I didn’t choose to be born this way
How life starts we really have no say
You know we can’t help the way we look
So don’t judge me like a cover of a book
Just because I look this way don’t defy me by it
Yeah, I maybe african-american I will not deny it
On a job application I’ll put down “black” as a race
As a dark chocolate color has covered my whole face
When I look in the mirror that’s all I’m gonna see
I’m stuck this way so I’m just gonna let that be
It don’t feel good knowing your ancestors were slaves
And how they were severly beaten when they misbehaved
I’m gonna be like this forever so I’m making the best of it
Yeah I may not find it enjoyable and I may not even love it
But this was how I was created so all I can do is deal
But you know, how I look is way different from how I feel


You won’t see me living the ghetto
Or use the word “*****” to describe my fellows
Doo-rags are okay but it’s because of my messy hair
Don’t say I’m a hoodlum even though I might not care
So what if I like jersies, that dosen’t mean I’m a ****
I’m not a typical black man, you won’t see me do drugs
Don’t need that **** to better myself
Proving myself I don’t need your help
The suburbs is the place that I wanna stay
I perfer to live like that, I don’t care what you say
I don’t want to be on the streets
‘Cause I’m not some homeless freak
You may not see me with a diamond chain
A crime-free life is what I want to maintain


Never will I sag my jeans all the way down to my knees
Unlike most folks, my boxers are not meant to be seen
I will not put shiny rims on my teeth
That’s not even close to being neat
You might see put on gangsta clothes
But not hear me go and call a girl a “**”
Or slap them on the backside making ***** calls
Won’t see me hitting up on them in the halls
Or whisper in their ear, begging them for ***
That’s really disturbing and incrediably sick
Really, how can a guy think or even be that way
Chasing after every girl they desperately crave
The city is where you usually roam
Many of you call the streets your home
Speaking in slang that I can’t actually understand
Don’t wanna be that way, that’s what’s who I am


Just because I’m part of your family dosen’t mean I wanna live like you
The streets are not my place to live so I don’t even wanna be in your shoes
I was not raised to jack people up
Don’t like how I am? too bad, tough!
I’m agaisnt gang violence and want no part in it
Never robbed and jacked someone, never done it
Coming from a black guy I know it sounds strange
But hey I’m not here to amuse, impress, or entertain
I’m just telling it like it is
It’s how I really want to live

I thank my parents for giving me a decent name
And not something obscene or anything strange
As many black names contains apostrophies
Which you know is something nobody really needs
I usually perfer proper language over ghetto slang
Knowing people talk that way is really a shame
I’m part of you but yet we speak different languages
Not all blacks speak that way, that’s the way it is
Don’t get me wrong, I really have love for all of y’all
But your behavior and actions is making me appalaud
Stealing and killing people from your own race
You think it’s funny but it’s really a big disgrace
After doing that, how can you look yourselves in the face?
Through the civil rights movement we all loved each other
Now all of you are there on the streets killing one another


For goodness sake, solve your problems through words
Not through guns, knives, or even through racial slurs
It’s really not worth all of this
All of this is making me sick
Making me ashamed to be a black man
****** in cold blood I cannot bare to stand


Okay so enough of this, so let’s move on
It’ll take me forever to describe what you did wrong
Lived a life in the suburbs so long I feel that I’ve become white
Sorry black folks but it’s really white females that I like
Been that since birth I really don’t know why
I like their eyes, their face, I really cannot lie
I’m respectful of girls of all races
Don’t take it the wrong ‘cause I like girls of all races
But I’m most likely interested in girls with white faces
I like seeing white girls go at it on MTV
Then see black chicks fight on BET
You can say hello to me and we can even be friends
But you as a lover of me I would not even recommend
A church where blacks shout out to lord is not where you’ll find me
It’s not my religion, not how I think of faith, not something I need


You may hear Biggie Smalls playing from my bedroom window
That don’t mean I’m ghetto I’m just trying to my life simple
I’ll cheer for Obama when he becomes president
But the streets will never ever be my residence
You may find me weird, you may think I’m obscene
But that’s the life I choose to live in, that’s just me

