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These couple weeks, I haven't felt the same. I don't wanna cry for help, but I'm getting tired of pretending so well. I thought I was going steady. But my mind got the best of me. I don't know why I'm still here, honestly.
If you took a peek inside of my brain you'd find the reasons for all of the blame. Constantly drowning :)
But I'm getting tired and I'm not so well. I guess I'm unsteady because you got the best of me. I hope one day I'll be fine honestly.
This isn't easy. I don't know how and what to feel. My mind is a fire and I'm burning love away. It's getting harder to feel. They don't know how it feels to be broken. I can't help it. I feel numb. I'll wait for the waves to leave. I think I'm breaking, I'm a mess in the making. I'm getting tired of the same old feeling in my chest. I'm not a liar, but I've got secrets I can't confess. Don't say you love me, because I don't understand those words. I'm holding on a tightrope. You know I'm not coming home.
I’m not ashamed to say it or admit it.
I’m an addict,
But an addict in a special way.
You see my one desire, craving is you.
I’m an addict and my one drug desire is you.
Sometime I find myself willing to do anything
That’s just a piece of you.
When you’re near I enjoy the time.
I realize I need you more than ever.
I’m out of control and all I want is to love you.
I need and want only you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i dont care what you said so long ago
i never knew you
the secrets
you could of fooled anyone
and no one would notice

you stayed alone
but you were loved by everyone
and you didnt know this

you were pretty
and funny too
a cheer to the world
was signed by you

before you died
and passed away
you broke my heart
and i had nothing to say
to you

miss suicide
suicide
miss suicide

you smile big
and fix your hair
no one knew the truth
they wouldnt dare

no one knew
who you
turned out to be

turned out to be

i dont care what you said so long ago
you couldnt love you

miss suicide
suicide
miss suicide

you go to school everyday
you knew your plan
and knew you couldnt say

youd walk home alone that night
and do the deed
for the hopes
you could finally sleep tight

miss suicide
suicide
miss suicide

when they made fun of your kind
you would just laugh along
but inside you knew you were gonna die
"so just hold on"
youd say

miss suicide
breathe in
just one last time
May there be no future for us,
No happily ever after.
I.
I am the ghost of my own moments
The mathematics of matter forming
Stream
I fall through rooms until all light escapes
And smell the friction in my dreams

Gravity can cross the dimensions, including Time
If folded enough, fingers rise from brine
I sleep until I am no longer man
Just matter remembering God is a rhyme.
I can't explain to you my jealousy
of watching people laugh in a group
such genuine laugher i could cry

I can't remember having a purpose
of getting out of bed
to not cancel my plans last minute

This sounds painfully self-wallowing
but this is all I have
Until a better day comes.

I hold onto the darkness
like an old friend
sweet embrace of familiarity.
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