I know my memories not the greatest, but I would have sworn you made me a promise....
it was in the beginning of August
you told me you loved me, you'd never forsake me
the vows made in the moonlight, now they break me
don't you remember?
weren't you there too?
maybe it's my imagination thinking you had loved me
but you hands were all over me
the passenger seat?
the Sunday's?
your parent's back yard?
all of our secrets thrown around
didn't you mean it?
or maybe I dreamed it....

I've started looking at your location less....
and I mean that's nothing amazing but it's something
it's something that I've taken out of my routine, something I'm not thinking about as much which means your a little less on my mind
still not by much.... but it's enough.
It's almost been a month and I have slowly stopped comparing the days to the last time I saw you or to where we made all those memories I stupidly thought would last forever, I guess that's something else
my standards of 'okay' are not very high which is such a shame because I could really go for the feeling of being whole again
it's just a fond memory that has disappeared into the dark night
or from the moment you left me.
god, I don't think I'll ever forget, your voice, your hands, your smile, the way you'd talk about everything you loved.... I just thought I was one of them.
I should stop writing about you I really should but it's the one thing you didn't take from me, actually you did the opposite, I drown in my words now, they bleed from me.... maybe that's why I feel so empty?
either way it's like a choke hold on me, forcing me to bring up something about you, I am drowning in your memory which is bleeding from my hands uncontrollably.
I just wonder if you think of me?

I wish the rain would pour down                                                             ­    and  flood this garden I'm forever tending                                                 Submerge  and deluge the ground                                                           release me from this chore, never ending                                        I've  been  relentless and loyal                                                            ­   shining  my  light until it went dim                                                            Had my hands ***** with this soil                                                         despite  repeated handwashing                                                      ­    I  have  yet to see us flourishing                                                      ­         we  can't grow in this sour ground                                                             No  matter how much nourishing                                                     our  love's leaves are dried and brown

Forgive the rough edge of my words
they were born in the heat of a breaking heart.
I don’t need you to tell me it’s done;
I’ve seen the cracks widening,
heard the silence growing louder than our laughter.
The fire has been dimming for a long while,
the touch between us turning to stone,
the moments of wild devotion
fading like old paint in the rain.
Now I wear the emptiness like a badge,
my hands remembering
what they can no longer hold,
my body locked in rust,
my soul aching for the ways you once
turned me into a living flame.
And I miss you
not only your mouth,
but the magic it spoke
in the language only lovers know.

Lost; blinded by the sands of time
Holding on to a dream that has died
I look to you with the eyes of a child
There’s a storm raging deep inside
I feel the wind whispering into my eyes
Holding back all the tears I could cry
Looking back to the past
I know I have another chance

Try to start once again
New Life; To reach for the sky
I’m learning to fly; not just getting by this time
New Life

I’ve climbed the mountains of hope
Trying hard; Not to stumble but cope
At the top; looking out on the earth
Standing high; It’s the day of my birth
Life in this world can be bitter and dry
You must strive to keep passion alive
Don’t live life in a trance
You must take another chance

Try to start once again
New Life; To reach for the sky
I’m learning to fly; not just getting by this time
New Life

How do you come to hate,
The ones you loved?
You don't.
They tend to turn on you,
Either that,
Or they weren't real at all.
I forsake any shard of regret I had,
From leaving you,
I regret any feeling I had,
From loving you.
If anyone lost here,
It was you.
Because you'll fall back into emptiness,
Trying to replace it with people,
But I, I will not.
I'll continue to cradle my own light,
Which you came so close to taking.
I'm done sacrificing pieces of me,
In order to receive nothing.

my heart still skips a beat
when you send a message,
my phone goes beep beep.

          we're just friends now,
          why does my heart miss beats
          when i hear your beeps?

                  why am i not over you?
                  why can't i stop,
                  stop feeling...

                           feelings so strong, like a thumb
                           hovering over
                                    your name.

I’ve never been good at asking for what I need

when I do, I fight myself every step of the way

it doesn’t seem to come out right—
or maybe I just don’t say the right words

maybe I’m not being seen or heard

is there a misunderstanding,
or do I feel misunderstood?

I don’t know—
maybe it’s all in my head

what I do know is that I don’t have the energy
to fight to be seen

maybe I’m just being dramatic

maybe I feel rejected

I don’t know if that’s sensitivity, or if my feelings are actually valid

I feel a missed bid for connection

I feel as if I am giving more than I am receiving

at times, it feels as if there’s no reciprocity

I desire, want, and need
to not feel so alone with another human being

I don’t know if I’m being irrational with this,
or dismissive to myself

I have an intense want to avoid and withdraw

I don’t know if I’m just being sensitive

I just wanted ten minutes of time, and it seems as if there’s no time at all

I expect myself from others
and let myself down when I don’t receive that

maybe I have unrealistic expectations of others

maybe I am asking for too much

maybe I am just being sensitive.