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Samuel Fox Jun 2015
He never taught me
how to perform
the art of the jump-shot.
I simply watched.
He would dribble down
the clumsy circle
of our carport, back up
behind the exomaed bicycle
and detach his body
from the world, against
gravity’s insistent pull
and fade into a legend,
his wrist becoming a swan
pecking toward the sun.

He never taught me
how to arc a blade,
the gripping bite of a razor,
against my cheek.
I simply watched. He would
lather his face with foam
and I sat conversing with him
as the blade giddily glided,
graceful as a demi-god
reaping the crop of auburn
from his then young face.
When I tried, as a teenager,
I nicked my upper lip and
only harvested my own blood.

When he grilled, he flipped
the meat like an ace of spades,
magic in his wrist revealed.
When he drove, his hands
and feet became extensions
of the car. When he drove
a bus, his eyes sought all angles
of the road, chatoyant caution
in the flicker of his iris.
When he fiddled with our old,
beaten, mellow-toned guitar
he was articulate though
he never knew a chord’s name
nor what song erupted from him.

He read the Bible, but kept
the gospel in his eyes, at the tip
of his green thumb. He read
the Koran, the Torah, the words
of Gotham. I read how he
sought truth, beauty, in all
people. I simply watched him
traverse the dividing line
between saint and stubborn,
between sinner and relinquish.
If there was ever a man
after some God’s heart, he was
one who asked questions
and lived into the answers.

He kept his hands clean, kept
his chin high and mind
was always lofty and companioned
with a world of dreams.
He would often stare out windows
sitting at the dinner table, and I
knew he was living into a prayer.
I never asked what he was doing,
never asked how to do what he
could do. What my Father taught me
was to listen to my own inner voice,
no other’s, and if I wanted to be
a man, I was to simply watch
what a man did for that spoke
a language more fluid than air.
Samuel Fox Jun 2015
Even were he to explain,
he’d much rather show
to you his scars. He bears
them like medals now,
knowing well they are
made of clad, like nickels,
like cheap bullets.

If he could, he’d chuck
all of them into the deep,
the sparkle, of a wishing well.
He knows that these scars
have not only unsown himself,
but made trenches between
him and possibilities of love.

If he could, he’d place
each scar into the chamber
of a rifle, aim the .22
he never owned at a flock
of starlings. He might miss
every time, but at least
the ravens would scatter.

He knows what he’d wish for,
were each scar dropped,
at 5 cents a wish. He has enough
of them so that they jangle
on him when you embrace.
If he could, he’d stop collecting
them, and wish them away

on you. He’d put away the rifle.
His carving of a smile would fade
into a grin. You had always been
the loveliness of a needle,
of thread and steady hands.
Samuel Fox Jun 2015
The ear is an amazing tool. Subtle invitation,
subtle beauty, and the jewelry that decorates it!

I saw your ears before the gauges, and even then
they were small, delicate, and open to me.

If I could be any object, knowing what little purpose
I would serve, I would be the decorations, hanging,

from your earlobe: I would be satisfied being worn
on your body, your bright body, your beautiful face

sparkling from the lights you liked to daydream in,
placed near the delicate halls you’d always embraced me in.
Samuel Fox Jun 2015
I believe in the match, white phosphorus,
scratch of Bic lighter spurting like a miniature sun
in the deadpan havoc of the darkest night.

I believe in the neon sign, blare of argon
red like lava. The invitation to come inside a place
where everyone is a saint in rehabilitation.

I do not believe in a steeple. I do have a church:
it is full of cripples carrying their hearts like a crutch.
It is full of ***** fingernails, swollen thumbs,

epileptic prayer circles, a choir of bums, riff-raff,
pulled off the street into the warmth of this fiery song.
We are all martyrs burning, like pyres, exploding

in moments of sorrow like gunpowder. God is not
in this church. We are too far from his icy heaven to hear
the cold menace of his manic threats. We are aflame,

making heaven out of the hells we were born into,
the ones we had no choice but to carry like a deformation,
but making our heavens the kind where work is.

We have built heaven out of pillars of words. We
have scorched even the newest of testaments, sifting
through its ash to divine new meaning of resurrection.

I do not believe heaven or hell are nouns. I do not
believe they are adjectives. They are verbs! ******* it
they are verbs: boiling or churning with photographs

of every failure, every success, every bruised knee,
every severed tie, every father that did not love us,
every mother who could not save us, every lover who

kissed the dark sides of our light hearts. I believe
you make heaven, that you make hell. I believe in
only the fire, crackling like skin molting from sunburn.

I want only to be consumed. The world is too far ruined
to douse this from me. Let me burn. If you look closely,
there are doves in the smoke, my bones glowing branches.
Samuel Fox Jun 2015
You have a pair of eyes that whisper spark.
I can hear them roar when I glance into
the picture of you, smiling behind glasses,
freckles punctuating your joy. I am glued
to your face; your deep irises, hair dark
as beech wood, lips full as a lunatic moon.

I’m surprised you haven’t burnt men alive
with your glare: you are more forest fire
than glass of wine. I’ll bet that you sizzle
when you’re kissed. A man can burn like a pyre
should he even think to utter a lie.
I want that. I want a woman who sighs

and sings songs that smoke: one that can’t fizzle
out with sadness, one that can shine like stars
on a moonless night. I’m a dry stack of wood:
here, take my hand. Ignite my skin. Your scars
are molten gold, glimmering. Make me dizzy
with electricity. Make me red like Mars:

a man once sailed an ocean, for a face like yours;
and, I think, given time, I also would.
Helen of Troy was gorgeous; however,
with eyes like yours, a man could fight forever.
To the woman I hope to love someday
Samuel Fox Jun 2015
He told me that he is burning alive,
not literally, but inside. Said that he
feels palpitations every time he thinks
he might go back;

like his heart is a jarful of moths,

beating against glass.
I told him we are all breakable,
but that he is going to make it through.

He asks me if monks can really
spontaneously combust. I reply, no,
but they light themselves on fire.
It’s a way of protest. He says oh.

He then says, I want to protest

against Adderall, Cymbalta, and
Marijuana: he still can’t focus, still
can’t be happy, and being high is
a minor fix. I don’t know what to say.

We sit silent for a while. I ask him
what depression is like. He laughs
and says, it’s like a really drawn out
stubbed toe, only it’s in your head

and no matter how much you curse
you think the pain will only get worse.
It always does too. I just want to die.

The next day he scorched himself.
Someone called 911 and reported a man
walking out of a pawn shop

with a jar full of something dead

and then poured
gasoline over his head and lit a lighter.
I cried. I wondered if there were wings

still fluttering when he burst into ash.
He could have at least saved what little
flight he had left, what little life, for me.
Samuel Fox Jun 2015
Most days he mows
the immaculate lawn of his front yard,
sweeps the carport
and trims the hedges back to near buzz-cut.

Today he sank
to his knees, arthritic bones aching for
soft patch of earth
or lush grass on which to rest his grey head.

In the spring, buds
burst like silent fireworks near the road,
all his doing,
and the birds alight to watch him plant more.

I have watched for
a near lifetime his yard across the way
morph into Eden –
one handmade with weak limbs – and I know now

the cost of love
for things that cannot love you back. He is old,
with a question
mark for a spine. He sweats and bleeds for his home.

He has no job
but to nourish the Carolina clay,
into yielding
beauty that cannot love a single soul.

I was heading
out of town for a long time. I didn’t know
if he’d be there
once I got back. But, my intuition

whispered, yes. He
has no home but the earth. Even after
his silent death
he will still be watering the flowers

and the blossoms will not love him more,
but never less.
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