i met a boy
sweet and intelligent and politically informed and on top of that very cute
a girl responds, he looks like a senator
i responded that i’ve never wanted to be a senator’s wife but i want to be his wife
now months later i realize i could also be the senator with a wife
or a husband
or a dog
i have been conditioned to think a female like me is to be a wife of someone in power and not a person in power
i have worked many events for political campaigns and observed that i am well out outnumbered by people who look nothing like me
sure i am adopted and can only speak english, but as i look around a room where a wonderful woman is confidently boasting that politics should not look like what we perceive but the room we are standing in i see no person like me
i am a nursing major aspiring to change the way politics look and run once i am educated and experienced enough as we are in the midst of a government shutdown
and as some of my family goes to work they’re having to tell their employees what they can do while during this shutdown, many of the staff will be sent home or working from home
their contracted by the government so after the season of giving they’ve been forced into giving their livelihood
i’m writing to exclaim my utter despair and shock by this country’s ability to force countless people to suffer because some sensible enough to refuse to agree with someone who intends to rip families apart and spend billions of dollars for projects that are tearing the nation to pieces

My family enriches me.
I know when I look back I'll see them. When I was pedaling a bicycle by myself for the 1st time they were the ones who got the wheels turning.
When I leave for college, I know they paid the extravagant costs that I couldn't ever thank them enough for, for saving up money that could have been used on a car or new clothes, but they're throwing it all in because they believe in me more more than anyone else does. They will be the ones who wish me luck, they'll hold on to me until I complain and escape their bear hugs that I'll miss before the end of my first day.
When I'm driving away from my wedding I can look through the back window and see them waving.
They teach me how go fill in the lows points and cushion the bumps in life.
Anthony Brandt once said "Other things may change us, but we start and end with family." and while I haven't even lived to 18 as I watch people walk in and out of my life as if the door in my face won't hurt, I look around & find myself surrounded by effervescent love.
My family gives me the courage and determination to take off for myself no matter how scary it might seem, I am constantly becoming a better person thanks to them.

entering new waters
playing games with hearts
drinking the coconut ***, the wine, the *****
losing sobriety as we speak
and one rope let's loose
the sail swings but the sky is clear and it is fixed
but the skies begin to darken and the waters clash along the sides
that lose rope will be the downfall of the whole ship
how could you believe you could sail the open sea
you are stranded on the dry island of depression and foolishness
the tea spills
you are but a girl in a boat telling herself she is a sailor
lying to yourself that you can take on the freedom of the ocean
delusional you let the water take you
and the salty water runs down your cheek
you bite your lip in an attempt to not let the ocean know you are weak
and you grab the rope and you hold your position long enough to hear the radio
the coast guard asks are you okay
you are distressed and need someone
and as the salty water enters your eyes and mouth, you find yourself steadied by their words, anchoring down
the anchor that has appeared when the waters were like this before
and you find yourself able to breathe and say i don't know
and you accept that you are no sailor but a hopeless romantic waiting for something to settle into with no dock in sight
anchors dig in to fight the water when there isn’t time or a place to settle into a harbor
and this is familiar territory: feeding the water, rocks, and vegetation
gripping onto something that both provides stability and holds you down from moving on
believing materialistic things and blocking out the seriousness of sinking will fill the vastness within her soul
and the girl who was no sailor knows that the storm always passes eventually and she'll learn to be a sailor in good time
she wants to live to grow to be someone
no person is, capable of just sailing without making mistakes
there will always be rough waters and she will realize that the anchor of that future sailor comes from within herself

"people make the mistake of letting beauty guide attraction" said a character from a mediocre movie
It paved the way for a period of self reflection
Remember that boy or girl might be beautiful, but no facade is a stable foundation for a serious healthy relationship
Don't force yourself to settle for anything, not even people
You don't look now fall in love later
Be with them because of what you see in them not what you see looking at them
Your perception of them when you are at a low point is what matters
You kiss with your eyes closed, and that is as much as you'll ever really see when you are arguing with them
You will pick the things they do, say, or believe when you're having an honest real argument, it won't be how they do their hair their clothes or what they look like in makeup it will be the bills you can't pay because they thought education was less important than their name brand shoes
You will remember the lack of help they offered more concerned for themselves
You will become revolted when you take note of their homophobia you didn't notice when you were too caught in what they looked like to see what matters
You are a wonderful person who works hard, you have aspirations, and are realistic in your expectations & someone will find that endearing, you will never lose the ability to see the light in their eyes when being in their arms feels like home and you work together to succeed and commit to each other and your own needs in coexistence
cohabitation isn't just organizing two peoples worth of stuff it is the feelings and emotions together too

tears
silence
confusion
words that descibe the aftermath of hearing the news
a boy and a woman
a brother and a mother
gone
at the hand of the eldest son
a victim himself, of a poisoned mind, trapped in his own body, forced to watch the destruction the dark side inflicts
when is the change coming; no more lives at the mercy of a mental illness they got doing what they loved
i have the will and i can find a way, their deaths will not be in vain
he deserves to be here, to make it to eighteen, to make it to his graduation
they deserved more time than they were given and they will be a driving force for saving countless lives beyond the horizon
rest easy

and here i am again
at the intersection
of pedestrian language
& old wives tales
swallowing gum
like 7 year memories
opening umbrellas inside
cause i can't seem get away
from all of this rain
i ******* with my left hand
cause i was told
back in highschool that
"it feels like someone else is doing it"
it gets me wondering
about the difference between
losing you and finding out
that some one else found you
or my sleep
or lack thereof
its starting to tear me apart
i keep having this dream
where you are in
an unfamiliar body of water
trying to wash my poetry
off of your hands
or the one where
something happens in my chest
every time you sit
on someone else's bed
i'm tired of feeling like something you've misplaced
but don't have the heart
to look for anymore
tired of you saying my name
like you're trying to bury it
i'm tired of wondering
if you can tell the difference
between the absence
of my voice & silence
the other day
i almost started sobbing
at work when a woman
asked me about
our equipment
i was explaining how
things come apart
and almost mentioned your name
it made me think
of how you used to say
things like "what would you do
if i showed up on your doorstep
one day?" now, i haunt
the windows in my house
i don't leave for weeks at a time
i sit on the porch like the dog
you didn't shoot behind the shed
the one that refuses to die
until you come home again
i told somebody once, that
you didn't even know
what my voicemail sounded like
i wonder if they thought
it was because you
are so important that i never
let it ring that many times
before picking up
or if you dont know
what it sounds like
because you've never called
you can't be the ****** weapon
and the search party
i'm tired of all the seats
to the ferris wheel in my chest
being empty
tired of your voice
being the one i look for
in abandoned places
that one sound i beg
to bounce back
down vacant hallways
i just seem to stand there
in all of that quiet
like someone looking for a mistake
on an eviction notice
so i guess the hardest part
isn't letting go
it's forgetting
you ever had a grip
in the first place
and since you've been gone
i wonder if when
you pushed yourself away from me
you used your left hand
so it felt like someone else did it

I thought of him again
just like any other day
I don't want to and I am certain there is no need to love the boy who acted like a ****
Do boys with charm always do this, hold a piece of your heart in a jar with all the other girls
hold it under their bed to look at before they go to bed
I'm going to die a sad death alone like this
I swear to god you have a voodoo doll with my name on it