You have always felt a presence coming from your knife
It called you
To use it

You take the blade
And you cut into your flesh
And the blood comes draining out

You feel as though
You want to drink it
But you refrain

You take the hand that bleeds
You smear your blood across the mirror
In your mind
You want something

Supernatural to happen

Nothing

You look in the mirror
Blood still fresh on your blade
You can almost see a smile

You start to cry
Because life
Is never like the movies
Or the songs
It's dull

How many times
Have you used this same knife?

It's over
Never again

You reach for a brush
And start combing your hair
Life *****

You get ready to take a shower
You go to the bathroom
Take off your clothes
And get in the shower
You decide
You want to take a bubble bath instead

You pour out the bath salts
And wait for it to fill

It's really warm
You place your foot into the water
It stings
You submerge yourself
And cover your body in bubbles
You feel down the outer part of your thigh
And scratch open your cuts that you made on your thigh

It feels rough and smooth
You relax and close your eyes
You're thinking of that dream you had
That nightmare

You start to laugh a little
You feel like crying
You just scratch
And cry softly
Not loud
Just
Softly

You wait there for a while
And you sit up
With bubbles across your skin
Slowly falling down
You reach for the plug
Pull it out
And just sit there
Until the water's all gone

You shiver a little

You get up
Open the curtain
Mirror's fogged up
And you squint at your reflection

You leave the tub
Approach the sink
Naked

Move your hands across the mirror
Squint again

Eww

You grab your favorite towel
And begin to dry off

You start to put the robe back on
And leave the bathroom
There's still a little blood in the tub
Slowly draining away

You walk back into your room
Shut the door
Lock it
Take off your robe
Place it here

Then your thigh is bleeding again from scratching it
So you find a band aid
And place it on your skin
It falls off

Meh

You grab an over sized t-shirt
Place it over your body

Lay down in bed
And check out your texts

Nothing

You kinda almost cry
You plug in your phone
And go to bed

When you wake up the next morning
You don't feel good

Ehhh

Headache
You can't think
You are just sitting up
Staring
At your door
With your robe by it

You breathe slowly
Depressingly
Like you
Don't want to leave your bed

You grab your phone
Check it

Nothing

Huh

You get out of bed
Sit down on the floor
Put your socks on
Then your underwear
Then you take off this t-shirt
Put on a kinda cute shirt
Put on some blue jeans
You forgot to put your bra on
So you take off your cute shirt
Slowly get it on
Wires start poking into your back
You need a new bra

Meh

Put your cute shirt back on

Head towards the bathroom
Walk passed your sister
You don't have any makeup on yet
Maybe you can skip that today

Ha

No

Open the bathroom door
Start applying make up
You mess up on the eyeliner
Have to
Do it again

Half hour later

Your brother's pounding on the door

Hurry up in there

Meh

You start to move slower

Hurry up in there

You turn to face the door

You think
I hope you **** your pants

You open the door
Your brother looks ******
You just walk by him
He slams the door
All angry

You're just shaking your head
You knock on the door
You say
Hurry up in there

I forgot my comb

You wait for him to finish

He opens the door
You plug your nose
And grab some bathroom spray and spray the hell out of the bathroom

You then have to go to the bathroom now
You shut and lock the door
You sit down
It's wet

You want to ****** him now
But you're too tired to ****
So whatever

You finish

You get up
You squint in the mirror
You see a zit

No

You leave the bathroom
Forgetting your comb

You meant to say brush
Not comb

Meh

Yeah
I say that a lot

Walking down stairs
You go to the fridge
No more mountain dew left

******

You shut the door
Making a funny face

Your mom says
Ready for school?

You say
No
Can I stay home
I'm not feeling good

She says
What's wrong?

I don't want to talk about it

She says
What's wrong
sounding out her middle name as well

Whatever

She doesn't like her attitude
She grabs her backpack
Puts her shoes on

And goes and waits for the school bus

She just stares down the road
And waits
And waits
And waits

I could fall asleep waiting

she yawns a little

backpack on the ground with strap in hand
Bus shows up
She gets on

Finds a seat
With nobody
Places her backpack down

And a guy asks
Can I sit here?

She's like
No

He says
*****

Meh

She opens her book
Starts reading

Do you know how she feels right now?

Christmas, Christmas, Christmas
Urggg yrgggg yrgggg urggg,
the songs are like a clogged bell
streaming depressive used sounds
Hymns of abused commercialisation
As an excuse of mixed celebrations

Christmas, Christmas, Christmas
Urggg yrgggg yrgggg urggg,
you remain dead for long time ago
when my heart changed into stone
and my dance a faded fortification
in opened doors of the unreached

Christmas, Christmas,Christmas
Urggg yrgggg yrgggg urggg,
a season where enemies embrace
with a tint of lost meshed generosity
That flavoured distasteful laughter
Coated with silvery decorations

Christmas, Christmas, Christmas
Urggg, yrgggg yrgggg urggg,
a shaw of the dying tower blocks
Overlooking hunger and troubled war
that height of starry driven nights
Casting shadows to the chilled earth

Christmas, Christmas, Christmas
Urgg, yrgggg yrgggg urggg,
The trees are felled to make cards
with anthems of a failed system
the tide of the recycled messages
of happy tidings, fill the bellies ehhh

