The saddest poem I ever wrote
was the “goodbye” I whispered
on the skin of your temple
so softly you didn’t hear it
until the fifth time you called
and I didn’t pick up
when the voicemail you left
was ten seconds of silence
followed by a sigh
as you took the phone from your ear.

So much death.
Twenty-two years of life
and I have experienced,
so
much
death.
My heroes all died,
as they will,
when youthful ignorance
turns to a bitter understanding on the reality of men.
We are flawed.
But it didn't stop there.
No,
year after year it seems,
death reaches all too soon.
A drug overdose,
a car accident,
a suicide.
One by one,
friends, family and enemies alike,
all have passed.
Some sought the grave,
some simply stumbled upon it.
It's all the same though,
the dead slumber;
the living carry on.
Until they don't.

What if tomorrow I wake
...and I don't feel anything.

The lips I kissed tonight,
didn't taste like you.
And the cotton shirt that I
clung to didn't smell like you.
So I kissed him harder and
pulled him closer,
pushing you deeper into my
memories, always trying
to forget that
my lips,
and my arms,
weren't enough for you either.

Until we're in love.
We'll throw anybody under the bus.
Until we find the person we can't
So we throw ourselves.

My skin feels so cold from the lack of touch

You have no idea what this does to me
You say you love affection
Yet
Every time I touch you
You deny me the right
Tell me no
You slap my hand away

Just because someone is watching
Whether it be a hundred
Or one single soul
You won't let it happen if someone is there

Of course I don't understand.
Unlike you,
I'm proud to tell the world
I'm with *you
You are my prize
And I'm sorry if I want to show everyone you're mine
Only mine

I can't even get a hug without you pulling away from me
Just because someone is walking by
Do you know how this makes me feel?
Do you not want people to know you like me?
Are you embarrassed of me?

You prevent every form of affection when someone is watching
And it hurts
It hurts so much.