Right now I’m struggling with my weight
I honestly hate how I look
I’m always comparing myself to other girls
to the point my feelings get hurt
I don’t have a thigh gap
my ***** are really huge
my stomach sticks out when I sit then hangs when I stand
I can’t wear a pair of jeans without looking like a whale
Sometimes I wish I could cut off my fat
so I can be happy with what I see
I wish I looked like the skinny girls you see all over Tumblr
I sit in the shower and cry
as I tear myself down for an hour
I feel like everyone is disgusted with me
whenever I go out in public
I feel so huge next to anyone
so I perfer to stand by myself
I wish this battle with myself would end
I hate hiding my body
I just wish I was tiny like other girls
so I can stop disgusting everybody

I am the nice girl
the cute girl
the friendly girl
the one who always smiles and asks how people are doing
and doesn’t expect them  to ask back
I am the sweet girl
the funny girl
the responsible girl
who takes care of others
because she’s afraid of what her mind will do if she ever decided to let loose
based on what others do
I am the calm girl
the nice girl
the cute girl
the one that feels she cannot accept being called beautiful
because such a word doesn’t seem worthy enough for her
Unlike being called
the loud girl
the annoying girl
the basic girl
all because of how and what i say and act and dress
which makes others think it’s okay
to judge base on words that people say
words to me can be a trick or treat
The treats are the words used to express me so positively
Cute funny nice smart
And the trick by the ones I had called friends
Calling me words that they use to bring me down
Loud annoying basic stupid
the words that we say or put on our brains can affect us everyday
I am the girl they call
cute and nice
Yet no one has ever thought my words would ever have more meaning
Or think twice
Because I have hidden them longer than anyone would ever know
see by the time i was 10
when my older sister
the pretty popular smart girl died
i was left broken down inside
and i ended up being the shy girl
who’s ideal of a friend was her grandma and eating ravioli
and watching tv
the sad girl
that cried each night hoping for such pain to end
Regrets so large and wide that I could never hide
the lonely girl
who had no one to call as friends for her own
the depressed girl
who wanted to runaway
who thought suicide at least more times a day
But never thought to express her pain
See I am not that simple
words do not express me
yet when people describe us we take their words
and use them as our own
words that wrap around us so tightly
that hold us in our hearts and cling to our minds
that we assume we are just the words that they tells us
Make us assume
we can’t be nothing else
simple small words
are what we end taking to be our own
and thinking nothing else
BUT I AM MORE THAN JUST A Nice, cute, SIMPLE MINDED GIRL
I am more than just those little words they throw at me
yet as touching and sincere as those words are
they don’t define me
they are words that can describe but yet when others hear it won’t they just assume the same
They change their blank canvas mind of me into the colors of what people say
making up their minds of me before they even see me
As if by hearing my name the painting in their minds is already created
Being shown too others
See I want to be more than just what others say about me
for i am a woman
who fights for whats right
overthinks,
that makes me sink and swim through the ocean in my mind
but can get to the shore in time
to fully appreciate life
and prove that not everybody is what they say to be
trust me
i used to be just a nice girl
Unlike everyone else
I perfer not to be a
Simply nice woman

My best beloved,
I don't know how
to comfort you.
The words
"I love you"
aren't enough
to heal you,
no matter how
deeply they are felt
no matter how often
they are spoken.

I assure you
in this quantum reality
that what you focus on,
what you feed,
what you nurture
will grow, increase
and flourish.
What you starve
will weaken,
shrivel, and die.

What do you really want to experience?
You don't have to be a prisoner
of the idea that you
have been irrevocably damaged
by events in your childhood.
You can, if you choose,
resolve and commit
to choose gratitude
for the goodness
in your life.

Happiness is not pretending
that you don't have
reason for sorrow.
It's choosing to feed your
heart and mind
on that which gives you joy.
We each can dwell on the good until
it becomes us.

There is no reward for
dwelling on the past.
Remember Ovid's words
from your fb page?
"Persist and be resolute.
Someday this sorrow
will serve you"

I got the image of a swimmer
making a turn at the end
of the pool and pushing off
with a strong kick.
Thus you can kick depression hard
and use it to help you
be even clearer about propelling
yourself forward,
creating the life you want,
the inner landscape that delights you.

What if
EVERYthing that has happened to you
has been for your good?
Making you stronger, deeper, wiser,
more compassionate,
empathetic, and kinder?

Maybe you and I
and everyone here
are still in our
spiritual infancy.
We can barely grasp
the concept that
we create our own
reality, filtering
the overwhelming
input of data through
our learned preconceptions,
completely blocking out everything
that "does not compute."

