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Mateuš Conrad Aug 2016
i like looking up these shadow-people, the labourers
away from the spotlight, away from easy reference conclusions,
Ludovico Arrighi is among them, as is
the high jumper **** Fosbury - no belly-flop in
the competition after... after 1968 the road signs
told every jumper to expose the back and ***
when overpowering the heights -
Philippe Petit is outside the world, the ultimate
expression of solipsism, what grandeur (previous
attempts, the dyslexic source: the graphemes, æ,
previously i wrote grandeur as: grandeaur,
grandaeur, etc., somehow the syllables of only
vowels can leave you momentarily dyslexic,
when we're talking pure consonant graphemes
we have an aesthetic performed,
sheering can become šeering, whereby the diacritical
input overpowers excess spelling of graphemes,
such examples arise from what became the silent H...
or the surd H... ping-pong with the tetragrammaton...
e.g. dhal - which is said with a macron over the a:
dāl... but the trinity of spelled words gives rise
of neurosis... unless it's a word as conjunction,
the tribunal of aesthetic in keeping language beautiful
will prefer the spelling dhal or even daal rather than
what i proposed). concerning Ludovico Arrighi's
italics type... the skewed rhombus alignment /    /
is prescribed for emphasis... i need something to introduce
something that doesn't stress emphasis, but
sarcasm / ridicule... when i write something,
as i did in Christianity 2.0 (two point oh),
i'd change the direction of the ~wind, i.e. instead of
/    /    for emphasis, i'd like to stress ridicule in the
following direction:    \     .
but that's beside the point, it's like a western with
English not applying noticeable stresses...
for example the English trill, or the French hark...
they should be equipped with diacritical marks
of distinction... some sort of uniformity
of suggestion... the northerners trill (roll)
their R, the French used to, now anything but
a puddle of phlegm... but indeed, easy dyslexia from
pure vowel graphemes... cutting up graphemes
with diacritical incisions (safety, in a persistent vocabulary,
following the method of philosophical methodology -
hence my casual use of diacritics and graφemes -
i.e. when graphemes can't be constructed due
to a lacking of grapheme intention - unlike θ and φ -
supported by their alignment of a twin sound,
the Greeks would never consider applying diacritical
marks on p, t, h - unlike in Polish, where the h
is distinguished into a ch for aesthetic purposes -
e.g. chleb - bread and huj - **** -
but overpowering the vowel graphemes produced
their disappearance and the emergence of diacritical
vowels, e.g. the acute o (ó), which is a U, i treat
the diacritical mark as an incision point for the parabola,
cutting up the omicron, and that seems natural
given that the Greeks already did it without the acute
sign, i.e. the omega (the double u) - ω - again,
aesthetic reasons, the forgotten gallery of words
is there, you just have to forget Chomsky for a while.
but indeed, breaking up graphemes provides us
the necessity for diacritical marks,
the ancient Roman graphemes might have disappeared,
but they're still digitally present: mostly concerning
major words, like onomatopoeia - or encyclopaedia -
graphemes behave differently with the barbarians,
the latter encyclo- example is obviously nostalgic,
the ono- example does a reverse grapheme variation
of oe... but modernity expresses these couples
with individual distinctions - i.e. encyclopaedia
could be written utilising... well not a caron - not quiet
***, and more p'eh - the resurrection of the tetragrammaton
is necessary, i'd have inserted the variation without
minding French, i.e. grave accent on e eating away
the last vowel... or vowels... i.e. encyclopaèdia -
so avoiding the French usage that would cut off the -ia,
i'd insert it for reasons of interacting with a h, p'eh.
Joyce's Finnegan's Wake should have been written like this...
instead, it was written without noticing the diacritical
marks, and therefore made it's pompousness known
by omitting diacritical marks, therefore succumbing to
excessive spelling... or the ruin of Delmore Schwarzt -
nurse! scalpel: sch(sh /sz / š)- -wä(łä)- r(z)'t - drum-kit
wet snare tss't like in jazz.
still i need to define the R being trilled (rolling ball)
akin to the å - but of course the umlaut would do the job
likewise - but it's the aesthetic purpose that's necessary,
i guess umlaut designates an eased concept of
arithmetic included above the sound: i.e. prolonged,
count +2.

but these are but minor points of consideration,
obviously it would take decades to implement, and knowing
human endeavours in this realm, once fixed, once
fixated, nothing will hardly change - due to the already
existing utilisation, whereby it works perfectly to segregate
people... and the fact that there's no linguistic bible to
mind... but talking about orthodoxy and meddling with
dogma, i'm still bothered about the Malachi heresy,
how could it have been implemented?
i mean, a polytheistic concept of reincarnation is the oldest
form of identity theft, isn't it?
monotheism is incompatible with the concept of reincarnation,
this is the weakest spot / the blemish in Judaism...
Malachi is the actual inventor of Christianity and Islam,
he introduced the concept of reincarnation with
the return of Elijah, as mentioned in the New Testament
where Jesus is compared with Elijah...
it's a monotheistic heresy... reincarnation has no place
in monotheism, yet there it is, glaring at everyone from
the page... it was Malachi's error that gave rise to
schism... the litmus test of a monotheism is it's inability to
succumb to schism... well, Christianity is poly-schismatic,
Islam suffered an infection of schism early on...
Jewish schism?  you either practice or don't...
you either don the full attire of a Hasidic jews or you simply
turn your opinions toward earthly matters...
and so much rigour just because they didn't care to
roll the ******* back during ***, all that much work
from snipping the *******... early intervention did the job,
snip the skin off and we have the most ridiculously
funny god in the thought of man, an entire Mongolian
horde of intellectuals have been spawned from his existence...
imagine if god intervened when plastic surgery came around...
wouldn't be so ******* funny by my count.
****! listening to the radio and standing up between sentences
then realising there's no go-back button... it's live...
sometimes the oddities of not being your own d.j. can be
petrifying, when you're working against the river-current
like a Salmon of rhythm.

lastly... i guess this is a major point, in a magazine article
some dung-heap of opinion wrote something
about poetry, in ditto:
a policeman shoots dead Michael Brown in Ferguson,
Missouri in August 2014, Maggie Smith's poem
Good Bones goes viral, it wasn't about Ferguson,
it was about life being short and often terrible -
continues with: poetry is the language of crisis, of
profound thought and deep emotion, it may not be
much read these days, but it is certainly felt...

is that all true? is poetry the language of crisis?
i think that assertion is a load of *******...
it's a bit like using a hammer to paint the civil room's
walls (living room, i call it the civil room) -
if i'm reading poetry i'm not commuting or lying in bed,
i'm perched on the windowsill in a quasi-akimbo pose,
sipping a glass of bourbon with coca-cola and
smoking a cigarette, mindful of never wanting to
wear contact lenses or eyeglasses,
poetry is more than this idealism about it,
that you read poetry to savour the moment of critical needs,
i read poetry because newspaper articles **** me off...
poetry is like newspaper articles when those monstrous
literary ****** get going for months of necessary
attention to finish them... poetry, when drinking
bourbon, smoking a cigarette, quasi-akimbo on the windowsill,
perfect use of spacing, i bet most people who stick
to poetry will have better eyesight when they grow older.
Teneva diciott'anne Sarchiapone,
era stato cavallo ammartenato,
ma... ogne bella scarpa nu scarpone
addeventa c' 'o tiempo e cu ll'età.
Giuvinotto pareva n'inglesino,
uno 'e chilli cavalle arritrattate
ca portano a cavallo p' 'o ciardino
na signorina della nobiltà.

