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ioan pearce Feb 2010
way high on brecon beacons,
amid the rain and sleet,
along came a ***** ole collier,
with wellies on his feet.

i said, you ***** ole collier,
my wife is fast asleep,
she's always got an headache,
please help me catch a sheep.

i am a ***** ole collier,
my name is slimy sam,
but you see i'm gay boy,
so lets go catch a ram.
I. Song of the Beggars
"O for doors to be open and an invite with gilded edges
To dine with Lord Lobcock and Count Asthma on the platinum benches
With somersaults and fireworks, the roast and the smacking kisses"

Cried the cripples to the silent statue,
The six beggared cripples.
"And Garbo's and Cleopatra's wits to go astraying,
In a feather ocean with me to go fishing and playing,
Still jolly when the **** has burst himself with crowing"

Cried the cripples to the silent statue,
The six beggared cripples.
"And to stand on green turf among the craning yellow faces
Dependent on the chestnut, the sable, the Arabian horses,
And me with a magic crystal to foresee their places"

Cried the cripples to the silent statue,
The six beggared cripples.
"And this square to be a deck and these pigeons canvas to rig,
And to follow the delicious breeze like a tantony pig
To the shaded feverless islands where the melons are big"

Cried the cripples to the silent statue,
The six beggared cripples.
"And these shops to be turned to tulips in a garden bed,
And me with my crutch to thrash each merchant dead
As he pokes from a flower his bald and wicked head"

Cried the cripples to the silent statue,
The six beggared cripples.
"And a hole in the bottom of heaven, and Peter and Paul
And each smug surprised saint like parachutes to fall,
And every one-legged beggar to have no legs at all"

Cried the cripples to the silent statue,
The six beggared cripples.

Spring 1935

II.
O lurcher-loving collier, black as night,
Follow your love across the smokeless hill;
Your lamp is out, the cages are all still;
Course for heart and do not miss,
For Sunday soon is past and, Kate, fly not so fast,
For Monday comes when none may kiss:
Be marble to his soot, and to his black be white.

June 1935

III.
Let a florid music praise,
The flute and the trumpet,
Beauty's conquest of your face:
In that land of flesh and bone,
Where from citadels on high
Her imperial standards fly,
Let the hot sun
Shine on, shine on.

O but the unloved have had power,
The weeping and striking,
Always: time will bring their hour;
Their secretive children walk
Through your vigilance of breath
To unpardonable Death,
And my vows break
Before his look.

February 1936

IV.
Dear, though the night is gone,
Its dream still haunts today,
That brought us to a room
Cavernous, lofty as
A railway terminus,
And crowded in that gloom
Were beds, and we in one
In a far corner lay.

Our whisper woke no clocks,
We kissed and I was glad
At everything you did,
Indifferent to those
Who sat with hostile eyes
In pairs on every bed,
Arms round each other's necks
Inert and vaguely sad.

What hidden worm of guilt
Or what malignant doubt
Am I the victim of,
That you then, unabashed,
Did what I never wished,
Confessed another love;
And I, submissive, felt
Unwanted and went out.

March 1936

V.
Fish in the unruffled lakes
Their swarming colors wear,
Swans in the winter air
A white perfection have,
And the great lion walks
Through his innocent grove;
Lion, fish and swan
Act, and are gone
Upon Time's toppling wave.

We, till shadowed days are done,
We must weep and sing
Duty's conscious wrong,
The Devil in the clock,
The goodness carefully worn
For atonement or for luck;
We must lose our loves,
On each beast and bird that moves
Turn an envious look.

Sighs for folly done and said
Twist our narrow days,
But I must bless, I must praise
That you, my swan, who have
All the gifts that to the swan
Impulsive Nature gave,
The majesty and pride,
Last night should add
Your voluntary love.

March 1936

VI. Autumn Song
Now the leaves are falling fast,
Nurse's flowers will not last,
Nurses to their graves are gone,
But the prams go rolling on.

Whispering neighbors left and right
Daunt us from our true delight,
Able hands are forced to freeze
Derelict on lonely knees.

Close behind us on our track,
Dead in hundreds cry Alack,
Arms raised stiffly to reprove
In false attitudes of love.

Scrawny through a plundered wood,
Trolls run scolding for their food,
Owl and nightingale are dumb,
And the angel will not come.

Clear, unscalable, ahead
Rise the Mountains of Instead,
From whose cold, cascading streams
None may drink except in dreams.

March 1936

VII.
Underneath an abject willow,
Lover, sulk no more:
Act from thought should quickly follow.
What is thinking for?
Your unique and moping station
Proves you cold;
Stand up and fold
Your map of desolation.

Bells that toll across the meadows
From the sombre spire
Toll for these unloving shadows
Love does not require.
All that lives may love; why longer
Bow to loss
With arms across?
Strike and you shall conquer.

Geese in flocks above you flying.
Their direction know,
Icy brooks beneath you flowing,
To their ocean go.
Dark and dull is your distraction:
Walk then, come,
No longer numb
Into your satisfaction.

March 1936

VIII.
At last the secret is out, as it always must come in the end,
The delicious story is ripe to tell the intimate friend;
Over the tea-cups and in the square the tongue has its desire;
Still waters run deep, my friend, there's never smoke without fire.

Behind the corpse in the reservoir, behind the ghost on the links,
Behind the lady who dances and the man who madly drinks,
Under the look of fatigue, the attack of the migraine and the sigh
There is always another story, there is more than meets the eye.

For the clear voice suddenly singing, high up in the convent wall,
The scent of the elder bushes, the sporting prints in the hall,
The croquet matches in summer, the handshake, the cough, the kiss,
There is always a wicked secret, a private reason for this.

April 1936

IX.
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

April 1936

X.
O the valley in the summer where I and my John
Beside the deep river would walk on and on
While the flowers at our feet and the birds up above
Argued so sweetly on reciprocal love,
And I leaned on his shoulder; "O Johnny, let's play":
But he frowned like thunder and he went away.

O that Friday near Christmas as I well recall
When we went to the Matinee Charity Ball,
The floor was so smooth and the band was so loud
And Johnny so handsome I felt so proud;
"Squeeze me tighter, dear Johnny, let's dance till it's day":
But he frowned like thunder and he went away.

Shall I ever forget at the Grand Opera
When music poured out of each wonderful star?
Diamonds and pearls they hung dazzling down
Over each silver or golden silk gown;
"O John I'm in heaven," I whispered to say:
But he frowned like thunder and he went away.

O but he was fair as a garden in flower,
As slender and tall as the great Eiffel Tower,
When the waltz throbbed out on the long promenade
O his eyes and his smile they went straight to my heart;
"O marry me, Johnny, I'll love and obey":
But he frowned like thunder and he went away.

O last night I dreamed of you, Johnny, my lover,
You'd the sun on one arm and the moon on the other,
The sea it was blue and the grass it was green,
Every star rattled a round tambourine;
Ten thousand miles deep in a pit there I lay:
But you frowned like thunder and you went away.

April 1937

XI. Roman Wall Blues
Over the heather the wet wind blows,
I've lice in my tunic and a cold in my nose.

The rain comes pattering out of the sky,
I'm a Wall soldier, I don't know why.

The mist creeps over the hard grey stone,
My girl's in Tungria; I sleep alone.

Aulus goes hanging around her place,
I don't like his manners, I don't like his face.

Piso's a Christian, he worships a fish;
There'd be no kissing if he had his wish.

She gave me a ring but I diced it away;
I want my girl and I want my pay.

When I'm a veteran with only one eye
I shall do nothing but look at the sky.

October 1937

XII.
Some say that love's a little boy,
And some say it's a bird,
Some say it makes the world round,
And some say that's absurd,
And when I asked the man next-door,
Who looked as if he knew,
His wife got very cross indeed,
And said it wouldn't do.

Does it look like a pair of pyjamas,
Or the ham in a temperance hotel?
Does its odour remind one of llamas,
Or has it a comforting smell?
Is it prickly to touch as a hedge is,
Or soft as eiderdown fluff?
Is it sharp or quite smooth at the edges?
O tell me the truth about love.

Our history books refer to it
In cryptic little notes,
It's quite a common topic on
The Transatlantic boats;
I've found the subject mentioned in
Accounts of suicides,
And even seen it scribbled on
The backs of railway-guides.

Does it howl like a hungry Alsatian,
Or boom like a military band?
Could one give a first-rate imitation
On a saw or a Steinway Grand?
Is its singing at parties a riot?
Does it only like classical stuff?
Does it stop when one wants to quiet?
O tell me the truth about love.

I looked inside the summer-house;
It wasn't ever there:
I tried the Thames at Maidenhead,
And Brighton's bracing air.
I don't know what the blackbird sang,
Or what the tulip said;
But it wasn' in the chicken-run,
Or underneath the bed.

Can it pull extraordinary faces?
Is it usually sick on a swing?
Does it spend all its time at the races,
Or fiddling with pieces of string?
Has it views of its own about money?
Does it think Patriotism enough?
Are its stories ****** but funny?
O tell me the truth about love.

