I'd rather you tell me no,
not right now,
not tonight,
then yes,
as in pity,
as in obligation,
as in "I don't want to, but I'll make an effort just to please you".
I am not as fragile
as you think,
I don't want to be an effort,
I want to be a conscious
choice.

I had a dream, that you crashed and
burned
I ran to you,
my body shaking,
𝑓𝑒𝑎𝑟.
It was not a dream.
How can I fit the whole of you in my arms again
Your body so alive and breathing, real in a way I
don't know what to do with
I am not strong enough to stop your fire
I wish I could, for a while
step back,
no fear.
Breathe you in and
hold you close
and say "You are loved because these hands touch you,
these arms hold you,
this skin knows you
and this heart longs for you."
They are all mine, and yours too,
the crash, the burns, all fire.
I'll make it stop if you allow me to.

could you please be nice to me?
do i have to beg for your kindness,
i take up space actually, just like everyone else,
should i speak louder maybe,
yell it in every room i enter
"a person is entering! that person is me"
look into my eyes, look, closer look,
that person is me!

fall, get back up, fall again,
get backer up,
made of stone at this point
this tough little guy, the pretty fellow
God who the **** allowed you to
let him trip like this,
the dumb little thing,
the stupid dust speck,
watch him stumble again and again,
won't he just get tired of
the ground kissing both his cheeks,
won't you leave him breathe

if i needed to hold you close for hours and not let go until our lungs stopped breathing,
if i wanted to wrap everything in pretty paper just so i could gift it all to you,
if i dreamt of you every night, soft and pliant or wild and running around inside my head,
if i told everyone around us about how kind you are, how lucky i am to cherish you, how great we feel together,

if i loved you so much that
i stopped trying to hide it within me,
would that be too much ?

body so frail, yet holding so much
a little place for everyone in every corner,
body so tough, keeping you all safe inside,
holding me up, making me breathe easier,
body so loved, sure not by me but still,
letting me live.
i say thank you to its creator,
and its living creatures.

Mine and everyone else's, it seems ;
I should send you poetry, singing your louanges,
your graces, your beauty. Words of god,
Gratefulness unyielding, pouring from every ounce of
my exhausting body.
Let me stop speaking, then ;
So your voice can fill the blank,
teaching us the ways in which we all lack,
humbling us, making you rise.

Have you heard the story, of the man inside the earth ?
Mouths say he stays holding it all, this miracle,
Thanks to all his hainous disdain for anything else
𝑏𝑢𝑡 ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑐𝑜𝑟𝑒.

Bow down to his feet, kiss them a little bit.
He, who surely must truly be
The Man above us all.

to me,
you shine so bright ! beautiful
i'm glad you let me in, to see your messed up parts,
glad to know you trust me this much,
i won't ever miss you like a hole in my chest because
that's where you live and i can't miss a part of me, right ?
thank you for your light and
know that i won't ever stop loving the sun
even if the sun feels cold,
even if his light goes out.
he will find it again,
and i'll be right there with you.