Pronto p'asc'i sbatteva 'e ccianfe 'nterra,
frieva, asceva 'o fummo 'a dint' 'o naso,
faville 'a sotto 'e piere, 'o ffuoco! 'A guerra!
S'arrevutava tutt' 'a Sanità.

Ma... ogni bella scarpa nu scarpone
c' 'o tiempo addeventammo tutte quante;
venette pure 'o turno 'e Sarchiapone.
Chesta è la vita! Nun ce sta che ffà.

Trista vicchiaja. Che brutto destino!
Tutt' 'a jurnata sotto a na carretta
a carrià lignammo, prete, vino.
"Cammina, Sarchiapò! Cammina, aah!".

'O carrettiere, 'nfamo e disgraziato,
cu 'a peroccola 'nmano, e 'a part' 'o gruosso,
cu tutt' 'e fforze 'e ddà sotto 'o custato
'nfaccia 'a sagliuta p' 'o fà cammenà.

A stalla ll'aspettava Ludovico,
nu ciucciariello viecchio comm' a isso:
pe Sarchiapone chisto era n'amico,
cumpagne sotto 'a stessa 'nfamità.

Vicino tutt' 'e ddute: ciuccio e cavallo
se facevano 'o lagno d' 'a jurnata.
Diceva 'o ciuccio: "I' nce aggio fatto 'o callo,
mio caro Sarchiapone. Che bbuò fà?

lo te capisco, tu te si abbeluto.
Sò tutte na maniata 'e carrettiere,
e, specialmente, 'o nuosto,è 'o cchiù cornuto
ca maie nce puteva capità.

Sienteme bbuono e vide che te dico:
la bestia umana è un animale ingrato.
Mm' he a credere... parola 'e Ludovico,
ca mm' è venuto 'o schifo d' 'o ccampà.

Nuie simmo meglio 'e lloro, t' 'o ddico io:
tenimmo core 'mpietto e sentimento.
Chello ca fanno lloro? Ah, no, pe ddio!
Nisciuno 'e nuie s' 'o ssonna maie d' 'o ffà.

E quanta vote 'e dicere aggio 'ntiso:
"'A tale ha parturito int' 'a nuttata
na criatura viva e po' ll'ha accisa.
Chesto na mamma ciuccia nun 'o ffà!".

"Tu che mme dice Ludovico bello?!
Overo 'o munno è accussi malamente?".
"E che nne vuo sapè, caro fratello,
nun t'aggio ditto tutta 'a verità.

Tu si cavallo, nobile animale,
e cierti ccose nun 'e concepisce.
I' so plebbeo e saccio tutt' 'o mmale
ca te cumbina chesta umanità".

A sti parole 'o ricco Sarchiapone
dicette: "Ludovì, io nun ce credo!
I' mo nce vò, tenevo nu padrone
ch'era na dama, n'angelo 'e buntà.

Mm'accarezzava comm'a nu guaglione,
mme deva 'a preta 'e zucchero a quadrette;
spisse se cunzigliava c' 'o garzone
(s'io stevo poco bbuono) ch' eva fà".

"Embè! - dicette 'o ciuccio - Mme faie pena.
Ma comme, tu nun l'he capito ancora?
Si, ll'ommo fa vedè ca te vò bbene
è pe nu scopo... na fatalità.

Chi pe na mano, chi pe n'ata mano,
ognuno tira ll'acqua al suo mulino.
So chiste tutte 'e sentimente umane:
'a mmiria, ll'egoismo, 'a falsità.

'A prova è chesta, caro Sarchiapone:
appena si trasuto int' 'a vicchiaia,
pe poche sorde, comme a nu scarpone,
t'hanno vennuto e si caduto ccà.

Pe sotto a chillu stesso carruzzino
'o patruncino tuio n'atu cavallo
se ll' è accattato proprio stammatina
pe ghi currenno 'e pprete d' 'a città".

'O nobbile animale nun durmette
tutt' 'a nuttata, triste e ll'uocchie 'nfuse,
e quanno avette ascì sott' 'a carretta
lle mancavano 'e fforze pe tirà.

"Gesù, che delusione ch'aggio avuto!"-
penzava Sarchiapone cu amarezza.
"Sai che ti dico? Ll'aggia fa fernuta,
mmiezo a sta gente che nce campo a ffà?"

E camminanno a ttaglio e nu burrone,
nchiurette ll'uocchie e se menaie abbascio.
Vulette 'nzerrà 'o libbro Sarchiapone,
e se ne jette a 'o munno 'a verità.
Teneva diciott'anne Sarchiapone,
era stato cavallo ammartenato,
ma... ogne bella scarpa nu scarpone
addeventa c' 'o tiempo e cu ll'età.
Giuvinotto pareva n'inglesino,
uno 'e chilli cavalle arritrattate
ca portano a cavallo p' 'o ciardino
na signorina della nobiltà.

Pronto p'asc'i sbatteva 'e ccianfe 'nterra,
frieva, asceva 'o fummo 'a dint' 'o naso,
faville 'a sotto 'e piere, 'o ffuoco! 'A guerra!
S'arrevutava tutt' 'a Sanità.

Ma... ogni bella scarpa nu scarpone
c' 'o tiempo addeventammo tutte quante;
venette pure 'o turno 'e Sarchiapone.
Chesta è la vita! Nun ce sta che ffà.

Trista vicchiaja. Che brutto destino!
Tutt' 'a jurnata sotto a na carretta
a carrià lignammo, prete, vino.
"Cammina, Sarchiapò! Cammina, aah!".

'O carrettiere, 'nfamo e disgraziato,
cu 'a peroccola 'nmano, e 'a part' 'o gruosso,
cu tutt' 'e fforze 'e ddà sotto 'o custato
'nfaccia 'a sagliuta p' 'o fà cammenà.

A stalla ll'aspettava Ludovico,
nu ciucciariello viecchio comm' a isso:
pe Sarchiapone chisto era n'amico,
cumpagne sotto 'a stessa 'nfamità.

Vicino tutt' 'e ddute: ciuccio e cavallo
se facevano 'o lagno d' 'a jurnata.
Diceva 'o ciuccio: "I' nce aggio fatto 'o callo,
mio caro Sarchiapone. Che bbuò fà?

lo te capisco, tu te si abbeluto.
Sò tutte na maniata 'e carrettiere,
e, specialmente, 'o nuosto,è 'o cchiù cornuto
ca maie nce puteva capità.

Sienteme bbuono e vide che te dico:
la bestia umana è un animale ingrato.
Mm' he a credere... parola 'e Ludovico,
ca mm' è venuto 'o schifo d' 'o ccampà.

Nuie simmo meglio 'e lloro, t' 'o ddico io:
tenimmo core 'mpietto e sentimento.
Chello ca fanno lloro? Ah, no, pe ddio!
Nisciuno 'e nuie s' 'o ssonna maie d' 'o ffà.

E quanta vote 'e dicere aggio 'ntiso:
"'A tale ha parturito int' 'a nuttata
na criatura viva e po' ll'ha accisa.
Chesto na mamma ciuccia nun 'o ffà!".