When it comes, will it come without warning
Just as I'm picking my nose?
Will it knock on the door in the morning,
Or tread in the bus on my toes?
Will it come like a change in the weather?
Will its greeting be courteous or rough?
Will it alter my life altogether?
O tell me the truth about love.

January 1938
Dorothy A Feb 2015
She yelled out her back porch and into the alley as if one calling home the hogs. “Johnny! Johnny! You get home for supper! John—nyyy! You spend all day in that godforsaken tree that you’re gonna grow branches! Johnny, get home now!”

Up in his friend’s tree house, Johnny slammed his card down from his good hand that he was planning to win from. “****! She always does that to me”, he complained. “Just when I’m right in the middle of—“

Zack laughed. “Your ma’s voice carries down the whole neighborhood—practically to China!”

Everyone laughed. Iris’s daughter, Violet, said to her mom. “Grandma and Dad always butted heads.” She loved when her mom told stories of her childhood, especially when it was amusing.  

Iris’s good friend and neighbor, Bree, asked Iris, “I bet you never thought in a million years that she’d eventually be your mother-in-law”

“No, I sure didn’t”, Iris answered. “I am just glad that she liked me!”

Everyone laughed. Telling that small tale took her back to 1961 when her and her twin brother Isaac—known as Zack to most everyone—would hang out together with his best friend, Johnny Lindstrom. Because Iris was like one of the boys, she fit perfectly in the mix. Zach and she were fifteen and were referred to in good humor by their father as “double trouble”. It was that summer that they lost their dear dad, Ray Collier, and memories of him became as precious as gold. If it wasn’t for her brother and his friend, Iris be lost. Hanging out all day—from dawn til dusk—with Zack and Johnny was her saving grace.  Her mother was glad to have them out of her hair, not enforcing their chores very much.

“I was a tomboy to the fullest”, Iris told everyone. “I had long, beautiful blonde hair that I put back in a pony tail, and the cutest bangs, but I didn’t want to be seen as girly. I wore rolled up jeans and boat shoes with bobby socks, tied the bottom of my boyish shirt in a knot—but I guess I could still get the boys to whistle at me. I think it was my blonde hair that did it.”

“Oh, Mom”, Violet said, “You were beautiful and you know it! Such a gorgeous face!” She’d seen plenty of pictures of her mother when she was younger. Both Iris and Zack were tall and blonde. Zack’s hair could almost turn white in the summertime.

“Were beautiful?” Iris asked, giving Violet a concerned look, her hands on her hips in a playful display of alarm at her daughter’s use of the past tense. She may have been an older woman now, but she didn’t think she has aged too badly.

“Are beautiful”, Violet corrected herself. She leaned over and kissed her mom on the cheek. Iris was nearly seventy, and she aged pretty gracefully, and she was content with herself.  

They all sat in the living room sipping wine or tea and eating finger food. It was a celebration, after all—or just an excuse to get together and have a ladies night out. Not only had Iris had invited her daughter and friend, she had her sister-in-law—Zach’s wife, Franci—and her daughter-in-law, Rowan, married to her youngest son, Adam.

“Weren’t you going to marry someone else?” Bree asked Iris.

“Yes”, Iris responded. “We all wouldn’t be sitting here right now if I did. My life would have been very different.”

“A guy named Frank”, Violet stated. “I used to joke that he was almost my dad.”

Iris said to Violet, “Ha…ha. You know it took both your father and I to make you you. Everyone laughed at how cute that this mother-daughter duo talked. Iris went on, “I actually went on a couple of dates with your dad when I was seventeen. I was starting to get used skirts and dresses and went out of my way to look really nice for guys, but it was just high school stuff. After I graduated, I met a guy named Frank Hautmann, and we were engaged within several months.”

“What happened to him?” Rowan asked.

Iris sipped her tea and seemed a bit melancholy. “We did love each other, but it just didn’t work out. I know he eventually married and moved out of state. I ran into John about two or three years later, and everything just clicked. His family moved several miles away once we all graduated, so being best friends with Zack kind of faded away for him. But once I saw him again, we were really into each other. We took off in our dating as if no time ever lapsed. Soon we were married, and that was that.” There was an expression of “aww” going around the room in unison.  

Bree stood up and raised her wine glass. She announced, “Here’s to true love!” Everyone lifted their glass or cup in response.

Franci stood up next to have her own toast. She said, “Here’s to my husband and father of my three, handsome sons being declared officially cancer free, to Violet’s little bun in the oven soon to be born and also to my *****-in-law, Iris, for finally finding that pink pearl necklace that she thought was hopelessly gone forever! Cheers!”

“Cheers” everyone echoed and sipped on their wine or tea. “That’s some toast and makes this get together even more meaningful”, Iris complemented Franci.

Almost eight months pregnant, Violet restricted her drinking to tea. Her mother was so thrilled that she found out Violet was having a girl. It was equally wonderful that Iris’s beloved brother had recovered from his prostrate cancer, for throat cancer had taken their father’s life when they were young. So really finding the necklace that her mother gave her many years ago—that was misplaced while moving seven years ago—was just the icing on the cake to all the other news.    

Iris said, “My brother being in good health and my daughter having her baby girl is music to my ears. It trumps finding that necklace that I never thought I’d ever see again—even though it was the most precious gift my mother ever gave me.”  

At age thirty-five, Violet had suffered two miscarriages, so having a full-term baby in her womb was such a relief. It would be the first child to her and her husband, Paul, and the first granddaughter to her parents. Iris had three children altogether. Ray was named after her father, and then there was Adam and Violet. Only Adam and Rowan had any children—two sons, Adam Jr. and Jimmy. Ray and his wife, Lorene, lived abroad in London because of his job, and they had never wanted any children.  

“What name have you decided on?” Rowan asked Violet.

All eyes were on Violet who had quite a full belly. “Paul and I have agreed on a few names, but we still aren’t sure.” She turned to her mom and said, “Sorry, Mom, we won’t be keeping up the tradition.”

Iris was puzzled. “What tradition?” she asked.

Violet smiled. “I know it’s not really a tradition”, she admitted, “but didn’t you realize that your mother, you and I all have flower names?”

Everyone laughed at that observation. “That’s hysterical!” Bree noted. “Flower names?”

“That’s news to me” Iris said, not getting it.

“Me, too”, Franci agreed.

“Okay”, Violet explained to her mother “Grandma was Aster, you are Iris and I am Violet. Get my drift?”

The others started laughing, but Iris never even thought of this connection. She responded, “Well, my dad’s nickname out of Aster for my mom was Star.  I never thought of her name as something flowery but more heavenly…I guess. And I never thought of Iris as the flower—more like the colored part of the eye comes to mind. And Violet was my favorite name for a girl and also my favorite color—purple—but you can’t really name your daughter, Purple.”

The others laughed again. Everyone began to get more to eat, mingling by the food.  The gathering lasted for almost two hours, and eventually lost its momentum. Meanwhile, everyone took turns passing around the strand of beautiful, light pink pearls that Iris displayed so proudly in its rediscovery. It was a wedding gift from her mother in 1971, and Iris was painstakingly careful with it, swearing she’d never lose it again. She’d make sure of it. She prized it above anything else she owned, for she had no other special possession from her mother. Her sister got all of their mother’s items of jewelry, for Aster always felt it was the oldest girl’s right to it and this other sister gladly agreed.  Aster was never flashy or showy, and didn’t desire much. Her mother’s wedding ring, silver pendant necklace and an antique emerald ring from generations ago in England was all she wanted. Anything else was up for the grabbing by her two younger sisters.  

Iris learned the hard way to be mindful and not careless about her jewelry. An occasional earring would fall off and be lost, but any other woman could say the same thing. There was only one other incident that happened when she was a teenager that she never shared with anyone other than Zack. If she would confide in anyone, it would be him. Not even her husband knew, and she wasn’t going to tell anyone now. It was too embarrassing to share in the group, especially after tale of the pink pearl necklace that went missing.  

Bree told her, “Keep that in a safe or a safety deposit box—somewhere you know it won’t form legs and walk away.”

“Oh, ha, ha”, Iris remarked, flatly. “I don’t know how it ended up boxed up in the attic with my wedding dress. I sewed that dress myself, by the way. I guess too many hands were involved packing up things, and I am sure I did not put it in that box. Tore this house apart while it was stuck in the attic. Tore that apart, too.”
  
“And yet you didn’t find it until now”, Rowan stated. “It is as if it was hiding on you”.

“Well, I wasn’t even really looking for it when I found it, Iris said. “I was just trying to gather things for my garage sale, and thought of storing my old dress back in the closet. Luck was on my side. It’s odd that I didn’t find it earlier… but it sure did a good job of hiding on me.”

“Like it had a mind of its own”, Franci said, winking, “and didn’t want to be found.”

“Yeah”, Iris agreed. “It was just pure torture for me thinking I may never lay eyes on it ever again. All I had were a few pictures of me wearing it. I was convinced it was gone. ”

After a while, Iris’s friend, sister-in-law and daughter-in-law left one by one, but Violet remained with her mom.  They went in her bedroom to put the necklace back in its original case and in a dresser drawer —or at least that is what Violet had thought.

