Bottles of alcohol squat on the counter, and cigarette butts
like yellow dead June bugs on the floor.
Bottles of shimmering reasons to not care about a hangover,
to leave prom early and rejoice in your parent’s absence.
Glistening necks, elegant glass nubs with no cap
tipped up into mouths screaming proud and hoarse,
We are STUPID! And CONTAGIOUS!
our ***** voices breaking under the radio sound
to a loud song whose generation no longer cares.
But we do, dumb boys and girls in a truck, rolling around town
like Haylee’s bottle of Jack Daniels in the trunk—
aimless, optimistic, and looking for reasons, so
buy a pack at the Chevron and let’s go smoke!
That’s enough, after all, isn’t it?
Reason enough to crack the windows, find a Carlyss backroad,
waste away midnight and half a tank of gas.
Still, as I drive on, a 90s rock station stimulating rotation of the spliff,
that smell puts my mind out of guitar solos and into placid hallways,
Smells Like a night in my dad’s apartment,
the stubbly couch with the nicotine blanket,
the Marlboro tone in the air, concrete crumbs and a lighter’s grating chrrt.
Divorce sounds like alcohol—
a word that burns, something sterilizing and for adults only.
But I don’t care, it’s my turn on the spliff,
and the backseat of my truck sounds more Alive
than the old horror movie rentals he would put on.
And why should I worry about what sobriety means
when we’ve been planning this night for months now?
All stocked up on Bacardi and Smirnoff Ice, Captain Morgan’s, Svedka, Mike’s Hard,
Swisher Sweets wrapped up in the **** bag—
We shoot our ***, soldiers eager to start the war,
that war against a domestic unknown enemy,
an enemy dangerous and subversive, like sober-minded aspirations.
And while Zack rolls the blunt, while Jack finds his Camel pack,
while you ask for a hit of Haylee’s cigarette,
I fill a glass with water, my intention to hydrate
exactly as genuine as my intention to forget about it.

I got dizzy sick rolling down hills in the mist
In the heart of a city desperate to exist
I understood that longing gaze of the abyss
An endless summer, well, when will it quit?

A stitch in time between two uneven seams
A finger in the socket of Tesla's dead dream
Come dance in the current of electric memes
Talk me out of my money with sweet polysemes

Dawn's hair was a sunbeam, she dyed it fire
It wouldn't fall straight, time is a spire
Out of sync with fate and strung like a lyre
She was an apex of innocence and desire

She left with a preacher all doom and gloom
I came with a stripper in a darkened black room
She said I'm a good kisser, I assume it's true
You can laugh at me if you want to

This dancer's a waterfall, turning all slowly
Trying to show me how intimacy's lonely
Piercings on her back like the ones Anna showed me
Lost time swirling in whirlpools below me

I tried to be gentle but I just turned out weak
Cursed by my angels, Hope and Release
My mediocre mind, my consistent hobgoblin
She said "Don't fall in love," that won't be a problem

Haylee got angry at the skip in each heartbeat
Anxiety burning in every breath of our sleep
She held every moment of the life I never had
Then released them like butterflies in our confab

My tongue tied, un-nimble, into infinity symbols
Swirling in the kiss of strangers so simple
Peeking thru needle's eyes into heaven's riddle
Wound up with Thumbelina living in a thimble

Tumbling down a faucet stream, twisting with ripples
Her hair caught in my mouth, it tickles a little
Her eyes scream with thoughts of playing my fiddle
But I feel the life released from my middle

My heartbeat's compulsive, my shivers convulsive
Her tatoo at an angle, her complexion olive
I called it a nice moment but I hope it lasts
A thousand memories trapped in my gasp

A thousand nows
just
out
of
my
grasp

as i look throughout the tree’s, a strand of light strikes me
i go back to an awful place like it somehow reminded me
where one day my family was perfectly fine, then the next day came
and they were no longer mine. daddy had left, and he took mommy’s heart.
and i slowly sat down and watched my mom fall apart. what i hesitate to mention,
was her partner of choice, so harsh with his hands and loud with his voice
his had stricken my mother almost on a daily, listening to my mother scream my name, “haylee!”
the constant torture at that ******* house, i needed to leave and get these thoughts out.
what my mother did, was completely unexpected, she risked her shot to leave, for me to get ahead.
i now live safe in the care of my family, but i will never forget his face, the definition of the word, scary.
and i will never forget the guilt that i feel, leaving my mother there.
but i have to move on, and do what she wished
for me to do better than she had ever did.
mom, i love you, and i will see you soon,
just to let you know, i will NEVER stop loving you