"Tu che mme dice Ludovico bello?!
Overo 'o munno è accussi malamente?".
"E che nne vuo sapè, caro fratello,
nun t'aggio ditto tutta 'a verità.

Tu si cavallo, nobile animale,
e cierti ccose nun 'e concepisce.
I' so plebbeo e saccio tutt' 'o mmale
ca te cumbina chesta umanità".

A sti parole 'o ricco Sarchiapone
dicette: "Ludovì, io nun ce credo!
I' mo nce vò, tenevo nu padrone
ch'era na dama, n'angelo 'e buntà.

Mm'accarezzava comm'a nu guaglione,
mme deva 'a preta 'e zucchero a quadrette;
spisse se cunzigliava c' 'o garzone
(s'io stevo poco bbuono) ch' eva fà".

"Embè! - dicette 'o ciuccio - Mme faie pena.
Ma comme, tu nun l'he capito ancora?
Si, ll'ommo fa vedè ca te vò bbene
è pe nu scopo... na fatalità.

Chi pe na mano, chi pe n'ata mano,
ognuno tira ll'acqua al suo mulino.
So chiste tutte 'e sentimente umane:
'a mmiria, ll'egoismo, 'a falsità.

'A prova è chesta, caro Sarchiapone:
appena si trasuto int' 'a vicchiaia,
pe poche sorde, comme a nu scarpone,
t'hanno vennuto e si caduto ccà.

Pe sotto a chillu stesso carruzzino
'o patruncino tuio n'atu cavallo
se ll' è accattato proprio stammatina
pe ghi currenno 'e pprete d' 'a città".

'O nobbile animale nun durmette
tutt' 'a nuttata, triste e ll'uocchie 'nfuse,
e quanno avette ascì sott' 'a carretta
lle mancavano 'e fforze pe tirà.

"Gesù, che delusione ch'aggio avuto!"-
penzava Sarchiapone cu amarezza.
"Sai che ti dico? Ll'aggia fa fernuta,
mmiezo a sta gente che nce campo a ffà?"

E camminanno a ttaglio e nu burrone,
nchiurette ll'uocchie e se menaie abbascio.
Vulette 'nzerrà 'o libbro Sarchiapone,
e se ne jette a 'o munno 'a verità.
Teneva diciott'anne Sarchiapone,
era stato cavallo ammartenato,
ma... ogne bella scarpa nu scarpone
addeventa c' 'o tiempo e cu ll'età.
Giuvinotto pareva n'inglesino,
uno 'e chilli cavalle arritrattate
ca portano a cavallo p' 'o ciardino
na signorina della nobiltà.

Pronto p'asc'i sbatteva 'e ccianfe 'nterra,
frieva, asceva 'o fummo 'a dint' 'o naso,
faville 'a sotto 'e piere, 'o ffuoco! 'A guerra!
S'arrevutava tutt' 'a Sanità.

Ma... ogni bella scarpa nu scarpone
c' 'o tiempo addeventammo tutte quante;
venette pure 'o turno 'e Sarchiapone.
Chesta è la vita! Nun ce sta che ffà.

Trista vicchiaja. Che brutto destino!
Tutt' 'a jurnata sotto a na carretta
a carrià lignammo, prete, vino.
"Cammina, Sarchiapò! Cammina, aah!".

'O carrettiere, 'nfamo e disgraziato,
cu 'a peroccola 'nmano, e 'a part' 'o gruosso,
cu tutt' 'e fforze 'e ddà sotto 'o custato
'nfaccia 'a sagliuta p' 'o fà cammenà.

A stalla ll'aspettava Ludovico,
nu ciucciariello viecchio comm' a isso:
pe Sarchiapone chisto era n'amico,
cumpagne sotto 'a stessa 'nfamità.

Vicino tutt' 'e ddute: ciuccio e cavallo
se facevano 'o lagno d' 'a jurnata.
Diceva 'o ciuccio: "I' nce aggio fatto 'o callo,
mio caro Sarchiapone. Che bbuò fà?

lo te capisco, tu te si abbeluto.
Sò tutte na maniata 'e carrettiere,
e, specialmente, 'o nuosto,è 'o cchiù cornuto
ca maie nce puteva capità.

Sienteme bbuono e vide che te dico:
la bestia umana è un animale ingrato.
Mm' he a credere... parola 'e Ludovico,
ca mm' è venuto 'o schifo d' 'o ccampà.

Nuie simmo meglio 'e lloro, t' 'o ddico io:
tenimmo core 'mpietto e sentimento.
Chello ca fanno lloro? Ah, no, pe ddio!
Nisciuno 'e nuie s' 'o ssonna maie d' 'o ffà.

E quanta vote 'e dicere aggio 'ntiso:
"'A tale ha parturito int' 'a nuttata
na criatura viva e po' ll'ha accisa.
Chesto na mamma ciuccia nun 'o ffà!".

"Tu che mme dice Ludovico bello?!
Overo 'o munno è accussi malamente?".
"E che nne vuo sapè, caro fratello,
nun t'aggio ditto tutta 'a verità.

Tu si cavallo, nobile animale,
e cierti ccose nun 'e concepisce.
I' so plebbeo e saccio tutt' 'o mmale
ca te cumbina chesta umanità".

A sti parole 'o ricco Sarchiapone
dicette: "Ludovì, io nun ce credo!
I' mo nce vò, tenevo nu padrone
ch'era na dama, n'angelo 'e buntà.

Mm'accarezzava comm'a nu guaglione,
mme deva 'a preta 'e zucchero a quadrette;
spisse se cunzigliava c' 'o garzone
(s'io stevo poco bbuono) ch' eva fà".

"Embè! - dicette 'o ciuccio - Mme faie pena.
Ma comme, tu nun l'he capito ancora?
Si, ll'ommo fa vedè ca te vò bbene
è pe nu scopo... na fatalità.

Chi pe na mano, chi pe n'ata mano,
ognuno tira ll'acqua al suo mulino.
So chiste tutte 'e sentimente umane:
'a mmiria, ll'egoismo, 'a falsità.

'A prova è chesta, caro Sarchiapone:
appena si trasuto int' 'a vicchiaia,
pe poche sorde, comme a nu scarpone,
t'hanno vennuto e si caduto ccà.

Pe sotto a chillu stesso carruzzino
'o patruncino tuio n'atu cavallo
se ll' è accattato proprio stammatina
pe ghi currenno 'e pprete d' 'a città".

'O nobbile animale nun durmette
tutt' 'a nuttata, triste e ll'uocchie 'nfuse,
e quanno avette ascì sott' 'a carretta
lle mancavano 'e fforze pe tirà.

"Gesù, che delusione ch'aggio avuto!"-
penzava Sarchiapone cu amarezza.
"Sai che ti dico? Ll'aggia fa fernuta,
mmiezo a sta gente che nce campo a ffà?"

