You always spoke of making love
but only used me for a  ****

Like a bad dream you held me
My spine still clicking to the rhythm of your teeth
as you ever so gently wrapped your arms around me

You only spoke of making love
but it never happened, not once.

I only felt flame
but never fire underneath.
You only burned me,
always left me freezing.

I'd paint the ocean with the colors in his eyes.

Dear You,

     I hope your day is wonderful. I want all of your days to be wonderful. I want you to wake up and smell roses, or dance in the rain, or be able to look in the mirror and just smile. I want you to know that someday you will make someone so incredibly happy, and that you'll be their whole world. I want you to know that you are incredible. You're perfectly imperfect. You're so special.

     I want you to know that you're my happiness. And I know that we are just friends and that I shouldn't feel the way that I feel because you couldn't feel the way that I feel and it isn't fair for me to even think that we could be anything other than friends, but I think about you all the time. I dream about you every night. You're the first thought when I wake up in the morning, and you're the my final prayer every evening.

     I want you to know that I am completely aware that this could never be anything at all. You aren't interested, and it has nothing to do with me but with my gender. No matter how many drunken nights you say otherwise, you will wake up sober and only want a woman. And I want you to want me all the time.

     I want you to know that I'm okay with that, because there is absolutely nothing else I can do. I can't change who I am to please you, and I would never want to anyway. I want you for who you are, and I want you all  the time.

     I want you to know that I would love you unconditionally, that I would give the world to you, all wrapped in a little bow if it would make you smile- God, I love your smile.

    I want you to know that in this whole wide world there are 7 billion people, and each and every individual is beautiful in their own unique way. In this world there are 7 billion different faces with different personalities, all of which will fall in love, smile, fall out of love, hurt, and fall in love with a different person all over again.

     I want you to know that within those 7 billion people there is only one you, and you are perfectly imperfect. You are the only person I want. I could spend the rest of my days looking at your face and that would be okay. I don't need an incredible life with fame and fortune, because having you would be the most fortunate thing.

     And I want you to know that even though you'll never want me, you are all I've ever wanted.

I think I'm lost again

                                                                   I know exactly where you've been

I've been trying hard to reach you

                                                                        I know exactly where this ends

The cat says through the forest

                                                                    So I've traveled through the trees

It seems you've gotten further

                                                                               Please just wait a bit for me

I want to say I love you

                                                                                 Have I lost my little head?

I want to hold you close to me

                                                                              Holding on by just a thread

I came to say I miss you

                                                                         Though you're not so far away

I came out here to kiss you

                                                                Though I know just what you'll say

But if you kiss me back;

                                                                The thought brings a tear to my eye

Maybe I'm just going mad

                                                  Out here in Wonderland where dreams die.

I'm tired but I can't sleep
Because when I sleep I see you
Over and over
And it hurts too much
Because I just want you
Over and over

But you're nothing more than a dream

I don't miss you
I'd never put myself through that again
The hurt that you caused
The love you showed all those other men
I don't miss you
Just the familiarity of your skin
Our bodies clashing
The sweetest of sins
I don't miss you
Not even the touch of your hands
I miss the feeling behind it all
I want that again
I don't miss you
That light is much to dim
I miss the love I thought we shared
I want that with him.

He was so beautiful.
Not the kind of beautiful you saw in the pictures of magazines, or even like the boys on TV.
He was different. He didn't need to brush his hair, or go to the gym everyday, or think about what he was going to eat because none of that would matter. He'd still be beautiful.
He didn't see it. But somehow, that made him so much more beautiful.
And I wanted him to know it so badly, how much he meant to me, but I wouldn't say a word. I couldn't say a word.
He was so beautiful.
And the thing about it was he would never know, because no one ever really knew. It was like everyone was mesmerized, but they weren't sure why, so they just walked away.
He was beautiful.
And one day I'll get the guts to tell him, but it'll be too late. He'll probably already know. Someone will finally tell him that he's beautiful, and they'll take his breath away. They'll take his breath away like the sight of a shooting star, or your very first kiss, or like that very first time that you realize you're in love. They'll take his breath away, like the very first time he took my breath away. Like the very first time I laid my eyes upon him; like a knife straight to my throat.
And he'll be beautiful.
And it will be different because he'll know that someone in this world finds him beautiful. The whole world should find him beautiful, but it will only take that one person to let him know. And it will take his breath away.

And it will be too late.