i tell myself im feeling better.
no social media
no outside distractions
just me and my mind.

ive made quite a few changes in these seemingly eternal summer months
ive changed my diet
changed my thinking
my sleep schedule
my hobbies and interests
even my wardrobe.

ive made all these changes
ive gotten out of my head (for the most part)
so if ive made all these changes and if im doing all of these new and better things
why do i still feel so low ?

i feel low not as in sad
no sad is too simple, too cliche, too blase
i feel low as in my heart will start to clench and struggle to beat
my breathing gets shallow
my thoughts are dulled and become sullen and narrow
like im on the verge of a never arriving panic attack

so tell me if im filled with no responsibilities no standards to hold myself to
filled with a sense of freedom and "peace" as many would say
how come if you asked me to today
i still couldnt put my so called peace on a scale of 1 to 10 ?

I hope you miss me.
I hope you drown in the loneliness
Of the silence that will greet you.
I hope the depths of sadness
Never really leave you.
Not even when you scream
As the pain cuts through your body.
I hope my face is forever printed in the back of your mind,
So when you look at her
You will always see me.
I hope you never move on.
But of course,
This poem is a lie.
I love you
And I would never wish what you have done to me,
Upon you.

our love i feel is an ancient love
from a smaller world of greater ideal
a love so touched by the stars above
never to fall so as to become so real

our love i feel is an ancient love
an unspoken word of a long lost tongue
flies on the wing of an immortalised dove
to transcribe in dreams and nightly song

yet this night is upon, this night is cold
and sleep she refuses my welcome plea
this ancient love a story no longer told
white winged doves carry my angel free
now what is left, what is there of me
bereft of meaning, vanquished by decree
yet i will treasure each harbored memory
consigned to sail our love through history

I desire your lips in all unruly abandon.
I hunger for the nectar on your tongue.
I burn for the fire of our transfigured union.
I see the shimmer of your eyes
And hear the sound of our song, as yet unsung.
Lover...tear me apart.
I am your next victim.
You are my unbridled obsession.
You are my wanton *****.

Love sick and stricken so gravely with grief, I reared back my arm and I pulled out his teeth.

The blood in my eyes that tells pages of truth, an eye for an eye a tooth for a tooth.

Kicking the body that lay on the ground, Satan's imps cheered as they all gathered 'round.

Telling of evil so sweet and so wild, I leave behind peace so tender and mild.