Iris placed the necklace into the case and handed it to her daughter. She told her, “I’m sure you’ll take good care of it.”

Violet’s jaw dropped as she sat on her parent’s king-sized bed. “Oh, Mom—no!” she exclaimed. “You can’t do that! You just found it, so why? Grandma gave it to you!”

Iris sat down beside her daughter. “I can give it to you, and I just did”, she insisted. “Anyway, it is a tradition to pass down jewelry from a mother to her firstborn daughter. And since you’re my only one, it goes to you. Someday, it can go to your daughter.”

Violet had tears in her eyes. She opened the box and smoothed her fingers over the pearls.
“Mom, you won’t lose it again. I am sure you won’t!”

“Because I’m giving it to you, dear. I know I can see it again so don’t look so guilty!” Violet gave her mom a huge hug, her growing belly pressing against her. The deed was done, for Violet knew that she couldn’t talk her mother out of things once her mind was set.

Iris shared with her, “You know that when I was born—Uncle Zack, too—my parents thought they were done with having children. My sister and brother were about the same level to each other as me and Zack were. It was like two, different families.”

Iris’s sister, Miriam, known to everyone as Mimi, was fifteen years older than the twins, and Ray Jr. was almost thirteen years older. Being nearly grown, Mimi and Ray were out on their own in a few years after the twins were born. Mimi married at nineteen and had three sons and two daughters, very much content in her role as a homemaker. Ray went into the army and remained a bachelor for the rest of his life.

“I never knew I was any different from Mimi or Ray until I overheard my Aunt Gerty talking to my mother”, she told Violet. “I mean I knew they were much older, but that was normal to me.”

“What did she say?” Violet had wondered.

“Well”, Iris explained, “I was going into the kitchen when I stopped to listen to something I had a feeling that I shouldn’t be hearing.”

Her mother was washing dishes, and Aunt Gerty was drying them with a towel and putting them away. Gerty said in her judgmental tone, “You’ve ended up just like Mother. You entered your forties and got stuck with more children to care for. How you got yourself in this mess…well…nothing you can do about it now. Those children are going to wear you down!”

Gerty was two years younger than Aster, and considered the family old maid, never walking down the aisle, herself.  She prided having her own freedom, unrestricted from a husband’s demands or the constant needs of crying or whiny children.

Aster replied to her sister, with defensive sternness, “Yes, I’ve made my bed and I’m lying in it! Do you have to be so high and mighty about it?”

“I couldn’t even move”, Iris told Violet. “I was frozen in my tracks. Probably was about eight or nine—no older than ten. I heard it loud and clear. For the first time in my life, I felt unwanted. It just never occurred to me before that my mother ever felt this way. Now I heard her admit to it. She didn’t say to my aunt that she was dead wrong.”

Iris’s mother came from a big family—the third of eight children and the oldest daughter—so she saw her mother having to bring up children well into her forties and older, and it wasn’t very appealing. Her mother never acted burdened by it, but Aster probably viewed her mother as stuck.

“That’s terrible. I don’t have to ask if that hurt.  I can see how hurt you are just in telling me”, Violet told her with sadness and compassion. “I don’t remember Aunt Gerty. I barely remember Grandma. She wasn’t ever mean to me, but she seemed like a very strict, no-nonsense woman.”  

“Oh, she was, Iris admitted. “I don’t even know how her and my father ever connected—complete opposites. Unless she changed from a young, happy lady to hard, bitter one. I don’t know. You would have loved your grandfather, though, Violet. He liked to crack jokes and was fun to be around. My mother was so stern that she never knew how to tell a joke or a funny story. Dutiful—that’s how I’d describe her. She was dutiful in her role—she did her job right—but I began to realize that she wasn’t affectionate. Except for your Aunt Mimi—their bond was there and wished I had it. Mimi was more ladylike and more like a mother’s shadow. Their personalities suited each other, I suppose.”  

Iris pulled out an old photo album out of a drawer. There was a black and white, head and shoulders portrait of her mother in her most typical look in Iris’s childhood. She had a short, stiff 1950s style bob of silvery gray hair and wore cat eye glasses. Not a hint of a smile was upon her lips—like she never knew how.

“Do you really think Grandma resented you and Uncle Zack?” Violet asked.

Iris responded, “Well, I’m sure my mother preferred having one child of each and didn’t wake up one day and say, ‘I’d like to have twins now’. I mean, she had a perfect set and my mom liked perfection. That’s all it was going to be—at least she thought. Nobody waits over a dozen years to have more. If my mother really resented getting pregnant again, now she had to deal with two screaming babies instead of one.  Must have come as quite a shock and she was about to turn forty.”

“It’s a shame, but woman have children past that age”, Violet pointed out.

“Sure, and some wait to start families until they have done some of the things they always wanted to do. But if I was to ask my mother if she wanted children that time in her life—which I never dared to—I think she’d have wanted to say, ‘not at all.’”

“It’s a shame”, Violet repeated. “Grandma should never have treated you two any differently.” Iris wasn’t trying to knock her mother, but Violet felt the need to be very protective for her against this grandmother that she barely remembered. Aster has been dead since Violet was six-years-old, and she had a foggy memory of her in her coffin, cold to the touch and very matriarchal in her navy blue dress.

Iris admitted, “I knew Mimi was her favorite, and I was my father’s favorite because I was the youngest girl. Zack and I we
Mateuš Conrad Jan 2017
thankfully my nostalgia concerning the late
20the century, coincides with my youth,
i mean youth, and that i also mean
****** idealism, when women were phantoms
and could never be girlfriends or
widows, or tears shed at the grave,
or nothing needy, nothing clinging,
nothing resembling mussels...
         i have to admit, i got ***** the moment
i detached myself from thinking about god...
the third partisan of the a priori
implant dictated by time & space...
            i didn't only shove my genitals into
her genitals, i shoved my ego into her
concept of god... and i subsequently became
a dimmed version of st. augustine...
              because that part of me didn't exactly
make confetti from her reasoning....
shoom!
          scalped me and dragged about 1000
tumbleweeds in its travels...
             the grand point? i didn't see
   a hairdresser, for the next never ever...
unless they do trim ***** to coincide with
      funny tattoos...
                     i don't know... maybe i was really
ultra-idealistic about women before i lost
my virginity, that after i lost it, after i lost
the foremost grace, i didn't learn the gorilla
impetus to keep one... let alone a harem...
   women really were fun and beautiful and
mysterious when i had them in my head...
      after the fact that i learned too late that they
also took a ****, i couldn't believe it!
        me, adapting to this? this fog-smeared
creature? yes, i can see my nihilism,
                    i''ve been burning that amber light
of a litre of whiskey per night for quiet some time,
drop by Collier Row's Tesco and look at the c.c.t.v.,
but then i put on some creedance clearwater revival
(not cool, aha, used the whole name, right?
cooler me saying c.c.r.? bukowski, lebowski...
same ****, different cover) -
   but i really did experience love... i know... huh ha...
did i recover from it? i'd probably have
recovered from 20 ****** over-doses...
        she got married, obviously...
  because women, don't idealise men...
  unless they meet the criteria of what men are supposed
to own... man idealising woman is a woman per se...
woman idealising man is a man contra per se...
                     after all, a man idealises
thinking about a temp. storage space for his
*******...
              which later turns into offspring...
   any woman could agree to being part of that phlegm
and being content at housing those "lucky" offshoots
in her kangaroo rucksack...
           it's as ugly as European thinking is going
to get, it can't get more scientific than this...
   i really do need a square on a rectangular canvas
to prompt a generous conversation about redifing
the point: we're not going back to the Milan school of
oil on canvas... or Rembrandt...
      it's not happening.
so creedance clearwater revival and graveyard train...
how we have bass guitar, and it's nibbling,
just nibbling... just grooving...
                  more like stalking but keep in mind
nibbling... and the there's no rhythm guitar,
because the guitar is just making accents,
the guitar is just twitching... i can't believe how
un-jazz comprehensive modern music is...
                   rhythm doesn't belong to the guitar,
there shouldn't be a rhythm guitar...
rhythm is all bass and drums...
          and i say that: because i hate metallica and how
i can never hear the bass guitar when i listen to them...
no wonder the original bassist got scribbled off...
   i love bass, don't you love bass?
something has to overpower the strength of drums
in modern music, something has to restrain
drums... needs to set the soothing rhythm,
rhythm guitar can't do that, you need the bass
guitar... bass guitar is, quiet frankly,
the most underrated instrument in modern composition...
techno techno! bongo bongo parties of
               berlusconi... bongo bongo... hatchet plus!
yes... silvio... we have the guillotine around here
too... choppy waters... plenty of sharks...
   enough to take a bite, though.
   and i thought naked lunch was bad...
well, i didn't, i didn't even want to plagiarise the Tristian
Tzara bound to it, reminiscent of cabaret voltaire.
huh?   ah yes... creedence clearwater revival,
and the bass on graveyard train, like water coming
down from a leaking tap...
  tum dum doom ta dollop... and it sounds nothing
like that... but something to allow the guitar what
it does best, sure, it joins in the rhythm section at
the beginning of the track... but then the guitar
sets up a momentum of creating accents,
  no rhythm = no solo... accents...
   little licks of being there... very ******* jazzy...
my my, so jazzy... and that's the safe ground to have
in music, retaining the jazz...
             otherwise you get into territory akin to
classical music's anithesis... the opposite of classical
music is... earthquakes... techno techno... drum drum...
drum drum... drum, drum... drum drum drum...
classical music was all about breathing...
  césar franck's les éolides (the breezes) -
and the antithesis? techno techno... muffed up techno:
ambient music... refrigerator sounds...
muffer up drums...
               don't get me wrong, i do listen to
e.g. man with no name...
         but it's rare to hear the jazzy side of things...
  it's just such a waste to see the bass guitar
not used as it should be, i.e. being over-powered
by drums... and using so much rhythm with
a guitar... having the rhythm and the solo...
  like squeezing a pair of testicles of a celibate monk...
god, that hush hush: tone down, tone, tone down,
tone, down... down... down...
             pst... kaput....
                                      i really did start talking
about something else, didn't i?
                this is new... digression as a column of
rhetorical perfection... fair enough having the rhetorical
skills, talking persuasively (well, just lying)
    about the same topic... but find me the rhetorician
than utilises digression, and forgets his talking
because he's changing subjects without really
    categorising them as being different....
    it's a trance state akin to eastern meditative practices...
digression as the most pleasing form of rhetoric,
teachers' oratory technique... not politicians' oratory...
   i never understood why digression was
not the foremost element of rhetoric...
                    political rhetoric is always about
ensuring people remember something,
they never do...
                        politicians drill in the points...
   and for some reason, they never talk to rhetorical
perfection, i.e. being able to digress...
                the most persuasive rhetoric is the rhetoric
with digression at its core...
                       or at least that's how i learned
english from a scotsman...
                                just blah blah blah blah
and at some point, there always will come an aha!
which is the next best thing to an eureka.
--To Elizabeth Robins Pennell


