I am afraid of giving you my heart.
If there is one thing I will detest myself for being, it is vulnerable.
I can't stand giving someone the power to destroy me. I will avoid that at all costs, which is maybe why I can't love you.

I don't trust you. I love you, but I can't trust you with something as fragile and dangerous as my heart.
And the sad thing is, I don't think I ever will. Your heart is wild and open and is home to many people.
Mine is just for you.
And if one day you leave, then it will be a big hole of nothingness.
Empty.

And I can't let that happen to myself.

I started to call you
But my phone told me not to
I wanted to text you
But my phone wouldn't let me do
I asked my phone why do you block
My phone said travel past not
For the future is in what you have
Not the things you lost in your past

I pray my secret won't see the light
I pray my shadow stays hidden from sight
Smile, laugh and pretend as I might
The darkness always comes along with the night
So each night I pray, I pray with my might
I pray for more days with my false delight

with no direction or purpose,
we find ourselves
wallowing in pools of
self-pity.
we find ourselves longing
for those who whisper spurious words of affection.
after all it has always been better to have someone to hold
on those cold nights
than
being alone.

i’ve tried to breathe life into us so many times
you’d think i was playing god himself
i’ve blown all the rust off the curves of my shoulders
i’ve blown all the dust off the books on my shelf

i saw the world in the way you walked
you saw the lipstick on my teeth
you are all things bright and beautiful
and i’m just the current beneath

i will try on everything in my closet
i will shine all of my shoes
i will go to the store and spend 15 bucks more
if i don’t have the right shade of blue

because **** it, i like it when your arm touches mine
so long as i stick to water and avoid any wine
i want you to think, “there she is!  there’s my perfect ten.”
but i’ll be growing out my hair and growing old until then.

you are a man. but i am a ghost of what is in between
the salt of the earth and way of the wind, evident but unseen
you’ve shown me that it’s real, and it’s rocked me to my core
and if you turned off the lights, i could be everything you’re looking for