every night i died i saw a new flower in my backyard.
my mind is wired to think that i am no one.
and it's true.
this world is too big,
too big to be living the way i am.
one day i'll be a star in the sky and i'll help make the flowers bloom and i'll sweep away the sadness from your eyes.
every night i saw the colors change from black,
to blue,
to whatever he paints the sky that morning.
the heavy feeling in my eyelids was another reason to stay in bed longer.
i lost myself in the sheets,
trying to run away from myself,
trying harder and harder to wake up as someone else or something else.

if I drop your name like a whisper on a cold morning, full of dew on the grass and at long last
gone
will you come and pick it up?
I promise I won't tear it in two, if you only knew how much effort it takes for me to keep these promises.

my love for you looks like my parents marbled counter.
beer soaked and falling off of one of its hinges
but it still manages to stay up
strong.

there's more than meets the eye
and no matter how hard I try,
I want to love you in the ugliest way possible.

ugly like going to bed and forgetting to brush your teeth because we're too busy with other matters.
Mind is strong but my heart is feeble baby,
I am craving your steeple and the taste of unrequited love
and to hear the birds sing
like only they know how to.

Feel the light on my skin and know my love is akin to those dreams you have
when you're falling and before you hit the ground
you wake up.

We're almost touching.
we were walking side by side,
you're talking about cabs in your hometown.
I can feel the gravity of your hand, calling my fingers
whispering "it's alright."

We're touching but not quite.
you held my shoulder to protect me from the passing cars.
and for the first time in a long while, I felt so fragile.
In this world where I find it hard even to breathe,
you believed me.

I almost said it.
All I need is one ounce of strength to tell you every single thing that I have ever felt about you.

I want to find home in your collarbones.
Would you be kind enough to let a stranger in?
I want to seep in your being because I'm cold.
The world is harsh and my cracks are aching.

Almost.

if you feel like

you’ve hit a wall,

remember,

you’re strong enough to break it.

and when you do,

you’ll see

multiple paths

ahead of you

waiting

to be discovered.

as i finally swim back up
from holding
my breath underwater
for so long,

i say goodbye
to
regret,
sadness,
pain,
and suffering.

i feel the sun’s
warm kiss upon my
cold, soaked up skin.

as i breathe my first air
after a long time,

i say hello
to
beginnings,
happiness,
healing,

and the beauty
of life.