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judy smith Nov 2016
Shortly after 3pm on September 29, 31-year-old Olivier Rousteing strode through the shimmering, fleshy backstage area at Balmain's Spring 2017 Paris Fashion Week show. Along the marble hallway of a hôtel particulier in the 8th arrondissement, long-limbed clusters of supermodels were gamely tolerating final applications of leg-moisturiser, make-up touch-ups and minutely precise hair interventions from squads of specialists as fast and accurate as any Formula 1 pit-stop team. The crowd parted as Rousteing swept through.

Wearing a belted, black silk tuxedo and a focused expression that accentuated his razor-sharp cheekbones, Rousteing resembled a sensuous hit man. Target identified, he led us to the board upon which photographs of every outfit were tacked.

We asked him to tell us about the collection (for that's what fashion editors always ask). "There is no theme," said Rou­steing in his fast, French-accented lilt. "No inspiration from travel or time. The inspiration is what I feel, and what I feel now is peace, light and serenity. I feel like in my six years here before this, I have tried to fight so many battles. Because there is no point anymore in fighting about boundaries and limits in fashion. Balmain has its place in fashion."

And the clothes? "There is a lot of fluidity. A lot of knitwear, lightness, ponchos. No body-con dresses. But whatever I do, even if I cover up my girls, it is like people can say I am ******. So this is what it is. I think there is nothing ******. I think it is really chic. I think it is really French. It is how I see Paris. And I have had too many haters during the last three years to defend myself again. So, this is Balmain." And then the show began.

Star endorsements

Under Rousteing, Balmain has become the most controversial fashion house in Paris. Rousteing has attracted (but not bought, as other, far bigger houses do) patronage from contemporary culture's most significant influencers. Rihanna, all the Kardashians, Kanye West, Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, Beyoncé, Justin Bieber – a royal flush of modern celebrity aristocracy – all champion him.

Immediately after this show, in that backstage hubbub, Kim Kardashian told me: "I thought it was very powerful…I loved the sequins, and I loved all the big chain mail belts – that was probably my favourite."

Yet for every famous fan there is a member of the fashion establishment who will sniff over coffee in Le Castiglione that Rousteing's crowd is declassé and his aesthetic best described by that V-word. The New York Times' fashion critic Vanessa Friedman reckoned this collection appropriate for "dressing for the captain's dinners on a cruise ship to Fantasy Island". At least she did not use the V-word. When I once deployed it – as a compliment – in a 2015 Vogue menswear review that declared "Rousteing is confidently negotiating a fine line between extravagance and vulgarity", I was told that Rous­teing was aggrieved.

The fashion world's ambivalence towards Rousteing is a measure of its conflicted feelings towards much in contemporary culture. Last year Robin Givhan of the Washington Post wrote of Balmain: "The French fashion house is always ostentatious and sometimes ******. It feeds a voracious appetite for attention. It is anti-intellectual. Antagonistic. Emotional. It is shocking. It is perfect for this era of social media, which means it is powerfully, undeniably relevant."

Since joining Instagram four years ago Rousteing has posted 4000 images and won 4 million followers. The combined reach of his audience members and models at this Balmain show was greater than the population of Britain and France combined. Balmain was the first French fashion house to gain more than 1 million followers, and currently has 5.5 million of them.

Loving his haters

As digital technology disrupts fashion, Balmain's seemingly effortless mastery of the medium galls some. Last year, the designer posted an image of a comment from a ****** follower to his feed. It read: "Olivier Rousteing spends more times taking selfies for Instagram than designing clothes for Balmain." Underneath, in block capitals, he commented "i love my haters".

Rousteing can be funny and flip – doing a video interview after the show, I opened by asking, tritely, how he felt. He replied: "Now I feel like some Chicken McNuggets with barbecue sauce, and then some M&M;'s ice cream."

When at work, however, that flipness flips to entirely unflip. The previous evening, at a final fitting for the collection, Rousteing had paced his studio, his face a scowl of concentration, applying final edits to the outfits to be worn by models Doutzen Kroes and Alessandra Ambrosio. The 30-strong team of couturiers working in the adjoining atelier delivered a steady stream of altered dresses.