'O mes cheres Mille et Une Nuits!'--Fantasio.

Once on a time
There was a little boy:  a master-mage
By virtue of a Book
Of magic--O, so magical it filled
His life with visionary pomps
Processional!  And Powers
Passed with him where he passed.  And Thrones
And Dominations, glaived and plumed and mailed,
Thronged in the criss-cross streets,
The palaces pell-mell with playing-fields,
Domes, cloisters, dungeons, caverns, tents, arcades,
Of the unseen, silent City, in his soul
Pavilioned jealously, and hid
As in the dusk, profound,
Green stillnesses of some enchanted mere.--

I shut mine eyes . . . And lo!
A flickering ****** of memory that floats
Upon the face of a pool of darkness five
And thirty dead years deep,
Antic in girlish broideries
And skirts and silly shoes with straps
And a broad-ribanded leghorn, he walks
Plain in the shadow of a church
(St. Michael's:  in whose brazen call
To curfew his first wails of wrath were whelmed),
Sedate for all his haste
To be at home; and, nestled in his arm,
Inciting still to quiet and solitude,
Boarded in sober drab,
With small, square, agitating cuts
Let in a-top of the double-columned, close,
Quakerlike print, a Book! . . .
What but that blessed brief
Of what is gallantest and best
In all the full-shelved Libraries of Romance?
The Book of rocs,
Sandalwood, ivory, turbans, ambergris,
Cream-tarts, and lettered apes, and calendars,
And ghouls, and genies--O, so huge
They might have overed the tall Minster Tower
Hands down, as schoolboys take a post!
In truth, the Book of Camaralzaman,
Schemselnihar and Sindbad, Scheherezade
The peerless, Bedreddin, Badroulbadour,
Cairo and Serendib and Candahar,
And Caspian, and the dim, terrific bulk--
Ice-ribbed, fiend-visited, isled in spells and storms--
Of Kaf! . . . That centre of miracles,
The sole, unparalleled Arabian Nights!

Old friends I had a-many--kindly and grim
Familiars, cronies quaint
And goblin!  Never a Wood but housed
Some morrice of dainty dapperlings.  No Brook
But had his nunnery
Of green-haired, silvry-curving sprites,
To cabin in his grots, and pace
His lilied margents.  Every lone Hillside
Might open upon Elf-Land.  Every Stalk
That curled about a Bean-stick was of the breed
Of that live ladder by whose delicate rungs
You climbed beyond the clouds, and found
The Farm-House where the Ogre, gorged
And drowsy, from his great oak chair,
Among the flitches and pewters at the fire,
Called for his Faery Harp.  And in it flew,
And, perching on the kitchen table, sang
Jocund and jubilant, with a sound
Of those gay, golden-vowered madrigals
The shy thrush at mid-May
Flutes from wet orchards flushed with the triumphing dawn;
Or blackbirds rioting as they listened still,
In old-world woodlands rapt with an old-world spring,
For Pan's own whistle, savage and rich and lewd,
And mocked him call for call!

I could not pass
The half-door where the cobbler sat in view
Nor figure me the wizen Leprechaun,
In square-cut, faded reds and buckle-shoes,
Bent at his work in the hedge-side, and know
Just how he tapped his brogue, and twitched
His wax-end this and that way, both with wrists
And elbows.  In the rich June fields,
Where the ripe clover drew the bees,
And the tall quakers trembled, and the West Wind
Lolled his half-holiday away
Beside me lolling and lounging through my own,
'Twas good to follow the Miller's Youngest Son
On his white horse along the leafy lanes;
For at his stirrup linked and ran,
Not cynical and trapesing, as he loped
From wall to wall above the espaliers,
But in the bravest tops
That market-town, a town of tops, could show:
Bold, subtle, adventurous, his tail
A banner flaunted in disdain
Of human stratagems and shifts:
King over All the Catlands, present and past
And future, that moustached
Artificer of fortunes, ****-in-Boots!
Or Bluebeard's Closet, with its plenishing
Of meat-hooks, sawdust, blood,
And wives that hung like fresh-dressed carcases--
Odd-fangled, most a butcher's, part
A faery chamber hazily seen
And hazily figured--on dark afternoons
And windy nights was visiting of the best.
Then, too, the pelt of hoofs
Out in the roaring darkness told
Of Herne the Hunter in his antlered helm
Galloping, as with despatches from the Pit,
Between his hell-born Hounds.
And Rip Van Winkle . . . often I lurked to hear,
Outside the long, low timbered, tarry wall,
The mutter and rumble of the trolling bowls
Down the lean plank, before they fluttered the pins;
For, listening, I could help him play
His wonderful game,
In those blue, booming hills, with Mariners
Refreshed from kegs not coopered in this our world.

But what were these so near,
So neighbourly fancies to the spell that brought
The run of Ali Baba's Cave
Just for the saying 'Open Sesame,'
With gold to measure, peck by peck,
In round, brown wooden stoups
You borrowed at the chandler's? . . . Or one time
Made you Aladdin's friend at school,
Free of his Garden of Jewels, Ring and Lamp
In perfect trim? . . . Or Ladies, fair
For all the embrowning scars in their white *******
Went labouring under some dread ordinance,
Which made them whip, and bitterly cry the while,
Strange Curs that cried as they,
Till there was never a Black ***** of all
Your consorting but might have gone
Spell-driven miserably for crimes
Done in the pride of womanhood and desire . . .
Or at the ghostliest altitudes of night,
While you lay wondering and acold,
Your sense was fearfully purged; and soon
Queen Labe, abominable and dear,
Rose from your side, opened the Box of Doom,
Scattered the yellow powder (which I saw
Like sulphur at the Docks in bulk),
And muttered certain words you could not hear;
And there! a living stream,
The brook you bathed in, with its weeds and flags
And cresses, glittered and sang
Out of the hearthrug over the nakedness,
Fair-scrubbed and decent, of your bedroom floor! . . .

I was--how many a time!--
That Second Calendar, Son of a King,
On whom 'twas vehemently enjoined,
Pausing at one mysterious door,
To pry no closer, but content his soul
With his kind Forty.  Yet I could not rest
For idleness and ungovernable Fate.
And the Black Horse, which fed on sesame
(That wonder-working word!),
Vouchsafed his back to me, and spread his vans,
And soaring, soaring on
From air to air, came charging to the ground
Sheer, like a lark from the midsummer clouds,
And, shaking me out of the saddle, where I sprawled
Flicked at me with his tail,
And left me blinded, miserable, distraught
(Even as I was in deed,
When doctors came, and odious things were done
On my poor tortured eyes
With lancets; or some evil acid stung
And wrung them like hot sand,
And desperately from room to room
Fumble I must my dark, disconsolate way),
To get to Bagdad how I might.  But there
I met with Merry Ladies.  O you three--
Safie, Amine, Zobeide--when my heart
Forgets you all shall be forgot!
And so we supped, we and the rest,
On wine and roasted lamb, rose-water, dates,
Almonds, pistachios, citrons.  And Haroun
Laughed out of his lordly beard
On Giaffar and Mesrour (I knew the Three
For all their Mossoul habits).  And outside
The Tigris, flowing swift
Like Severn bend for bend, twinkled and gleamed
With broken and wavering shapes of stranger stars;
The vast, blue night
Was murmurous with peris' plumes
And the leathern wings of genies; words of power
Were whispering; and old fishermen,
Casting their nets with prayer, might draw to shore
Dead loveliness:  or a prodigy in scales
Worth in the Caliph's Kitchen pieces of gold:
Or copper vessels, stopped with lead,
Wherein some Squire of Eblis watched and railed,
In durance under potent charactry
Graven by the seal of Solomon the King . . .

