I trusted you with many things
all except the thing you wanted
whole, untouched, something you felt missing  
a fire you stopped burning

it was your eagerness, to have one
that i begin to doubt
to question if it's truly right
to give, with all despite

after thinking long and hard
an answer came to me
in words not be spoken
it was never meant to be

I need to teach myself
that when they leave,
when they fall out of love,
when they reject,
It's not always because of my inadequacy
but rather it speaks
volumes about them.

I am rejected by all.

I am devoid of life.

I am invisible to those around me.

Everyone dates, kisses, makes love.

I go to sleep with tears in my eyes.

I am a hollow shell of a human.

burdened
by social customs.
this day has been dreaded ever
since I can remember.
every gift I got.
every card I wrote.
was to appease you.
and i'm still a prisoner.

It wasn’t given to you
So you can feel sorry.

I'm sitting, on my bed, I just woke up
Have to turn off my alarm, already stressed enough
I take it, feel the horrid taste in my mouth
As I make it drown, with the water that last night I left out

Flushed down, it should hold any second
I take a breath and
Ask myself the burning question...
Why the **** am I depressed then?

Flashbacks to times I couldn't sleep
Crying to myself, why the **** is it I feel weak?
Why the **** is it me? Why do I feel empty?
Hollow hearted, where has it departed, I feel so lonely!

Gaps in my memory and gaps in its effectiveness
I still wear a smile just to feel like I'm rejecting it
Placebo effect and pretend that I'm still proud of me
But see this shrouding me? You're **** right you should've doubted me!

Fifteen minutes of reminding myself I'm nobody special
It feels like ten years on Death Row
Berating myself, why aren't I better, why can't you hold hope?
A vicious cycle on a motorcycle, kick the chair and let go!

I still have thoughts of suicide
In the short time it takes for me to find my lifeline
Here it comes, thanks for the pickup
The only time I can say I'm thankful that I took drugs