I’m in the dream again:                not the one I had while awake in
the catacombs of St. Callixtus in Rome.  Where the darkness was
so impenetrable that it began to echo.  To look like the mixture of colors
that burst when you rub your eyes too hard for too long.  Like the
neuron rupture before death.  To shape and morph and become liquid.
Where the darkness cobbled itself into a physical form.

Not the dream where                    I kept seeing
flits of my mother out of the corner of my eye.  Behind
                                                                ­                               every street corner.
                                                                ­                   Every turn.  Every tunnel.  
      Reflected in the casts of the bodies in Pompeii.
Mirrored in the waves of the Trevi Fountain.

I’m in the dream where          the soil churned from the bottom to the top.  
                               where          the hand outstretched from the grave.  
                               where          my grandfather clawed his way out and returned to my grandmother﹘sopping wet, covered in thick mud, socks torn, skin sallow and jaundiced, spitting out the wire the embalmers put in his mouth, melting makeup, and ravenously hungry.  And it’s been so
                                                                ­                   long since he was hungry.  

“He came back to me, Taylor,” my grandmother tells me. 
“He came back to me.”
                                        I don’t have the heart to tell her that he’s undead.  
                                        I’m physically unable to spit out those words.
And it’s a dream and it’s a dream and it’s a dream,                   but
it just fits so perfectly.  That he would come back to her.  
That death would not be a barrier.  I can’t explain it.                It just is.  
My grandmother is a shell without him.  
The body that’s missing the limb.  
The body that keeps score.

I’m mesmerized,
By your scarlet hue
You stand so confident
Because you know you’ll bloom

Everything about you seems so perfect
Like you’re a living dream
It’s so alluring,
Your beauty is so simple, so elegant
No need for customizing

The world is so vivid when I’m with you
I’m more mesmerized for who you are
You’re so rare
You’re my shooting star

Pt.II
Oh shooting star
Where have you gone
I’ve been looking for you
For forty days and forty nights

My world has turned to gray
So colorless, so empty
This is what I feared of the most,
My biggest nightmare

Change is a part of life
I lost my heart
And I fear I may never get it back
The worst has come
And I now mourn the past
These happy moments,
They never last

You preached love to a heartless being and you clipped its wings right when it wanted to fly with you.
Are you the angel that I deserve, dream and desolately mourn along till the end of my days?

Do you know what it’s like,
to finally have your life the way you want it
just to have it torn from your fingers as you scream and cry for help?

What does my life matter to you?
Love, loss, it’s all part of life they say
Why am I in black and blue, red tainting my clothes?
Why can I not dwell in the yellow and light as she did?
Why did he stay in the dark, just as I have?
Can I leave the dark?

What am I supposed to say to his family?
What am I supposed to say to them all?
I can’t let go, and I can’t move on.
And neither should you.

So why do you?
Why do you bury him away and pretend that none of his faults existed?
The boy I knew wasn’t a saint!
Far from it!
He was a messed up, depressed, annoying little *******!
And he was my friend!
I can’t just say goodbye after that.

Mourn, as the hour draws near--
I'll soon hear goodbyes.
Mourn, for the last petal from the dying rose fell.
Mourn, for thy time has come.
Mourn, not but a smile;
not but a tear.

I'll mourn,
requiescat in pacem

Melting and smoky--
like a candle at night,
shining like a sunlight.
Every drop that fell
hurts so bad like a farewell.
But just like a candle at night,
you give hope and dreams
blocking all my internal screams.
'Cause you are my candle at night,
that keeps me cozy and less affright.
I cannot tell how long will you last,
but don't leave me scared and aghast.

Few minutes later here you are,
no longer sparkling; no longer a star.
O what a pain in the eye
as in your light i rely.
Like a candle at night gone in a snap,
maybe I'll end this evening with a nap.