"We are ready," he said from behind a glass desk in a rare moment of downtime. "This a big show – 80 looks – and I want a collection that is full of both the commercial and couture. But it's smooth too. All of the girls are excited about the after-party and interested in the music. And eating pizza." In the corridor outside Gigi Hadid – this season's apex supermodel – was indeed eating pizza, with gusto.

The fitting went on until far beyond midnight; Rousteing, fiercely focused, demonstrated the work ethic for which he is famous. When he was studio manager for Christophe Decarnin, his predecessor at Balmain, the young then-unknown was always the first in and last out of the studio. Emmanuel Diemoz, who joined Balmain as finance controller in 2001 and became chief executive in 2011, says that his hard graft was one of the reasons he was chosen to succeed Decarnin.

"For sure it was quite a gamble," says Diemoz. "But we could see the talent of Olivier. Plus he understood the work of Christophe – who had helped the brand recover – so he represented continuity. He was a hard worker, clearly a leader, with a lot of creativity. Plus the size of the turnover at that time was not so huge. So we were able to take the risk."

Clear leader

Which is why, aged 24, Rousteing became the creative director of one of Paris's best known – but indubitably faded – fashion houses. In 2004 it had been close to bankruptcy. In 2012, Rousteing's first full year in charge, Balmain's sales were €30.4 million and its profit €3.1 million. In 2015, sales were €121.5 million and its profit €33 million. Vulgarity is subjective; numbers are not.

Rousteing, who is of mixed race, was adopted at five months by white parents and enjoyed an affluent and loving upbringing in Bordeaux. "My mum is an optician and my dad was running the port. They are both really scientific – not artistic. So I had that kind of life. Bordeaux is really bourgeois and really conservative, I have to say."

After an ill-starred three-month stint at law school – "I was doing international law. And I was like, 'oh my God, that is so boring'" – he did a fashion course that he managed to tolerate for five months.

"I found that really boring as well. I just don't like actually people who are trying to **** your dream. And I felt that is what my teachers were trying to do."

Obsessed with Gucci

Following a three-month internship in Rome – "also boring" – Rousteing became fascinated with Tom Ford's work at Gucci. "I was obsessed, obsessed, obsessed. Sometimes the press did not get it but I thought 'this is like genius, the new **** chic'. Obsessed, full stop."

He wanted to work there – "that was my dream" – but applied to every fashion house he could, and found an opportunity to intern at Roberto Cavalli. "They took me in from the beginning. I met Peter Dundas [then womenswear designer at the brand] and he said you are going to be my right hand – and start in four days."

Rousteing counts his five years in Italy as formative both creatively and commercially, but when the opportunity came to return to France in 2009 he leapt at it. "Christophe said he liked my work and that he needed someone to manage the studio. So two weeks later I was here. I loved Balmain at the time, when Christophe was in charge. It was all about rock 'n' roll chic, ****, Parisian. And he was appealing to a younger generation. You can see when brands become old but Balmain was touching this new audience. I always say Christophe's Balmain was Kate Moss but mine is Rihanna."

When Decarnin left and Rousteing replaced him, the response was a resounding "who?". His youth prompted some to anticipate failure.

"It was not easy at all. Every season I had the same questions." Furthermore, Rousteing (who has said he thinks of himself as neither black nor white) was the only non-white chief designer at a Parisian couture house. In a nation in which very few people of colour hold senior positions, his race may have contributed both to the establishment's suspicion of him and to his powerful sense of being an outsider.

'Beautiful spirit'

As he began to build a personal vernacular of close-fitted, heavily jewelled, gleefully grandiose menswear – fantastical uniform for a Rousteing-imagined gilded age – for both women and men, that V-word loomed.

"They asked, 'But is it luxury? Is it chic? Is it modern?' All those kinds of words. But you know there is no one definition [of fashion] even if people in Paris think there is. And, I'm sorry, but I think the crowd in fashion are those who understand the least what is avant-garde today."

In 2013 Rihanna visited the studio, met Rousteing, and reported all with multiple Instagram posts. "You are the most beautiful spirit, so down to earth and kind! @olivier_rousteing I think I'm in love!!! #Balmain." :')"

Rousteing met Kim Kardashian at a party in New York – they were drawn together, he recalls, because they were both shy – and was promptly invited to lunch with her family in Los Angeles.