E camminanno a ttaglio e nu burrone,
nchiurette ll'uocchie e se menaie abbascio.
Vulette 'nzerrà 'o libbro Sarchiapone,
e se ne jette a 'o munno 'a verità.
Miguel Sep 2018
Replaying a riff four times perfectly
One missed fret and the entire day ends disastrously
Replaying moments of kindness and warmth
To overcome the feverish idea that I hold no heart

Every fourth step, threes end in ******
Maimed images constantly creep
This subconscious ludovico technique
These thoughts come and go in no particular order

A seat at the table and a serviette on my lap
What if I leapt out my chair and suddenly attacked?
What if I aimed the knife towards my hand?
I constantly question if that’s who I am

I will have a picnic with her today, all joy and cheer
When these intrusive thoughts will inexplicably get near
And terrorize my attitude as well as my image
Disassociating with a perplexed and horrified visage

I’m so incredibly tired of existing
A cruel and ironic fate
I’ve missed out on so many opportunities
All because of this miserable headspace
Mateuš Conrad Feb 2017
when i was born within the Chernobyl aftermath, and the nurse tried to **** me, in that she almost choked me, enlarging my heart, and when that didn't **** me, and they attempted to befriend me, and gave me a brain haemorrhage... and that didn't **** me... i started to think: what will? i can't say i'm in hell, i can only assert limbo: i'm not a monster, just yet... it's only later that i became *******, when they wrapped me in a blanket of denials, to ensure their society was a beacon of false hope and even more false love... that last bit is the cherry on the top... i once hated ridicule: now i started to loath playground like games of lies... i just started thinking: these people are a bit worthless... how could people i once respected become so... so... pointless? it's not a case of: oh poor me... i'm laughing... asking for the next quickened allotment of epitaph in marble... i prefer the pain rather than this kiddy game of denying something being true... that sort of **** just makes up for being thought about too much... it exhaust my mental capacity... limbo is quiet fine, i'm apprehensive where these people think they live... utopia isn't exactly a best-described vicinity... but when did people start to become so ugly? it's slow down here, the big bang just happened, or as i say: with the kettle boiling water... biology's darwinism timescale for a reaction, and physics's timescale of the big bang theory are not exactly fascinating for me, boiling my water to make a cup of tea... i am literally split-mind concerning these two "barometres"... it's just hard juggling these two (0, 0) coordinates... to stress a beginning... evidently juggling these two narratives leaves us living our lives on amphetamines... insect like... it's hard to even make time or emotional investment in: a death in a village... it's doubly hard to make adjustments for a tomorrow, giving our input in beginning: no one knows, billions and billions... years... and then back toward the befitting cranium... it really is man with an omni-characteristic, well... at least one of them... which clarifies itself in a way: given that we're no longer exploring this orb, globalisation ensured the tribe died... we can go in circles: round and round... there's never a clear vector in sight... no real unknown land to challenge... it's all been tamed... once the savannah, now the zoo... as one german noted: the melancholy of the completed house... all the work gone into constructing it, the thrills, all gone... it just stands as perfect, as it is already derelict... hard to keep track of a two-beginnings system... it's hard to find awe these days, i mean awe that might allow an Aristotle, rather than just looking stupid... i think that England really does require an invasion to shake it up a little bit, it looks so docile in its arguments... so certain: "poised" to conquer... i can get (0, 0) of the big bang, a big blank... my brain just became scrambled eggs... i store that **** in my head: i'll see forever-never-tomorrow... i store the monkey-suit in my head (the other (0, 0) beginning) - i'll begin to wonder: but the monkeys have it so easy! me panda! me and bamboo! darwinism has either killed of history that we made in the centuries a.d. / a few centuries b.c., or what they're prescribing us really can't fit into one head, or into a few, to make it into a crowd... because when a few ditto-heads ingest one wise monkey talking over another monkey... the atheistic crowd is the quickest to disperse... as with the constant banging on about the number of stars in the universe... i like to look at the number of carbon dioxide bubbles in a glass of Perrier water.

well, maybe because they aren't
my contemporaries... but i despise Chopin
like despise Liszt... the fact that the latter
smoked cigars is just asking
for me to abhor him... and that a poet
   succumbed to his virtuoso skills
with dire tears of
       a jealous thread (matt arnold)...
for me Liszt and Chopin battered the piano,
literally, battered the piano...
     could have slaughtered a cow also...
but then again there's a part of my that says:
well, if the god argument is infantile,
how about the nation argument, is that infantile also?
are we to be bleached entities,
or merely abstract pronoun users? you see,
   they stole Copernicus from the Poles,
and Mickiewicz, and evidently Chopin is no Pole...
but a prize nonetheless... so they keep him
as that rare thing: something born into an almost
inescapable state prone to disintegration...
   what with the monarchy being
     one of import, either a Swedish electer ruler,
or a Hungarian, or a Russian, or a German (e.g.
house of Sas) - a monarchical brothel,
   otherwise known as an aristocratic "democracy"...
    it's just a good thing i don't like him... i don't see how
a piano can be ***** as it has been by either Liszt or
Chopin, sure enough, nimple fingers,
joseph ii hapsburg, mozart, the film amadeus citation:
                                                               too many notes...
    a bit like me... for its worth, the piano is so delicate,
    so so delicate... how it becomes an instrument that
requires competitors, how you need more virtuosos
who can play the **** music than original from-scratch
composers... piano: it just asks for gliding hands,
it's not asking for these megalomanic
tunes that might leave you with a wish from an audience
memember: to break your fingers...
evidently nothing more than a death / ******* stare...
or why the true resting place
of Chopin is Japan... as odd as it might seem...
           plays the piano great... plays a woman
  like a bagpipe...
                  aren't the two related?
     and when i first heard *ola gjeilo
on the radio
i was a woman watching a romcom...
                              the whole northern lights album...
my: a feast!
         just one of the few contemporary composers
that i can invoke...
     so coming back to the piano:
   me more of a Debussy and Eric Satie palette...
they just glide... i can only imagine
       a flight of migrating swans,
   or ice-skating...
    Chopin and Liszt is a mathematical headache...
        solo piano and the gentleness of approach...
    and only today,
   a lesbian couple travelling to manchester...
one of them phoned the radio station
and asked for a request...
      i've been dying to note this song / composer
down for a year or so... always heard the song:
never the composer's name...
                   ludovico einaudi,
much to my taste: the piano still remains
   a wardrobe item of the orchestral architecture,
rather than a door of your fridge...
constantly yapping for: more, more, more.
you glide across it,
tease it, rather than taste it,
  or subject it to a rubric of quickened calculation,
it stuff the room,
the best you can do is make it sound airy,
    make diacritical echoes from it,
than actual letters...
           say: the acute above the o, rather than
the o and acute in ó....
such a delicate thing: the piano:
which is why i never understood Chopin,
or felt a need for a national argument
       needing him, propping him on a peddlestool...
having him as a national treasure...
                  i always remained true to
those who settled for gliding over the alphabet...
    rather than immersing themselves in it...
that kind of composition, that simply fakes lazy...
     they are the ones i admire...
     and yes, given that dialectics has been
completely forsaken,
   the best we can do is give an indulgence
in an opinion, and make comments of
diacritic...
   women, chocolates,
men: dialectics...
                    or at least that's how i find myself,
making diacritic comments...
   akin to piano (contra chess,
    white notes consonants,
black notes vowels,
or should i say: any letter with a diacritical
distinction is the black note,
vowels and consonants are uniform in white)...
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2016
i.

