I'll lay my soul on your tombstone

Sorry I missed the funeral darling but
I couldn't quite handle seeing you so bare in your casket

A sight so painful like the cuts I made on my wrists

Those pearls gracing your neck still pale in comparison to your beauty

Now that you're gone there's not much else to say
My days are a little more grey as every thought if you turns my head

Maybe you'll walk through the door undead
Killing my eyes with that bright laugh and smile
But it's alright I guess

I'll keep your memory just below my surface
Living in your memory using all my favorite vices

I smoke those herbs to numb it all
Bowls after bowls token up like Thomas the engine
Trying to get as high as possible to laugh so hard my tears stop being from sadness and start being from joy

I drink this patrone to forget it all
Feeling the burn of my favorite whiskey hitting my throat and slurring words a bit
Speaking so vague not even I know what I'm saying.

But it doesn't help

You're overloading my system every once in a while
With those eyes as pale blue as the sky on the last day we met

Never opening again, **** that hurts my soul

My dear it may have been four short years but
It all feels like yesterday I got that phone call

Telling me you're fighting for your breath
Telling me you might not make it
Telling me it's a time for prayer
Telling me you've been killed

But here's the deal
I've never been the spiritual type
The first thought that comes to mind when I go in road trips isn't to pray for safety
And I'm not sure why

Maybe because I prayed more in my life in the two hours between those phone calls telling me you've been hit, and when you died

Maybe because when I needed Him the most he didn't come to my rescue like everyone said he would

When I was staring at white walls and florescent bulbs waiting for the next meal
I would reject because I wanted to be hanging from a rope and noone should try to stop me

When I prayed to Him about wanting to take my own life he turned his back on me
It was as if it was meant to be

But then I sat staring at four white walls lying on a bed of nails contemplating how I made it there

Then I think about you
21 was to young to be murdered.
16 was to young to contemplate suicide.

I guess my point has been lost in traslation

But just to bring this to a close it's that your departure did more than **** you
It killed my faith
It killed my self worth
It killed me

But maybe it happened to bring me here.

You know I always have to put this positive twist here somewhere

I've settled in the university of my dreams with friends I couldn't have thought better of myself.

I've started blossoming In my poetry
Spittin these words straight from my notepad where four years ago noone would be able to stare at me this long without my anxiety destroying me inside and out

My dear, if you were still here
I don't know where I'd be today
Maybe I would have found some different passion
But I think I'm happier where I am
Then where I would have been
Had you never been taken from me

Have never known such beauty until last night. Skin to skin our weighted bodies passed through a house with ease. Patrone stung the throats of eager souls trying to find themselves in the night. Shot glasses raised high above heads and my smile penetrated the darkness. **** hits and low hip dips we held the night in our hands. It was easy to get lost with those beautiful arms pulling you in a thousand directions. Hidden cool rooms and teens reaching their doom I was completely consumed. Pale skin and heavy laughter her arms held my dizzy head as always. She cooled me off and led me back to familiar arms. Side glances and smoke filled lungs I heard cinema by skrillex bumpin through me. That night dissolved into me.

They all hate me when I'm broke
They gon hate me when I'm rich
I be Holding to the rope
Feeling like POP I'm gonna rip

Just wanna make sense
Wanna make bands
Not make fans
Those aint friends

Just wanna make my millys
Not looking silly
Like '17 when I was popping killy

I was broke then, But I was happier
Knew me then, I was dappier

Feeling trapped at my abode
A man with a plan, but nowhere to go
Wanna edit the bad like using adobe
Mansion sit down, while wearing my robes

But I'm so alone,
I'm sipping patrone
Got 7k fans
But nowhere to blow

I'm making my moves
Just to make me happy
Under the success
My whole life is ******

I wish I was different
I wish I was listening
To all of the people
Who told me be different

My phone never dry
Got notifs all day
Signed 80 nice artists
They'll make it one day

What's wet last night
It's my pillow case
The tears got dried
Can't look at my face

Don't want more space
Cause I have the galaxy
Feel isolated
Want them to come back for me

Lost a fake friend last night
4 Years gone right
They DC no Superman
Thought we was tight.

Hello I missed you my dove
From your perch up above
I can never reach you
So your feathers turn blue
But they still shine so bright
When I wish you goodnight
But you're so far away
Carry on day by...

Hey is that you on my phone?
I've had too much Patrone
Words they slur I can't think
Why'd you show me this...?

Hey **** that noise get the boys
Lock your load **** your toys
Silhouettes every night
Make them stop with a...

Broken like rides at the fair
My tongue spits out your hair
Portraits move on the wall
Come to life watch your...

Sorry no promise I catch
All the worries you sketch
In the back of your head
1,000 years you'll be...

"Down with my boat" captain wrote
Water rose to his throat
From the window to wall
Ah ***** ***** *******...

Bawl as they crawl to their tomb
In the woods where we spoon
And when I hug your back
We can fly by the moon

the mezcal incident, now
that was surely one doozy/
started out with a shot of Patrone
no lime or salt at ten in the morn'/
at this strip joint in Wicksburg
where they advertise
two hot babes three skinny one's
and one big mama,
on their marquee, which is one of
those lighted portable signs plastic letters things
the kids like to vandalize by
like on the Natural Light Deliverance Tabernacle
I minister at occasionaly, we have one of those ,
had In God We Trust , lettered on it on saturday.
Sunday, at eleven, when we arrived for worship ,
it said in dogs  we gust,
limited letters to arrange so,
I got the teen hoodlum gyst/
I ramble on so much, wouldn't
blame you
if you lost interest,
but anyways/
this day, what I mentioned early in this,
started out fairly innocent, a drink
a gander at female utilitarianism,
and a shot,
thing about tequila
sitting down you don' t know how ****** up you are
get up, try to stand and wow!
I keep digressing,
that day
hell I ******* forgot/
Sorry to lead you on.