Then, as the Book was glassed
In Life as in some olden mirror's quaint,
Bewildering angles, so would Life
Flash light on light back on the Book; and both
Were changed.  Once in a house decayed
From better days, harbouring an errant show
(For all its stories of dry-rot
Were filled with gruesome visitants in wax,
Inhuman, hushed, ghastly with Painted Eyes),
I wandered; and no living soul
Was nearer than the pay-box; and I stared
Upon them staring--staring.  Till at last,
Three sets of rafters from the streets,
I strayed upon a mildewed, rat-run room,
With the two Dancers, horrible and obscene,
Guarding the door:  and there, in a bedroom-set,
Behind a fence of faded crimson cords,
With an aspect of frills
And dimities and dishonoured privacy
That made you hanker and hesitate to look,
A Woman with her litter of Babes--all slain,
All in their nightgowns, all with Painted Eyes
Staring--still staring; so that I turned and ran
As for my neck, but in the street
Took breath.  The same, it seemed,
And yet not all the same, I was to find,
As I went up!  For afterwards,
Whenas I went my round alone--
All day alone--in long, stern, silent streets,
Where I might stretch my hand and take
Whatever I would:  still there were Shapes of Stone,
Motionless, lifelike, frightening--for the Wrath
Had smitten them; but they watched,
This by her melons and figs, that by his rings
And chains and watches, with the hideous gaze,
The Painted Eyes insufferable,
Now, of those grisly images; and I
Pursued my best-beloved quest,
Thrilled with a novel and delicious fear.
So the night fell--with never a lamplighter;
And through the Palace of the King
I groped among the echoes, and I felt
That they were there,
Dreadfully there, the Painted staring Eyes,
Hall after hall . . . Till lo! from far
A Voice!  And in a little while
Two tapers burning!  And the Voice,
Heard in the wondrous Word of God, was--whose?
Whose but Zobeide's,
The lady of my heart, like me
A True Believer, and like me
An outcast thousands of leagues beyond the pale! . . .

Or, sailing to the Isles
Of Khaledan, I spied one evenfall
A black blotch in the sunset; and it grew
Swiftly . . . and grew.  Tearing their beards,
The sailors wept and prayed; but the grave ship,
Deep laden with spiceries and pearls, went mad,
Wrenched the long tiller out of the steersman's hand,
And, turning broadside on,
As the most iron would, was haled and ******
Nearer, and nearer yet;
And, all awash, with horrible lurching leaps
Rushed at that Portent, casting a shadow now
That swallowed sea and sky; and then,
Anchors and nails and bolts
Flew screaming out of her, and with clang on clang,
A noise of fifty stithies, caught at the sides
Of the Magnetic Mountain; and she lay,
A broken bundle of firewood, strown piecemeal
About the waters; and her crew
Passed shrieking, one by one; and I was left
To drown.  All the long night I swam;
But in the morning, O, the smiling coast
Tufted with date-trees, meadowlike,
Skirted with shelving sands!  And a great wave
Cast me ashore; and I was saved alive.
So, giving thanks to God, I dried my clothes,
And, faring inland, in a desert place
I stumbled on an iron ring--
The fellow of fifty built into the Quays:
When, scenting a trap-door,
I dug, and dug; until my biggest blade
Stuck into wood.  And then,
The flight of smooth-hewn, easy-falling stairs,
Sunk in the naked rock!  The cool, clean vault,
So neat with niche on niche it might have been
Our beer-cellar but for the rows
Of brazen urns (like monstrous chemist's jars)
Full to the wide, squat throats
With gold-dust, but a-top
A layer of pickled-walnut-looking things
I knew for olives!  And far, O, far away,
The Princess of China languished!  Far away
Was marriage, with a Vizier and a Chief
Of Eunuchs and the privilege
Of going out at night
To play--unkenned, majestical, secure--
Where the old, brown, friendly river shaped
Like Tigris shore for shore!  Haply a Ghoul
Sat in the churchyard under a frightened moon,
A thighbone in his fist, and glared
At supper with a Lady:  she who took
Her rice with tweezers grain by grain.
Or you might stumble--there by the iron gates
Of the Pump Room--underneath the limes--
Upon Bedreddin in his shirt and drawers,
Just as the civil Genie laid him down.
Or those red-curtained panes,
Whence a tame cornet tenored it throatily
Of beer-pots and spittoons and new long pipes,
Might turn a caravansery's, wherein
You found Noureddin Ali, loftily drunk,
And that fair Persian, bathed in tears,
You'd not have given away
For all the diamonds in the Vale Perilous
You had that dark and disleaved afternoon
Escaped on a roc's claw,
Disguised like Sindbad--but in Christmas beef!
And all the blissful while
The schoolboy satchel at your hip
Was such a bulse of gems as should amaze
Grey-whiskered chapmen drawn
From over Caspian:  yea, the Chief Jewellers
Of Tartary and the bazaars,
Seething with traffic, of enormous Ind.--

Thus cried, thus called aloud, to the child heart
The magian East:  thus the child eyes
Spelled out the wizard message by the light
Of the sober, workaday hours
They saw, week in week out, pass, and still pass
In the sleepy Minster City, folded kind
In ancient Severn's arm,
Amongst her water-meadows and her docks,
Whose floating populace of ships--
Galliots and luggers, light-heeled brigantines,
Bluff barques and rake-hell fore-and-afters--brought
To her very doorsteps and geraniums
The scents of the World's End; the calls
That may not be gainsaid to rise and ride
Like fire on some high errand of the race;
The irresistible appeals
For comradeship that sound
Steadily from the irresistible sea.
Thus the East laughed and whispered, and the tale,
Telling itself anew
In terms of living, labouring life,
Took on the colours, busked it in the wear
Of life that lived and laboured; and Romance,
The Angel-Playmate, raining down
His golden influences
On all I saw, and all I dreamed and did,
Walked with me arm in arm,
Or left me, as one bediademed with straws
And bits of glass, to gladden at my heart
Who had the gift to seek and feel and find
His fiery-hearted presence everywhere.
Even so dear Hesper, bringer of all good things,
Sends the same silver dews
Of happiness down her dim, delighted skies
On some poor collier-hamlet--(mound on mound
Of sifted squalor; here a soot-throated stalk
Sullenly smoking over a row
Of flat-faced hovels; black in the gritty air
A web of rails and wheels and beams; with strings
Of hurtling, tipping trams)--
As on the amorous nightingales
And roses of Shiraz, or the walls and towers
Of Samarcand--the Ineffable--whence you espy
The splendour of Ginnistan's embattled spears,
Like listed lightnings.
Samarcand!
That name of names!  That star-vaned belvedere
Builded against the Chambers of the South!
That outpost on the Infinite!
And behold!
Questing therefrom, you knew not what wild tide
Might overtake you:  for one fringe,
One suburb, is stablished on firm earth; but one
Floats founded vague
In lubberlands delectable--isles of palm
And lotus, fortunate mains, far-shimmering seas,
The promise of wistful hills--
The shining, shifting Sovranties of Dream.
Andy N Feb 2015
Drumming across windows
In both of the toilets
Banging could frequently be heard
Dragging chairs under the stairs
In the entrance hall

Thawed in the cheesy music
Leading to the main bar
Twitching across your back
Like a whistle blower
Drowned out by the noise

Over the sticky floors
And watered down lager
Curving into a maze of bodies
Aglow in a series of frantic lights
Sweeping diamonds in their dreams

Caged with the TV Screen
Dangling half drunk from the ceiling
Scrunched with a frightening rage
Held back by invisible hands
Wishing for the carnage to end

Over the top of a sign that always said
Drinking, dancing, cavorting
While the revernd sits there unseen
Constantly spitting feathers
Throwing toilet paper in the air

And attempting to push staff
Down the stairs as if to say
They weren’t getting out of there
Anywhere near quick enough
For his liking.


