I wish I could have stayed in bed all day today,
Writing poems about entertwining fingers and tangled legs;
About lips that never moisten themselves; About tickles that, abruptly, turn into
caresses and lingering touches.
I would have written about cuddles and tight ******* embraces that didnt require that "thing" they like to do most;
About kisses that make you yearn for nothing less than a lifetime supply of Them.
I, simply, wish I'd have just stayed in my room
In my bed and
Penned all morning about the complex simplicities of coexisting with Desire.
I'd have written about how Competition was welcomed with unfurled arms, kissed and un-coated at the door.
I'd have written about how it was welcomed as a third party to the bed;
how we would vye for its approval and battle for 1st place as Best Giver of Love.

..But, instead, I'll just write a poem about the poem id have written had I just stayed in bed today.

But why, apt this centred Sidhe decide
In her own Verbs your Best Herbiage enchant
And mix the addled *** O' Mandrake hide
Then by Best Pour that Mantra she'll incant:
"Impart this Softling! Nee' Life concentrate!
Rose-Round vye Princey-Noose to Shape betroth!
Reform Adonis! To Makeroose State!
Swell this Fruit from the Garden of Naboth!"
By Fruit she meant Grape. Which tempted the Fig
To feign its **** for your barrows be sweet
Which, even a wee, expand your Heart big
Praising one day your Late Romance repeat.
Even she of her Onerous Chants aware
Hugged dear Naboth his Murdered Earth laid bare.

A ripped out slice of a soul
Casting shadows on the doubt of someone's love
A mind still keenly clings to the dream that was real
But became the nightmare  of an impenetrable loss.

Come 5am.
Memories bump and weave and vye for attention with the tears that never stop
With the ache that ebbs and flows like a tide that only goes out.
A self hate that questions rationale
And drinks its  venom from an unending cup.
This is what's left when love turns its back on love.
Then lies then hugs then lies again.
Open pits await the voyager who let's his weather eye wander and drift from the true prize that holds the anchor down
And gives a lonely man the solace of redemption.

You are lost to the waking world, a
denizen of the darkness.  I pry my
fingers from off the steel lock.  You
risk the deeping years, the early

yellow springing world laid for you
from my body.  I talked to you in the
corridor of my youth. You only tried
me for.a moment. You took the
pages of my determination and
threw them over the brick lined
walls of your selfness.

You made me witness your dance.
The song you sang, your lyrics
beneath my pillow, the
voice of ancestors not heard until
your music escaped the fences.

My mother did not live to dance
with you.  The songcoated signal
escaped between  your
incomprehensible affinity.

The dance of genetics in full
display.  I am still the Baffled.
The one footed dance  of
the broken, the chondral song
played every evening.

Go behind the schoolyard where
you and the lions of your
collective urges vye to be
the fitest ****** on the block.

My life is short now with my own
kicked addictions. I drowned in
the lake of desire. I have swum
the frigid surf and walked away.

You are not unique. Many sear
the letter of desire across their
bare forhead and cannot traverse
the concourse of the day.  

I will not declare myself aroung
your wheel. I walk through Grace.
If you choose me kneel for the
Benediction of God.

Caroline Shank
5.28.22

Looking in the mirror
I see my reflection
“Lonely as I am, together we cry”
As I turn around
I saw you walk to that battlefield
That so many days were wasted upon
It’s hard to look at the needle that caused pain
To the sieve  that triggered the end of so many lives
“Lonely as I am, together we cry”
The world is cold
Almost like a cryogenic fridge
We freeze with the good
And let in the rage of the masses
As it keeps growing
On our shoulders we vye with the solution to
Unify don’t deny
That if you try
To conquer that trail of tears
You cried
The choir will sing that last cacophonous note
And we sing the final notes
“Lonely as I am, together we cry”

I can’t forgive myself
For your mistakes
I still reflect on them as mine
I’m not fine
My freshman year of highschool was a hell
It’s a story I’d rather not tell
But then again I owe it to you- for what I didn’t say I  and what I didn’t do
I always came back to the memories of you
A homeschooled girl with Blonde hair
Going with her ambitions without a care for anyone else
As the silent clock struck quarter till 1
The devil addressed our reality with his ******* son
And a sinister smirk
That night came to lurk
And left me in murk
10 lines of powder- I was fine
Nothing with with my mind
6 for you and you were gone
But you kept on going- on and on
After the ninth hit I said “Stop”
But you were insisting that you wouldn’t drop
Line 10 you weren’t fine
At 12:46 am on the 11th line you died
Into my arms you fell
And for the longest time I never would tell
Anyone of what happened on that night
Six years later
And I say
That my Dad's death wasn’t in vain
But it was yours that was harder
That cold lifeless head
Those vacant eyes blankly staring at me
Though we didn’t know for certain at the time
I had felt death and had seen it before
I knew you were dead
In the present future I stay awake
Trying to stay sober
As I reflect on my college experience
And the drug intake
This girl- Rosie she was you through and through (other than her hair color)
I Thought that was a sign
But she was taken
And even if she wasn’t
I would not make her mine
But at the same time you were on my mind
So I did drugs to ease the pain
And severely messed up my brain
Lorelei
Use your voice
And sing for the angels
And hopefully you were buried with your tennis racket
I missed your funeral
Our last memory is so surreal
Your hazel eyes met my eyes one last time and we never truly said goodbye
This book
The strife it took to make all of these poems
Doesn’t compare to the magnitude  of your death paired with my fathers
This book is dedicated to you
And all mothers and daughters
And for anyone who’s ever lost someone
Life can end as fast as a bullet flies from a shotgun

R.I.P.
Rest easy
You deserve it
Can’t I believe i could’ve done more
When I begin to reflect and realize  that I should have stayed by your side
Passion and pride burning inside
I can’t cancel out my pain
Or justify
My heart’s apartheid
For years I’ve hidden behind a false smile
Nobody understands the extent of my denial
Everything that I've been I've been through
Has made me stronger
Every now and again for you I want to cry
But for you in my life of ups and downs
I try to vye as I'm hanging out to dry
If She hates me for what we know what is a lie
Then letting go is even harder- I'm confused about this
After you died the only way I knew how to keep people in my life was choke them with love and attach myself to everything to aid the scars because I couldn't lose anyone else in death or untimely separation
If my Dad’s death was a star
Then you're  the broken glass on the flashlight the shattered headlight on a car
This poem is dedicated to you
My first true love
And forever friend
I'm now atoning for the one and only sin
The one I didn't ever rightfully commit
That compressed my world
Into a blunder and a blender of confusion and surreal reality
I don't remember much of 2011 after that
And if no one sees it to be true
At least I know that I was the first one to love you and vice-versa