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Jul 2021 · 610
What Left of Me
thepsychkid Jul 2021
What left of me
Is my scattered words
Here and there
They don't mix and match anymore
They're just a floating words
No flows, no directions
I lost you.
I lost them.

What left of me
Is my scarred heart
To write is to force to accept.
But finding my words back
Is not accepting I lost you
I thought it would ****
But only when I write
I will never lost you.
I lost my Dad last year and I thought I will never write again because writing my pain was truly a torture. But I realize that only when I write can I never lost him forever.
Jun 2016 · 499
Let Me Live in this Sleep
thepsychkid Jun 2016
Suddenly I am too fond of sleeping.
Waking up become the nightmares.
Sleeping heals my wounded mind.
Like a coward in my nightmares
I refuse to fight and wake up.
And when nothing feels like the safest,
my only hope is a sweet dream to come.
Jun 2016 · 724
It's A Secret
thepsychkid Jun 2016
I've got a list of secrets
Secrets I treasured the most.
Like the face I make
when no one is looking,
Or the words I say
when no one can hear me.
Like the books I read
when I am scared at night,
Or the song I sing and listen to
when I'm alone.
Like the thoughts I hide
when my mind is screaming,
Or the tears I let out
before I sleep at night,
Or the fake smiles I wipe
after all the bad days.
All the things they'll never know,
Because I'll never tell, I'll never show.
thepsychkid Jun 2016
Rain, rain, go away!
Come again another day.

She sings with them 'til it's gone
Like she loves it 'til the end.
She gives them umbrella
She said she doesn't need.
And at night
before the rain gets stronger
the rain would ask her:
"Why do you keep giving happiness that isn't yours?"
And then she will weep and weep
asking herself the same thing.
This is for those who are in so much struggles but still manage to pretend happy, full and strong to give the things she/he actually needs for himself to the people he/she loves. Whoever you are, I salute you.
Jun 2016 · 609
IT'S OKAY...
thepsychkid Jun 2016
It's okay to be scared.
Hide in the corner,
Cry without no one knowing,
Run as if you're saving yourself,
It's okay.

It's okay to fall and fail.
Give up and do nothing, it's okay.
It's okay to be not what you have to be.
Pretend and lie, it's okay.
It's okay.
Everything you are doing, it's okay.
It doesn't make you any less of a person.
Nobody is perfect so it's okay.

But if you want to live freely?
Live Happily.
Be happy for yourself.
Live Honestly.
Be honest to yourself.
Live Scare-free.
You have a long life ahead of you, Take Risk.
It's okay.
It'll be okay.
Sometimes saying "it's okay" is what a person really needs. Tell them it's okay to not be as good as anyone hoped them to be. But I aint saying its okay to pretend & lie BIG uh? I'm just saying that lying doesn't make anyone any less of a person, or any less deserving! We are all worthy of something great.
thepsychkid Mar 2016
Because between happiness and sadness
Every paper with my words tears in sadness.
There’s just too much to do with sadness.
You can write it everywhere.
Cry with it.
Shout the pain.
Keep the hurt.
Run away with it.
Forget it.
Look for what is lost.
Find yourself.
Fix what can be fix.
Tears with all the memories.
Regret with the wrong decisions.
Because with sadness, there’s always something on it.
Something you can hold and feel in your heart.
Something that can grow and get bigger.

But happiness don’t.
It floats with the air.
It fades with the time.
It only appears when it’s real.
You feel it in that moment.
And if you feel it tomorrow
and the next day and the next other days
that just it.
You just feel it.
And that’s good.
It makes you beautiful and lively.
But you can’t write it down the same way it feels like.
It can’t give you the same way it feels like
nomatter how many times you read it.
You can’t hold it and keep it in your heart.
Because happiness is too much of a feeling.
It can’t find its place to grow and live on you.
It only get high on you and flow.
It flows to people around you but that just it.

At the end of the day,
Happiness will always become a memories.
**And memories is a sadness in the making.
Feb 2016 · 198
She is Me
thepsychkid Feb 2016
I saw her today.
Not lively but damaged.
She doesn't seem familiar,
Like the girl she was before.
Slowly she fades in my sight.
Then I feel her. She's in me.
Inside me she feels like home.
Inside me she looks just like me.
Dec 2015 · 1.9k
To My Psychotic Younger Self
thepsychkid Dec 2015
Life is beautiful,
so you should live it beautifully.
You're just fifteen years old.
It is not your fault!
Nobody is perfect and no one will.
Your age is the age of making mistakes,
so it's okay to make mistake.
It is not your responsibilities.
"You could have prevent it." is not meant to be.
Not knowing something bad will happen
is not your fault.
So don't take responsible about it.

You're just sixteen years old.
You can make mistake!
Mistake is inevitable.
Being afraid is normal.
It's okay to have weaknesses.
It's okay to fail.
It's not your fault.
Don't think that you have no right
to make mistakes.
You can make mistakes.

