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unknown Feb 7
There was a night
Sitting in my room
Engulfed with pain
That old bedroom
With memories plastered on the walls
You sat next to me
Seeing the pain she had just put me through
You said to me
“It wasn’t your fault”
And i cried
Tears i’ve never cried before
Sadness
Anger
Relief someone saw it too
You held me
Ever so tight
Said you wouldnt let go
“It wasn’t your fault
It wasn’t your fault
It wasn’t your fault”
Made me scream it aloud
Until I knew it was true
You kept holding me while i cried
Thinking I’d always have you

You said it was all my fault
It’s not my fault you raised me this way
Your life
The ****** ways you grew
My life
Having to start anew
You blame me for the things I’ve learned from you
“Do what I say not as I do”
A ****** thing from the both of you
Tiptoeing around a line that was askew
Her teaching me things that will never be true
Lies from the mouths of people I knew
Reject
Neglect
Needs that would never be met
A million thoughts in my head
But only two that say what I wished I had said
*******
unknown Jun 2023
There was a time I wanted to rip you to shreds.
There was a time I would’ve begged you to stay.
There was a time I would’ve done anything for you.
You said when you were younger, you were a bad person.
You said you worked on it.
But I don’t think anything has changed.
I used to think you were so strong.
But all I can see is how weak you are.
How you let one person get in the way of your family.
You kicked a narcissist out to protect me only to let another one in.
Only to let the same **** thing happen.

There was a time when there’s nothing else to say.
You didn’t believe me then
You won’t believe me now.
There’s nothing else to fight for.

There was a time I felt empty.
That night after the text.
Filling my body with the same liquid that ruined my family.
Nothing seemed to help.
That void still existed.
I still was alone.

There was a time I wanted you dead.
And it lasted for months.
I felt embarrassed and ashamed that you left me.
Seeing a picture of you just ignited a fire within

There was a time I wanted to be dead.
What’s the point when you have no one?
What’s the point when all you’ve worked for was gone?
What’s the point if they didn’t want me.

There was a time I felt pity.
That you let it happen.
You say it was my fault but it was your doing.
You wanted this.
Your own blood gone.

There was a time when I let go.
When I stopped checking for phone calls or texts.
When I stopped hoping you would show up.
When I stopped thinking about what you had for dinner.
What shows you binged.

There is a time I felt peace.
I’m happy where I am.
The grief i felt after losing everything
unknown Jan 2023
that fear
my worst fear has happened
i’m all alone
no family
no friends
just alone
i’m 19 now
1,500 miles away
i live alone
i sleep alone

family.
“family will love you no matter what”
“family will never leave”
“you’ll always have us”
“we know what’s best”
family is the reason i’m alone
family is the reason i’m this way

i still flinch at the sound of a door slamming
i still cry when someone raises their voice
i still hide in my room even though i live alone
i still creep around the house at night when i need something
i can’t seem to eat without feeling guilty
my ears still perk up at the slightest sounds
you have left me with these scars
you’ve left me in pain
while you live your own **** life
the girl you raised is struggling
holding on to everything she has left
gripping to everything she loves
in the fear they’ll leave me too

how can life go on?
how can i still feel?
block it.
block it.
block it.
hide away.
numb
be numb
please be numb

852 days
longest 852 days
no pain
no silver laced with red
scars that tell a story
scars that fade by the day
need.
          need.
                     need.
been a minute
unknown Jun 2020
My worst fear is to be alone.
No friends.
No family.
Just me.
I don't want to wake up someday and realize I have no one.
That I pushed people away
Or made them hate me for some reason.
Is it bad that it scares me to the point that I can't be myself,
No matter what?
Is that bad?
Its ******* terrifying to me.
Its hard being alone.
Its dreadful.
I mean I try to talk to someone all the time.
I don't know if I do it to distract myself from my thoughts.
Or just the fact that I like people.
Am I the only one like this?
Probably not.
But still.
It terrifies me.
Just the thought of being completely alone make me upset.
Like I want to start bawling.
I already feel alone.
But I have people around me.
People I can text.
Friends I can call.
Family I can talk to.
But I have never been completely alone.
It can happen.
I'm young.
Anything.
I have years to make sure this doesn't happen to me.
Well, who knows if I have years.
I could die tomorrow.
Or even tonight.
But the thought of being completely alone keeps me up at night.
It makes me strive to make new friends.
To meet new people.
To constantly be on call with someone.
To even occupy my brain with something else.
Like playing video games.
Watching YouTube or Netflix.
Am I the only one that is terrified of this?
-Bex-
  Jun 2020 unknown
Jack P
Have you ever liked someone so much you regret meeting them?
unknown Jun 2020
Look
At
You
You've made it this far.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm proud of the person you're becoming.
You can do this.
You can make it through whatever you're going through.
I love you <3
-Bex-
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