(Brannigans  is a now closed Bar in the centre of Manchester which was reportingly haunted by Reverend Collier, a fierce anti alcohol revernald at the start of the 20th Century of which his church, Albert Halls became Brannigans at one point).
Mon aimée, ma presque feue
Chatte masquée
Qui se délecte à se faire désirer !
Je veux te mater.
Je suis désolé d'avoir à te le dire
Mais je vais devoir, oui, te mater
Avec et sans accent circonflexe
Ou plutôt te démâter d'abord
De poupe en proue
Pour te remâter ensuite.
Seul ainsi entre nous
L'extase sera envisageable.
Tu dis que tu m'aimes malgré toi
Mais tu refuses obstinément
De te montrer nue à distance
La nudité selon toi est affaire de présence
Quand je serai physiquement à portée de tes lèvres
Tu exauceras toutes mes volontés
Te bornes-tu à ma dire.
Tu m'invites même à venir sans tarder
Auprès de toi et là tu te montreras sous toutes les coutures
Et je pourrai te prendre sans limite, c'est promis.

Alors que nous pouvons rire à distance
Nous fâcher à distance, nous émouvoir et rêver de nous à distance
Tu te refuses à accéder à mon délire de te voir nue à distance
Nue et sincère nue et sincère nue et sincère.
Il te serait impossible de me montrer l'objet de mon désir fatal
Que je puisse boire des yeux jusqu'à la lie
Le calice de ta chatte démasquée, ta vulve fraîche et bombée
Nue et sincère
Dépouillée de toutes ses parures.

Sais tu ma chatte que l 'amour
C'est une steppe de petites morts
Et que pour chaque petite mort
Il faut franchir les sept portes de l'Enfer ?

Oui, je sais, tu te dis immortelle et divine
Tu es la Muse, les lois de l'Enfer ne s'appliquent pas à toi, penses-tu.

Voilà ce qu'il en coûte de s'acoquiner à un mortel !

En vue de notre premier congrès amoureux
Tu t'es déjà dépouillée de six de tes talismans
Tu as tour à tour,
Porte après porte,
Délaissé tes parures.

A la première porte tu m'as laissé
Ta couronne de buis odorant
Et j 'ai souri d'aise

A la deuxième porte tu m'as abandonné
Tes lunettes de vue et de soleil
Et j'ai souri d'aise

A la troisième porte tu t'es débarrassée
De tes boucles d'oreille en forme de piment rouge
Et j'ai souri d'aise

A la quatrième porte tu m'as décroché
Ton collier de perles noires
Et j'ai souri d'aise

A la cinquième porte tu as envoyé valdinguer
Ton soutien-gorge en velours côtelé
Et j'ai souri d'aise

A la sixième porte tu as désagrafé
Le collier de coquillages qui ceignait tes hanches
Et j'ai souri d'aise

Tu es désormais coincée entre la sixième et la septième porte
A cause de ce string où volettent de petits papillons farceurs
Ce string qui me prive de la jouissance visuelle de ton être intime.

Vas-tu enfin m'enlever cette toilette,
Prendre pied résolument dans l 'Enfer
Et laper les flammes de la petite mort primale ?

Vas-tu enfin me laisser m'assurer
Que tu n 'es ni satyre ni hermaphrodite
Mais au contraire femelle chatte muse
Dégoulinante de cyprine ?

Toi, tu me parles de blocage.
Moi, nue, au téléphone, jamais
Nu non niet
Moi, jouir, au téléphone, jamais
Nu non niet
retire ce cheval de la pluie !
Je t'aime malgré moi
C'est tout ce que tu trouves à me dire !
Accepte donc, ma chatte
Que je te mate malgré moi.
Car je te veux
Obéissante et docile
Apprivoisée
Je veux que tu couines, que tu miaules que tu frémisses
En te montrant à moi en tenue d'Eve
Je veux que tu t'exhibes à moi ton ******
Que tu sois impudique
Je veux j 'exige, ma presque feue,
Je suis Roi, souviens-toi !
Je ne te donne pas d'ultimatum !
Je suis avec mon temps ! Je suis post-moderne !
Car il est écrit dans les livres
Depuis plus de mille ans
Que les lois de l 'Amour
Sont comme les lois de l'Enfer
Incontournables et implacables :
En Enfer on arrive nu,
En Amour aussi !
Alors bien sûr je sais, tu trouveras bien quelque part
Une exégète pour me prouver l'exact contraire
Que l'amour c'est le paradis et la feuille de figuier
Et surtout pas l 'Enfer.
Alors explique-moi, je t'en conjure, mon archéologue,
Pourquoi l 'amour est fait de petites morts.

Moi, ma chatte, je te propose
Non pas une petite mort par ci, une petite mort par là
Mais un enterrement festif de première classe
Un Te Deum
Dans un sarcophage de marbre blanc
Sculpté de serpents et de figues
Evadés des prisons d'Eden.

Je veux t'aimer nue et sincère
Mortelle et vibrante de désir
Je veux jouir de toutes les parcelles de ta chair et de tes os
je veux pétrir ton sang sans artifices et sans blocages
Et je n 'ai d'autre choix
Que de te mater de ma fougue
A moins que tu ne préfères
Rester bloquée sempiternellement
Dans la solitude confortable
Entre la pénultième et l'ultime porte
Qui nous sépare de nos sourires d'aise

Complices et lubriques.
Mateuš Conrad Sep 2015
me and collie took the town by storm,
black man and white man
drinking buddies? what a rarity.
uncle didn’t join us the old ghanian,
we had drunk sentimentalities, of course,
but when russel the schizoid rudolf came
up and told us the tottenham man city score
i went into the alley and almost ****** myself
prior shouting h and a into an ivory rattle of teeth.
but what a night, collie’s girlfriend i also met,
i remember kissing her dry brown skin
on the bone of finger, before being chauffeured home;
but of course, before all that, staring into
the gape of being centralised by the passerby’s eyes,
a lot of english pyjama beauties walked the talk
getting their score of **** -
if not more.
but as i pointed out to the white colt - the jeans below the knees
with... calvin kleine - ‘mate, you need flashy underwear to
walk with your **** exposed - primani ain’t gonna cut it for the hoes.’
Here in this dim, dull, double-bedded room,
I play the father to a brace of boys,
Ailing but apt for every sort of noise,
Bedfast but brilliant yet with health and bloom.
Roden, the Irishman, is 'sieven past,'
Blue-eyed, snub-nosed, chubby, and fair of face.
Willie's but six, and seems to like the place,
A cheerful little collier to the last.
They eat, and laugh, and sing, and fight, all day;
All night they sleep like dormice.  See them play
At Operations:- Roden, the Professor,
Saws, lectures, takes the artery up, and ties;
Willie, self-chloroformed, with half-shut eyes,
Holding the limb and moaning--Case and Dresser.
Ryan P Kinney Nov 2017
I am scared!
Scared of this world

Robert Godwin Sr
Alyssa Elsman

How many more have to die?
By my kind,
By their kind,
Because they blame some other kind
What ever happened to just being
kind?

Daniel Parmertor, Russell King, Jr., Demetrius Hewlin

Where were you when the World Trade Center went down?
It’s something everyone alive then will always remember
Never Forget! was our brand motto for American Pride

Krystle Marie Campbell, Lü Lingzi, Martin William Richard, Sean A. Collier, Dennis Simmonds

And now, the death of another is so commonplace
That we forget what and where.
It’s no longer personal enough to register where in our lives that it struck us
Only note that another life has been struck down
Add another tally to the equation
And still it does not add up

Trayvon Martin
Tamir Rice
Samuel DuBose
Delrawn Small
Philando Castile
Terence Crutcher
Heather Heyer

We are completely desensitized
And decentralized
We keep ourselves disconnected
(because we just can’t absorb,
Take,
Process it all)
It’s not us
It’s not me
It’s somebody else
Somewhere else.
Until it is
Then we care
How much can we take, before we break

Cynthia Marie Graham Hurd, Susie Jackson, Ethel Lee Lance, Depayne Middleton Doctor, Clementa C. Pinckney, Tywanza Sanders, Daniel Simmons, Sharonda Coleman Singleton, Myra Thompson

The tragedy is the comedy
We laugh so we don’t cry
Sakia Gunn
Richie Phillips
Nireah Johnson, Brandie Coleman
Glenn Kopitske
Scotty Joe Weaver
Jason Gage
Michael Sandy
Sean William Kennedy
Duanna Johnson
Lawrence "Larry" King
Angie Zapata
Lateisha Green
****** August Provost, III
Mark Carson

I can’t say I’ve never thought of committing violence.
Hell, when my ex-wife cheated, it occurred to me
And I can’t say that I have never hit another
I’ve been a kid
My whole life is designed just to grow up
But, I’ve thought of killing myself far more often than the thought to harm anyone else have ever occurred to me
Because my problems are mine;
My fault,
And I am not seeking some scapegoat

Keenya Cook, Jerry Taylor, Million A. Woldemariam, Claudine Parker, Hong Im Ballenge, James Martin, James L. Buchanan, Premkumar Walekar, Sarah Ramos, Lori Ann Lewis-Rivera, Pascal Charlot, Dean Harold Meyers, Kenneth Bridges, Linda Franklin née Moore, Jeffrey Hopper, Conrad Johnson, 1 unnamed victim

I am not going to deny that being a white male hasn’t allowed me to sidestep a whole level of *******
One day, angry white males will be the minority
And we’ll have no one left to blame, but ourselves.
If we don’t **** everyone first
If we don’t **** ourselves first