i really want to write this like a poet, but i'll probably
ramble on, i want to create this poetic haiku
or what one might call a punchline
in a joke, i will, obviously,
           i will (obviously) provide
how the alternatives would look like,
but sometimes i think that the poet
is enraged by the idea of the narrator:
or the consolidator of personae -
defeatist poets write from a personae
perspective, as if each poem is
a new and nuanced character -
a nuance of the narrator,
   yes: not novels, a plateau of literature
that poetry is...
           the setting is unknown,
but these people simply congregate
and say something, akin to the burning man
festival, and then return to their
day jobs...
          i don't know why poetry is less and less
resonating with music: maybe because
the old critique of poetry being faced off
with philosophy doesn't make sense
given that there's this rainbow of musical
tastes and the general diversity?
looking at the classical circumstance of
poetry vs. philosophy makes no sense
when the *logos
is removed and the phonos
is inserted in its place...
   bad grammar, bad spelling... why look for
meaning in words in the almighty sphere
of all things holy, when in the trenches
   people are shooting bullets not at targets
but at empty space?
    that's why i love the notion that writing
can become something akin to a will to power:
the power over not of those illiterate -
urbanism has dissolved such a concept...
  we became literate in order to read adverts:
or the iconoclasm of the alphabet:
pretty coca cola nearing arabic for all
those magpies out there...
           the myth goes that the magpie spotted
the shimmer of a silver spoon and stole it
and as the debate of the fates go:
i was to marry a rich woman and leverage
myself into a calm suspense... but it wasn't
to be. such is the case: when writing
can become as difficult as arithmetic of numbers,
and certain blemishes on the fountain head
of humanism that's literature can provide
the right arithmetic complexity...
   given that, what could possibly be the sum
total of this "poem"?
  the irony of the cartesian 1 + 1 = 2...
                in terms of meaning? in a polyverse
   of the what if? universe?
        a cinema better than the Hollywood industry...
that could fit into my concept of man enduring
for eternity, even with the vain hope of challenging
his mortal frailty... have a historiological cinema
of the what ifs... i'd sit in there and be like: wow!
Adolf graduated from the Vienna Art School
and world war two didn't happen?
    the treaty of Versailles wasn't a version of
colonial powers against expansionist politics
concerning a European nation? wow!
they basically didn't join the club of colonial power,
and they were punishing the colonial powers of
the time... or that's how i see it:
i don't see myself needing to ascribe myself
to pronoun pluralism in any shape or form:
it just breeds some overt concept of paranoia;
and obviously this has nothing to do with the title,
because it i shunned the narrator, i'd be a poet,
and if i wrote a cutiepie version of this
i'd feel hungry for not having played the piano
long enough while tipping a glass of whiskey
into my mouth... just is the curse of
enjoying typing: hurrah for our loss of handwriting
and that beautiful circumstance of writing
words with connectivity - by modern standards
undecipherable as if Hebrew or acronyms
and emoticons: puncture after puncture and nothing
concerning waves or serpentines of encoded talk...
beautiful... absolutely beautiful.
  the new form italics? syllable-ism, to stress,
punctuation marks in words: beau-ti-ful!
there, goes a weeping pair, that's Ludovico Arrighi
& Aldus Manutius...
    and what i do understand, and it's pivotal,
take the concept of a narrator out of the prosaic mosaic
and take away the concept of personae out of
poetry, and mould the two together...
you get an implosion worthy of a Hiroshima...
a bit like what the Beatles conceded too after
releasing their revolved album... they stopped
live touring... they had an implosive moment
and said: as any artists in the background,
we are the invisible hands of the plumbers
who connected toilets to the pipes: hey presto!
the Beckton ****-stink on the A406...
poetry can become this...
        it can also become something akin to:
etymology is a version of archeology,
although there's no physical space to engage with it,
   and i know why Heidegger turned the word
being into beyng... it's not a mutilation
of the word, he was practising a version of
archeology (not etymological) in that he was
excavating (as archeologists do) an archaic word
from the modern equivalent... Sherlock Holmes
of the black forest... found an amber tear
                      wedged in a tree...
i never know why they called it the Baltic sea...
i'd change it... i'll start calling it the Amber Sea...
given so much amber can be found on the shorelines
of it...
             and yes, this prompted the additional bits
in the title: considering the idea that it's twice as important
as what i will eventually write with dues for
the lightning bolt's worth of a title...
    language has to be mandible, language has to
be plasticine... it can't be dittohead bound -
strict, regulated, ivory encased in a museum hush...
   esp. if it doesn't need something controversial to
be spoken... exactly at that point...
          what was i originally intending?
            language as form archeology? perhaps...
no! no no no... the pro-life vs. the pro-life debate...
    a destitute woman, perhaps a *******, perhaps
a woman who was *****...
                         as the laws in Poland currently stand:
she has to give birth...
      i never said i agreed with the stranglehold of
my "brethren", i simply said
           bilingualism as a rhinosaur (dino remnants?)
        stampede against multiculturalism...
what is the perspective? i respect the culture that
assimilated me, only through having the capacity
to speak the language of the culture i was born in...
    multiculturalism has no respect for its
host culture, the multicultural argument goes:
if i speak good enough English, i'll still be able
to wear Pakistani pyjamas in public...
it's the hijab wearing English-pristine girl who
knows ****-all arabic: but speaks good English,
so she's assimilated well enough...
       and there's me... when everyone is going
muddles berserk in their groin regions
     flirting with bisexuality... so few flirt with
bilingualism... well: how could all that fucky-sucky
go to waste, eh?   multiculturalism doesn't work
if the person attempting integration doesn't
have a moderation minder,
    if you don't respect your own original society
in the least, as in: ensuring you keep your
mother tongue and do the utmost to speak two
languages... multiculturalism of people who
don't do this are just plain lazy...
   lazy!           is that an excuse if you were born
in a host country? only if your parents were
so worked up thinking that knowing two languages
was a disadvantage... and so the byproduct
of all things that aren't part of the multicultural
franchise... if you have no respect for your mother
tongue / culture when moving to a different
country... you don't have respect for your
country of birth... or in a more succinct way said
by Napoleon: a man who knows two languages
is worth two heads... etc.
       ah, the debauchery of narrating and not
orientating yourself around creating characters...
bliss... and also the main reason poets feel guilty
about writing poetry... the missing characters.
but onto the title and the main point i was going
to make...

ii.

over an egg.

iii.

can't we simply argue the point
between pro-life and pro-choice
over breakfast of scrambled eggs?
or poached eggs... or fried eggs...
or eggs boiled for 5 minutes
so the yoke is all runny?

iv.

and they said there's no purpose to
abortion...
         the most popular food of
choice for breakfast... is an abortion.

v.

i'd say... make sure those pro-life protesters
stop eating eggs...
           they're eating abortions...
but ****... can you imagine anything
                          more yummy than an egg?
don't worry, Darwinistic existentialism
of furthering the human question
   has already been answered by an abundance
of the Mandarin and the Sanskrit population.
Clare Veronica May 2017
Her fingers caressed the ivories
So very lightly.
The tunes that played
Echoing sweetly.

Nuvole Bianche,
Ludovico Einaudi

The title, she said,
means white clouds.

To her,
this song
captures the feeling of utmost sincerity
that exist in the purest
of her heart.

To be able to stay soft,
even after passing through cruel hands of the world.

To be as kind as you can,
even if the world will not pay you back.

To go out of your way for others,
even if it will never be enough.

To be genuine until the very end,
even when the whole world is against you.

