she was made of glass
and dandelions
pressed flowers
and sunlight
hair
soft as gossamer
and eyes
the morning dew
her mind
full of daydreams
wishes
hopes
and love
as she danced with air
stepping barefoot
through her solitude
wishing her bones
were not so fragile
and that her heart
would not beat
breaking spun sugar ribs
not made for this world
never to belong
her tissue skin tore
with each tide
every storm
ached her
inside out
but she remains
as her soul
was born of gold
her spirit
mithril
forged
in lakes of fire
so she remains
to love
where she does not belong

so i went back into that room
and saw what i knew to still be there
covered in dust
blood
ash
and years of silence

not disturbing the scene
i closed my eyes to remember
the scent was still the same
death and fumes
and the quiet still deafened

but this is a necessary evil
i have to remember how to begin

and the floor still had my footprints
from years before
the blood, dried and dark
but they were mine
from where i last stood
in fear

i looked within the ashes
and found tiny footprints
the same as mine
all fleeing
toward me
and gathering around my own

and i saw where his led
out towards the door
wide steps that had paced and roared
black eyes
rolled over
like a sharks eyes
biting chunks from our souls
and i remember he called us ****
and he spat
he raged until he could not speak
spitting obscenities
clawing our soft baby skin

and we stood in silence
trying to remember
how to breathe

as he went
the door slammed so hard
the kitchen window cracked
we payed it no mind
but watched the door
holding hands and apron strings
holding our fingers to our lips
whispering
"please don't come back"

the sound of our silence
was the beginning
and now
i am in this room again
for myself this time
trying to to remember
how to begin once more

i take in the memory of that day
and again i lock it away
where it belongs
where it has lain dormant
for so many years

but now
now i add another
to the shelf alongside

this little memory box
burns my fingers
as i hold it
just this one time
as i put it in it's place

this one is made of teeth
and not bone
like the one before

it will be placed with the others
out if sight
and far out of reach
of my heart

i step out of the ashes
and leave behind
the tiny footprints
that had followed mine
out of this room
on that day

small, bloodied and wrecked
but still they followed
holding hands
and apron strings
following me
as i led them home

and this is how i remembered
how to begin
as i stepped from the room

i went to my children
with my heart in my hands

and in return
they gave me their love
to cushion my heart
they told me the things
i had forgotten

they told me how to begin
how to love

no matter the blood
no matter the ash
no matter the bone
no matter the teeth

i know i had forgotten
so many things
and they gave me in return
the thoughts that i had lost

upon their blessings
the hate in me cried out
as it was loved into submission

tiny feet led me by my apron strings
showing me how
i had once shown them
how to begin again

1)  get a canvas

2)  get some unicorn paint

3)  paint a unicorn

4)  realize you can't paint a unicorn

5)  cry

6)  paint the moon

7)  put glitter and a horn on the moon

8)  pretend it's a fat unicorn

9)  be happy

10) show your dog

11) call the dog back into the room

12) show your dog again

13) get a new dog

14) show that dog

15) tell that dog it's being too critical

16) ask that dog to leave

17) put the picture in the bin

18) decide never to paint unicorns again

19) eat chocolate

20) decide to paint a dragon

my naked morning
stretch
captured
within warm arms

my skin
cherished
in morning kisses

sleepy smiles
greet the sunshine

her skin
warm
fragrant

mine
soft  
delicate

his
steel
under velvet

his pleasures
become ours

seeking his need
hearing his want

soft lips
sharing
our morning love

gently waking
from his deep slumber
we devour
with helter skelter kisses

silken
warm
shamelessly given
is our feast

loving
breakfast
in bed
for three

It's growing intense, everyday.!!