Hello Chicago
Flat carpet-town of corn meal
steel spears at the northern junction
of Cahokia and some unknown dream

No lillies grow here sir,
no tulip fields
though there are many Dutch
a little up north
Wisconsin, dontcha' know?

Family blood rains through the Chicago river
named of the blood of a slain tribal wonder
wanders
with the roaming buffalo

I sat at the top of Sears
(Willis)
Tower and peered into the foggy distance
and made out the shores of Michigan
through Indiana
the leftover rains of a continental freeze
churned the earth to butter and carved the arteries
and bowels
of today's earthly body

And when we drove in from O'Hare
in the late hours on incessant stoplight highways
counting down the streets
thinking maybe they'll go all the way to
Mississippi
just a long row of
Concrete

I saw the brick tower
of a decrepit Frito-lay plant
where they cooked their corn and potato
into succulent
can't eat just one
little snacks

for the whole of america
to enjoy in backyard barbecues
and convenience stores
and grocery outlets
All across the planet

Now with the trucks they come and go
up to and whizzing past Chicago
on to greener states with greater relief
with hills and lakes and winding streams

Different sections of the sculpture
Cities eroding into the pleasant coasts
quaking and breaking into tiny stones
a monumental David
cracked in the gallery
bird **** corroding the silicates
unpolished and immortal
words

Chicago!
oh you mighty city you
built from sod and sweat and dew
of new morning
I see your towers
you dreamer, you
But your towers are in Dubai,
and Shanghai
now

The world moved on
and forgot everything about
that magnificent mile
burned to make you earn
new toys and fancy things
from far beyond your winding river streams

But you didn't die
amazing, how much they tried
to rust you out
to bleed you dry

no,
Chicago,
you keep your ***** rivers flowing
all the way to the Mississippi
flanked by modern Roman concrete
all the way to the great green sea
out into the puddle that surronds
the Amerigo

Chicago
don't you give up that river dream

We can stand in front of a mirror and stare at our own faces, examining our teeth, our smile, our tears, and the endless reflection of our own souls gazing back at us from behind our eyes and question and ponder and weigh ourselves down with questions of self worth and over burden ourselves with self loathing and stare even deeper as we realize how small our bodies are compared to a tree or our houses or the buildings we work in and then we can  compare how small all those things are compared to the size of the earth and continue down this road as we look towards how massive our sun is to the earth but how even the sun is just a spec of dust in the vast cosmos and then wonder why are we here and what is it all worth and what does it all mean and for a moment maybe we're overwhelmed and nothing makes sense and it all seems meaningless.  I've been there, standing in front of that mirror, with tears running down my face and my self worth lying and rolling in the gutter with all my self loathing and I've stood there scared and depressed and everything else that is miserable.  And I've walked away from that mirror, either out of anger or fear or when I was all out of self pity sometimes I walked away out of hope.
Life at its very worst always has the potential to get even more horribly so, there is no  bottom when things are going from bad to worse... But it always has the potential to get better too.  We may seem small and insignificant when we compare our bodies to the vast cosmos that surronds us, but the love that lives within us is its own endless universe, quite possibly even bigger than all the space that surronds us.
Its not as easy to find and sometimes maybe we feel like this internal universe has kicked us out or won't let us in or for the truly unfortunate maybe they just haven't found the door, maybe they haven't gone mad yet and maybe they never will... but that's another heart breaking story for someone else to tell.
If you're one of the fortunate ones you've already found the door and walked through it,  if you were really lucky you fell through it or came crashing through it.   You know its a beautiful place, you know its a dangerous place, you know its easier getting here than staying here.  The life line of our bodies is finite and we never know how long or short it will be.  Love however has the power and possiblity and vulnerablity to be infinite.   We don't always (or perhaps ever) get to choose how or when or why we come tumbling through that doorway.  Sometimes we're idiots and we find ourselfs here and we either hide hoping to go unseen or even worse we try to get out,  we walk back out the door willingly.  And sometimes we get lost and the door can't be found and were stuck here...
Just like standing in front of the mirror, I've been through this door a few times, sometimes scared, sometimes hopeful, and when I've been really lucky I've been stuck.
I'm lost here now and I want to stay and I think at least some small piece of my heart must have been left behind and buried under some floor boards years and years ago because somehow its all familiar and my heart feels like its found its home

