I want to dive on the
All night long and not
Look back I just want to go
So fast that I can feel the
Wind in my hair and
Just think about stuff
I have a lot on my mind
I lost my mind since the
Day my boyfriend passed
Away I just some time what
To kill myself and not go
On with life anymore
I just can not to it anymore
I miss my love so much
The pain is burning inside
I think about you everyday
© Amanda Kay Hill
Let's go out a couple of nights
One feels up whilst the other bites
Let's do what feels right
Lets not fight
Lets not take drugs and fake hugs
Lets passionately get lost in each others arms
I'm waiting on the back of the hill
Staring at the highway trying to stand still
Are you patient? Oh please
Are you patient? Are you free?
Can you see? How it's obscene?
Come on now make a scene
Come tomorrow I'm coming clean
Cross my heart and hope to die
And wonder next who'll lie
I was counting on deceit of the day
To create a proper feeling of
What I was going to say
But I would make false re-sort
That said I never trusted strangers
And my crushes weren't short
So lets let love play it's part
Before we're apart lets start
It is raining, you must be crying.
I left you on the dark side of a broken highway.
Just outside of the intersection of time and change.
You did proclaim that you were afraid that I wouldn't stay.
That I wouldn't live to see the light of the following day.
And I didn't.
You were right.
I got in my car and drove away.
But not because I wanted to.
But because I didn't feel at home enough to stay.
How could I possibly find our way, when you were without a map everyday?
Once alive and bright like the dashboard light.
I faded away, into the dark of this good night.
Yet you never saw the sadness which I kept when I did drive away.
Enough is not enough
I want too much.
“Excuse me sir
you haven’t paid too much.
I gave you too much
and you ate everything.
I need to throw away something
and the bin’s spilling."
"I drove too many footsteps
past too many throwaways
too many pylons
possum-eaten polystyrene cups
with socks as hard as coffins.”
Enough is not enough
I want too much.
it's been forty nine days
forty nine goddamned days and he still hasn't
even picked up his phone to tell me
that he was at the bottom of the lake
somewhere and that i needed to worry
because his car's on fire
he saw me bleed and didn't even move
a finger, i cried and told him that
he made me feel like a thousand suns were
under my feet and the weight of the
world was on my ankles, he wants me to
hurt to point where i collapse
forty nine days and i (i should) be feeling better
sitting, shotgun while we drove down the
highway, the light in my throat and the wind
moving through my finger tips
your gun in my hands and your heart
in my shoe, i ran down the hills and to the lake;
and i swear i felt the heat of hell
I miss the chance we had
the one of meeting up
my summer now incomplete
prairie flowers faded
highways travelled solo
dust settled in layers
yellows and reds turned to
sepia brown postcards
We deserved that much at least
the chance of meeting
if only it were possible
but wildfire swept through my days
scorched away the memory of you
your eyes and lips and bad dreams
our trail of words obliterated
no route of return remaining
we are left to wander
I had been bending over,
I used to do that for her.
Little did she ever hear,
Seldom she treasured ever.
Maybe I just can't get enough,
Never she went astray, though.
Determinedly I wasn't tough,
She managed to spoil the dough.
Perhaps life would someday shine,
Someone might come my way.
And then she'll be mine,
On this life's highway.
Droplets of sweat flattened on our foreheads under the weight of a mid-August sun—flattened into ovals of sticky sodium, catching specks of stray dirt swept into the air from the passing semi’s and transport trucks, whipping the wind into torrents of chalky highway dust.
Pressed high against the skies curved plain, we used our thumbs to browse the passing cars like pages of an anthology enclosed by a narrow spine of asphalt.
But when one pulled onto the shoulder and we approached the passenger side window, we too were thrust with the expectation and appeal of a library—mutually eager in the labour of conversation for the currency of experience.
For a moment, as the prairie receded in the side mirrors, our car became the baseline of a frantic cardiogram, crowded by the landscape of rising granite walls and low-hanging canyons, and the space between our separate lives closed like parallel lines drawn by gravity to a magnetic core.
We pushed our destination west, as far as it would go, safe on the heels of expectation. In motion the passing towns crackled like neurotransmitters firing signals over axons of black asphalt. But each time the car slowed to release us, one more they faded into a rancid stasis, that, once more, we aimed only to depart.
Route 84 would not lend me
the light of a star last night
Radio blazing at 75 mph
nonsense noise to chew gum by
Crackling political commentary
Static of distance and thick clouds
Invisible mountains blocking
Memories seeping through the cracks
coating the music in a film
I rub my eyes
watch myself punch alert buttons
But it’s the angels’ jukebox tonight
Roll down the window
Watch the heat escape
I am building a castle of ancient stones
pulverized by relentless tides
Dragged across maps by mastodons
and mammoth glaciers
The scouring hiss
the ocean sighs
Time has lulled these smoothly
rolling them in the softest hands of sand
and gels of life’s comings and goings
in the millionth moonrise—
Time deposits them here
wet and glistening
For the girl with the plaid two-piece to gather
Shoulders sun-burnt barely say
one week only,
one week of the fifty two
“It’s the time of the season…”
and daddies on the beach are watching….