Michael Arnold, Martin Bodrog, Arthur Daniels, Sylvia Frasier, Kathy Gaarde, John Roger Johnson, Mary Francis Knight, Frank Kohler, Vishnu Pandit, Kenneth Bernard Proctor, Gerald Read, Richard Michael Ridgell

Jonathan Blunk, Alexander J. Boik , Jesse Childress, Gordon Cowden,
Jessica Ghawi, John Larimer, Matt McQuinn, Micayla Medek, Veronica Moser Sullivan, Alex Sullivan, Alexander C. Teves, Rebecca Wingo

The earth has already decided that we are a plague upon it
Maybe climate change is the natural response to the abuse of our gifts

Nancy Lanza, Rachel D'Avino, Dawn Hochsprung, Anne Marie Murphy,
Lauren Rousseau, Mary Sherlach, Victoria Leigh Soto, Charlotte Bacon, Daniel Barden, Olivia Engel, Josephine Gay, Dylan Hockley, Madeleine Hsu, Catherine Hubbard, Chase Kowalski, Jesse Lewis, Ana Márquez Greene, James Mattioli, Grace McDonnell, Emilie Parker, Jack Pinto, Noah Pozner, Caroline Previdi, Jessica Rekos, Avielle Richman, Benjamin Wheeler, Allison Wyatt

What is this world going to teach my son?
That he’s better because of how he looks?
Or what I’ve taught him:
You make yourself better.

Jamie Bishop, Jocelyne Couture Nowak, Kevin Granata, Liviu Librescu,  P
G. V. Loganathan, Ross Alameddine, Brian Bluhm, Ryan Clark, Austin Cloyd, Daniel Perez Cueva, Matthew Gwaltney, Caitlin Hammaren, Jeremy Herbstritt, Rachael Hill, Emily Hilscher, Matthew La Porte, Jarrett Lane, Henry Lee, Partahi Lumbantoruan, Lauren McCain, Daniel O'Neil, Juan Ortiz, Minal Panchal, Erin Peterson, Michael Pohle Jr., Julia Pryde, Mary Karen Read, Reema Samaha, Waleed Shaalan, Leslie Sherman, Maxine Turner, Nicole White

I work as a data analyst
So, I ran the numbers
But, these are more than numbers
These are people: sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, friends, lovers.

Stanley Almodovar III, Amanda Alvear, Oscar A. Aracena Montero, Rodolfo Ayala Ayala, Alejandro Barrios Martinez, Martin Benitez Torres, Antonio D. Brown, Darryl R. Burt II, Jonathan A. Camuy Vega, Angel L. Candelario Padro, Simon A. Carrillo Fernandez, Juan Chevez Martinez, Luis D. Conde, Cory J. Connell, Tevin E. Crosby, Franky J. DeJesus Velazquez, Deonka D. Drayton, Mercedez M. Flores, Juan R. Guerrero, Peter O. Gonzalez Cruz, Paul T. Henry, Frank Hernandez, Miguel A. Honorato, Javier Jorge Reyes, Jason B. Josaphat, Eddie J. Justice, Anthony L. Laureano Disla, Christopher A. Leinonen, Brenda L. Marquez McCool, Jean C. Mendez Perez, Akyra Monet Murray, Kimberly Morris, Jean C. Nives Rodriguez, Luis O. Ocasio Capo, Geraldo A. Ortiz Jimenez, Eric I. Ortiz Rivera, Joel Rayon Paniagua, Enrique L. Rios Jr., Juan P. Rivera Velazquez, Yilmary Rodriguez Solivan, Christopher J. Sanfeliz, Xavier E. Serrano Rosado, Gilberto R. Silva Menendez, Edward Sotomayor Jr., Shane E. Tomlinson, Leroy Valentin Fernandez, Luis S. Vielma, Luis D. Wilson Leon, Jerald A. Wright

I did research to try to find all the victims since I became abruptly aware 16 years ago
There are too many
I could not discover a single database that contained a comprehensive record
No one can keep track of it anymore
I know I’ve missed people
I know there are 1000’s of people now missing people
Even 1 was too much

Hannah Ahlers, Heather Alvarado, Dorene Anderson, Carrie Barnette, Jack Beaton, Steve Berger, Candice Bowers, Denise Salmon Burditus, Sandra Casey, Andrea Castilla, Denise Cohen, Austin Davis, Virginia Day Jr, Christiana Duarte, Stacee Etcheber, Brian Fraser, Keri Galvan,  Dana Gardner, Angela Gomez, Rocio Guillen Rocha, Charleston Hartfield,  Chris Hazencomb, Jennifer Irvine, Nicol Kimura, Jessica Klymchuk, Carly Kreibaum, Rhonda LeRocque, Victor Link, Jordan McIldoon, Kelsey Meadows, Calla Medig, James ‘Sonny’ Melton, Pati Mestas, Austin Meyer, Adrian Murfitt, Rachael Parker, Jennifer Parks, Carrie Parsons, Lisa Patterson,  John Phippen, Melissa Ramirez, Jordyn Rivera, Quinton Robbins, Cameron Robinson, Lisa Romero Muniz, Christopher Roybal, Brett Schwanbeck, Bailey Schweitzer, Laura Shipp, Erick Silva, Susan Smith, Tara Roe Smith, Brennan Stewart, Derrick ‘Bo’ Taylor, Neysa Tonks, Michelle Vo, Kurt Von Tillow, Bill Wolfe Jr.

and NOW I’ve run out of lines and time to read off all 2,977 people who died in 9-11
Isn’t that a tragedy?
st64 Oct 2013
1.
"After three days without reading, talk becomes flavourless."
- Chinese Proverb


2.
"The future has several names.
For the weak, it is the impossible
For the faint-hearted, it is the unknown.
For the thoughtful and valiant, it is the ideal."
- Victor Hugo


3.
"It has been my observation that most people get ahead during the time that others waste."
- Henry Ford


4.
"The true measure of a man [person] - is how he [..] treats someone who does him [..] absolutely no good."
- Ann Landers


5.
"The mere fact that you have obstacles to overcome - is in your favour."
- Robert Collier



6.
"Things may come to those that wait, but only things left by those who hustle."
- Abraham Lincoln


7.
It is precisely the moment, when we are at our lowest ebb, that the tide begins to turn."
- Author unknown


8.
"Coming together is the beginning.
Keeping together is progress.
Working together is success."
- Henry Ford


9.
"Circumstance does not make me; it reveals me."
- William James


10.
"Before you speak, ask yourself:
Is it kind, is it necessary,
is it true,
does it improve on the silence?"
- Shirdi Sai Baba (Indian Saint)







S T - 11 oxy-tubes 2013
whoo.. what a day-starter!

yeah, bunch-a-clichés, hey..
no matter :)


well.. lol...
hey.. here's another half-bucket of inspiration-swill, if ye please :)
(uh, make that.. a quarter-bucket!)




sub-entry:       con-cen-tr8     (Anon)

if you concentr8 in finding whatever is good in every situation
you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude
a feeling that nurtures the soul.





and especially for Rose........................ http://hellopoetry.com/-rose-5/

"If I die in war, you remember me
If I live in peace, you don't." ― S Milligan
Mateuš Conrad Jul 2016
ich wollen ein iranischherz herauf Nörden.

or simply Njørden - often the j is a softening pronunciation -
i want an Iranian heart up north -
that's what is says - imagine why he lashed out
with the words *sheisse ausländer
-
miniature form of Dostoyevsky -
at 18 he was confused - his father probably
heard the words... hearing that he lashed out...
this is the proof of the power of commandments -
take one to extreme, and all the others seems
permitted - honour your parents -
he didn't shout out allah'u akbar - he did
a little maxim veto - as said unto me one,
may these bullets turn into revisited tongues -
the west has no concern for poetry -
i wouldn't make Iran an enemy,
after all... they're the ones that appreciate poetry...
mm ha ha! so given Iran's flavour for poetics
i can only applaud at their sensibility -
i too was once duped into thinking that watching
a movie i might lie to a girl and ****** her -
poetry is dead in the west... i don't write
for the west, i write from the west, which doesn't
mean i respect the west -
thanks to feminism we're cruising into
an affair of what feminists don't anticipate:
the impracticality of old age creeping, creeping,
creeping... with large families there are at least
chances of a benevolent child who might care for
his parents - in the west with surrogate foetal-things
it's hardly a bouquet of flowers sitting pretty on
a table - the problem are already waiting...
thank **** if you're rich... if you're poor?
well... hmm what a Disneyland awaits you -
**** stained and **** smeared dying for your idea
like any Communist might; well, i'm not going to
help you... ask Oxfam while the money you donated
ensured that only a penny reached the poor poor
Africans and why 99 pence reached the bureaucracy
of keeping a charity afloat - i know where
i can find fresh water... you have to cross a barbwire
fence, feed 10 horses 20 sugar cubes and you're
at a little stream of clarity... then you do the vegan
diet and sorta'h waiting for a heart-attack...
or you take a Russian Empire banknote with Tsar
Nicholas II to Switzerland and buy yourself out
with euthanasia... either way, win win.