Yogananda, who was no bullshitter, said,
"Circumstances are always neutral.
It is the happy or sad attitude
of the mind that makes them seem
either good or bad."

Perfer et obdura.

black coffee walks alone
closed eyes, avoiding signs
holding love in back pockets
cracking open pens, drink ink
blink: sunlight! it's blinding,
and alright, but I much perfer
darkness.
                so many calls that make me
feel small. I don't know what to say,
so I hang up, and hang myself in the
backyard to dry, afraid you might catch
my scent, and run away.
                                        you taste like
flowers, feel the way my lungs do when
it's hard to breathe, feel the way my ears
do when I struggle to hear the mumbled
mess of what you wouldn't dare say straight
forward.
              I saw you coming, felt you coming,
lost you, lost myself, removed the sheets,
found someone else. To remove myself,
you hoped, I hope it helped.
                                             bagged in plastic
styrafoam cups, luke warm, but you're warmer.
a charmer, heart farmer.
                                        Welcome home, please
make sure if you leave, it's somewhere better.

We used to be in love,
You used to perfer me over anyone.
We used to be close,
We used to always be together.
But now,
You dont talk to me.
But now,
Your not the person you once were.
Your a killer,
Those butterflys i once had?
Yeah.
You killed them.
But truth is,
After everything,
After all this,
I still love you.

Let me hold your hand, for a moment.
It will only take a second.
Please, don't worry about it.
It doesn't mean a thing.
If you would perfer.
I'll take it back
I only
want your
hand.

As much as i care

i refuse to let it be in vain

i'd perfer all my feelings to wither

not for the sake of bitterness or in spite

but because i would rather drown than lie in stagnant water

I heard your voice
As you playfully
Hopped by
Not even remotely surprised
As I had fealt your energy near
For the past few days
I knew I'd see you somewhere

I looked at her
The girl you were with
She looked just like me
No reference just a coincidence
She even felt like me
As younger version
As she growled the words
"Man *****"

I sighed at you
The way I always do
It's not the right time to tell you
I just smiled at her
Frowned at you
And casually confirmed.
My dear young friend
Lessons on evolution #1:

You have trained yourself
This big indeed to attract a woman
It is widely known that
Women often perfer the alpha male
But consider in to your calculations
That men have evolved to
Protect the mother and the offspring
You do not come off reliable
When it is widely known
That you are in fact a man *****.

Evolutionary trait #2:
Women talk
The rootcause for this
Is the safety and quality of
Indeed the offspring.
If you display undesired behavior
You're in danger of never finding a girl.
Because... Women talk.
As nice as I know you are
And as intelligent and kind
That **** doesn't fly with anyone.
Get your **** together.

Driving through the desert
not sure where I want to go
all I know is I’m really upset
and I don’t want to go home
I’ve had a really bad week
so much stuff went down
I would perfer to handle my stress alone
so no one will see me frown
Music isn’t helping now
this drive is all I’ve got
the air isn’t on, the windows are up
yet i don’t care if it’s really hot
I’m happiest when I’m driving
maybe it’s the beautiful scenery
maybe at my unknown destination
the fact that nobody knows me is pretty exciting
I’m not worried about anyone hurting me
I’m almost into Vegas
I should stop for a break
but if I do I’ll start crying
and that’s something I can’t take right now
so I’ll keep on driving
I’m not sure where to go
all I know is I’m feeling  a little bit better
but I still don’t want to go home

we all have that one thing that we don't like
for me it is being with my family when I can't fake my pain
I perfer to keep company with my walls at those times
because I won't get answers back I don't like
and no one is there to interupt me or call me stupid (friend wise)
so isolation is my thing when I hurt
it probally always will be
but I'm not the type to stay there when I'm fine
it is when I hurt too bad
I can't fake it any longer

the sky so golden so pure
the red the gold the auburn hue
glowing so brightly
hidden eyes
of the ones so true
the rain falls on the wicked and the good
it can be me or it can be you

the weather does not discriminate
good bad mediocre it dont care your all wet
youre all set for ups or downs
for crowns or crows
for snakes and arrows

when love and intimacy means everything

you dont need a ring
to define love wins
to define

love means

life lived and learned
or life lived but never learned
which ever you perfer
what ever your quirks
life has its twerks
of unwinding
unweaving
of showing reason
even in the harshest of season