I feel like i lost myself seeking my desires
Instead of winning
I
Just
Lost
Myself
Who am I anymore ?
-( 23:41)

I've written myself in those poems;poems that were dedicated for you. Now I realise you just stole my passion for the world and the beauty I used to contemplate in art and everything that surrounded me. You know what? ******* I can and I will live without you, yes it's cold but you get used to it .

I thought that when waking up I was going to forget it all. Forget the pain and my tears,like I did every time you decided to hurt me unconsciously. This time I know you are conscious. Conscious of the way it tears my heart and how numb my body feels. I guess I should have known this from the beginning, but I decided to fool myself or at least pretended that you felt the same way I do...did you at least love me for a second? Those words were honey that got bitter by the time you lost your sparkle in your words and your eyes turned evil.
I guess I'm a fool
Because
I still love you

i lost myself in you.
i forgot
my favorite song,
my favorite movie,
my favorite place to go
, my favorite food,
and i realized everything i loved was not really mine but yours and that is not the way things should be.

“I read a poem
the other day
about how
our liver
replaces itself
after 5 months,
our lungs
after 3 weeks
and our skin
after 27 days
I laughed
about how
absurd such
facts were
because it has been 7 months
and I can still feel
your presence in my body
your kisses on my hips
and your breath on my neck
and trust me
I tried to **** as many cells
as I could
after you left
to try to get you
the **** out of
my veins
I poisoned my liver
nearly every day
with cheap alcohol
and smoked so many cigarettes
I heard my lungs begging me
to stop the other night
and I let too many boys
undress me
and touch my skin
with their ***** ***** hands
simply because
I hoped their presence
would force your ghost
to get
out of my bed
out of my life
and out of my mind
but still
I can hear the echoes
of your footsteps
as you are running
in my brain
and it is driving
me insane
because when I was 7 years old
my father took me fishing
and made me promise
I’d never let anyone
get under my skin
yet here I am
13 years later
destroying myself
to try to forget
how you destroyed me
after telling me for a year
how much you loved me
and I can’t help but imagine
how horrified my father 
would be
to see his baby girl
killing herself slowly
but what he could not understand
is that if I drink too much
or smoke too much
it is only to stop your ghost
from growing and growing
like the cancer
that 
took
him
away

I am Strong


because I have loved you for this long

because I am able to look to you with another

because I've spent all these days without being with you

because I still loved you even though you would not love me back

because I went through all this pain without you even knowing

because I wrote my heart out, breaking it over and over again

because I looked into your eyes and deceived myself with false hope

because I've had nightmares of you, believing they were dreams





and because  I Love You







Yes, I am Strong...

                                                  ­      
                                                            ...j­ust not Strong enough to tell you

                  
  
                                                                ­      
                                                 I Love You.

"It's funny how a coincidence it was that the day I realise my heart was broken, phone got broken too.

Ironically it was a rainy day.
I decided I was going to walk under it as a metaphor to confront my problems. It was matter of seconds that I decided to shelter myself. I guessed it means I can't really get over my problems in the same way I cant walk under the rain because it hurts. And I guess it hurts because I'm human and I did love you and I guess I still do. "
-k.g. 00:19 am