"deafining" poems
I've been stuck reading a deranged book
Where twelve year olds are *****
And a small child is more philisophical than my professor.
It makes me want to become "Manda and the Giant Peach".
But instead I grab a steak knife and a peach from the fridge.
I listen to the rain on the tin roof.
It is a deafining constant.
It's the soundtrack to infinity.
Every other time you blink
You're naked in a bathtub in a mental institution,
With some lady named Mrs. White
Looking down at you as you throw a fit.
I throw good fits.
I hate to blink back to my peach and my knife and my book.
I might as well just throw another fit
And throw the peach away.
Oh Mrs. White?
Jul 10, 2013
Jul 10, 2013 at 9:48 PM UTC
I’ve shifted again
cloned to this moment
movement saturated with magnetic attraction
Birds clothed with daunting spiral screeches
dives
into
black berry pie
Grandma’s hands veined with my spirit
called me to the pitchers mound
I see a possibility and I aim,
my spine speaks the diatribe of loosing
but my heart is snickering like an older brother
laughing out loud, copying my every word
( I am confused and a bit angry)
this a proven tactic my world seems to set loose on my
Learning.
Right then?
I care for naught; my heart nor my head
So then I think
Who am I?
I am suspended above likeness
Above suspicion
Above the ‘norm’
I am loose and I fit into groves
like extended membrane of rats
inside the crush of cellophane noise
four years old at christmas unwrapping gifts
freely expecting life to deliver
but a father, a mother, a friend, a stranger
warps my view
black like blue
Clothed in sound
It is almost assured the sun will shine today
It is almost assured the grass will grow
It is almost assured I will become more
Scene 2: I am back on the pitchers mound
the screaming errupts
such unruly delight from the crowd of my memories
going back seems deafining
I throw the ball
I hear a crack
my within and without
assembles like crosswords on Sunday
sound becomes me
the life I know
knows me
(we’ve been friends thoughout time and beyond)
all at once I catch up to the knitting of dreams and beliefs
Into something ‘not known before’
**Pearls made from sand
ENTIRE STRAND**…
I understand there is more than mind and heart
( blasphemy?)
I understand there is space between the moments
between breathing in and out
Oh sweet spot transition!
Crack….
Here I am
Right where I am
using the substance between the seeming separation
as starting point
of all I deem real
Linaji 2011
Nov 10, 2011
Nov 10, 2011 at 2:54 PM UTC
The sounds of church bells and the pleas of pastors saying "do not fear for God is near" echoes in my ears as i watch my father leave his temple to walk with the almighty.
The warmth of his hands began to fade into cold, and lifeless limbs i did not recognize.
Lingering sounds of a flat line accompanied by your voice of despair to let my father go.
That was when the first few petals fell.
Your vivacious smile accompanied by your long midnight hair was buried within the garden under the dead apple tree.
The whispers of silence were deafining to your ears as you wet your pillows with the taste of brandy on your lips and the black streaks ran down your cheeks.
The once so full flower was beginning to thin.
My hands turned cold as yours pulled away into those of another who was not my father.
A rose petal fell.
Time ceases to stop or slow down except when we are feeling melancholy.
But time with you was like taking roses off of a thorny bush with your bare hands; delicate and painful.
Just like you and i.
A child was left for the elders, but little did they know, she was an old soul.
I saw the sadness projecting through your eyes as you were trampled by this concept we call life.
I attempted to be of aid to you mother, but the demons wouldn't let go.
Little did i know your demons could wither a flower.
White oleander ran through your veins as you put those little white pills into your mouth.
A rose petal fell.
Then the day came where you were flying high. The sounds of white noise and tear drops hitting my skin haunt my dreams as i learned of the rose being taken away from me.
But did you know mother?
Did you forsee the quick end to a great future?
I did not; however, i knew there was not going to be much of a story to tell if you did not stop playing with the thorns.
But like a flower, you were delicate.
I guess that is where i get it from.
With every beautiful flower comes a root.
The last rose petal fell.
All that is left is a seed and thorns.
But to make a new flower, you only need the seeds.
A rose is like a Phoenix; the flower dies, but the seeds are reborn.
