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SofiaBelhadj Oct 2018
I am collapsing
Thrashing
Shaking
Screaming.
In my mind.
It is the chokey
I am trapped
Trembling
Scared
Tear stained
Heart throbbing
Painfully.
A hand clasps my throat
I cannot breath
I’m blind in my terror
Words barely choke out
Help me
I’m rasping
Help me.
I look around
I have not collapsed
I am still standing
I feel as though I’ve been pulled
Back into reality.
Something that has been happening more frequently recently...
SofiaBelhadj Apr 2016
The mornings are the same,
Nightmares and blurred dreams,
I am so heavy
I cannot lift myself from these
Sleep bound, conscious
Traps.
Struggling
To break free

My arms are so weak
They cannot bear the weight
Of my body,
I am dragged under
Held by a mighty
Rock.
SofiaBelhadj Jun 2018
I wish they’d leave me alone,
I wish that I could be in another country, thousands of miles apart.

But then I watch a video of a man crying for having cut out his father for the same reason, whose father is now dead.
Do I dare do the same thing?

When I see them, it’s all good, but when I leave them I know it was all pretend.
I’m left with a fish bone
Wedged in my throat
Boulders
Weighing heavy on my chest.
I can’t breath.
And I want to die.

Is it fair that they leave me
Feeling this way?
With guilt leaving me tripping
For days.

I am told
I’d be better off
If I cut them out of my life.

I know this, but how?
How do I cut them out.
When they’re like leaches
******* the blood out from my veins
And when I tear them off
I cry out in pain.

The people
Who I call
Mum and dad
Who I’ve been told
I should love and cherish
Are not the people that
I want to call
Mum and dad.
Thanks for reading,  love to hear any feedback you might have!
SofiaBelhadj May 2016
Leaving a mess of a trail
Everywhere I go,
I a wild storm wreaking havoc.
SofiaBelhadj Jul 2016
I'm Stumbling Blind
                       Reaching for a Familiar,
          Friendly Face;
That isn't there.
SofiaBelhadj Apr 2016
The bruise grew within days
Like a dark mushroom engulfing the canvas
In a rich mess of colours. Like a
Chaotic sunset it spread,
Singing as it left its mark.
SofiaBelhadj Oct 2018
She chases autumn leaves
As though they’re
Wild scurrying mice,
Of brown and red,
And yellow ochre.
There’s a flurry of leaves
As she pounces onto her
Imaginary foe,
Which barely escapes.
She carefully peers beneath
Her soft playful paws.
In a whisp of crisp air,
It vanishes.
SofiaBelhadj Apr 2016
The hand strikes 12
Brandishing its ringed mark,
Twelve times,
12 cries out
As it is hit repeatedly,

The hand passes,
Leaving 12 exhausted,
With the mark of the hand
Red on 12s face.
SofiaBelhadj Sep 2018
I am a balloon
entirley surrounded
by pins
any one of them might
make me burst

The silver of metal
long and sharp
Holding my breath
I wait and I wait
In static apprehension
SofiaBelhadj Apr 2018
stuttering and stumbling as I go,

I’m wild and hyper, reaching for what… I do not know.

I, a bursting hazardous flame, sparking and spitting,

out of control,

until water is poured over me and I’m

nothing more but a smouldering flame,

hugging my knees to my burnt out chest,

starving to be thinner,

carving into and carving out my aching bones,

until I could almost be snuffed out.

But the raging flames keep returning, a ravenous hunger,

a never-ending vicious cycle of explosive fireworks and deafening silence.
feedback is welcome.
SofiaBelhadj May 2017
u n f o c u s e d
camera lense,
vivid memories
blasting past becoming
the past.
can't f o c u s on the moment,
knowing,
it will become a
d i s t a n t
memory
in the future.
I need to feel
something,
anything.
I'm not sure if I'm just a daydreamer of If I actually depersonalise, where is the line that crosses between these two realms.
SofiaBelhadj Apr 2018
destruction
floating a d r i f t
in quite darkness.
the c a l m anxiety
of an ocean
so v a s t
it's depths
sunken wrecks
drowning
drowned.
feedback welcome.
SofiaBelhadj Apr 2016
My cheeks red with heat and pain,
stained wet with tears
as the ringed hand
beats down on me.
That is how my mornings begin.

Aches and exhaustion carry me
to school, until I reach my seat at
my assigned desk and bawl,

Everyone sees
But no one cares.

I hide away from uncaring, unkind eyes

"stop crying! you stupid child.
Whats the matter with her?!
Grow up!
"

My mind reeling from painful
words lashed at me.

When I finally emerge,
With my eyes swollen
It's as if nothing has happened.

— The End —