An outsider in the firmament of old-guard Paris fashion, Rousteing was earning insider status within a new, and much more influential, supranational elite. He points out that Valentino, Saint Laurent and Pierre Balmain himself "were close to the jet set of their time. What I have on my front row is the people who inspire my generation".

From them, he learned a new way of doing business. "I think it was Rihanna and the music industry that first understood how Instagram can be part of the business world as well as the personal. But in fashion? When we started it was 'why do you post selfies? Why do we need to know your life, see you waking up, see you working? Why don't you keep it private'. And I was like 'you will see'."

Rousteing cheerfully declares his love for Facetune – "I don't have Botox but I do have digital Botox!" – an app that helps him airbrush his selfies and tweak those ski-***** cheekbones.

Reaching new population

From his office around the corner from Rousteing's, Diemoz adds: "When Olivier first proposed Balmain use social media, our investment in traditional media was costing a lot. Here was an alternative costing less but bringing huge visibility. It has been successful, quite rapidly…we decided to be less Parisian in a way but to speak to a new population. A brand has to be built around its heritage but we are proposing a new form of communication dedicated to a wider group of customers."

The impact of that strategy became apparent in 2015, when Rousteing and Balmain were invited to design a collection for the Swedish fast-fashion retailer H&M.; Within minutes of going on sale – and this is not hyperbole – the collection, available at vastly cheaper prices than Balmain-proper, had completely sold out. In London, customers fought on the pavement outside H&M;'s Regent Street branch. "Balmainia!" blared the headlines.

You have to move fast to get backstage after a Balmain show. I was out of my seat and trotting with purpose even before the string-heavy orchestra at the end of the catwalk had quite stopped playing Adele.

Rousteing had taken his bow merely seconds before. Still, too slow: I ended up in a clot of Rousteing well-wishers stuck in a corridor blocked by security guards. A Middle Eastern woman against whom I was indelicately jammed looked at me, laughed, shook her head, then said: "We pay millions for a fashion house – and then this happens!"

In June, Balmain was bought for a reported €485 million by Mayhoola, a Qatar-based wealth fund said to be controlled by the nation's ruling family. As so often with Rousteing-related revelations, some declared themselves nonplussed. "Why Would Mayhoola Pay Such a High Price for Balmain?", one headline asked. Yet Mayhoola, which acquired Valentino four years previously for $US858 million, might have scored a bargain.

Clothes key to revenue

Despite its huge, Instagram-enhanc­ed footprint, Balmain is a small, lean and relatively undeveloped business. Most luxury fashion houses today – Chanel, Burberry, Dior, et al – will emphasise their catwalk collections for marketing purposes but make most of their money from the sale of accessories, fragrances and small leather goods like handbags and shoes. One of the big fashion companies makes a mere 5 per cent from its catwalk clothes.

At Balmain, by contrast, clothes bring in almost all the revenues. If Balmain had the same clothes-to-accessories ratio as its competitors, its overall annual income could be more than €1 billion ($1.4 billion).

The company is moving in that direction. New accessory lines are in the pipeline. "Now we have to transform that desire into business activity," said Diemoz. "Sunglasses, belts, fragrances, the kind of products that can be more affordable."

The first bags should be available in January, as will a wider range of shoes, and then more, more, more.

Six days after his show, on the last day of Paris Fashion Week, I returned to the Balmain atelier. Apart from two assistants, Rousteing was the only person there – everybody else had gone on holiday to recover from the frenzy of preparing the show, or was busy selling the collection at the showroom around the corner.

Rousteing sat behind his desk in the empty room, wearing slingback leopard-print slippers, sweatpants and shades. "I am not even tired! I am excited. Because there are so many things happening – and I can't wait."Read more at:www.marieaustralia.com/red-carpet-celebrity-dresses | http://www.marieaustralia.com/formal-dresses-adelaide
judy smith Apr 2016
Bethany Care Centre staff member by day –internationally recognized knitwear fashiondesigner by night, Sylvan Lake resident SallySandusky recently took Vancouver FashionWeek by storm with her stunning Fall/Winter2016 line.

