There's beauty
in containment-
which is only
liberation-
permission to
let go
and
defy
design

I'm a field of
wildflowers
in a
vase
and I couldn't be
more free.

you played me like your favorite instrument
and plucked out all the joy from my life

at first, we lived in harmony
but then you destroyed a part of me

we said no strings attached
but now I'm tied in knots

we said we'd try and improvise
but ended up telling all those lies

you amplified your complaints
and struck me with a beat

even though we ended on the wrong note
our lyrics still get caught in my throat

The moon is
sitting
in her *****
bathwater,
going cold,
always in
the cycle of
here and
not

why is it
that with
this beauty
I cannot
be happy?

the
iridescent soul
the
space
inside of
the rose
the
place
where
lovers go

I saw you in winter,
and thought of tree branches feathered by starlight in poorly lit neighborhoods. A hearth where the more honest parts of myself, I am bared fetal, warmed upon, welcomed.

I saw you in spring,
and thought of long drives in the countryside in the rain. Ice cream melting from our chins dancing petrichor upon our toes, kissing by the sea shore.

I saw you in summer,
and thought of sleepy boathouses, uncovering ancient childhood treasures in the woods. A secret lake somewhere, the sky's reflection in promise. Windy hilltops upon which to blame each other for the sunrise.

I saw you in autumn,
and thought of scarfs and cafes, city streets and sunsets where we watched each others breath escape. Apartment staircases where windchill hibernates, the world slowing down around us from your window.

The first time I saw You, I thought to myself, "I could live there."

there's a difference between listening and waiting to talk and it's important to be with someone who wants to listen to you as much as you want to listen to them, even if it means that someone is you, even if it means you only have yourself.
listen, you can spend your whole life talking and still not be heard.
how terrifying is that?
you can spend your whole life screaming at the top of your lungs and still not be heard.
HOW TERRIFYING IS THAT?
too often people stop listening before you stop talking and the most important things are lost in translation.
i love yous are cut off by the hurry to get nowhere fast,
by hanging up the phone two seconds too soon,
by shutting the door too quickly behind us.
we need to stop shutting the door too quickly behind us.
one day, there won't be anyone left on the other line to pick up our 2 AM calls.
one day, the phone will ring and ring and ring and nobody will ever call back.
one day, the door will be permanently bolted closed and you'll be left knocking on an empty house until your knuckles bleed. there will still be no answer.
our time is so limited.
so really, what's so wrong with saying all the right things at the wrong times instead of never saying them at all?
what's so wrong with moving too fast, with being desperate, with dropping i love you and i'm so sorry and i miss you as often as we drop see you later?
what's so wrong with knowing how permanent goodbyes can really be?
what's so wrong with knowing that when you're six feet under, no one will be able to pry your cold, hard lips open to spill all the words you took to your grave?

i think the sky has lots to say to us but we never care enough to listen.
i think that at least once in our lifetime, we need to step out of our bodies and into somebody else's.
the world holds a cacophony of deafening sounds
but don't you dare for even a second think that is a bad thing.
the sky keeps saying
LISTEN TO SYMPHONIES OF CATASTROPHES AND CREATIONS. LET THAT BE THE MUSIC THAT GUIDES YOU.

we have forgotten what's important in life and i think the sky keeps trying to remind us that money is worthless when you're dead,
that there is more good than bad inside of everything and everyone,
that fighting will never stick to our hearts more than the image of watching someone's eyes flutter open in the morning,
that the only times you should worry about the weight of the world is when the people you love don't pick up the phone anymore.

There are a lot of
big changes happening
in my life;
and I'm going
through all of it alone.
I'm about to leave a job
that I have been comfortable at,
and know everyone,
to something brand new for me.
I am almost moved in
to an apartment that I'll be paying
for and living in by myself.
I have never slept in an empty house.
My boyfriend has never been good
at knowing how to support me,
and I don't expect anything from
anyone.
But I wish I wasn't going at all
of this alone.
I have almost no money in
my bank account,
and almost no hair left in my bangs.
August has been bitter sweet,
I can only hope that September
treats me better.