Though I'm not in jail it all just feels the same
Waking up depressed told just not to complain
A shotgun to my head i feel like Curt Cobain
Not a literal sense, but the context sustains
I don't want money, success, not even some fame
I just want to learn to play this game
Each day it gets hard i just keep  breathing
Wondering how the **** this happened, it feels like treason
From a comical skeptic to a reliable source
I question the water that was gave to the horse
Viewed as a sinner but always in doubt
"Read from the scripture and figure it out"
Nightmares keeping me awake like a proxy
SO many bad thoughts I wish I could get off me
Do your 12 steps Bob, everything is kosher
Yet I wake every night screaming still sober
A stranger does the same, and everyone wants to know her
A technicality set, a glimpse for closure
Different from most but related to some
I feel alone but second to none
Shaking again always be the **** up
"drinkings a sin" Always press my luck up
Some things I will never understand
But if it doesn't change I will be ******

Up the ladder and into the night
Building courage to put up a fight
Down the glass embrace the pain
Frown collapse, stay the same
Mixed signals turned blind astray
It'll all change the next day.

Smiling, laughing joking alike
Thoughts toiling clashing poking with spite
A past written blood soaked tears
Wash them away, a few beers
Ridiculed and neglected a whim  
You're nothing, nothing just "him"
Pursue on, your mind would say
It'll all change the next day

Love and regret burning a fire
Lying awake, sleepless attire
Close your eyes and wish it away
Still nothing's better the next day

Burn the canvas and lose the attire
Just learn from this don’t choose the squire
I’ve lived rich and I’ve lived poor
Laid in a ditch and saw the end so near
Thrown out and cast away
Starving yet drunk lead astray
Good “friends” and good places
Make ammends and fake chases
Looking for redemption or a spot of glory
Searching for salvation in a place not holy
A voice burnt like the scars of time
A choice you learned yet far behind
Apologize and sleep it off
Wake up to realize you’re alone and scoffed
3 years and yet still alone
No more tears you’ve done all you’ve shown
Can’t take back the things that happened
Can’t fix the the rings that cracked and
Still here you are  
Awake 3 am writing in the car
Missing them and knowing they are gone
Wishing them the best knowing you might not see dawn
But none the less you go on
Rambling and talking
Just wishing the life wasn’t the picture you’ve drawn

Broken battered
Woken shattered
Descriptive of a time
Insisted to be fine
Left alone and your will to pray
Lost somewhere along the way

Your will to live
Your will to try
Your will to push on
Your will to strive
The will to get up and be alive astray
Lost somewhere along the way

Trials and stipulations
Walked miles for conversations
Memories of a hope once left at bay
All lost somewhere along the way

Try to run try to hide
Keep your chin up
But you're dead inside
Wear that smile and to everyone youll show it
Because youve already died and they just don't know it
The feelings all numb and
The liquore bottle full
Pour up a drink here here let me say
All of your life was lost somewhere along the way

Made from lust and greed
How can a memory continue to bleed
Swimming in saddness
Treading dead waters
Drowning again in the depths of your sorrow
Frowning again taking steps towards tomorrow
Wondering now just what is the point
Pondering how I sit at the brink
Ice cubes and a cylinder glass
Miscues and a dwindlers past
Wash them away 100s proof
Slosh them and stay, a bundles a spoof
Mere sight lost and all blurry
Clear as night I'm crossed all slurry
Saying thoughts with no worn remorse
Praying clots a lost souls torn corpse
Suicide always is calling my number
Aside the hallways balling my slumber
An unwoken home build on ashes
By an unspoken poem with blood stained clashes
The pictures are burnt and the pages torn
The scars still hurt a broken heart will never learn
Scream in silence at the voices to come
Dream in violence it's the choices your numb
Venture off in your personal hell
Knowing it's your own mind does you well
Swallow it down and accept your fate
Close your eyes and close the gate
Close the gate on the house you can't escape

I've got the news today
She packed her bags and moved away
Just wish I had the words to say
I just can't face another day
I look around and they're all gone
Just best to leave it in a song
I left my heart back home with you
The thought of sorrys overdue
But I'm hell bound
I'm hell bound
Lord help now
I'm hell bound
Another night I'm losing sleep
Too scared awake I'm on the brink
Another drink and its all gone
I hear your voice and I'm alone
The final time ive lost it all
And now im bleeding out the loss
If i could make things right again
I swear that I'll be at my end
But I'm hell bound
I'm hell bound
Lord help now
I'm hell bound

With Closed eyes and a grim face
Imposed lies paint a dim place
Dark and hollow with nothing around
Go ahead and scream you'll never be found
Keep going further down to your dismay
This ***** just beginning for sure it's just may
Etch up a symbol a portrait of hope
Catch up be nimble, forget about the *****
Hear the voices screaming in the night
Wake up you're dreaming, but everything's not alright
Blur out her memory one drink should do
Slur down what went wrong better yet make it two
Dig deeper into a false sense of relief
Tell yourself it didn't happen, I mean it's your own belief
Go on another liquor drenched ******
Talking to shadows, trying not to remember
You said you loved her, when was that? December.
4 years is a long time to be near
4 beers is a song, a chime to be clear
A melody to sooth and erase
But still you find yourself leading this chase?
**** if only you could forget her face
Close your eyes and drift off into sadness
Hearing the voices call in the madness
Still you'll sit just all alone
This darkness now is your "humble abode"
With no way out you soon decide
Contemplating the thought of suicide
The reality of all that was lost
All comes clear but at what cost
Now all thoughts and ambitions are tossed
Trapped in the dim dark place you come to know
You'll never get out you'll never just go
To forget her would be the key
To forget her is the lesson you see
There's no fixing or mending
No wishing or commending
It's just you and your thoughts in the dim to be