Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Amanda Kay Burke May 2023
I get why you don't want to celebrate this year
Scared of turning 54 without the person you hold so dear
This pain may be fierce
Threatening to swallow whole
Closed eyes will not stop sadness from taking control
Life never will be perfect
Future
The present
Past
Open sight to beauty around
Though it never lasts
Time will not ever heal your heart
Will bleed a bit until you die
You will get stronger every day
Trust eventually your tears will dry
I fight large emotions underneath skin
Losing battles for the moment with the hope that one day I might win
Loss is heavier than any anchor ever weighing us down
So much sorrow written on face I see it without hearing one sound
I wish I could steal your greif and seal the abysmal hole
How can I when I can't even repair my own soul?
Amanda Kay Burke Apr 2023
Should I hide complex emotions from you?
Pull out my heart to bleed on the floor
Promise me you'll keep it safe
Even if lacking qualities you are searching for

Feeling faint
I count imperfections
Sincerity leading my voice
One by one petals plucked proving patience
Each dripping with the stubbornness of my choice

With darkest intentions harbored
The silence sins subtly cast
Trust no words besides memories
Carry lessons from the past

I will not reach out for your hand
Close to an honest profession
Bite my lip in anticipation
Peeling off skins
Battling confessions

The planet quiet for a brief instant
Coming apart under gaze
Breathing in moisture from feelings shared
Love set on fire
Cloudy haze

In clutches of uncontrollable desire
Caught by attraction attempting to hide
Life ripping apart with ease
World determined to wholly divide

I must be foolishly enchanted
Have to break the spell
Breathing is raspy and ragged
Can feel my windpipe swell

It's up to you to save my soul
Chosen to make the call
Hate how you let me suffocate
You loathe my newly built wall

I'm afraid to show I am vulnerable
I put on a frigid act
Although needing you close to me
Never let you know that fact
It ***** feeling exposed
Amanda Kay Burke Apr 2023
I never have been good at receiving compliments
Unwilling to overlook numerous cracks, scars, and dents
I liked myself once
Long long ago
Lot happened to slowly make self-esteem low
Now when peers tell me I'm pretty I assume it is a lie
I'm only growing older each day that passes by
Crying does not help but I can't stop the tears that fall
Most days can't stand my reflection at all
It is easier looking in the mirror when day is captured by night
Disguising dark blemishes all too clear in the light
I have a bad habit of not accepting compliments
Amanda Kay Burke Apr 2023
I hate what I put my heart through every day
Memories replayed to keep darkness at bay
A wave of nostalgia shelters from life's storm
Brain and I huddle in an attempt to stay warm
Feelings fluctuating
Too cloudy to find clarity
In this place any portion of freedom is a rarity
When I was younger joy answered call so **** fast
Now that I am running in circles it's stuck in the past
To chase off demons set negative thoughts ablaze
Instead of fleeing the heat they frolic amidst the haze
Giving way to pieces
Smoldering thoughts that make me reminisce
No matter how I struggle I will never stop searching for bliss
  Apr 2023 Amanda Kay Burke
Zoe Mae
I died young
Ninety-nine at twenty-one
Knew somehow I had no chance
I couldn't march
I couldn't dance
I saw the game we have to play
And knew I'd never live that way
Turned promise into dynamite
Lit the fuse and held on tight
I realize I've been dead for years  
Only signs of life are pools of tears
Hollow inside where it counts
Remain restrained yet poised to pounce
And now I've dragged you to my grave
The one person I could have saved Instead I casted you away
Because I died young
Ninety-nine at twenty-one
Amanda Kay Burke Apr 2023
Some days feel my strength returning
Have hope I will be happy once more
But other days harder than ever
Heartache rippling through my core
Memories my bittersweet escape
Just wish things could be how they were before...
I just miss you mom
Amanda Kay Burke Apr 2023
I find myself bowing underneath great weight
Dripping anxious regret
Sipping old memories sweeter than sugar
Useless dreams have all gone quiet
World colder than felt before
Through fingers slipping like sand
Do not do anything but sleep and eat
Speaking words nobody seems to understand
My sole escape is through memories of yesterday
How I cope with the grief of living without your touch
Sympathetic whispers not helping to soothe this agony
Head spinning in circles because this torture is too much
Next page