Eight models strut their stuff for Sanduskyduring her recent show where they showcasedher signature chunky knit sweaters, dresses andshorts as well as a number of delicately knit overlay dresses as they meandered the catwalk.

Her clothing label named, Sally Omeme, stemsfrom her middle name and the Cree word fordove Omimiw, a name her adoptive parentsgave her in hopes of helping her to hold on to a part of her heritage.

In addition to the name for her stunningknitwear line, Sandusky also credits her motherwith her love and talent for knitting.

“I had wanted a scarf and my mom, who hadbeen a knitter all her life, said ‘Well let me teachyou how to knit’,” remembers Sandusky whosaid she has now been knitting since the early2000’s. “One year I knit 75 scarves byworking nights and it just kind of grew from there.”

Following graduation from Camille J. Lerouge School in Red Deer, Sandusky began her career withBethany Care Centre before making the decision to attend the John Casablancas Institute inVancouver – an internationally renowned fashion and beauty school where she studied creative artsand fashion business.

Following graduation from the Institute she returned home to Sylvan Lake and continues designingin her spare time with hopes to launch an online store in the coming weeks. She hopes her recentsuccess at Fashion Week could potentially lead to a buyer picking up her line. In addition to therecent Vancouver Fashion Week show, Sandusky has also been featured in two previous VancouverEco-Fashion Weeks.

The fun doesn’t stop here for Sandusky as some of her most recent line may be featured in upcomingeditions of both Vogue UK and Glamour UK over the next year.

While it is apparent Sandusky was born to create, she added she has faced a number of challengesover the past four years as a designer.

“I think because I’m not trained as a fashion designer I’ve had to learn everything from scratch,” shesaid. “The more complicated my knitwear design becomes the more I have to learn as far as sewingin linings and zippers goes. That has been the most challenging for me in addition to learning how totreat it as a business and not just a hobby.”

She encourages young fashionistas everywhere to never give up on their dreams adding it’s hard tobelieve how far she has come.

“My plate is definitely full right now. Before it seemed so out of reach but now it seems like it’s reallystarting to happen and I’m excited to see where it takes me,” stated Sandusky. “IfI had one piece ofadvice it would be to never give up – keep working towards your dream if that’s what you want.”Read more at:www.marieaustralia.com/white-formal-dresses | www.marieaustralia.com/formal-dresses-perth
Daisy King Sep 2013
Excuse my drifting-
I didn't mean to kiss you like that,
I was just trying to swallow the space between us somehow
because I think tonight the moon was stillborn.
All the tides seem broken.

The space is dragging with plaintive collectibles=
complacency in yellow-teeth cliffsides, and all the empty shells
in which we'd listened for the corners of our ocean
and heard it ebbing, relenting, reaching.
It rippled on our skins and made us twinkle then.

Now I'm missing you, the grating bottle-glass shards
are what my headaches are made of
and are what fill up my shoes.

When our spines unravelled, I heard rain-
letter-writing weather, bathtub weather,
knitwear-perhaps-on-the-beach weather-
but the puddles were coming from the sun.
I don't know quite when summer blew in.

We would have found canvas chairs in the park.
You would be taking pictures of yellow daffodils
in black and white with your big heavy camera,
and laughing at each sneeze because I'm allergic.

There's really no need now to listen in shells
for the clutter leftover in elegy-
platitudinous phrases, photographs, plenty more fish in the sea.
Words couldn't ever weigh the depths of it.
Only abrade and erode it.

Yours is a world that, for immeasurable gaps
and for whirlpools and whale sounds,
I am not a part of anymore.
But please excuse my drifting.
I will always love the echoes
and walk along the beach in search of shells.
written a long time ago after heartbreak.
b Jan 2019
the guilt
the sin
the hatred within

thinking if we disguise our hair
in an obscure form of veil
they will conceal our madness

thinking if our skin prevails
after years of stacking knitwear
they will shred our sadness

then asking us why are we so vain?
why do we masquerade our emotions to keep us sane?
when all your attempts strives to conceal what’s underneath
underneath that cloth you call a veil
underneath that skin you use for sale