You left me with a seed of your life that i can use to continue to blossom into a beautiful rose like you.
And one day, my petals too will fall and wither.
But my flower wont be made weak with thorns, but strong with them.
The thorns i have will be my story even as my thorns watch my petals fall to the cold damp soil that is my pillow.
Every petal falling is a different ending.
Your rose died with you.
Just like my fathers died with him.
But my petals wont fall.
My petals will one day wither to only be replanted again.
Feb 20, 2018
Feb 20, 2018 at 9:54 PM UTC
im willing to help you , but only if youre willing to help yourself
when youre drowning in a sea of sorrow , Ill be the first to jump in after you
funny how no one belives in a life line till theyre the one in the water
im willing to listen, but only if you have something worth saying
when youre muted by insults , my voice will be the one to protect you
its crazy how everyone hates annoying sounds until there is only deafining silence
im willing to never let go but onling if youre willing to hang on
when youre falling ill be the bungee cord that pulls you back up
its terrifying to fall uless you realize something is going to catch you
im willing to be there for you, but only if you let me
when youre forced to walk through hell and back, ill be right beside you
its sad cuz you have a million best friends but find out you only have 1 true friend
im willing to love you but....
but... well thats the thing ill love you unconditionally
Jul 26, 2014
Jul 26, 2014 at 10:29 PM UTC
the silence between us is eerie
i want to ask do you hate me
the thought is fleeting
tires crunching as the hardened snow
flies beneath the wheels
turn up the music louder
for the silence is deafining
you take a wrong turn
makes the ride longer
you sing part of the song that’s playing
makes me smile
you’re my daddy
and i don’t want you to be mad
but i know i moved out
and it’s time to move on
I’m no longer daddy’s little girl
I’m daddy’s biggest mistake
The one who ****** up
The one who hurt him
Why should he love me
When he’s got a perfect one
Sitting at home
Doing chores
Doing her homework
Being nice
Being an angel
While he drives home
the oldest
the devil…
Dec 7, 2012
Dec 7, 2012 at 10:33 AM UTC
9 days into the new year
and I'm already asking God
to take me away
Away from the pain,
the paranoia,
the overthinking
and the deafining silence.
Hypocrite. I'm a hypocrite.
Two updates back
I was stating
my thoughts on death
How I only did not want to die
because of my family...
But now
There's this voice in my head
Saying they'll eventually move on
I'm lost
So lost
No words to put in
No lines to draw
I don't know what I am
I want to disappear
To be gone
To be calm and be at peace
I want my words back
I want to draw
To skate
To laugh
To be free
I don't want to be alone
Yet i don't want to burden anyone
There's no place i could run to
I have no one...
Jan 9, 2017
Jan 9, 2017 at 10:58 AM UTC
I looked through the kaleidoscope only to see the nameless faces of those who once crossed my path.
I dreamt of a face who i once knew so well, but so quickly turned into that of a memory.
Those eyes of onyx and hair of sand took me by suprise as i only knew you by your voice.
That glistening pearlescent smile blinded me as reflects of enamel danced with my heart.
Only by a picture did i realize that i had entered into a rabbit hole in which couldn't be jumped out of.
Only by a voice did i learn of the many ways that a girl can be loved.
I sat underneath the decaying roof as i listened to your vocal chords sing with a deep tone that took my breath away.
How did i know an innocence could be so ******
The birds crowed as i learned of my troubled future. The ants scattered as i would step on what was once their sanctuary.
But who would've known a similar voice would spin me around only to leave me in a corner for you to pick me up.
The golden sun rose only to set again.
Her olive skin reflected that of her hardships. Her emerald eyes made those who met her grow full of envy.
Prince Charming was to late, but was still desperately wanted.
She wanted him to rescue her, but she would always wake up.
His voice once again became a memory.
Those faces that once danced within her eyes were now turning to ash.
Those voices turned into that of a deafining silence.
It was then she realized, the once so colorful kaleidoscope had shattered into pieces to small to be fixed.
The dances of those faces she once knew so well began to disappear.
Apr 29, 2018
Apr 29, 2018 at 10:08 PM UTC