I wish I loved you
like I wish he loved me
but I don't.
I'll give it a try
because he never gave me one
that's the reason why
I wish I loved you
like you love me ***.
Because I hurt
knowing the pain that I felt
that you may feel.
Love is all too much
to deal
with.
I wish I loved you
so we could both be happy
but I don't love you
sadly
I'm so sorry
believe me

Your so deep into my heart
That I'm sinking.
I can't breathe.
But when you do all of this to me
I've never felt so alive.
Suffocate me some more please

Dear almost lover,
I think I know why we were never complete
Why for you,
I felt so deep
but it never could be true.
It never worked because
you didn't love you.
When two love they give their all.
But you were vacant
Perhaps that's the cause?
So this is my letter to you
I'll tell you why I loved you.
You. were. so. bad.
The good kind of bad.
You carried yourself in a fearless manner.
I'm not sure if it was an act.
I was scared
and you would just do it
you never cared.
Yet, you cared so much
I liked it.
But you didn't show it enough.
So it kept me wanting more
you kept me guessing
what all of you was for.
Where your sensitivity stemmed from
Why you kept your empathy shunned?
But then there were those moments
you would give me some sort of
atonement.
You would open up, you would be fumin
It felt so human.
I don't know how to explain it all.
But for some reason I thought you were beautiful.
Or should I say handsome
because those looks. Dayum.
But I'm really talking about your soul.
Your soul saw everything,
I would run away but I'd be stuck
on its melody.
Your soul felt me
and made me feel myself.
But I guess it never really saw everything.
You needed just a little help
because you never saw you.
So you couldn't love me blind
But if I'm deaf
and wrong
Maybe have a melody
for a different song.
If you really saw the wonders of you
while our love wasn't true
Then I hurt and I feel better.
Because I'd rather you know
your wonders
than you be unaware
of your lighting
and only see your thunder.
So, simply you could've
just never loved me.
But I loved you.
and I hope you loved you too.
Yours truly,
No sincerely,
No, thats not the closing.
From me?
No.
Love,
me.

You make my heart swell
Essentially it seems wonderful.
You make my heart expand.
My heart is full of love.
But think about it.
You make my heart swell.
The size disguise the pain.
When you hurt it
it swells.
So it's not all
that well.

It's been a while and they say time heals all
I thought you were fading away
but then I saw you
and my wound ripped open.
Perhaps I wasn't healed.
I just ignored the wound.
But then you came back and touched it.
Ouch, love hurts

I am in control
I know when to start
I know when to stop
I can change if I want
I can stay the same if I please
I am disciplined
I am confident
I am strong
I am solid
but love
love changes all of that
for love
I am weak

Walk away my dear
we are on different journey's
Don't you know that when you glance back
I get a piece of hope.
Don't you know that you shouldn't look back?
I guess I wouldn't know you looked back if I didn't look back either.
Guilty

The other day I was so high
it was amazing.
I could not stop laughing and felt at ease
but as I went to sleep all that was left
was me.
I was lonely.
I was so low

Sweetheart I saw you today.
Again you made my heart so sweet.
Sweetheart why'd you go away.
Sour flavors make me weep.

Although you didn't stay
and Im not sure if you were ever there
but thank you for provoking those feelings
Sure they hurt once you left them
but letting me know how wonderful it feels to feel.
I have to thank you.

Today I reminisced  about you
I miss you?
I miss the feeling?
I don't know.
I need a bandaid
I think my heart is bleeding a bit.

The snow is a beauty that pains me with it's cold
But it's beauty is so beautiful

It's so quiet
It's so quiet that I can hear everything that I feel
There's space for my thoughts
I feel light

That sheering pain in my toe was wonderful
Why?
Because for 1 2 3 4 5 seconds.
The pain in my heart was absent.
The pain in my toe makes it hard to walk.
The pain in my toe is ripping my skin.
The pain in my toe is drilling my bone.
But the pain in heart makes it hard to breath.
The pain in my heart rips my dignity
The pain in my heart drills my soul.
So for a second longer,
please let my toe hurt.

Sometimes I think about you all the time
But only sometimes.
If my mind knows it's all the time
it might hurt to much.

I ate so much cereal to mask my pain.
I ate because I was rebelling against myself.
Now I'm burping up my cereal.
It doesn't taste good anymore.
Karma

Eclectic thoughts sounds fancy.
If I make myself sound appeasing
then perhaps they cant see.
My eclectic thoughts **** me.

