Once upon a time
a father with his belt –
(with black shiny paint
and a steel which is melt)

And a son, a pen in his hand
A book by his side
A lamp blowing light
Tears in his eyes
The fear in his veins
With his wimped tiny mole

(A cry in his neck and
a gulp in his bones)

Whimp whimp strikes the ground
Wipes the tears,picks up his pen
Shakes up his head,
Gives him a cloth,
to blow up his nose

(A smile on the boy's face
The fallen tear on the page's lace
It dried his shake on hand and
moved him a pace)

Whimp, whimp, whimp – strikes again
(A posed fear on son's face)
Whimp, and he strikes again
(The clueless child, shakes with his pain )

The blats on the floor
and its black remains
The years of slaps
which slashed up cement

(He comes back..
drops his belt   )

A relief in boy's breath

The steel fallen,
relief is felt

The father with his red hands
(Blood flows out at a spot's end )
Smiles at the son

Dark is his eyes like year's repent

(A strung in his mind
He shakes only once,
As he picks up his belt)

He sits on his couch and
acts as he had a father –
with a belt-
(with its black shiny paint and
a steel which is melt.)

To come in like a champ
means to come out like a champ
To come in like a whimp
means to come out like a champ
No matter what
come out looking like a champ
and no one will know the difference

.
       Taking one last drag off My cig I flick it to the ground and watche the little sparks of flames that shoot off it as it hits the ground. It is 11:00 on a wednesday night and I was parked in a bad part of town in a small conneticcit town. leaning against My beat up old 2003 black ford focus the window in the back seat rolls down.

     "Hawk how long are these guys going to take? Are you sure they're even coming?" Twittle says around a huge *** yawn. I pin him with one of my glares that said Shut the **** up. He pins me with one of his own glares I DARE you written all over it. My heart thuds just a little faster in my chest. All I wanted to do right now was take him home and accept that I dare you challenge. His cocky *** grin showed that he kenw what he was doing to me. I narrow my eyes at him.

      "Watch it boy" I growl and turn my attention back to the deserted parking lot, trying to calm my nerves. What was taking them so long? I figured for cociane addicts the thugs would have been here right on time to get their next fix. My nose burning at the memories of all the times I had felt the rush of a fix. Then up ahead in the glow of a random streetlamp I see three shadowy figures heading our way.

      "Twittle get out of the car they're here" I said and pushed off the car, not waiting for his response,I head in the guys direction. I hear the car door open and slam shut, and within seconds I feel twittles presence right behind me. The three junkies stop a few feet away from us.

       "You.. you got the stuff man?" The man who seemed like the leader said to me. His voice shook and was too high pitched. The guy was already high out of his skull. Just my luck, The high ones were always the worst to deal with, just about the deprived ones. At least that type was easier to manipulate. The ones that were high were too paranoid to pull a fast one over thier heads. I sighed, guess I wasnt going to be getting more then the coke was worth. ****, and I was hoping for a few extra hundreds so I could take twittle out for the night.

         "Yeah yeah I got it right here" I said in my casual, I'm chill there is nothing wrong here voice, a voice one must perfect if they are going to do the type of buisness I do. I pull out the baggie filled with the white powder that they were craving. In the dim lighting I could just make out the wide eyed staring of the guys, the look of raw need and lust. I sympathized with them, I knew that feeling all to well. "Now give me the money and you will get what you came here for" I said still casual, but an underlying threat present. The leader takes a step forward and eyes the drug suspisiciouly.

        "Is it all there? You aint trying to trick us or anything right?" He says paranoia seeping into his words as the drugs already in his system take control of his brain. A sharp anger flares up in me, How Dare he accuse me of cutting corners! I may try to swindle a few extra dollars out of people but I never give them less then what they asked! I quickly squash down the anger, it would do nothing but start a fight.