You're just seventeen years old.
Don't pretend you can be perfect.
Nobody is perfect.
You can make wrong choices.
You can change your mind.
You can make mistakes.
You can be understood.
You can be forgiven.

You're just eighteen years old.
Not because they failed, you have to be responsible for the rest.
You're not at fault.
Don't take responsible.
You can make mistakes.
Believe in yourself.
Don't live for them.
Don't succeed in life because
you have to for them.
Don't cry because you're afraid to fail them.
Don't run because you're mad
you'll disappoint them.
Don't lose yourself because you can't find the person they want you to be.

You're just nineteen years old.
Dont wish to die because you feel like
you'll cause them dead if you fail.
Don't cry at night because you're afraid of
your  reality and nightmares.
Don't hide somewhere because
you're ashamed of what you have become.
Succeed because you want to, for yourself.
Don't take responsible for them.
You're just you.
It's okay to make mistakes.
Be afraid.
Have weaknesses.
Cry.
Fail.
It's okay to be you.
**Be You.
Because every one of us had a past self that are full of regrets. And I hope by writing this, I am letting my younger self flee from any guilt and regrets.
Dec 2015 · 611
Alive in Pain
thepsychkid Dec 2015
When people come to truths
they dont want to deal with,
they close their eyes.
Hoping that the darkness
will cover and hide everything.

It isn't easy. It isn't worth it.
It is painful.

And hope is a torture sometimes.
And though they are pretending
they are okay,
reality is they are dead inside
when they are smiling.

And with every pain they feel,
they realize they are alive
and then they choose to die inside
over and over again.
Dec 2015 · 4.5k
Never Give Up
thepsychkid Dec 2015
'Cause if you wake up and it's still raining,
you can sleep some more.
And if tomorrow may not shine,
go out. Dance with the rain.
Sometimes that's all we really need.
'To see the beauty in the rain.'
Dec 2015 · 377
What Am I?
thepsychkid Dec 2015
Everyday I say the right words,
the words they want to hear.
And everyday I act the right way,
the way they always want me to be.
And they say I'm a good person.

But every night before I sleep,
I ask myself "What am I?"
Dec 2015 · 355
Just Like That
thepsychkid Dec 2015
Just like how a familiar fragrance
stopped you from walking,

made you wondered your memories.
'Where it came from?'
'Who it came from?'

And just like that,
It isn't hatred anymore.

It might hurt still,
But it isn't hate nor sadness.

It is longing.
Longing for that fragrance you once loved.

And just like that,
You have long for that feeling again.
Dec 2015 · 260
Hides to Seeks
thepsychkid Dec 2015
She was sitting on the corner alone.
She tried to move but she was froze.
She screamed but she can't be heard.
She was lost and wanted to be found.
Wasn't she pathetic by herself alone?

**Could it be she wasn't aware she was hiding?
Everyday I choose to sit alone but all I really want is not to be found.
Dec 2015 · 444
The Past
thepsychkid Dec 2015
Just like when the wind brushes me off,
It feels like nothing but simply a feeling.
I cannot see nor touch it no matter what,
No matter how comfortable it would always be.
  
Just like when the stars twinkle at the sea,
It feels so real but yet just a reflection.
I can only watch it but can never grab it.
Nomatter how greedy I try to hold it forever.
  
Just like the time that passes by on us,
It feels like yesterday but it was too long ago.
I can only remember it but can't hold to it,
No matter how regretfully I am to have it back.
Dec 2015 · 661
It Was Too Late
thepsychkid Dec 2015
When you told me to look up the sun,
but it was raining goodbyes at me.
When you told me to hold on you,
but I already tripped and fall a million times.
When you told me to feel your heart,
but I can no longer feel mine.
That's when it was too late.

When you look at me and smile,
but I was done crying blood.
When you said "Tomorrow you'll be okay.",
but I was already a living dead yesterday.
When you promised to fix my disastrous life,
but I was still breathing and living because of that.
That's when it was too late..... for your help.
Dec 2015 · 245
My Forbidden Love For You
thepsychkid Dec 2015
I was sitting behind you when you looked back and smiled at me.
You called my name like it’s the most beautiful rhythm you ever heard.
And I never thought I’d ever like it said the way you said it.
And I guess that’s the day I started to loved you ever since then.

You looked at me the way I always wanted him to look at me.
You didn’t see the pain in my eyes but you feel the warmth that I need.
You said you wanted to show me the world and I know you mean it.
And I guess that’s the day I started to believe on you ever since then.

You kept me in your side and showed me all and everything that I can.
Then you give me your wings and let me fly high believing I’ll be back.
You said you needed me but we knew you meant I’ll be needing you.
And I guess that’s the day I started wanting to need you ever since then.

But the days that I loved you were the nights I got so scared for every tomorrow.
And the days I believed on you were the nights I stopped believing myself.
And the days I needed you were the nights I wanted to find my way back.
And all those nights, I knew it all along that you’ll be just a dream if I love you still.

— The End —