I may* have put up a happy surface
but* my soul is not happy
I may have put up a joyful face
but I am not enjoying any of it
I may always seem fine
but inside it is all poles apart
I have lied to myself
but I am not any more
I used to think I was happy
but now I know I am not

*(Marolle)

I'm in love with someone's daughter
living in the shards of a broken home
Cutting herself on two year-old letters
These are moments she can't fake;
reasons to feel alone
So used to abuse, her tears start to shake
I hold her close as her head starts to ache
"I love you too much,
so I can't let your heart break."
She said, "I know you love me,
but you've made a mistake."

I never meant for anyone to be my pulse.
I promise not to step on your feet
if you teach me how to waltz.

your external self has changed greatly,
but i will always know you.
you may feel your new friends and cigarettes
have changed you,
but you're still the same boy i know so well
even when you're high.

it's easy to miss you
because my arms feel so empty
when you're not in them
and there's nothing here
for them to hold
that's nearly as grand as you

when i was a child i had a siamese cat
we found him, alone, abandoned
outside of our home
we took him with us when we left

he never liked to be inside too much
but he loved me with all of his soul
refusing to leave me be and
resting on my lap until my legs were numb

he was aggressive and mean to his own kind
never letting other cats wander upon
his territory, but he expressed a tolerance
for the young kittens next door

one day he began searching the house
climbing into the bathtubs, across furniture
on the counters, meowing incessantly
until he decided to go outside

we opened the door for him and he happily
trotted away, and in the morning we
discovered he found what he was searching for
he was searching for a place to die.

uncertainty is my security blanket
hiding the fears and doubts
instilled in me from the past

doubts with no reason
fears with no scares
alone with a glass
and my own thoughts
and memories of the past

i want to be careless
and i want to be free
but there is a burden
pressed upon me
a feeling in my chest
with no rhyme or reason
and maybe that's why you
taste like each season
i can't just accept
things at face value
because that's not what i've seen
repetition teaches lessons
i've learned too many times
and it's unfair to apply these teachings
because you've shown me nothing
to imply the negatives

i'm nervous and anxious
and actually kind of scared
but my hand is yours to hold
for as long as you want to keep it
and i just have to hope
you'll want it for a while