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Ayeshah Dec 2015
I wanna be done with you
say mean words & hurt you...

I wanna run from you
  so fast until my lungs & legs hurt...

I wanna derail you
like two trains on a collision & only I'm the
surviving victim

I wanna beat you
make your face contort with pain
bash in your skull & hatch at ya brain
I wanna never know you again
not in a million years

I wanna feel pleased to the point of ******
as I watch you suffocate
& I ******* painfully
as
you've done countless times to me

I wanna make you bleed
& promise like you
it'll on hurt for a lil bit
then bend you
bind you while sticking it roughly in

I wanna get my fill of you
& have you beg me to stop

Then allow all my foster siblings
join in

Maybe then
you'd know what it's like for
a  child to forcefully
loose!
their innocents
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1977-Present  
All right reserved
Childhood abuse molestation  & **** stays with us even as adults.
There's no healing for me I'll forever have and wear these invisible scars!
  Dec 2015 Ayeshah
MOTV
In a blink of an eye, it was done
    The cost of souls the Earth has spun

Death upon an uneager heart
     Clause was signed by Death, oh what an art

It's quick, painless, at the time shameless, maiming, and brainless
Rude awakening.

At the very hour of death do you think they know?

Will they cower?
Will they stress?
Will their bodies glow like a ghost?

At the final thought of when they reminisce
Looking at their past existence
Will they understand their fault in the plan
Understand they had every moment in there hand

Realize that if there was a miss, it was oneself that didn't train to block the hit, didn't plot enough to dodge the grip, didn't get heighten to understand that evil exist, didn't realise that materializing got your brain chained like a slave being whipped.
We a trip
for worshipping them idols
stay idle
they say scram out the brain!
keep em dead and dumb
stay idle
everything will be okay
don't move worthless one
the time has come mkay


In a mist of the moment
as it clouds over my head,
I am my own opponent,
every moment,
every moment,
that I sure did not hope to miss,
was my own fault,
falling into doubt

&

stupid idol worshipping,
whether it is something so easy
as playing games

or

  studying for some dumb degree,
or learning how to draw,
for art has infatuated me

even at the moment where I could land a job,
I don't take it
I just leave it

then

I cry cause I ain't owning any of these mobs
of cash
fat stacks

****!

I wish I had that
a dream like all man
who work the land
that we plunder so much
what is the purpose?
why are we on this crust?
what a bunch of greedy *****!

****!

I am out again I need a blunt....
you lied to me
so very many times
i forgive you
for i can see inside you
and the pain that burns there
horrible wounds incurred
as an innocent child
please understand these truths
i am afraid for you
i am not judging you
i will not desert you
i will always be here
and i love the real you
but i have my rights too
and at this painful time
i need respect and truth
and solitude
Choka
Ayeshah Dec 2015
heard a song and felt those lyric to my core cuz like Tyrese said:
"I was excited cause I was falling, falling in love with you
now that I've fallen what am I going to do"

I didn't expect it
didn't want it nor did I feel I needed it
what do I do now
I can't accept all that you are
and **** sure can't give you all you're requesting

Seems more like demands every chance you get
I can't say it no other way

Like the great Robert frost
I speak in a colloquial dialect
regardless of my degrees so speak plainly to me
speak in 'slang please

Because
this theory called love
is based on your assumptions
that I should know it
but I dang well don't
I only know as the song says:

"I was excited cause I was falling
falling in love with you
Now that I've fallen
what am I going to do"
I don't know what to do
but I know I'm upset
cause of this song
A song by Tyrese
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1977-Present  
All right reserved
Ayeshah Dec 2015
I literally felt the pain rushing through
my body while reading your email
I'm so sorry to read
what you must have felt
that day and that moment
I can't say that
*I know how you must have felt
because I never had this happen to me,
but I sort of know how it feels since
I've been cheated on plenty of times
But getting an email like this  
Nope this hasn't ever happen to me
I know you assume
it was due to you lacking
in so many area's
Truth be told
I've not a reason
why things happen as they have
nor can I
explain why I took
away from you
what would of been your fairy tale romance
I don't know you and never planned to
I didn't even really know him
or that he was playing this silly game

I hope you will be able to forgive me
pray too you'll find a new love
and a new happy ending for yourself
because you deserve it

As I've stated I-I don't know you
and never planned to
I didn't even really know him
or  I'd of know you were

*His wife

Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1977-Present  
All right reserved
when a man fails to tell you he's married and makes you his unwilling Mistress these are the things which can and often do happen. I feel bad for the ladies and Wives who end up in this mess!
Ayeshah Dec 2015
I can't escape the endless pain
What's the point of living
There is no hope
there is no dawn
life's fading & I rather be gone
I'm stuck and you're stuck too
in our endless world of darkness
Some call this
MARRIAGE.
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1977-Present  
All right reserved
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