Innocence is the days when
I thought that monsters
lived under the bed rather
than slept right beside me.

It was the times I feared
heights almost as much as
I now fear brooding stares.

Back when I thought
passionate love was the
only kind worth having
— that I now wish for a
lover who loves quietly.

Innocence was thinking
danger was an ill-advised
adventure, not a man.

It was admiring a tornado
heart and not realizing the
damage it would cause.

My mind is bruised.
My heart is swollen.
My soul is in cuts.

My eyes are bleeding.
My entire body is numb but filled with so much heartache.
Ears ringing if heartbreak.

But regardless of this poor condition.
I will wake up each morning.
And still love you with whatever part of sanity I have. 

After all you gave this messed up person a chance at true love.

I've said a lot of things about how my heart was in desperate need of hope.

But when the illusion flew in, making me believe I got it.
I watched my heart break into a thousand pieces.

I go over our hearts everyday each carved with exceptional words of truth until the very crack that broke us.

Two years later and it still hurts...
Two years later and I still wonder who was at fault to this.

It can't be me because not a day would pass without my heart loving you.
Not a minute would beat without my mind clouded with your voice, smile and just you.
Not a second would pass without the yearning feeling to be with you.

Did I feel too much?

My heart breaks even more with the thought of what we were.
We can't even begin to say we're friends,
That word has become stale to our tongues.

I still miss you.
Us really, we were the best of friends.
The best of everything.

I've said a lot of things about how my heart was in desperate need of hope.
But that need turned into the bitter pain of heart ache.

"Forever?" she whispered.

I closed my eyes and held the bridge of my nose.
I sighed, "I don't believe in forever"

She gasped, 
"You don't?", her eyes became watery

"The concept of forever scares me, The idea of looking deep into your eyes and prophesying forever only for it to not be forever", I cleared my throat.
"I don't want put us both in an emotional disaster, I'm not about building ourselves only to be the main destruction of this utopia"
"I love you in a way that I have never loved anyone, you're my first"
"My first kiss, my first spark, my first intensified butterflies, my first everything, I can't let a promise of forever get in the way of that, I won't and I'm sorry but I can't promise you a forever, I love you too much to sell each other dreams" I sigh

"I lost my best friends to a forever, The first one committed suicide and I don't know what happened to Rhea, she's closed off, she's gone, she's all ****** up and here I am recovering from the worst kind of pain because I found you", I sniffed, clearing my throat to force the silent whimpers down. 

"I'm not ready for a forever", I bowed my head.

"I'm not ready to lose you", I whispered