With both of us standing
Infront of the guillotine,
Why did you take her
Instead of me?

I'm trying to find the reason.
Why did I deserve to live?
What kept me here
And took her away?

I'm not even close
To deserving half a life.
But she did nothing wrong,
Still she's the one you took.

Maybe it's survivors guilt,
And maybe i'm being stupid.
But I don't understand,
Why God would take a soul like hers
And leave me to live.

loving you was indeed a car crash
you hit me so hard i could feel the glass shards
of my heart shattering all around me
i could feel the pieces sticking into my skin
you left me with broken bones and dents

This space in between
Severely ill
And
Finally well
Is so full of confusion
This mixed bag of
Pain
Happiness
Heartbreak
Memories
Old habits tempting
Creeping up to pull you down
While you can see light ahead
Begging you to get better
These are the growing pains
Of recovery

I know that I'm a disappointment.

I've only been told that half a million times.

It's a running joke within the family now.

I know that I get angry at you.

I know I fight with you.

I know I make things hard.

And as much as you don't think so,

I'm trying really hard.

I'm trying to be better.

I'm trying to better myself.

Get my grades up.

And fix myself for you.

But to you,

I'll always be a dissapointment.

Death, afterlife?
Sorry
But I think we are **ed.

Paul Butters

© PB 25\3\2019.