we don't realize the bird's beautiful song is sung for us
telling of a story that is so brutally truthful
that it almost resembles glory
their gratious tune fills the world where there is silence
giving mother earth a song to dance to
as it constantly stays in it's orbit so effortlessly
the sun shines down & all i want to do is absorb all the beauty that surronds me
but my mind continues to drown my heart & soul
with sorrow and an uncurable apathy

i crave knowledge so i learn as much as i can
but not by reading things like the encyclopedia or the dictionary
for true knowledge grows in the trees
and in each blade of grass
too often our man made weapons and machines
**** our only source of intelligance with technology
however, we musn't forget even our feet trample upon the earths diminishing beauty
so with each ray of the powerful sun
i learn the importance of why not to run;

we must face our own fears and problems
before we ourselves can learn to grow
& all i strive to be: is as pure as the snow
so i will jump into the river
when the ice is just begining to melt
because the coldness lets me understand
all the past pain that i have felt
but while i lay in my own garden of eden
a snake slithers to my side
already i know if i try to run, i will not be able to ever hide

for this very serpent has created a home in my heart
without my knowledge of it's doing so
& yet i still cannot repent
leaving my sorrows to continuously grow
i look around to only notice i am laying in a bed of weeds that are unkind
while my enemy plants his evil seeds into my fragile mind
and when i finally realize i am doing his deeds
my eyes can finally see his scales have me in a bind

i see the beauty in his tongue that can only speak of hate
than i suddenly i feel his sharp teeth sink into my soul
that results in my tragic fate
i begin to tell myself i never want to leave my youth
for i don't mind being ignorant, naive, and oblivious
and that simply is the truth

Once there was a lonely swing
It swung slowly at midday
But stood still at midnight
It was out of curiosty that i held its chain
Rusted from years of use

Slowly i sat and thought
"How lonely it must be to be forgotten"

To give pity on a swing
I must have lost my mind
So I held on and pushed
Slowly pushed on the cold sand
The swing creaked with each movement
Reminding me of its sullen old age

It brought me higher and higher
Euphoria filled me to the brim

I reached out as
I aimed for the stars
The constellations
The galaxies from afar
Grasping the dusts of the wind against my palm
Inhaling the cold city air

Breath in
Breath out

"Higher higher" i screamed
Lashing out to the nothingness that surronds me
Cringing to the sound of rust against rust

The silence was defeaning as I swung
So i pushed harder and harder
Till the universe embraced me
It made me dizzy as it took every ounce of my breath
So I had to stop
Because madness was an armlength away
Beckoning me to let go as i reached the peak of the sky

Maybe it wasn't so bad
To experience what it was like to fly for a moment
To be one with the midnight sky
Escaping reality for a second
Knowing i'll be crashing right back into its arms

So i gripped the chains and stopped
Allowing gravity to pull me back from my thoughts
Now the galaxies seemed to looked farther and farther
Seemlessly miniscule for my sight

The sound of night has now reached my ears
The harsh air has now reached my lungs
The insanity of what i may have done has now reached my mind

I then descend downwards from my fantasy
Landing from my left then to my right
I felt the cold sand against my worn out shoes
As i walk away from the lonely swing

The lonely swing that once gave me thoughts of madness and wonder

As I sleep alone tonight, the vision of your body touching mine envelopes my dreams..wondering if I shall ever feel your kisses upon my lips..

Your dark mysterious eyes haunting my thoughts. Your power, the strenght of your soul, taking me to a world of the unknown...

As I walk through the forest of my dreams, I see you standing there with your arms out, calling me to you. The mist that surronds, dancing all around us as you show me of a world so magical.

I see in a vision... you lay me down, feeling you inside me taking over my soul as we become one.

I open my eyes to see that I am alone, but the thoughts of you, ever haunting me...never leaving the forest of my dreams....