the morals
the virtues
the lies you preach

It is just another mask you wish to keep
judy smith Oct 2016
Christophe Lemaire is a no frills, no fuss designer. After working as the artistic director of Lacoste and Hermès, Lemaire decided to give his full attention to his independent fashion brand, Lemaire, with partner Sarah-Linh Tran. The brand, which focuses on elevated pieces for everyday life, completed two very successfulcapsule collections with Uniqlo (both of which were called Uniqlo x Lemaire). When the time came for a third collection, however, Lemaire wanted to take his role at Uniqlo one step further, even if it meant personally devoting less time to his growing independent brand. "[It was] a little bit agitating, because I had just decided to focus on my own brand," Lemaire explains. "I didn't want to go back to more discussion, but I felt it was really something interesting to do, and I always dreamt of working for Uniqlo."

This summer, Lemaire was appointed as artistic director of the new Uniqlo Paris R&D; Centre, where he leads research and development for the LifeWear brand, and has designed a new Uniqlo line, Uniqlo U. The line takes clothing basics to a new level, focusing on quality and luxury to redefine Uniqlo's familiar essentials such as t-shirts and down jackets. The result is what Lemaire has strived to do with his own brand—everyday clothing for everyday life—for a wider audience. "It's a little bit of a humble approach, putting the same level of heart and passion that you can have in high fashion, but into an industrial product," says Lemaire.

NATALIA BARR: You said that you left your role at Hermès to focus on your own brand. Is your own brand still such a big priority for you?

CHRISTOPHE LEMAIRE: That's why I hesitated. I really thought about it a lot. I just wanted to make sure I would be able to set the right team, because I very much believe in the collective work and the team dynamic. With the right team, you can really save so much time and energy. Whereas if you don't have the right environment and the right support from the company, or the right team, it can be extremely tiring and frustrating. Today, I can say I have this great team at Uniqlo and of course at Lemaire. Also, at Lemaire, there is Sarah-Lin [Tran], my partner. We decided to not work together on this new Uniqlo project, so she would focus more on Lemaire, and I spend my time between Uniqlo and Lemaire. With great teams on both sides, it works—it's exciting and inspiring.

BARR: How did your past roles at other brands prepare you for this role you have now?

LEMAIRE: Being a head designer or art director or just even a designer, you need a certain level of experience and maturity. It's true that I've made mistakes, but I know I shouldn't do them again. [There are] so many things I've learned, and I'm still learning, actually. At Lacoste, I learned how to drive in a very conservative environment. I had to learn how to do politics, how to talk, how to explain, and how to communicate a vision, and the necessary link between marketing and creative teams. Also, very important, the shop experience, which was actually very frustrating at Lacoste. At Hermès it's different. I learned, maybe more than anywhere else, how to work around a legacy, and how to integrate a strong brand culture into my work. Also, to work with a completely different projection system and craftsmanship. Every company, of course, teaches you so much humanly and professionally [about] yourself and your creative process.

BARR: What is it about Uniqlo that made you dream of working there?

LEMAIRE: If I really think about what drove me from the beginning to become a designer, it is really the idea of trying to make everyday life a little bit better—to make it more functional, more desirable, to improve quality of life somehow. Through designing clothes, I try to bring solutions to people, and I'm interested in the everyday relationship we have to clothes. I'm not a designer who is very interested in baroque or in fantasy or in the fantastic side of fashion. This exists and this is important, but I'm interested in the very real dimensions. I'm interested in the poetry of reality. I try to bring as much taste, smartness, quality, functionality, and aesthetic qualities to everyday clothes. I'm interested in the intimate relationships we can have with those good clothes that we may have in our closets. I think we all have those particular pieces of clothes that we really like, because it ages well, because it fits you well, because you feel comfortable, and you feel confident in those clothes. All those aspects of good design are what I'm interested in. I'm trying just to do good clothes, clothes that you need as much as you want. For me, Uniqlo is an amazing environment. They have an amazing production system, and they have this capacity of bringing the best quality at the best price. There is something very democratic about it, which I really appreciate.

BARR: What was the inspiration for the Uniqlo U collection?