She has chosen yet another stone
And the castle continues—
in oblivion to all but her legend…
The queen will be safe here
from the rabble
The disgraced Tristan will surely seek her
Among these lofty cliffs
Between the raging circuit of the tide
Here winds forbid the vengeful mob
Here lovers learn
the debt of love’s bad timing
“Drink ye all of it!”
--the potion that assigns our sorrow….
She will not sleep—
while I chew this gum-- GUM?
Roll down the window!
Angels escape with the heat
Waking me with the brush of their wings
As that eighteen-wheeler hugs my flank
And leans on the horn
Rude rumbling under right tires
Tantrum of snow
In the draft of mass and velocity
…and the angels?
They’ve chosen another good one!
They must’ve liked the 80’s
Their wings slapping the windshield madly
Their hands steady the wheel
Anyway, I still think of it when I think of the ocean-- as I did on this cold dark occasion when I should have pulled off somewhere for a coffee, but I was trying to beat the snow storm home.
Route 84, also known as Dead Bambi Highway, has a desolate, treacherous section going over the mountains between NY and Pennsylvania. Didn't have much option for music at the time, so I leaned heavily on the radio pushing the search button to find anything bearable-- not too much static.
Song reference in this: "Time of the Season" by the Zombies-- all time favorite beach song that happened to be on the radio that night.
Cosmic vapor of destruction, Rising up that purple dawn. The red world crumbles down around me, I’ve been alone for far too long. Dark years pass slowly, every mile, feels wrong.
Tears, clearly blue, roaming lonely on my cheeks; now tastes of salt, but were once so sweet. No one can see them, though they roll like rocks, hitting my heart; on man's road, dreams will rot.
I'm rained on and dreary, souls gotten old, looking for shelter on man's cold road. Searching for a home I’ve made in my mind, but here, even a cage is hard to find.
I thought I’ve seen the last of man, but I don't think I'll tell him that. Undercover, I’ll wait. Till he spots me, at last. But Man can’t see what he's looking at; he cant perceive beauty, his vision lacks. there’s an insidious fog in his clouded mind. And when the two of us meet, its as if he’s blind. Man can only stare long at me, shocked, It’s a deer and a hunter whose eyes have locked. He barely sees me, for who I am; Man believes I’m wounded, and weak like a lamb. He licks his lips, I’m flesh and meat, I’m just another animal to eat.
Man’s just a fool who pretends that he’s right. Thinks I’m just a girl, whose lost in the night. He believes I’m no challenge, easy to seduce, with handsome charms, and white shining teeth, that promise truth.
Walking man's road, I've done worse, then you. I'm as ruined, as the harpies heart, my blood pumps through. And so my pride dares, Take your chances, I don’t care. I’ll willingly let him bewitch me, body tangled and ensnared.
Man says he wants to take care of you, but he means with a rope, tied like a noose. All your really wanted is for his carnival act. Wrapped around his finger, your tightly attached. He has tied you tight, onto a string, like a balloon made it into an animal thing.
Man's road is dangerous, I wasn’t prepared. I’m easy to snatch, I'm captured, by a weary stare. I’m so trusting a catch, I float, suspended, mid air. Against better judgment, I’ve been created to care.
Now, I’m a prisoner on man's twisted road, my tired eyes weep, aching for you to let go. For deep down inside, I’m a bird of flight. Who is wishing to be brought back to life, warm my icy blood, cold as the moonlight. But I’ve become a monster, brought to life, born on man's dark road tonight.
Ladies, stay back, stay away, don’t believe. With twisted delusion, distortion, confusion; He deceives. You think he can't make a lion look like a man, he’ll make us see it, if he can. But, if I were blind I would know who you are. I’m your prisoner, you’ve become my guard. I thought you would be the one to be rough first, to hold me still until it hurts. But years have proved, that when I’m with you, its hard to know whose captured whom.
Maybe it’s true, You can’t do anything to save me, cause My cell block on man's road has made me go crazy. But I won’t leave you, cause I couldn’t cope. Please peer into my eyes, restore my trust and boundless hope.
I know we have trouble, knowing whose keeping whom. All I can think about is what I want to do to you, as roll around in the warmth of your grooves, I use your body as my bedroom .
Loneliness is all I fear, so I’ll drag you with me on man's road, my dear. Pulling my only friend and enemy in toe. Your always there and that feels safe to know. I scream and moan, with lust for pain, sometimes when you stab me with words, it feels like death pumping through my veins.
I can’t let you go, Your meant to be mine. I’ll hold you hard, feel you change with time. You’re the predator, I’m your prey, I need you and the chase, fighting this way. And we play our parts like we’re made to do. But it still feels so wrong that I want you.
I had a heart just as easy to capture. Shamefully, I gave it to you, my new master. Someone to keep it locked away, Ironically, Our death is in that cage. But I'll wearily wait for you to come back and release me, free me, from man's road, where you keep me.