Like smoke through a crowded room,
She seeps between the cracks of life.
Dipping, ducking, dodging them all,
Passing freely to the end of the hall.

Squeezing herself around strangers,
Stroking mammary against others.
Her feet planted in front of the bar,
Hand raised to protest, "she's a star!"

Suddenly she clasps onto the edge,
Gripping with weak force to protest.
"Shots" she calls, never gains a reply,
"Shots over here" not a single sigh.

A quick view of the crowd behind her,
In shock of the horror that surronds.
The hideous approaching themselves,
Must she care little for their health.

The lights flickering to her heart beat,
Like thrillers which build with tempo.
Gasping, what lies created this hole,
Leaving her stripped of all she knows.

The hands swinging by with haste,
She stares out pleading for attention.
Nothing but blank gazes of her body,
Searching for a better man to serve.

Who knows where we go when we die?
Does the past linger for them too?
Do they really watch over us,
Or is there such a utopia that surronds them,
That they forget us, and really leave us all together?
I do not believe this, yet have no idea what happens.
Who would they go and see?
I would want to be so many places,
All at once.
Try to make myself a part of everyone's day,
I would like to break myself into a million pieces.
Make myself into inanimate objects of everyone's day.
And, everytime they used that object,
they.... not knowing why were reminded of me.
A colour even, A fictional character,
When I die,
I want to be ink on paper,
Shades of pink lipstick,
I want to be an invented imaginary place that only two people really know exists.
I want to be a kiss,
a hug,
A hand on someone's shoulder.
A tear that magically disappears as it runs down a cheek.
A quiet warm feeling that makes you feel so safe.
I want to be everything, anything.
A memory that will never fade from one's mind.

the passion
the heat
the way  you traced the lines of my body
the shine of your skin in the dim lights
the shudder of my breath as complete bliss surronds us
the murmers of i love yous
the touch of tenderness and love
the kisses trailing down my body
the urgentness as if one of us will dissapear
the river of thoughts spilling from my mind
i love you
i never want to let you go
please dont leave me
i layed in your arms till the sun rose high still moving was unwanted

laying awake at 4:37
lonely and tired
with no reason to sleep
my eyes are heavy and weak

the darkness surronds me
the light from the screen
a thin veil, of the unseen

exhaustion approches
my eyes grow tired
sleep still evades me
with each passing hour
i am earning nocturnal behaviour.

death surronds
my heartbeat's slowing down
i will not be saved
i know
but,
i wont take this worlds abuse
i wont give  up
i refuse!

her smile makes you want to know her more
her eyes draw you in to her world
her gentile touch soothe your aching heart
and her voice forever eched in your mind

the aura that surronds her, draws you in
a soft glow, yet a feeling of love everlasting
her movments are smooth and true
like the perfect poem

laying next to me, i hear the rhythm of her breath
timely in beat, soothing to the soul
her eyes draw you into her world
her smile makes you want to know her more

Do you ever make a decision?
Something you regret
The moment you say it
As soon as those words pass through your lips
And they are free to all to hear

You Feel so stupid .

Full of Guilt
The person reacts
In a way you should have expected
But you were too naive to realize
Triggering everything they accomplished
Breaking it all down to shreds

You feel so stupid

You opened the flood gates
Everything that they locked up just broke
They are drowning
They can't see anything
All they feel is the water that surronds them

You feel so stupid

They don't care that you are at risk
All that is on their mind is that person
Revenge is all that they know
The water pressure is too strong
It silences your cries and screams
It drowns you out completely
There is nothing you can do

And you realize then and there
Just how stupid you are.

I think he has me now
I don't know
But in this quiet
That surrounds me
I think not.

My breathing is slow
Shallow, restful
I am in repose

He may find me here
I think hard
But keep my
Composure.

I feel him close
Reaching round
My mind starts
to race.

He is here
I can smell his dermis
Smooth and dark
I step back

It has hit me
Full force
I sink in
Floating, floating

I think he has me now
I dont know
But in this quiet that
Surronds me...
He has me.