To be soft in this cruel world
might just be the strongest power
a human can possibly possess.
michelle Mar 2016
if you lock me in a room with your name written on the wall
all of a sudden
i will find it hard to breathe
when the Kwabena Nketia twisted in proverbs
when the Seprewa strings plug to tune
when the Handel composed to interest

was it done for us?

when the Crosby played and sang
when the Amakye Dede planned to entertain
when the Vivaldi sat down to think

was it done on purpose?

when the Ludovico played to uplift the spirit
when the Fire side stories were told to be remembered
when the da Vinci painted to last

was it done for our generation?

yes , I believe so
may be the present generation are not informed
may be the present generation are not of interest

how can we forget our past
how can we forget our forefathers
how can we forget what we were born with

do we still have our cultural traits in mind
do we still have our cultural elements to be exhibited
do we still have something to be shown to the world

if not, let us go back to the old days

SANKOFA SANKOFA SANKOFA

WE ARE NEVER LATE ON DOING WHAT IS RIGHT
WE ARE NEVER LATE ON DOING WHAT IS RIGHT
Native Intuition Nov 2019
But how do I tell you about the things I've seen?
From the most haunting and daunting
To the very fabric of dreams

I've experienced love beyond measure
Traveled the world to hold it in my hands
I lost myself seeking that foreign treasure
and returned home a different man

Moonlit dinners on Italian cobblestone streets
Ludovico Einaudi providing the symphony
I've climbed mountains in The Alps
Drank straight from the snow melt streams
I witnessed the Black Wolf of Val Duron
and kissed a Goddess on those mountain peaks

I've stood shoulder to shoulder
with ancient warriors carved in stone
I looked them directly in the eyes
and felt an honest worthiness in my bones

I've laid on the beaches of paradise
been cleansed by the waters of the Aegean Sea
Slovenia, Austria, Greece and Italy
I can no longer recall who I used to be

Synagogues, churches, temples and sacred places
but all I seem to remember is how beautiful her face is

Like a collision of galaxies
Moving far too fast to ever coexist
We changed each other's world
and kept moving through the eclipse

From the Earth that inward pulls
Like the song of the last wild wolves
For the optimal experience - Play Ludovico Einaudi's "Experience" while reading at a slower pace.
ofjotsandtittles May 2018
There'a manicure kit
on the table,
And I'm filing my nails
As we speak now,
Getting ready my weapon,
Of gentle destruction.
I want to pinch you
Causing no blood,
But only loud shrieks,
For being so ignorant
Of all the telltale signs,
Pointing in the general direction,
Of where we stand today.

I had dropped hints,
And so did you,
And so did the universe,
And so did Ludovico,
playing his piano so quietly,
without uttering a word,
About our cosmic connection.
We seem to have
So carelessly missed,
ALL of it.
Great.

Now we both trace backwards
our journey together,
Lined like a breadcrumb trail,
Pausing at clues,
Dotting the route.
I fiercely tug at your shirt,
At every single one,
"Look! I said this,
And how long ago!
You couldn't even..."
Your face looks sorry.
Apologies come easily for you,
Forgiveness- for me,
Till you find the next one,
And say,
"Ha, what did I tell you?"
Now the tables have turned,
I smile, sheepishly,
Subtlety is key,
but maybe,
not always.

We tread along,
Finding another one,
And another one,
Indirect indicators,
of an expression unsaid,
of such simple love,
Till we arrive at,
The beginning of time.
You had said,
"I haven't known anyone like you",
"You will never", was my reply.

And now you have,
the rest of your life
to get to know me.

Hurry,
We have less time,
and lots of
catching up to do.
Mateuš Conrad Oct 2021
the weather outside is truly ideal for listening
to this sort of music...
it has rained a while... slanting to the side...
it has stopped raining (though)...
the clouds are moving across the sky with
much desire to get away from England:
reach the sea and pick up some moisture
in the noon heat...
the wind has shackled the trees to wave...
the music? we lost the sea: departure songs...
2015... it's neumuzik however i look at it...
it's not familiar... first rendition...
if i were asked about other instrumental projects...
say... Demdike Stare... or... Godspeed! You Black Emperor...
all things Canadian...
melancholic: reflective music...
music best suited to writing...
is atmospheric an adjective?
all of a sudden concerning myself with
grammatical categories?
           as you do...
   custodian... i like that word...
if in all the stories of medieval lore there would
be a knight errand...
err-and...
            n'ah... i'd pass on the role even if it comes
to this petty modern: imaging of being
the "hero"... the "knight"...
i'd be the inn-keeper...
            just today i made my final distinction
between two recipes...
one for butter chicken curry...
the other for a korma curry...
butter chicken curry wins... every single time...
i compared two or three websites...
one might have had a great recipe but...
the overtones of politics in the bio of the cook
left me astounded...
making excuses concerning: ahem...
"cultural appropriation"... seriously?!
only Chinese people can cook Chinese food well?
only Indians can cook up a... makeshift
Irish Stew broth? tautology? stew... broth?
probably...
i don't think food can be... sterilized for leftist
political ("correct") convenience...
i don't think anyone can tell me i can't cook
a better curry than a native of the Raj...
now... if you told me i couldn't... don a turban
on my head... or wear a shalwar kameez...
pa-*******-jamas...
no... i couldn't... but why all of a sudden
could it: should it be, considered...
"cultural appropriation" for making a curry?
do i need a Hindu to cook me one
can't i ever, make one?
if this is something that resembles life...
it's at best an imitation...
plus this music is great for the scenes of
the night, it having just rained...
the clouds moving so quickly but me still managing to
spot a demonic death-face in the clouds...
the trees shackles to waving...
great music... but it also *****...
i don't like feeling this sentimental...
the algorithm had a flirt with a glitch...
i've had the sort of recommendations that were
freely available at the height of the platform:
circa 2016... when there was an inbuilt...
thesaurus... notably the synonyms were at work...
- the earth is not a cold dead place (explosions in the sky)
- safehaven (tides from nebula)
- wavering radiant (ISIS)
- geneva (russian circles)
- best of melancholic post-rock mix (infinite tea)
- the bones of a dying world (if these trees could talk)
- refractions (meniscus)
- the hidden forest (anoice)
- b-sides and rarities from industrial silence (madrugada)
- departures (message to bears)

who doesn't like Ludovico Einaudi?!

