person staring back at me morphs again
To be someone who's dropped weight and needs to eat more
But I can't bring myself to
Because if I do the person looking back changes soon after
And I haven't figured out how to look back at them
I can't identify with the person in that mirror and I can't remember a time I have
They've always looked back at me different
And Ive never seen life in those eyes
Maybe one day it'll change and maybe it wont
But for now I avoid my reflection
Because I'm scared of who looks back

Maybe nothing is forever
Maybe it's all temporary
But maybe I want it to be
Eternal love and happiness
Maybe I strive for things I can't have
Maybe things will change
But maybe I wanted forever
Eternal 'I love yous'
Maybe I loved you too much
Maybe not enough
But maybe Im conflicted
Feelings are complicated
Maybe I wanted more
Maybe it was more than enough
But all I wanted was you
It'll always be you

I miss when I was younger

Before the trauma and the pain

Before I knew love

And before I felt drained

Before I'd cry myself to sleep

When I didn't know what sad was

A easier time

When I wasn't always dead on my feet

Before I wondered if I'd make it past 13

When my eyes lit up and glistened

In a time where I had no problems

When i didn't need someone to listen

I wish I was a child again

I wish I didn't grow up

Because now I'm unhappy

And I've realised what it's like to be older

I wish I was a child again

Before the drugs and the alcohol

Before the scars and the hard times

Before everything

I miss when I was younger

Don't give up
Someone needs you
Look in the mirror
With a smile
To show the demons
They can't hurt you anymore

Drown the voices
In you head
With music that fills your heart
With hope
And with a joyous tune
That helps tell you
That you are worth something

You feel low
You feel broken
But don't hold onto false doubt
Don't hold burdens
Upon your shoulder
Just please hang on
With me
For me

I wish you made me happier
I felt trapped
I felt lost in my own head
And you made me feel so dead

I was made to feel like it was all my fault
I was always wrong
It made me feel so drained
Now you've left me with all the pain

We once ran through fields of daisy's
Together all alone
On a cold summer afternoon
Staring up at the sky waiting for the moon

But the moon never came
You were the one who drained me
You scared it away
And made the afternoon forever stay day

The clouds are my only companion
For you left me all alone
You and the robins and dove's
Left me with this fake, dead, love

Your heart beat was music to my ears as I lay my head on your chest
Your voice was my warmth and shelter in the rain
Your lungs filled the air with hope
But now there's nothing left but pain

I feel paralysed and numb
And stupid and so dumb
For trusting you with my heart
And letting you turn my life so dark

Your heart beat will no longer be music to my ears
Your voice will no longer shelter me from the rain
Your lungs won't fill the air with hope
But all that is left will remain as nothing but pain