I just ate two bowls of cereal to make myself feel better.
Why do we pile on to the pain.
Why don't we dig the pain out
and then fill it with cereal?

What is poetry?
Can it be anything?
Do I have to try to sound clever
by playing with my words?
Or are my feelings deep enough
to shadow the attention
on my word play?
Are words even enough?
Frankly words just brush the surface
of my feelings.
Or perhaps I have no idea
on how to articulate myself.

Love me more in my ugliest times
because thats when I hate myself the most
and someone needs to love me
please

I think I'm fighting my biggest challenge yet.
Myself
I am my own enemy
I am my own hero
If I feel like I can't rule myself.
Then there is no win.

MISERY.
my
issues
stay
engulfed
This poem makes no sense

Lets drink some wine
relate in our sadness
feel close
and not so empty
because of the wine
and us.

I want to eat three donuts
and gain no weight.
I want to learn French
and speak Spanish fluently.
I want to play the guitar
and sing a Beatles songs.
I want to give more love
and have a boyfriend.
I want to receive more love
and have a boyfriend.
I want no language barriers
between myself and my family.
I want to not stress
about working out everyday.
I want to write too much
and have many to appreciate it.
Most of all
I want to stop wanting so much.

Your song was on replay and
Intentionally I pressed the pause button
But then you pressed play
How do I skip a song that's on repeat?
I don't want to love you anymore.

I thought I was just getting by.
No. I don't want to do that.
Perhaps if I rhyme,
I'll sound fine.
No. No. No
It's all wrong.
I'll save you from the cliche
that I wan't to magically inspire you with.
I'll stop myself from attempting to sound clever
with my rehearsed lines that I claim are ad-libs.
I'll tell you straight.
I. want. to. feel. passion.
The kind that weighs your chest down
from the moment your in unison
and separate into harmonies
as an emergent part
yet still together as a whole
like unison.
The kind that makes you feel pain
breaking your back
when one has hurt the back
of your friend
because you are one.
The kind that keeps you struggling
because the journey it kills
but the results save
so you continue to walk, run, drag yourself
till the end.
The kind that makes you focus
on one in a million and five.
The kind that makes you perceive
a new perspective of a million and six.
I. want. passion.
I want to feel together with something, someone, anything.
I want it to hurt deep.
The more blood that seeps
The more colors of passion
there will be.

I stand still in reflection
at how much has happened
how slow everything feels
how fast it all went
and how much can happen.
In short
the events in life
were fast.
In long
the current events
in life
feel slow.
I don't feel like I'm moving
which scares me.
But then I reflect
and see how I've come so far.
When I realize the speed through reflection
my mind wants to stand still
in awe.
But time waits for none.
With time I must move on.

If they drop me
and I fall
I'll hit the ground
running
and I'll soar

Untouched souls
are
whole because of the purity.
Untouched souls
are
holes because of the purity.

When love hurts
it hurts more than physical pain.
I can faint
only during physical pain.
But with love I am alive
I'm living insane.
I'd rather *****
break an ankle
or hurt my back.
There are cures
for all of that.
They are rational aches
But the hurt from love is irrational
The hurt from love I hate.

We have so much
apart of us.
To give a little
can mean a lot.
To strip ourselves
we hope through vulnerability
we are felt.
As I put my trust in you
as I give you my words,
as I tell you all I can,
please don't use it against me
don't make it a sword.
I'm blindly sharing apart of me.
Don't drop me please.
I don't intend on falling on my knees.
But essentially that's what I'm doing.
I'm falling
just hopefully in to you.
Catch me?

First words that come to mind
Mass militia
fake
drown
sound
can
almost
why
but
when
you
crazy
feel
c­ringe
hold
touch
satisfied
not enough
My emotions are irrational and crumbled when you leave me unsure
please be kind and fully open your door
A crack isn't large enough to fit through
I could push it but I want you too.
Stop and let me know please.
I'm pathetic
I'm a human being.

I've told so many people about you
Do you tell people about me?
I've told you things I never release.
Do you usually say those things?
I get comfortable and nervous at the same time
Do you get mixed feelings?
I'm so jealous when you hug other girls
Do you want to hug me?
I think of you when I wake
Do you think of me when you sleep?

