I know what I am. . .

I am uninterested
I am insecure
I am a manipulator
I am an introvert
I am a self saboteur
I carry a reputation for things
I dont even do anymore
who goes out of his way to hurt himself
and pushes away those who try to help
I act like a sarcastic *******
to ride the borderline
of seriousness
I am what the doctors would call
a high functioning alcoholic
I am a *****
I am lonely
I am seriously flawed,

but at least I am not you.

I’m on my knees with my head in my hands,
My self defeat and guilt invites your company,
You come in with just a knock, not realizing that my door was unlocked,
But you don’t look for me once you come in,
No, you look and find a moment of condescendence,
Don’t pat my back or patronize me with your sorry smile,
Your sympathy puts me in a world you think you stand above and beyond,
You insult me while at the same time,
You fool yourself out of your own muddy abyss of **** and rage,
But if it makes one of us feel better,
If it makes one of us think we are better,
To think we are not crawling out of the same muddy abyss,
Then go ahead and stand behind me,
but just don’t pat my back,
You’re only pushing me deeper,
I’ll crawl out alone,
You can stay and keep fooling yourself,
You’re not going anywhere
At least I know I can always count on you to be there,
At the same place with the same sorry words and that same sorry smile of yours,
I always know I’ll have people like you

Superficial salutations, polite insincerity beckons me to smile
Yet inwardly frown, indifferently my apathy towards you is unknowing
Yet you don’t care, walking on, not even looking towards who you greeted
I walk on wasting empty words, wasted thoughts

My mind is elsewhere, my thoughts cut off by my inept actions
The hallways, long and narrow
When do I make eye contact, when do I smile
Do I wave, or do I simply nod my greeting

I’m confused, gone are the ethics of caring, showing our true selves
Yet pretending
The masks we design and delve in, the wasted effort
Do we deign for attention, desire it

I would rather not talk to you, nor make communication
I know you don’t either
Yet, in our perfect word, our codified condescendence
Smile the mask, smile the task, uncaringly we mumble
Our hellos and goodbyes in one syllable sentences not skipping a beat

It's heavy on the head,
that letting-go part.

The whole,
"We need some time apart;
it's just too draining.
Maybe in a few years we can see
how much you are
and where we want to go
from there."

Figures.
Always running the show,
always giving me a hard time,
lifting me up
just to slam me down,
whooping my *** while I'm
sprawled out like roadkill.

(Though it's so hard to turn away...)

The lies are told to desperate ears,
making the pickings ever sweeter.

Thanks for the pick-me-up!
Now where's the put-me-back-down?
When do we plummet
way past our infamous goals
to the deeply imagined?
More than a fair share of fun
for the measly price of living!

Too many goodnights
haunted by negativity,
when sleep is better
than anxiety.

(The real test is when it decides to show its face again...)

Bah,
that won't be for a while,
at least until I've
made a name for myself
in some...
other way.

Once the mirror shows beneath
the tailored suede suit;
then we'll see who separates the lazy
from the dead.

I wonder if there will be a day
when I can wake up,
sure that there will be no more
condescendence
from my craft.

With condescendence circumference selfishly once said to spiral:
"You are ridiculous and useless curve, my popularity is viral!"
So you, the poet, in vanity, being only with talent of your own bound,
Believe that center of the world you are, and all the rest rotates around.

Hacker *****!
Ruining my life with your wit
And knowledge,
Lovely sound of real life expecting you...
Lovely, lovely.
How do you like my share of condescendence?
_Couldn't we simply understand each other? Children wishing for a better world. _

Oh, well! If you couldn't take me as your greatest admirer!

The Lord doesn't teach em
The devil don't attack em
They're walking in sin
With a proud grin

The way it's always been
Wholly untouched
Their folly is much
Their condescendence is such

Mockery and ill will
If they could, they would ****
Now it's my job to put up with them
I'll slice the bud at the stem

If you have a fighting soul
Here's a call
Rock and roll
Destroy them all