One moment I’m happy, next moment I’m sad.
One moment I do something good, next moment I do something bad.
One moment I wanna laugh, next moment I wanna cry.
One moment I taste victory! Next moment I face defeat.
I write this poem being true with what’s real; however I try to make it relatable & sweet.
In this moment I am confident, but five minutes from now I’ll be back to my true self.. shy.
Today I’m feeling skinny, tomorrow I look fat.
Im ready to do something productive; next thing you know I’m in bed on snapchat.

In my last moment, I dream of being already rich with friends, heading to the islands.
Or giving back to my family & the community watching everyone happily smiling.
But reality brings me back into this world, thinking it was surreal or so it seemed.
Now I’m in my apartment waking up like, “**** it was just a dream.”

Back in 2007:
I understood everything that day.
You gave up your custody rights for me to live a better life outside of Chicago.
Greatest, yet,  most heartbreaking moment of our lives that you ever did for me.
It got me away from the gang life
And I thank you for it every day through prayer.
Because without that sacrifice,
I wouldn’t have became the man I am now....
I was 12 when this all started.

2008-2019:
From a far distance
You watched me grow up under another roof.
My shyness faded
While my character began to blossom.
I learned to express new emotions
Expand my vocabulary
Use my kindness to create relationships
Battle my sins, demons, as well as my own identity
Expanding my mind & soul.
Nevertheless, your baby boy survived.

But the truth is, I never see you anymore.
There hasn’t been a handful of times you came down to see me vs me see you
I felt a lost connection between us.
Those random days/ nights I needed you physically, not through the phone.
Is it because you couldn’t raise me like you wanted?
Maybe it's because I look like my father?
Or maybe it’s because you prefer to start living your own life now that i'm grown.
Which you deserve 100%
I wanna see you happy always.
However, my only wish is too see you more often.
That’s all....

Can't stop
Won't stop
Feeling things
Buried in emotions
Like wet sand
At that beach
I never asked to be here

Drawn back
Into stagnant memories
A beat that drives me
To the brink of the edge
The chasm of insanity
Flashing lights
Behind my eyes
Lips silently moving
Tumbling over words
I haven't tasted
Since I was six years old

I love when we walk to the park to get fresh air.
The sight of seeing multiple colors in the sky, during this sunset, makes your skin bright up.
We lay in the grass under a tree on your favorite blanket
Watching the sun sleep as the mood awaken.
As we enjoy each other’s company
You ask one simple question:
“what do you see in me?”
In that moment, if you stared into her eyes like I did, you can see through the window to her soul.
A Queen with benefits.
Her mind has creativity as she layout a blueprint of beauty.
A Mother who can carry all 4 of my children.
(Xavier jr., my first, maya is second, xiomara is next, & Dwayne my last)
Search deeper & the heart is made of gold
Protected under the laws of God himself.
Smiles of grace
Confidence through bravery
Never afraid of the inevitable.
Yet, she’s all I ever wanted.
Give me all of you in exchange for me because I want you around.

So what did I see in her?
Well.... I told her,
“My life”