We are opposites
And I like you
For every reason
That I'm not

I ran to the sun rise
And wondered why
It looks beautiful everytime.
It climbs the same
With a fuse of red yellow
And an orange flame.
In that moment I prayed
Let me feel the beauty
I want to be astonished
continually.
I want my love to rise with the sun.
I want this feeling to never
Be done.

I can imagine it.
We'll rise before the sun.
Therefore we lie in the dark.
Though with no light
There is no heat.
Yet you with me
will bring me enough warmth

Sleep is one of the best times
You are in a wonderland
Lack control
Yet you are free.
Really it's all blissful lies
But for some reason I woke up earlier
I couldn't sleep anymore
Because you are a blissful truth.
I don't have to dream with
You.

I'm afraid of how comfortable we were.
Or I was?
I hope you were comfortable.
because I was.
I'm usually not comfortable around guys that make me shake.
But I'm shaking from excitement.
Excited that maybe
you are
as vulnerable
driven
humble
dumb
intellectual
loving
honest
and
genuine
as you seem.
I'm excited
that maybe
you could be excited
about me.

Dear Bosco
When I look at you, I see a true hu[man].
People always strive to be a real man.
Unfortunately the common definition of a man is skewed.
In turn those that have that definition are skewed too.
But what makes you a true man,
is that you are human.
You care for your family
so you are strong for us.
But you're honest with me,
and expose yourself emotionally.
You work so hard
I can only imagine the pain.
But in the work I see the gain.
Yet and still you stay humble.
This is what makes you so lovable.
You display a self control
I'm not sure I can get a hold.
You are not the definition of superior exterior.
You are not the definition of a lack in love
because you must be tough.
You are the definition of a human.
This makes you a man.
I know what type of man
who will hold my hand
because of you.

Dear Mom,
I don't understand you.
You haven't been loved in years.
I write about love all the time.
It's lack is possibly one of my fears.
I think it's that you have found love in me.
Enough love to fill the void of the other
type of love.
You smile continuously
even when the pain of the world piles rigorously.
Although, I may not agree with everything.
But that does not matter.
Because you give me everything.
You give me love.

Today we were supposed to hang.
To be honest, I didn't want to do
what you wanted to go through.
But I said yes.
I figured it wouldn't matter what we did.
Just to be with you would be the best.
As I waited for you
You never moved.
As I thought about why I didn't want to hang.
You actually never came.
To be honest,
that hurt.

I'm pretty. I know I'm not ugly.
I decided that.
Beauty is a choice.
I take care of myself.
I love people.
So I am kind.
I smile for years.
I have empathy in my tears.
I laugh till it's pain.
I hurt and feel good.
I'm honest with them.
I'm honest with myself.
Yet, I still have no clue
how it has felt.
I have loved men.
Or at least I think I have.
I haven't been loved back.
This leaves me to wonder...
is it that...
I'm unlovable?

How can I really articulate myself to you?
I shake and consistently smile.
My cheeks are in pain.
My breath stops.
The brain receives no oxygen.
I can't think.
My heart won't beat.
I guess, in a way I am perfectly articulating myself to you.
You make me loose control.

I don't enjoy liking you.
You take up to much space in my head.
I'm unsure if I consume your heart.
That unknown is scary.
But I'm happy with you.
Can we be true?

If you teach me and I learn, then that will be the best gift you can ever give me.

Dear friend,
You are not supported by many
but I support you.
Yes, it is difficult to stand on a chair with three legs.
But don't look for a fourth one by breaking your own.
Modification for acceptance is suicide.
Don't **** your identity.
Soon they'll have a rebirth
and find themselves.
And then your chair will be more stable.
Because you stayed yourself, they will praise you.

I wonder
why it is taking so long.
Is it me?
No.
Remember you.
You are yourself.
That alone is wealth.
Don't worry,
the shine is just brightening up.
Enough may seem like it's enough.
But there is more that you can't even imagine.
Wait.
Patience will be your friend for now.

Don't worry my friend,
bad feelings will pass.
Be thankful for them,
I keenly ask.
Without these sorrows,
there's no appreciation.
You'll feel it more tomorrow,
the happiness acclimation.

My feet are cracked.
My feet are cold.
The only thing leading me
is my heart.
Oh, how warm