LEMAIRE: When we met with my team to start the very first collection, I told them, "Let's forget about themes and mood boards. Let's start from a different point of view. You have to leave for two months all of a sudden. What would you put in your suitcase? What are the twenty essential pieces that you will need and how would you design it to be cool, and you'll want to wear it?" That's just a different approach. It's about trying to propose, every season, the perfect wardrobe of elevated basics.

BARR: How is this collection different from your past collaborations with Uniqlo?

LEMAIRE: The past collaboration was very much a collaboration between Lemaire and Uniqlo. It was very much Sarah-Lin and I bringing a Lemaire twist to a Uniqlo environment. This one was different, because we really are extremely faithful to the DNA. I had to convince Uniqlo about that because at first, they wanted us to do a new collaboration. Then we said, "No, we have to focus on our brand." Then they said, "Why don't we put your name on the label, and it's Christophe Lemaire for Uniqlo?" And I said, "No. Fashion people will care, but I don't think Uniqlo consumers will. Let's try to bring more style into basics, and let's touch real people all around the world, people who don't really care who Christophe Lemaire is." It's not a short designer collaboration. The idea is to bring another layer of constant product that is Uniqlo, and complementary to the main line.

BARR: How do you approach designing a collection that is meant to carry basics in a fresh and artistic way?

LEMAIRE: This is what I've always been interested in, trying to make timeless, functional, real clothes. Everywhere I've been working, I always had in mind the final destination of the clothes, which is the consumer. For me, the fashion show, the image, the shooting, is just a step. It's just a moment, but it's not the final destination. There are so many things to do within that concept of basic with a twist. It's very subtle. It's a thin line between becoming too fashionable or becoming boring. You have to find this balance to create something that is obvious, but at the same time exciting. I don't know if we achieved that, but this is what we had in mind. How we get to that, it's difficult to explain. It depends, but it might be the color, the details, or the choice in the material. I'm proud of what we came up with in terms of product. I don't think a fast fashion brand can really say the same about the quality of the product. We come up with products that are of good qualities in terms of lasting and the way it ages. If not, it's a failure for us.

BARR: Do you have a favorite piece or part of the collection?

LEMAIRE: That's a tricky one. The sweaters are amazing. The knitwear is very good quality. My personal favorite is a simple crewneck sweatshirt for men that I wear every day, just because of the quality of it. It's a French terry. It's quite heavy and round. We were actually surprised to be able to do that for Uniqlo, because even in the good sportswear, streetwear brands, you can't find that quality. Simple things like that, that make my life easier.Read more at:http://www.marieaustralia.com/mermaid-trumpet-formal-dresses | www.marieaustralia.com/blue-formal-dresses
woe May 2018
What could be better than an autumn?
Than how this breeze of crisp air which flows through greets you on your way to run a quick errand—letting you see the way it drives each and every red-gold leaves into a large pile on the grass. And if you’re lucky enough, it may blow the fallen leaves around your feet and teach you how to waltz.

What could be better than an autumn?
Than how the clouds wash these suffocating airs to spotlessness—bringing along some sparse drops of rain which become harsher the longer you get rained on, yet are still soothing to your soul.  Deep in your melancholy burst, you still wish for the April showers to bring back your May flowers.

What could be better than an autumn?
Than how a cup of hot chocolate warms both of your hands in so brief a period. Giving you a chance to briefly forget about how the tips of your fingers turn pale and numb—and time, to cherish the faint glimmering of lights lining the street on your way home.

And, what could be better than an autumn?
When you come into my line of vision—wearing your favorite knitwear over a long-sleeved white t-shirt, looking so warm with scarf wrapped around your neck and gloves secured on your hands—and so readily welcome me with the warmest of smiles.
No rocket surgeon,
     nor brain scientist called upon
but only Rudolf the red nose reindeer
solicited as psychological mentor
yes...undoubtedly countless
     decades removed since queer  
(not very gay at all!)
     ****** changing phenomena

     from thine angst riddled
     biological metamorphosis allows me to peer
with greater theft of mine precious youth stolen,
     via piercing overbear
ring mailer daemons,
     when mine tender age did near

cusp whence onset of puberty
     clapped development tight as if by
     a doppelganger mutineer
warp and weft of mine lifetime tapestry
     mine acute perception doth lear
as threads got tightly woven
     into mine casual knitwear

