my blank canvas arms
that feel empty without you
cold and boring
i miss the burn of your touch
i miss how spontaneous you were
i miss how you were a reminder of everything i could be
i miss how you made me feel better

there was this rush with you
how every time i saw you
i was almost elated
and disappointed
you were my legitimacy
my own point of intimacy
and as it turned out to be
you never loved me

i used you
and you used my body
to fuel your aspirations
of pain
and intentions
of hurt
because of you
im a flight risk
and all i want is to go somewhere over this rainbow
that only bleeds red

please don't leave me
i keep your love letters
in my pillowcase
and no need to fear
these blades
unlike grass
are not evergreen

my scars remain
spiderweb hairs
silver slivers of memories
caught in lies and deceit
please leave me here

because i believe you love me
and i love you
but i don't need you
anymore

A memory can be sweet as candy
Like a jawbreaker
It has many layers
With time
And patience
It will flake away
One
By
One
Each detail lost
Each color faded
Until you are left with the core
The heart of the story
Why you remember it
As you bite down
You remember it
It all comes flooding back
It releases the sweet memory
Across your tongue
Then you do what we all do in the face of candy
smile

Fake love that stretched me cheeks to a ***** too steep and now my lies chaise me in my dreams who can sleep when happiness dictates you nightmares

Over exaggerating idealistic scenarios only to boost my hopes and motivation without any recognition of success for my to suppress who I am

Remorse of lost emotions that I never had the luxury of experiencing. Joy to watched children dance in the light and to the rhythm of laughter, punish me for my lack of interest in an idea so trivial, that only someone who doesn't know pain could accept

Gracious temporary hosts who held me close and told me to try, try again and were my only friends and who saw my end only to never let me go ever again

Individual alone time, lonely songs sang to the wall and the rooftops on my lungs while they are burning beneath me

Various memories infection my body; nerve spasms, flinching, clenching, screaming, shaking, horrific past events in which I had no control over much like my body

Everyone who left leaving only one to rely on, to lean on, to cling on to have my back to which I am lying flat, wind knocked out of me by reality

I know the depression is all in my head
I have it pretty severe
but it's nothing to dread
because I don't fear what's under my bed
I fear…
I fear…
Myself.
My depression isn't seasonal
it is induced by a simple thing
when I look in the mirror
and I feel I will never see a diamond ring
on this finger of mine
on this finger
because of my mind.
I look in the mirror and I see a monster
something that's clawing at my eyes
and hoping that someday I will just realize
that someday
some way
I will be okay.
they say it's all your perception
I say it's in my reflection
it's all that I need to know
that my life isn't real
and the things that I feel
are not okay.
The pile the medication,
one after another until I feel nothing is left,
because nothing will ever be right.
I start falling asleep in class
thing is I never wanted to wake up in the first place.
I don't want to open my eyes and see my classmates laughing at me
because
of what I see in the mirror.

Please don't try to fix me
With glitter glue and scotch tape
If you try to mend something that isn't broken
It will surely break
Please don't try to fix me
I am who i'm suppose to be
Please don't sand my rough edges
I'm growing restless
Just dont fix me

I don't know if it's love
Or if maybe I’m just afraid
That you'll go back to the
Real world
And you'll forget my name
And I don't know how you feel
But I'm asking just in case
If you saw me in a crowd
Would you say my name out loud
Or would you let me be just another face

I expected him to fill me
To fill the void in my soul
And that it would be filled to the brim
So high it would overflow
With love

But it was not love
I still try to shake the memory
Dumping the glass
Throwing it
Having it shatter

Oh yes
He filled me
But I have never felt so empty
Because when he filled me
He did not complete me
And yes
There is a difference