I'm all on my own now
Have nothing to lose
The one thing I cared of
Decided to move (on)
I'm sitting here, waiting
For just one last call
But I'm scared of hearing
Please, don't say "Goodbye"
I lay wide awake. I can't help It, I've done everything I can. Maybe my life is fake. Those voices I silence during the day, they come back stronger. And I lay here in the dark forever longer. They yell in my head screaming at me, Saying I'm not good enough, saying I'll fail. The clock ticks bye and I need to sleep so I take that Nyquil. I know I shouldn't and I know it's bad but half a bottle is ok. Maybe a sip will do, oh no I'm still not tired so down it goes. And I can't express my deepest woes. I start feeling happy enough to sleep, finally. I look at the clock oh I have an hour to sleep oh well. I'll fall asleep like I just fell. I whisper a final I'm sorry and hold that photo to my lips before finally passing out. Now the voices won't shout.
I needed to write this. It's been getting to me lately about everything going on. I hope I am not alone.
I need a break from reality.
Headphones in, music blasting... Block out the world..
For a little while. It doesn't have to be forever.
Though I wouldn't mind if it was, you seem happy.
Or at least content.. I'll always want the best for you even if that means with out me.
Not quite finished just need to empty my mind a bit
Why am I like this?
Why is it that I cut?
Why is it that I feel these thoughts like a hiss?
I cant help it my brain was made this way.
I cant help that I always feel the need to pay.
I deserve this don't I?
All this pain that forces me to sit down and cry?
It makes me feel alone like nobody's there.
And every single time I'm coming out worse for wear
Every scar that shows on my arms,
Every bit that shows I've done harm,
It ads up over the long stretch of road
"You'll get over it" the overseer crowed
But you never do.
See people like us we get forced this way, through tough times, poverty, abuse, and not being alowed to say.
To be honest we all feel alone, but we aren't
just look around and really see, show your heart. Look to your idols, look to the skys,
Look to the man that sits there and cries. Find yourself.
Sorry, needed to write this to uplift myself. Hope someone out there finds something useful in my words. I needed to write
I feel like the walls are closing in around me and I can't stop it, I stay still and deathly silent in my strange fit. There isn't anything I can do to stop this attack, all I can do is close my eyes and wish to be back. Put in your music and try to regulate your breath, silently though all you can do is wish for death. You try to speak but your mouth won't move no matter how hard you try. Soon you let the tears fall and you sit there and cry. Tell yourself it's ok all you want, but you can't speak not even a grunt.
Breathing is calm now, but still you can't get your head out of a bow. You've stopped shaking but still feel as if your body is quaking. You feel as if you are going insane and everything feels like a breaking aching pain. Stomach is in knots, I wanna throw up but I can't. It's just me, myself, and my thoughts. I can't speak and I can barely think, I swear I need to see a shrink.
My stomach stops churning but now my head feels like its burning. There isn't anything I can do about it. Just wait and calm down from my fit. A few more minutes go by and my mind starts to clear, all the attack was was my fear. I still want to be left on my own, but now at least I'm able to pick up the phone. Ill be ok, at least for another day. That is my panic attack.
Nobody listens to what I say, nobody wants to help. I can't even sit here for fear of silence and pray. I want to cry and want to scream but I can't. I cut again and again but still I don't feel the same. Make this pain go away, all the anger just let it swirl and flame. I don't know what to do with myself, I have no fame no friends no wealth. I'm alone and nobody can save me. Nobody. Nobody can take away this pain, nobody can take away this anger. I'm alone and nobody cares. If I died nobody would care. Nobody. Just like im. A nobody
— The End —