though pubescent phase
     wrought with oppressive foresight
     interwoven with jeer
ring bullying hmm...maybe thine ability
     to distill self actualization
     extant among interlinear
teenage stage viewable

     during my youthful days, but clouded over asper
     mine more vivid perspective here
from this present moment
     ha...amusing insight from present perch
     devoid of adolescent glare
sire re: brill grade

     do lobes gleam freer,
now with insight aye ear
rate at such pitch 'ere
perfect hindsight aye declare,
yet as a much younger self
     when I hapt to be a boy, acuity seemed oblivious
     to perceive via sight and sound

what social cues visceral, (visual,
     and audiological) seems crystal clear
revisiting non verbal
     awkward teenage mutant
     ninja turtle memories, that now deafeningly blare
at the threshold of ear
     splitting decibels, how hard of hearing human
     (nada so) subtle in retrospect, I am aware
interpersonal nuances clear as the tune
     Doris Day Que será, será
     did voice, a catchy air.
As long term aspiring
     gurgling (stream of consciousness)
     paperback writer, there doth appear
an imponderable quandary

     most likely experienced
     by fellow neophyte authors,
     one pesky bugbear
that just dawned, (within the mind

     of this former tony
     MainLiner) crystal clear,
i would bet mine
     bottom dollar and declare

unequivocally established writers
     mentally tussled (or still do),
     how to accrue “Art of the book writing deal”
     contract subsequently endear

an increasing number of people,
     that definitely feel drawn
     to thy unique flavinoid flair
with words this scrivener displays,

     where oft times decrypting
     (mine block chain) dost jam
     at least one cerebral cog and gear
no matter how far away from me,

     this mind can telepathically hear,
colorful epithets, thus
     seriously considering donning,
     summoning, and trumpeting

     his swiftly tailored,
     harried styled interlinear
difficult to interpret ma Bella cos
     mean mien, thus ready

     (lock, stock and barrel)
     to ship me on a one way junketeer
attired in a combination
     all force he zen,

     (and Caesar) knitwear
and (thrift special red tag sale) leisurewear
oh...preferably gender neutral,

or specifically frilly pink menswear
which could be either
     day or nightwear

yet absolutely non gaudily
     outlandish most unlike
thine convoluted other worldly
     unfairly punishing stentorian

     verb hose noun sense sic cull
     idiomatic ling goo whist tricks
     driven by a harsh grammatical taskmaster,
     (nonetheless one

     gentle non-slavish overseer)
summoning positive
     feedback to reap peer
burgeoning my popularity,

     yet without being queer
yule us, yes...of course retaining rear
penchant inventively steer
ring an unsuspecting reeder

agonizingly testing their
pay shunts, perhaps inducing her/him
to race out the door like a a mad person
     clad with (impeach 45) underwear

calling for men/women in white coats
     to lock up Matthew Scott Harris
     possibly commuting his
     long runonsentence tea
     ching fellow inmates without ten year!
Hidden under crop circle
resembling an ampersand
hides sheathed silo - obscured,
said symbol adorned every armband
of national socialist, yet weapons

of mass destruction) bland
lee, blatantly ignored global pact
prepared from this once (bajillion
years ago) geologic bottomland
repurposed for a bomb bin able

(made in good ole US of A) brand
to release payload
upon given command
i.e. at moments notice,
the notorious brigand

usurped entire communications broadband
to stow and let loose by,
thee once upon a time pokey cowhand
now chief of state tyrant,
sans military industrial complex edifice

where deadly warheads demand
did and trumpeted by "FAKE EVIL"
apprentice madly (ad libbing)
gesticulating, & expostulating to DISBAND
at once - to no effect

falling on deaf ears
as Doomsday Clock rhythmically
minutely gourmandises
cannibalizing entire webbed
world, whose former slender
(now stubby) baby grand

piano playing butter fingers
primed to press miniature
Taj Mahal shaped hand,...
(now a pause for infowars
commercial identification about Homeland

security threatened by migrant husband
and wife, especially terror unleashed
from baby, whose hood
loom doth not expand
much taller than kickstand),

Regular noteworthy poetic program resumes:

...but biological chattering multiplicand
the fiercest most critical operand
linkedin with scheme
asper deadly retaliatory reprimand
against leader of free world,

a hot headed note tory us
donning wig by handmaiden Shetland
knitwear, which Total Mortal Kombat
every man, woman and will soon understand!