- i rarely dream... but only this night i was sitting
at my usual spot... by the yawning abyss...
and someone three a 800 page monstrosity of
a romance novel into my lap...
i tend to sit by the abyss since it gives me focus...
rarely i find my body in my dreams...
just the gravity of darkness...
this time round i was given a 800 page
monstrosity of a romance novel...

hmm... post-rock... i've come across this genre
once before...
my Russian ex left me for a New Zealander
acid pusher who was big on...
65daysofstatic...
                            hang-up?
ask me tomorrow... when i'm hung-over...
2nd best *** in my lifetime...
even she couldn't compete with
that Turkish *******... Khadija...
30 minutes became 30 years...
post-rock... elevated emo...
           elevated because... without lyrics...
but still... heart-breaking to listen to...
intricate and complex but...
it's not progressive-rock...
                     there's no... Peter Sinfield involved...
invoked... involved...
so... it can be so little as a syllable to elevate
mere instruments... who cares about it
conjuring up operas!
when the world was created... the choir of demons
that refused to sing...
simply... ushered in... the hebrew definite article:
HA...
and how they laughed... and laughed
until it splintered their minds...
the... point...
unlike in Western Slavic: to: this...
tamto: that...
there's no article distinction in languages
that otherwise have... gender inclusion in their
nouns... which English insinuates...
but doesn't have...
Earth is hardly feminine...
you'd need Mother Earth to associate Earth with
something feminine...
Father Time... time by itself is hardly masculine...
Moon is somehow... deceptively...
masculine...
while the Sun... is also... "deceptively"
feminine... a trait shared by both languages...
Moon: Ksieżyc...
Sun: Słońce...
  but, with regards to names associated with
objects... rower sounds masculine...
it's a bicycle...
               krzesło (a make-believe "he") is
simply a gender-neutral chair...
English, as a language... doesn't have a feel
for gendered nouns... almost all nouns
in English are gender-neutral...
English has a conundrum with
the definite / indefinite article...
i.e. to krzesło: tamto krzesło...
     this chair . that chair
      krzesło: a chair...
      krzesło: the chair...
      
i appreciate how the indefinite article works...
you can suppose abstracting a chair
into... the deconstruction of the chair...
into: something you're not intending
to sit on...

perhaps as little, or as much....
giving the "gravity" associated with painting still: life...
"dead" objects at the end of
a manufacturing process...
          
English can't be undermined so easily:
not by its own people...
what the **** is implied by "gender neutral
pronouns"?!
all the nouns in English are gender neutral!
you can't have gender neutral pronouns!
what you can have are... is? are? is?
a singular or a plural definition...
"gender neutrality" is
not the Socratic concern for a debate
on universalism vs. particularism...
it's an: ex uno...
          to be addressed as "they":
plural? didn't the British royalty already stress this?

one can... we can...
who the **** is a vague current vogue of
"they"?!
in a language with restrictions:
all, the, nouns... are... gender... neutral...
imagine if this was French...
the masculine chair... the feminine table...
it's the English though...
do they... will they... bother... to learn
a foreign language...

see... i was considered "problematic" once...
a schizophrenic...
if i'm also: alias... bilingual...
i must be a ******* quadratic by, now!
if the priests won't entertain the power
of the words... LOUNGE-INTO-GOSH...
who will?!
moi?! i'm tired of being tailored by...
half-respectable... Kafkaesque monstrosities of...
punitive power (struggles)...
buereaucrats...
shadow people... grey people...
bureaucrats...
"too many consonants" in my western Slavic...
so... not enough onomatopoeia:
******* vowels in your... baggage?!
you *******: plump?!
technology abbreviates conundrums
before they're allowed to before
functioning electronic outlets of mass:
replica-tion...
what is it with...
people... "waking" up...
isn't it impossible to keep the people
sleeping... insomniac libido caricature... etc.
what Copernicus arrived at is
not what Darwin: also arrived at...
   nature abhors vacuums...
unless it's in the realm of physics...
there' nothing useless in nature:
since... the evolution of the parasite...
i understand that...
so few people exercise the "elder" use... utility of zunge...
i have no problem with that...

i'm of the... "assertion": let's just call it quits!
if *** was ever a poroblem:
not enough of it...
nirvana's... any...
vs. pearl jam's polished... beside the debute...
GO!  
                      is it really question?

some nouns betters in languages than your own...
ANIMAL vs. ZWIECIĘCIĘ:
it calls how it's cut...
doubly cut....
how it's slaughtered first... then how it's cooked:
almost unlike look0alike:

Ę coupled with Щ...
   no? what's the geography when... linear...
comes... the writing?!

my thirst: struggled first with it...
later?! not much bother...
i live, i also die: to be equated...
synonymous...
or some variant of parody...
do i dare to blink?
do i?!

       RATS....
SZCZURY...
             that... SZCZ collapse...
щoor-y:
where's your hatch of hay-tch??!

ha ha!
ZWIECIĘCIĘ also: best reads as...
ZWIERZĘCIĘ!
ZWIE: it's know as... a name..
it's known by a name...
RZECZ: thing...
CIĘCIĘ: cutting...
what an etymological cocktail of events!
call a thing by its name
that's... to be readily... cut?!
ha!
Way down yonder in the paw-paw patch
Bang in the first measure
Came the congenital seizure
Skewing the first invention from scratch.
The campfire skied its sparks
Into the ghost-ridden void,
The skittish tchotchkes
Of paradox and entropy
Quirks and tics as dumb as bricks
Until a headstrong mongoloid
Started groping for rhythm
In the quavering spasms.

Oh, but it was a jawdropper
A bang-up tour-de-force
A horrorshow time-warper
Of Luke and Kirk and spice,
The good apple ran the table
Till the old goat hacked the matrix
And the young hawks did their mind-tricks
Of a tessellated cat’s cradle...
And paparazzi made the odyssey
From planets Claire to Z
To dish how cosmic *******
Trysted protomolecule
As the major ghosted ground control...
In all, a very large array
Of bingeworthy groundhog days.
Lukewarm confabulation
Of the smoking embers
From the essential tremor
Ceaseless oscillation
Between good cop and bad copper.

And the girl scouts chorus
With cheeks full of S’mores
“For all of your fables
Of hobbits and hubbles
And sabering at windmills
You will never untie the volition
Riddled into the convulsion,
Nor how the campfire kindles
Nor be one of us.
You will always ***** the pooch
Halfway to the paw-paw patch.”

Nurse Dipso-Etheromaniac
And Dr. Thorazine-Brainiac
Shoved their two-part invention
Cold turkey into the clockworks,
Cleft lip
Fetal eyes
Flipper-fingered
Riddled with the shakes
Cold-shouldered him to another dimension
Where muggles punk ETs,
And their whiskey wizards
Serve up mock elixirs
Not some hair of the dog to undistemper
The secondhand DTs,
His doggo superpower.

Bill Grogan’s goat
(Bam bam bam bam!)
Was feeling frisky
(Bam bam bam BAM!)
Chased three red skirts
Across the galaxy...
“I knew you were one of the ***** boys
But why do your hands shake like that?
They flipper and gibbet all over the keys”
The sour-smelling teacher spat.

And the mean girls echoed
With tongues of acid
“See how they lurch and squirm!
You will never get to the paw-paw patch
You will never find dear little Susie
She will never teach you to hulu
And you will never two-step
With dear old Johnny
With fists of wiggle worms.”

He touched off the fireworks
Torching all your pomp and cirque
In some skullduggery
Of **** and villainy.
I, Dropout
Outcast
Clonetrooper
Mutineer
Hitched a ride north of the watchtower
Where imperial walkers with hooves of ice
Stomped the land flat, and late-blooming
Summer never shakes the phantom menace
Of the winter that is always coming.

Somewhere in the interstellar distances
Of Kantian prairie perturbed by auroras
Like those night-blooming skyflowers
I glimmered back into existence.
I drank with wildings dropped with the dead
And vaped the contrails of the mad rocketeers
(Kid Rambo, Def Louie, Jedi Freddy and Manny
Steampunk Sal and Wig Out Johnny)
But never found sweeter ******
Than the next bridge to burn.
I, callow flamethrower
Of Shiva, the destroyer.