Minor bores inside the earth
Cracks splits rising upwards
Witness to cataclysm's birth
Fissures chasms and fiends within
Fire rise higher incite the ire
Demons and gremlins of which the horned one sires
That's it that's all. There's nothing to fear.
The fires and screams are myths of yesteryear

I know I've said this before
but this time it's true
I know you don't have to believe me
but I'm over hating you
Cause this time I was wrong

Oh and I know
You've tried so hard to make amends
I've pushed you away
Yet you still wanted... to stay friends
I just want you to understand
(want you to understand)
The power's in your hands
(the power's in your hands)

Oh I've been such a fool
I'm over acting like I'm cool-er
than you (or anyone)
Cause this time I was wrong

Yeh this time I was wrong
Yeh this time I was wrong
Yeh this time, oh yeh this time
You were right all along

Oh I've been such an idiot
I don't expect you to forgive me yet
And all of the neglect
Was born from the pain I felt
But its over now
Yeh-e-eh-e-ehhh
Cause this time I was wrong

Cause I've had time to think it through
(My minds clear and I feel all right now)
So I can't hate you for being yourself
Girl you gotta let yourself shine through
Stop trying to clean up everybody else's mess
Cause you're better than this

Don't ever let anyone tell you you're a liar
Girl you got to live like you're made of fire
Be unpredictable
And light you're path
Just be careful who you burn
Cause this time...
You were right all along...

The one
Let’s see…

Tall dark and handsome, please…
Brilliant.
Aware of the fraud of success.
Open heartedness.
Honest. Totally honest.
Conscious.
Strong, in arms and chest.
Courageous!
Studious, patient.
Warm and welcoming
In the oddest of
Situations.
Fluid yet stern in stance.
Bold yet quietly impresses.
Lion and Lioness
Capability of holding me
Securely. Tightly, loosely,
Freely.. encouraging free.
Right there beside me.
Right here.

He, I see now the pull.
That tug to He.
Its you.
The divine energy of the
Light of the womb.
Its you, in form.
The magnificent,
Heaven sent adorned with
Structures of Gods.
Its you.

Its your space I await to feel
Pressed against.
The essence you emit.
The presence you elicit.
The delicate tracing of your lips
I will know them as soon as we kiss
And before, I will notice
The form. The shape, the way
Your teeth show through.
It will all come back as soon
As I see you.
You will see me, I promise
That day, you will see me.

What more, she said to get it out…

The one,
Competitive with no one,
Except his self.
Compassionate to healing
Trusting of women.
A tree lover, hugger…..ehhh
… for sure a lover.
And can swing an ax if
Its cold and winter.
Problem solver and
Negotiator.
Maybe an Aquarius…
I want a writer,
A poet, a singer.
I want a hard worker.
I want the one to see
Me.
When he hears me
He knows he’s heard his call.
The voice calls him in
And we swim, diving deep within
Spending hours
Divulging our souls.
Testing for qualms.
Adjusting for changes in the future.

The near future, he will walk right up to me
He will ask me my name
And we will speak as friends.
And we will grow naturally,
As it happens time and time again.
Ours a slow and steady end.

I fight off an atlas ache
I breathe in, it offers a twinge
I roll my shoulders

"what are you gonna say?"

my ribcage stiffens against the skin where it resides
my throat feels like I've never drank

"I dunno."

storm clouds somewhere surely hang
I'm sure they do, it's still so wet outside
petrichor lingers dense and sweet, clinging to the greenery

"this is important. you have to stand up to her."

not impatient, but not eager to waste any time
I'm not eager to waste hers
but mine matters less simply because it is mine

"man, I know."

but she asks for something I'm not sure I can give
if I was to give anything, it'd be my femur bones
here, take these, I don't use them anyhow
maybe you can use them to bat around your enemies

"it's important for you."

something swift and slick and discreet
slides past my lips

"ehhh."

a comedic groan, but still

its not just me, its the legacy.

She told me to just let go
When I asked what was meant
There came an ehhh, I dunno

So many wars inside, twice upon the rise
While they're preying upon another
Trying to feast upon that pride

Let's see the real you once there in those blues
Just let go their multiple guises
Then the world will see you true

Newspaper  for an
Inner planetary System made of Love
Ehhh eh ehhhh ehh
Sorry
Seem to have a cough

"SHE LOOKS LIEK SHE STEPPED OUT OF
THE MIDDLE OF SOMEBODY'S BLUES!"

I met a traveller
from a Martian land
who was mortified

that his mask had slipped
and that I could recognise
him/it for what he/it is

"****!" he said
"I paid good money
for this...

guarantied genuine
human
disguise!"

his face flickering
on & off on&off
breaking down into static

"Got it in a sale
it was going cheap
thought I'd got a bargain!"

I laughed
being as I was
from Mercury

and that I must
have a spare
in my emergency alien pack

"Well howsa
'bout that"
he chuckled

and so
faces
in place

we set off
to find us
some real-life earthlings

the Disco ball
turning turning
like a little silver planet

Blondie screaming:
"Ehhh, she's so dull, come on,
rip her to shreds!"

Ehhh, Ich liebe dich???

Bammmm
Powwwww
Arghhherhhegh
Blehhhh
Mehhhhhhh
Ehhh
Clankkkk
Grr
­Hmmmmmmmmmmm
Ahhhh
Ahahahaha
Shhhh
!!!!