What was once numb. Now feels the soft embrace of an angel. That which heals all scares and wounds. Eyes that were blinded by tears and blood, now gaze into a beauty that could only be described as a horizon of supernovas reflecting above an emerald tinted ocean. Ears tormented by the ridicule and screams of those superior, suddenly serenaded by a voice so soft and comforting it was as if peace in its purest form was speaking. Lips, the same that would spout Black blood and nonsense, are now sealed, in the warm lock of another pair. A mind clouded by hatred and insanity, is overflowing, filled with thoughts and feelings just waiting to be portrayed through actions and meticulously planned sentences. All concluding with the same three words,
"I love you".
A pulse, beating inside, a heart. For once, no feeling of anger, or depression. Just happiness, just love. Just her.

Laying in bed. Starring at the ceiling. Each beat of my heart is a thunder crack inside my head. I can feel the blood pumping through my eye, even though I can't see out of it. The swelling has half blinded me. My face, numb yet I can taste the blood filling my mouth. My knuckles, possibly the only pain I can feel. Cracked and bleeding. This isn't enough pain for what I've done. But I can barely lift my own fist. Slowly fading. This is too familiar. I don't deserve this pain. I deserve so much more, I deserve to be hurt so badly there is no healing. No coming back. I need to be hurt more. Or else She'll never feel safe.

The suffocating feeling, as the frayed hairs of the rope burns my skin. Thinking that I have taken my last breath. No struggle, no regret, no remorse, and worst of all... The feeling of fulfillment, the serenity of calming beatless peace. Sight, slowly becoming more and more blurry as it slips away. Speech, unable to scream or cry or even whisper, and accepting it. Silence, the overwhelming negative space that fills my ears with the unrelenting nothingness. Feeling, what was once numb, now pulsing, fighting a battle I have already given up on. Then, consciousness itself is lost in the limbo of mine own meaningless hell. Insanity has beaten down reason, and logic delivered the final fatal blow. No more struggle, no more feeling, no more reason. No more me. And good riddance.

I'm sorry I did such horrible things to you. I'm sorry I didn't ask you if you wanted me to do them. I'm sorry I didn't stop. I'm sorry I took advantage of you. I'm sorry I am this way. I'm sorry you had to go through this. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I broke your trust. I'm sorry I scared you. I'm sorry I scarred you. I'm sorry I broke my promise. I'm sorry I touched you. I'm sorry I met you. I'm sorry I didn't end it before we met. I'm sorry I didn't control myself. I'm sorry I pressured you. I'm sorry I forced you. I'm sorry I said I loved you. I'm sorry I still love you. I'm so sorry,I am sorry that I'm still here. I'm sorry I made you think I was worth it. I'm sorry I put so much pressure on you. I'm sorry that I still care about you. I'm sorry you don't hate me. I'm sorry I won't let you go. I'm sorry I attacked you.  I'm sorry it seems like I used you. I'm sorry for the tears and embarrassment I caused. I'm sorry I didn't stop.

Face down on the hard concrete, a puddle of blood carries my reflection, as usual. Can't see anything, eyes blinded by tears. Have to get back up, have to finish what id started. My arms disobey my commands to pick myself back up, sore and disabled. **** my head back, kneeling before my superiors. Blinking to clear the tears. Starting to see a figure towering over me. Laying flat on my back, my head pounding. Getting lifted against a wall. Sadness overtakes me. No. Not sadness. Anger. No. Rage. Hate. Insanity. Ripping his skin. He doesn't need all of it. Just a little bit. Screaming. Horrible screaming. Cries for help. Laughing. Break. Crackle. Bone and cartilage grinding. Snapping in between my fingers. He doesn't deserve both of his ears. Black. Silence. Satisfaction. Regret. I'm a monster. Yeah, I am. And I love it.