       "Yes its all here all (wont put real amount) of it. now give me the money" I says trying to surpress my annoyance. I feel Twittle step closer to me and feel his hand on my lower back. showing his silent support. **** these junkies, they needed to give me my ******* money now Before Twittle made me lose my mind. I held out my hand showing the leader I meant buisness and held the drugs out of his reach.  Money then drugs

         "Norm use to give us the goods Then let us give him the money, How about we do it that way." One of the other guys says, the other lackey snickering. I turn my glare to them and they quickly shut up.

         "Well I'm not Norm, I'm better." I say flashing them a deadly grin. The one who made the comment strides up and looks at the goods from a safe distance. Suddenly he whips around to the leader.

        "Man the ******* is trying to play us! Thats not Coke thats ******* FLour!" He screams in a full blown drug fit. My anger flares up again. I may be a crook and a drug dealer but I NEVER Played my customers that way. I always gave them what they wanted, Nothing less nothing more. The leader swore and reaching behind him he draws a gun out. Pointing it straight at me. Outwards I show that this was nothing new to me that it didnt affect me, which was true, I've had guns pulled on me more times then I would like to remember. I felt Twittle tense up behind me and with my free hand I reach around and grabs his, squeezing it to show him everything will be ok.

       "Look guys this is the real ****, Now you can either take it and give me the money or you can just walk away and find a new dealer." I said straining to keep the situation calm. I knew how to disarm the guy if I needed to but with Twittle there I really didnt want to. The leader hesitates for a few seconds but then points the guns at me again.

         "How about you give me the drugs and forget you ever met me." He says his voice laced with drug hysteria. I sigh and shake my head.

       " I would love to boys. But not without my money. Listen this is how its going to happen You're going to pu-" A loud ring fills the air cutting me off mid sentence. A few seconds later a White hot fire burns through my shoulder as the bullet slices through me making me stagger back from the impact. The ******* ****** Shot Me! I've been shot at numerous times, and stabed more times then I could remember, Hell I've walked around for a full day with a small blade stuck in my fourarm and didnt even notice until the pain finally got to me. But never Once had I been actually SHOT!. The pain was blinding and I could feel hot liquid ooze down my arm and knew my shoulder was losing blood.

       "You ******* ******* come here!" I hear Twittle yell and I lift my head just high enough to see him tear after the trio.

       "Twittle... No" I managed to say through the pain, but he didnt hear me. I turned toward the car, I had a gun my self in the glove box If I could get to it and get to the junkies in time maybe I could protect Twittle. I took a few steps and staggered, almost falling forward. My vision was clouding around the edges. Oh for **** sakes Was I really going to pass out? really? I thought angery with my body for being such a whimp. I couldnt pass out now! I had to help Twittle, He could get in serious trouble. I reached the car and fumbled with the car door trying to open it. I lost my balance slightly and slammed my bad shoulder into the window. The white pain intenifying. Biting back a moan I slid down the cars length landing on the ground. I looked at my shoulder and in the dark I could just barely see the dark liquid that covered my entire arm. I looked at my hand and saw the sticky red blood dripping off of it and pooling on the asphalt next to me. I was loosing way to much blood. I tried to stand up but my strength decided just then to desert me. My hearing was going screwy and the black cloud at the edges of my vision was creeping in faster.

   Was I dying? I knew I was. I gave a bitter laugh. Out of all the ways I could die I was going to die at the hands of a coke Addict. Heh I knew coke would somehow be the death of me. NIcole and Kaitlyn were right. To bad I wouldnt be around to tell them. And Twittle, I failed him, I couldnt protect him, If he died tonight with me it was all my fault. He wouldnt know How much I truely loved him. I'm sorry Twittle I think as I wait the agonizing minutes before unconsiousness takes me. Right before I slid under I hear what sounds like someone screaming my name. I struggle to open my eyes, but they are so heavy. WHy are they so ******* heavy? why cant they just open up so I can see who is calling to me! I feel someone grab my face and move it so they can see it.

