This life is new to me and I am learning to enjoy the moments. There have been many first times just this year. I now understand what it means to love at first sight. Loving unconditionally has been taught from watching my children love their mates. There are new fights that are being fought. No not with hands as we grow those fights are done away with. The fight for another day is with in me.
While many other things are on constant repeat. There are many new experiences that are being had. Today was the first day that I believe my sister finally tried to understand me. People sometimes paint you to be the person that they think that you are. Or who they want you to be. When I listen to people tell me who I am. What kind of person have always been and it is laughable. It is more than strange that people can know you all of your life and know nothing about you. I have been told that, “you only let people get so close.” This might be true but if I do it should say a lot to you. Trust is earned and never just given.
If I push you away it is because you put me in the situation to. New dreams and heart beats warm my inner being. My mind-set is different. Before I wanted you to know that I am there for you and would put myself to the side to provide. I never looked for anything in return. That mind-set has changed. I can no longer give my all to everyone. I have learned to replenish myself no other human can do that for me.
I am not returning calls that I don’t want to make. I will no longer participate in events to show others that I care. I will not lack sleep to benefit someone that does not deserve my attention. If I delete you I am not interested in knowing that you are offended. You earned your deletion and I hope that you do well. With these small first's I can’t wait to see what more is to come.

Since I am an open book all you need to do is listen. My life has never been a secret. Reason being is that everything that I have encountered can either benefit or save someone. There is no need to try to master mind my thoughts. I only shut down when I know that people mean more harm than good. If you only speak to me when you think that I have tea to spill... than for you I have nothing to give.
Do I trust you to share my thoughts, dreams and hopes with you? As I laugh at the thought…why would I? No, I don’t! While many take view of the smiles on a face I discern by your words and actions. I watch the side eyes that you give that suggest that I am doomed to fail. I know that you don’t understand me. There is no need for you to. Do as I do. Watch my actions and listen to my words. Get and understanding that I owe you absolutely nothing. As I conform to the new person that I am becoming there will be many changes.
I will no longer care how you see me, what you think of me nor will I try to make you understand. Throughout my days I have always concerned myself of these things. They have only caused me harm, stress and pain. This is my life and I will live it for me. Not for the perception that you have of me.

Ms. Naomi you were such a surprise. I did not know what to think where I heard that you were coming. When I looked into those big pretty eyes I fell in love. You were born with sarcasm and a warm heart.
You are like your grandma.
At just a few weeks you and your Mommy were arguing. You wanted to eat and she was learning to feed you. You pushed her and fussed and she fussed back. I knew then that you were a fighter.
One day as I held you your eyes were closed.
I kept trying to get you to open them. You turned your nose up and turned your head. I thought this child is mean. You then turned back around and smiled. I have been in love with you every since. You are such a beautiful baby girl. Your Grandma loves you. Thank you for being mine.

Isaiah you are such a joy. I don't think that I've ever met anyone so happy. Even when you cry you try to smile. You are so innocent and I love that.
You see only the good in everyone.
I can't believe that you belong to me and there is not one mean bone in your body. How did this happen? We can't always understand how our babies become so much better than we are. We can just thank Jehovah that it is so. Your Lovey loves you to the moon and back.
My first grandbaby and first grandson.
I love you with all of my being. You are my sun, moon and stars. Your knowledge for technology is beyond believable. My Izzy baby I look forward to seeing the amazing little person you become.

It is hard to believe that you can love someone so much. Such personality from someone so small. Since the day that I laid eyes on you I loved you.
You were like a mini me.
I could also see my mother in you. When you first came over you looked at the walls. I wondered what you were looking at. There were pictures on each side of my bed. You knew where you were by them. You would look at them and smile.  
Such an intelligent little baby girl. You were
born with knowledge. You questioned everything. Your understanding and ability to discern is remarkable. You are such an amazing baby. Grandma loves you and wants nothing less than everything perfect for you. My Vali my world you are always going to be Grandmas first Grand-Girl.

The way that we say things can alter how someone takes in information. Our tone and expression show if and how we care. Your natural inclination might be harsh and witty. Is it wise to use that tone with all? If we are to be peaceable you must also exude peace.

Does your arrogance out way your human kindness?
As we grow our thoughts and mindsets change. We adapt to the understanding that we get what we give. There is no doubt I am not a believer in returning the favor or giving a dig for a dig.

As we deal with people we want to see them as precious porcelain. Remembering that we should all be treated with kindness. If we fail to do this, we are teaching and entrenching retaliation and anger. Many use the words, “peace be still”. Sometimes we need to allow our mind and actions just be still and we might gain peace.

I thought that I knew you well. I guess not because look at the lies that you tell. I don't know who you are. Heck do you?                 
                                                        
    You walk around smiling as if you are so kind an innocent. When you are gushing over with your sneaky ways..and the
                          lies. Life would be so much easier if you were   honest and upfront.  
                                                     
   You say one thing to me and another to them. It all comes back. You pretend to be lost an confused.                                                        ­
                                                
           The worst part is that you act as if it's everyone's fault but yours. A man owns up to his words an actions. A man wants to be seen. He doesn't hide behind accessories. Be who you really are. Introduce yourself to the world. Because all they know about you right
now..is that you.
      are... The Lie.

You see your friends told me that you had complaints. But I can't tell since you are always in my face. If you can't be a man you know what you can do. Pack your bags and leave the cash because baby we are through.

There's no doubt that I've had it up to here. There is no doubt there will be no more crying no more tears. There is no doubt about the way I made you feel. ******* you know that my love was real.

I am sick and tiered of you running your lines. Get up out of my face because you are wasting your time. I won't hold your hand the way your mama use to. I have no time to sit and deal with this drama. Since you can't be a man you can stay with your mama.

You know what? I've had it up to here. No more crying no more tears. It's all about the way that I made you feel. Because you know that I am the real.

It is strange how time changes things. There was a time when we never missed a day of speaking. We ate, breathed and slept the same thoughts. I could read your thoughts even over the   phone. Time has changed us. There are days that I don’t want to speak to you. When I do I wonder what it is that I seen in you. You are still adorable that is true. But your mindset is stagnant and I no long get you.

How does someone of a mature age want nothing in life? How does someone your age not want to strive? Now, I am not trying to be negative at all. But if you want to be my man you need to evolve. If I marry you and the bills need to be paid, are you going to hand them to me? If I let you be my one, would my strength not take your dignity? As a Lady of passion I see the man that you could be.

Yet, I can’t force you to be what I need. That is something that you have to do yourself you see. If I did not love you I would have left already. I am fighting to stay, hoping that you will change. I promise not to give my love away. But you have to do better. You need to want more. I am not your mommy and I don’t want to burp you anymore. Stay true to yourself in all that you do. When you get yourself ready, you better hope that I am still here for you.