Marshall Gunpowder Jehoshaphat Miller
The bad apple of the force
Hatchet-faced and porkpied
Dead by ****** suicide
Born again old-schooler,
Packing halitosis
From ossified canon
Skywalked me down.
Gospeled me like Luke
And knee-capped me with a curse
Shame; the oldest mind-trick in the book.
I served out my prodigality
In Ludovico therapy
Which for a half-life, somewhat took.

Headlong into retrograde
I crashed the zero-sum arcade
Fed a quarter into the supercollider
And with some crazy tic of the wrist
Spooked the ball’s trajectory
So it champagne supernovaed
And spat out the shabby ghost
Of a birthright lottery.
Thirteen golden statues.
But as the digits flipped
And the mission crept
As it does to one and all
Faster than a cannonball
I flashed back to renegade.

And the made girls chorused,
With cheeks full of Botox,
From their partial-view suites
And partner-track perks
Of bottomless cups
Of shut the **** up,
“You nearly made the grade, you!
But then you had to mouth off job-hop Hulk
Out, which finally betrayed you.
Now Security Guard Miller
Will escort you off the premises
For a reckoning with your nemesis
Regret, the silent killer.”

True, for a season I was a bluepilled moon
Marooned with space junk
And cypherpunk
Doomscrollers
Of deadend might-have beens,
Like the lunar sonata’s
Primal whisper of futility,
Until it tripolars
Into ultraviolent agitato
And hits escape velocity

Now loosed from orbit of the Goldilocks planet
I tumble through space in dumbstruck rapture
Of hurricaned stars and thundercloud nebula
I tremble in the thousand-parsec stare
Of the headless horde of dark riders
That stampede the stony hobbits,
Through the looking-glass of lightyears past
I see monstrous galaxies in ungainly copulation
Blushing Hiroshimas of atrocious release
And multi-sunned planets where misbegotten
Beings shudder into self-consciousness,

While I drift toward the event horizon
To be gobbled into the enigma
With a little gasp of gamma
Hammerstricken wires frisson.
Where the eleventh measure of the first invention
Counterclockwise corkscrews
Way down yonder in the paw-paw patch,
After a very long array of groundhog days
My skeleton crew bunch into alignment
Like that hunch of spooky entanglement
Or just possibly like that eternal dissonance
Quelled by a quanta of true arrogance,

In a clockwork grotto
Grows a chrysalis F-sharp
Where fingers at last Goldilock
Into queasy equilibrium,
To my dumb surprise
The dark sac butterflies
And there is Susie
A little tipsy
On hard compatibilism,
With hips of pulsars
And hands of auroras
She hulus like the time warp
Not spasm without rhythm
But otherworldly vibrato.
On the infinitely big and infinitesimally small, and deeply personal.
Mateuš Conrad Jun 2021
on a night such as this... where the previous one
was me completely out of it...
deciding to cycle at night...
when you just write something almost decent
and you want to laugh while:
being really terrible at balance -
gravity swerved me left, right...
i might have ****** up the gears...
at one point i decided to stop and take up
the constellations while lying on the side
of the road on the pavement...
today's moral anguish of drink left me
plugged into bbc radio 3
listening to the 2nd and 3rd act of Puccini's
La Boheme...
and then... Shostakovich's the soldier...
a take on Faust... a deal with the devil...
         came 10pm and a programme on new
music: WHACK... telepathy music...
it's coming to 1am and i've already returned
from the Goodmayes tesco with
a bottle of scotch... having another to calm
the nerves... since... like a giddy-schoolboy i'm
debating myself whether or not
i have to visit the brothel...
only hours earlier i was puking while drinking
a weak coffee...
from the excitement...
it has been... circa... 3 years since i've touched
a thigh... a pair of *******...
and... it's not exactly about getting a *******...
or forking around in some oyster-mush
of a ******...
i don't know what it is...
the 3Ps...
   i'm not going to talk to a priest...
i tried psychologists and psychiatrists...
so much for tongue waggling...
but prostitutes?
i get to talk and touch...
   plus... no need for dating... for pretences...
for games...
at the butcher's shop you come with the money
and you're not stalled...
it's not like i don't have any spare money
either... roughly £3000 on my bank account...
if i sold some **** i'd be already on my way
to some euthanasia clinic in Belgium...
there's always the need to think of a sharpened knife
and the throat...
perhaps the entire ****** of pain and
a way of: playing poker with death...
it's inescapable... death... so i guess there's only
one way out: to tease it...
the brothel... bordello...
         that 2nd is a gnostic term...
something akin to Christ wedding his mother
come the 2nd coming...
or the alternative...
the sobering language of Spinoza's
theological-political treatise...
         now listening to...
the cardigans' erase / rewind... vs....
  trevor something's into your heart...
**** me... i wouldn't be writing this if...
i put the stashed money from
a packet of cigarettes into my wallet
where i keep my bike-lock key...
well... for all the drama surrounding the b.b.c. -
radio 3 is probably the only part of the corporation
worth saving...
and it's true what they say about classic.fm
they're not tempted by something obscure
or new... with the exception of...
Ola Gjeilo... northern lights...
       or...                    Ludovico Einaudi...
i'm starting to bewilder myself...
what are the chances that i might give back
pleasure:
oh i know i'll leave dissatisfied...
the bicycle journey of circa 5 miles in 30 minutes
will be worth more...
it's a disconcerting to even think what
i might want at this point...
   3 years and... i should have gone to Prague
come January 2020...
        i wish it could be as simple as:
"i don't know what i want"...
                    maybe thinking about the economy?
after all... if i give £125 to a *******...
she'll probably spend it on things
a man wouldn't otherwise...
mind you... advertisement...
of the national lottery... £30million is invested
each week in something...
money teasing the quality of water...
it trickles... just... trickles...
handshakes and mucho kudos...
              perhaps i just want someone to massage me...
i've been suffering from a stiff neck and
terrible shoulders for almost forever...
perhaps i don't want ***...
at some point she'll probably shove it in her
gob at the altar of phallus anyway...
stiff neck... crunching of the shoulder-blades...
perhaps i'll ask her to count my ribs...
the national lottery? it's a stealth tax... isn't it?
- **** me, man! decide!
- you're going to go for a massage or not?
- i hate you...
- thank you, i hate myself also...
- oh hey presto... reformed st. Augustine over
'ere... hey! people! take a peek!
in the current climate of feminism and
transgenderism...
i'd prefer the attitude of: not paying for dinner...
giggling at the prospect of erectile dysfunction:
coming around to the madonna-*****
complex that women present: with no more
teenager baggage of her mystique...
perhaps one will slurp up my ******* clean
off... well... if i were circumcised...
and had to play the game of...
my ******* is your niqab...
   fair enough...
**** it... i want to touch "something"...
i'm done with all this carpenter *******...
i'll rub my fingers against some bricks before
i enter... that'll be double emphasis on
touching skin... that's not even work-about
leather...
why else would i have trimmed my *****
and oiled up my beard...
put on some scented wax on my hair...
hell... salsa... salt... and a bruising of knees...
an agony of pride...
lovely ***** just give me 36.5°C back...
give me goose-bumps on the back of m'ah head...
give me all that there's requiring
a composition of not being a father...
i don't need the qualms i'm pretty **** sure
there's this class that denotes them as:
breeders...
me pretending to be sober
while cycling drunk to the brothel is already
a joke that has to start with a now...
while the abyss yawns.

— The End —