       "Hawk open your eyes, please baby open them." I hear twittle say, only he sounds like he is miles away from me. I pick up the fear and desperation in his voice. EYES OPEN! SAY SOMETHING! DO ANYTHING! I scream at myself, trying to get my body to move, But the pain takes hold of everything and my body rebels against me and wont do what I want it to do. All I can manage is a small moan of Pain.

         "I'm going to call 911 now ok? Please hang in there Hawk PLease for me" I hear him say. I try to tel him yes I try to reach out to him to hold his hand, but the pain is to much, instead I slip away. unable to hold back the unconsiousness any longer.

Hi this is hurt
From the province of brokenness
In the city of tears
At the street of unfulfilled promises.

I just woke up from the funeral
Of an abused hollow muscular
Pain that even callous can't clad
Wrecked emotionally and mentally of a lad

This will be my home
I would like to be here
Since no one can hear
The whimp that can tear

I feel loved and cared
All day is being shared
I'll be here for a long time
I'll be here for a long time.

Where someone cared for me
Where someone loves to feel me
Where I am being remembered
Where I can be me. -J.R.G.F

It's hard to believe I will ever feel happy
Like I was when I was a young boy
Playing tag with my next door neighbor
Or feeling the excitement on Christmas day
It's hard to believe I will ever feel content
Like listening to old records on my stereo
Or writing poetry at the age of nine
Everything back then seemed so innocent
Everything back then seemed so fine

But it wasn't...

It was just trying to hold on to life
And make the best out of it without going crazy
So much dysfuncftionality ( even if that is a word )

Dad going insane
Older brother malesting me
Younger brother a whimp
So much chaos
We all just wanted to quit

Nothing going right
Mom getting hit
We all pretended everything was okay
Come Christmas time when presents were being open
Then you had Easter, waking up to go to church
Sitting at the pew and praising a God we hardly knew
I thought many times to run away
Forget everyone and try something different
It would be better  than all of this
I even tried it once but got scared and ran back home

How the hell did we all survive?
I wish there was a manual to do life
I would of done things differently
Said things differently
It wasn't at all fine
Now we all have scars
And have turned out different this time

Mom is dead
Dad is dead
Older brother a minister
Which I think is ironic
Younger brother a talker
And me trying to find my own way

Hush and listen closely for my eyes may just decieve. I devour every movement, and then my mind play a fool out of me. My nightmare fuel supplying my thoughts, well who thought up that one, because it can't be my fault. I tell myself a lie, but I know it's a lie, so I can only try. And try I fail, because I'm but a thought spark, climbing into a storm, drained away with other thoughts to a colorful farm. But the colors clash hard as lightning to skin. And who knew thoughts could feel fear. But I feel it from deep within. If I slip away I see darkness, if I stay in the light I feel wrong. Like is this true, or lies I hear, somehow it seems darkness is where I belong. And it hurts those dang thoughts, when they run about. One tries to get away and spills right out, so I get belt, but my father don't know. I can't help it, they don't listen, just flow. I recollect myself with water, down beneath I feel it strong. They do not believe in anger, somehow human responses are wrong. If someone did something that hurt you bad, you'd be a whimp if you sat all sad, that's not me, I didn't do that, I punched her guts up when she called me rat. I could quite hear the ding, her guts or mine. And my confidence flew, but crashed in an ocean. Because anger is wrong, my eyes do deceive, you say I say to stop rolling them, but it can't possibly be me. I'm just doing what I can, to make it through the day. And my thoughts may be but sparks, of tied down energy.

I miss you
All I could do was dream about you
A manifestation of your existence in my subconscious
Makes my heart whimp so glorious
It's like you are here with  me
It feels like you are always so close to me
And even when in reality you are so faraway,
You always linger in my mind all day

... a whimpering simp?
NO.
A simpering whimp then?
Nnno! Close though.
A stable...
     Absolutely not.
                                          ... genius
It'll come,
and when it does
it'll be like a blue bolt
from above;
the dark will give way,
the house on the hill will light up
like a prison escape.