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aubrey Dec 2022
i never thought id be
here
happier
recovered
healthier
there are still days when i
reconsider
become fearful
make mistakes
but i promised myself
id never go back
to then.
recovery is hard but forever worth it
Mimmi Mar 2021
The night I hurt myself

No one knew

The room was full

But no one saw

I was right there

But also not there

No one knew

No one saw

More or less I bled in silence

In front of them

But in hiding

No one knew

No one saw

(Maybe no one really cared.)
Self harm, is a bad thing, for good people trying their best to survive.
Jude Quinn Feb 2021
You have done some things you are not proud of.
What'd happen If I told them?
What'd happen if they knew?
You were young, you were angry,
you were horrible, you were everything you hate now.

You hurted so many people
and disappeared.
Why did you do it?
Why would you take your pain
and put it on someone else?

It was not her fault she didn't love you.
It wasn't his fault. He couldn't know.

Yes, you were a mess,
but that's no excuse.
No, you can't change the past.
I don't even know If "I'm sorry" would be enough.

You couldn't love
cause you didn't know how to love yourself.
You thought hate
was your only weapon against the world.

Will she accept your apologies
or will she act is if she doesn't know you
the way that you did?

Will he forgive you
or forget
just like you?

You were full of poison and you killed many flowers
on your way here.
What are we gonna do, Jude?

I'll light a candle for us
and I'll try to be a better man.
It's all I can do
that'll bring a change.
Rylie Lucas May 2020
Scrolling through the past
Is informational
It reminds us of who we once were
And who we've become
Rediscovering feelings
We had almost forgotten we had
And we'd shared them with the world
And we didn't do half bad
I thought I'd never escape her
Her iron grip leaving bruises where she held us
But we did
We made it
Life got a little better for it too

We aren't fixed
We are still sad
We still have depression
But it's not as bad as it was
She's gone from our lives
Our abuser
Tormenter
Stepmother

And she dares to call herself a fighter
I was scrolling through my old poems, and I was reading one comment on my poem "Cuts" from when I was stuck with the woman who abused me every chance she got. If you're reading this, it got better. I'm not healed yet, but it has gotten better. To those of you who've stayed with me this long: Thank you
izzy Jun 2019
If I'm going to die someday anyway
I guess I might as well stay
So I guess I'll stay
Ready to live another day
Start to dance and play
Live life to the fullest
Even though it hurts
So when I finally lay down to rest
I'll be proud of the life I lead
We're all going to die
Someday
Please don't rush it
Stay
Use what little time you have
To the fullest
this is what i've become
sleepless
time has no meaning for me anymore
not enough hours in the day
and it's all your fault
you started the chain reaction
i am lucky to have a night without dreams
i blame you for my scarred soul
that would flicker like a candle in a breeze
in the wake of another bad dream

nightmares
stemming from my broken heart
i am terrified to sleep
i want you to wake up crying like me
just to understand what you did to me
i'd like to see you do it
get your heart obliterated
eviscerated
but you've spread so many false feelings
i doubt that you have a heart to obliterate

that's all changing now
one single message
that's all it takes for me to smile
for the particles of my heart to solidify
and beat faster once more
that one single message
full of care, and true worry
for my sanity
for the darkening circles under my eyes
for me
i'm not so scared to sleep anymore

he rubs my knee while I snore
wakes me when i whimper or cry
his fingers drawing circles on my palm
make goosebumps explode over my skin
for once, i have pleasant dreams
hardly appropriate considering how
his kisses take me to another plane
those brown eyes make me weak
he's more than you could ever be
a gentleman
someone i can trust with my heart
and with my dreams

he's willing to wait for me
keep me safe
make me smile
i can't remember the last time I felt
anything
let alone comfort from a boy's hug
i could sleep right there
on his shoulder
without a single care

but then

the odd night comes around
i finally get to sleep at a time
that's considered reasonable
you creep back into my dreams
to rip my heart out all over again
except
this time, i imagine him there
warm arms circle my waist
cold hands hold mine
my dreams melt away as my eyes focus
the dark makes it hard but
white eyelashes flutter on his face
as he tugs me closer
and smiles to himself
when i curl into him and close my eyes.
ællæ Apr 2019
There was a man masquerading as me,
But I caught him by the collar
And wrenched him out!
ællæ Apr 2019
No wrongs to right, no lost love to mourn,
I must concoct an awful lot of falsified accounts.
But why should I neglect my life,
For self-burnt homes and hidden doubts?
Parker Feb 2019
I kept punishing myself for not being whole after four years
But I didn’t realize that if I never spoke about it
I was never going to get any where in my recovery
So I finally began the process to victory
It is one of the hardest things I have ever put myself through
I am grateful for each tear I am shedding
Because I know they get me one step closer to being new
For every panic attack and punishment I have done to myself
I apologize for not beginning my path to recovery sooner
I am a work in progress and I am getting better
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