KA-BOOM! Into a bajillion
(to the power of Googleplex)
goes civilization and discontents,
and since World War II
accursed with self destructive hex
hmm...mebbe terrestrial for
another species similar to T-Rex.
I inconsolably wept a river of sorrow
starkly aware alienated daughter(s)
implacable woe sundered fatherhood
yesterday, today and tomorrow.

A series of unfortunate events
(move over Lemony Snicket)
set in motion since my birth
unleashed impotent scrawny infant
registering 3,000,716,593 third
baby born on planet earth
swaddled emulating uterine hearth.

Oblivious to death, his ear splitting yowling
triggered lactation, which kept him alive,
where he blissfully suckled guaranteed immunity,
yet thru childhood chicken pox and mumps
he gain said grim forecast and survive
living social threescore and four years
amidst emotional travails
including life threatening bout
with anorexia he did thrive.

Mein kampf and lovely bones
analogous to graveyard
the wind thru unmarked tombstone moans
issuing melancholic tones.

Quintessential tear ducts relentlessly secrete
grim reaper who no mortal can cheat,
yet offspring must not precede parents,
hence tis regarding scythe
(memento mori symboling untimely death)
stealing prized progeny,
and forever silencing her heart beat.

She leads charmed enviable life
physically active with all manner of sport
unlike yours truly and the wife
whereat the former (an aspiring wordsmith)
experiencing psychological demon
that brandish blood dripping knife.

Accursed pained longevity I must bear
illustrative of existence,
where mental health did career
all too human to err,
nevertheless daughter will not forgive
no matter schizoid personality disorder
inherited courtesy one or more forebear
me, the singular son and addle brained heir
sired by Boyce and Harriet

whose pop and mom genes
transmitted self destructive traits
that did unwittingly impair
embedded within mine being
analogous to knitwear
fraught with mistake
and evident in me a longhair
pencil necked geek near
to thinning out viz receding hairline
versus once golden locks xtra ordinaire

when just a lad mistook me being queer,
yet homosexual preference rear
if non existent, yet notions
of same *** flagrante delicto thoughts
flickered decades ago
regarding to timeshare
once skinny self while at Antioch College,
especially when unexpectedly approached
by ******* clad Adonis
donned in frilly underwear.

As one sexagenarian
becomes more sanguine,
he nevertheless struggles to decouple
his boyhood, adolescent, late teen
and emerging adulthood
experiences that left bitter
after taste of quinine,
and prompts tremendous us to pine
for halcyon days recalling mine
blissful years at 324 Level Road
Collegeville, Pennsylvania
they mostly ranked as divine.
Sans Eldest Daughter Eden Liat

No matter this papa
who may as well live in Zaire
he reckons "star student"
no longer relevant to me,
now grown independent upon
your twenty second

orbit since...yesteryear
(happy birthday orbit around the sun
fast approaching twenty second year
December twenty second,
this glum papa doth wonder, where
he wishes owning magical power

to reach back across space/
time continuum and volunteer
to make amends for situations,
he contributed to make unbear
rubble analogous to aftermath
of unleashing paternal thermonuclear

inflicting harm upon
your psychological state
as if pierced with a razor sharp spear
unnecessarily provoking rage,
dischord, grief, et cetera,
now fallout rear

ring up inside my
psyche with **** quare
lee invisibly pummeling,
thus I indirectly persevere,
albeit indirectly thawing chill
between us without,

I can no longer overbear
the torturous repercussions
as if choking by unseen near
medium small at large lightly
shocking me with about
a bajillion microampere

charge emanating
from tragicomic mask
courtesy Classic Greek
playwrights, whose ghosts lear
sporting harris tweed knitwear
haunting me in close proximity - jeer
ring at my parental facebook,

and sundry faux pas
unwittingly causing unpleasant interfere
rinse knowing (i.e. intuitively
sensing) telepathically here
ring cackling laughter,
and imagining a cruel glare.

— The End —