every ****** time i go back home there's the Krähewolke -
i'm starting to imagine myself as the boy instructed by
Barbarossa to watch for the crows and a second life -
it's a small town, used to be industrious,
life here, there, everywhere, now a town of pensioners -
a European squabbling with a European but ignoring
the massive signs MADE IN CHINA, MADE IN CHINA...
MADE IN CHINA... why you blaming me for what's
going to happen to you too? you think this is the steam-engine
days of industrial revolution? do you have an Instagram
account? no. well... if you aren't going to be a third party
advert unit you're worth jackshit -
but still that Krähewolke of summer, thousands of them
swarm the sky - i'm not saying because i'm there,
i'm saying i'm there dwarfed by such a sight...
krähe die messerschmitt - so poetry is written by
*****-whipped English teachers, or it's the medium of
the weak, it has many voices but it doesn't have a voice,
it needs to be pretty, it needs to be neat, it needs to
have a prosthetic metaphor stashed in a pile of **** flare -
some say it even has to be as coherent as an Ikea
manual for putting a table together, people all of a sudden
trash the calculator and attempt mental arithmetic in
terms of reading... what... a... load... of... crock-****...
hyphen... mm... the Germans knew the immigrant Saxons
would speak less and less German and even of lesser
quality than the Turks... the Germans invented chemistry -
the Anglo-Saxons invented hyphenation... but it's so
******* weird that the Englandish outlandish will
hyphenate a word like overt-usage but never include the
hyphen in chemical nouns, like: Hydrochloric acid...
dihydrogen monoxide (yes, the d'uh hoax),
phosphorus pentachloride - what remains of Vater Schwaben
in English is bound to chemistry's language,
where the standard use of hyphen is disallowed -
the German original took on a different optometrist -
the English revision took on yet another (different) optometrist -
the eyes of the English starring at a German word
began to dizzy-up-whirl looking through a kaleidoscope -
the Germans just saw: schieße schrapnell!
achtung! achtung! die wort ist die fondant...
mm... gobble gobble gobble - pristine smile of sharpened
teeth in a smile! klebrigzähne sprechen sehr kleine-eine-miner.
well... if you're going to write a Monty Pi Ten you might
as well desecrate a foreign language with the grammar of
the one acquired - very much interested in how grammar
is reflected by Arabic left-to-right, English right-to-left
German right-to-left,but Latin left-to-right - all the genus
names - **** sapiens: rational man - or the up-kept
(******* ***** -φρεν - alt.  hi-yo in Beijing) desire for:
the instilled continuance of the rationalising man...
rationalise this! knuckle dusters down the East End -
gotta be a **** before you can be a Cockney Wiseguy -
say ooh la la say soo - bud weiss err - say ooh la la say soo -
amphetamine George says: ethanol Scottish Gaelic means:
twins sedative and un-inhibitor - talk of Enzymes -
south and shoo, north and nothing, east and extra territory,
west and **** / Vancouver - van coup verily ******
voulez-vous volleyball aha! write poetry like a dictionary
entry - spandex, annex, fly-flex - it can really become
a tennis match after a while:
   roses are   red
                   violets are blue
             i'm so in love with everything that's dead
    that i decided to call the past the necessary glue.
an article by Bryan Applied concerning poetry -
and why all poetic hearts are bound for Iran -
karaoke the current trend in the west for one -
living at a time when cooking books sell,
and plagiarism is celebrated more than any awkward
originality, but everyone still owns microwaves
and opts for ready-meals -
the rewards of old age aren't there because families
have become atomic based on individuals -
oh right? the article, it's long, ****** me off -
"we turn to poetry in times of need, but can it really
help? and why doesn't it sell more copies?"
ah the selling questions, i forgot a capitalist thinks
of poems like hamburgers...
i'll put in a bracketed word pending in the title and give
you a brief overview of the article...

*** and whiskey interlude

i don't write poetry... what i do do is **** poetry;
why do fellow artists hate poetry?
poetry in the hands of the old and young
thinks itself ******-like, the one art form that
says no to violence, no to intolerance,
no to drastic actions of revision -
keeping the Shakespearean sonnet won't do the art
any favours, it's the art too easily accessible,
because anyone can apparently write it
as long as they get a clue than a rhyme is necessary -
alternating rhymes are not that important,
i asked for a steak tartar, instead i got
plated a shepherds' pie - i asked for raw,
all i got for nanny picked and donning diapers -
poetry is best suited for that dynamo of reaction
known to internet trolls - trolls should overpower
writing poetry, they're intelligent enough, and
democratic too - cold-stone-heartless *******
should pick up these floral arrangements and
do an iron maiden make-over with them...
poems should be torture instruments,
they should never be treated as floral arrangements...
i don't like weakness, neither does nature -
when i walk into the museum of poetry
i don't want to see avant-garde art, i want to see torture,
they really did underestimate the vis poetica -
when i read poetry i want torture, i don't need
safety pins, straitjackets and other torturous
instruments of conformity - but from what i'm seeing
that's all i'm getting - ask any man why the construction
industry is ******* - women on site, women in the
army - feminism has infiltrated sacred sites of
manly brotherhood... you don't see a man stroll into
the fashion industry... well... unless he's a ****** -
a Grimm Brother's tale: once upon a time...
you could listen to a radio on a building site...
then women came in... we only heard symphonies of
hammer and drill... that alone made us deaf...
sure... we worked dangerously, we died more often...
BUT THE THRILL! **** *** bye bye... go on, wave at it...
it's like Titanic's maiden voyage... it's not coming back!
feminism's ugly head should have shoved itself once
more under a horse's galloping hoofs - a few times -
it played with the brotherhood of man - we're no longer
men, we're insurance policies, safety nets,
no wonder the Jihadis are fighting for our libidos -
cos i honestly think they are... they want us to feel the Mojo
once more from the frivolous spirit of the 1960s liberation
that only became slavery of the fake sinner -
**** it... applause gentlemen! applause! thank **** for
me donning *******, i'd be a real loser if i had to hand it
to myself without it... these days it's called the ******* -
the monk's sheaf of chastity - reduce a man to a *****
and you reduce a father to alimony cheques.
what?! ain't that true? i told you, **** poetry, don't
bother writing it, **** that pacified ***** into obedience -
you own it... without you you'd still be crying about
what shame it is that a nation that produced Shakespeare
undermines poets while keeping this old **** ticking
all the boxes of worthwhile inspection... i wish i was
the 20th century example of when poetry had some respect...
at any other time more so in the 20th century -
but we missed that train... shame for us to have inherited
such a past and the internet - so if not so keen on poetry
why Shakespeare the celebratory idol? twilight Sir
****-a-lot is coming - or so i hope.
so this article, citations:
a. Wordsworth 'thoughts that do often lie too deep for
     tears',
b. poetry is the language of crisis,
c. poetry as peak experience constructed from
    the shabby, battered bricks of verbiage
    (otherwise known as talk with a mouthful
      of spaghetti),
d. TS Eliot: 'purifying the dialect of the tribe'
     (too many dialects to make up a tribe, to be honest),
e. funerals in particular are what's called
    poetic crashing the scene, every subject,
    every opportunity, you'd never call a poet a
    polymath,
f. the healing power of poetry... the healing power?
    i never signed up to take a Hippocratic oath!
g. a permanent record of failure... or the allure of a permanent
     record of ridicule by others, so the minor success was
     there too - as in a boy buys a kettle
     is a success story, but a boy writes a poem is a failure -
     is that vocabulary as commodity without
     a handkerchief?
h.
              a sense of abandonment looms...
              the obnoxiousness of this article is all too apparent,
      i rather be headbanging to some ***** M: Ra Ra Rhas Putin -
(even surds deserve a bit of love) -
i might finish the citation of the article... but then again
i might as well cut it short - inc. in the Culture Section
of the Sunday Times, Bryan Appleyard -
people resent poetry for stealing what comes naturally -
really? so i'm a thief? a lot of people don't invest in
vocabulary - they convene to invest in flimsy investments
of slang - after graduation from being teenagers the investment
in **** suddenly disappears - grown-up vocabulary takes
over, comprehensive English, not slang English...
people don't acquire naturally (i.e. easily without discomfort),
if i were to complain to the people for treating me
as a thief rather than a poet i'd ask them to teach me to
do crosswords... a pain-in-the-***... i can't do them!
so i guess that if you're able to do crosswords you can't
write poetry, or give poetry a freedom away from all those
dusty technicalities / identifiers as such -
for poetry doesn't make anything happen
(WH Auden), it probably doesn't, but if you choose a boring
life, a lot happens... 11/15 is the feminist ratio of poetry's
Forward prizes in the genre - k k, a fraction - 11:15 -
new testament? or the old's citation? yeah... why do they
cite the bible like making bets at the bookies?
Gospel of St. Luke 15 to 1? they're betting on the 4 Henchmen
of the Apocalypse - gambling even in the testaments.
performance poetry seldom stands up on the page -
yeah, wheelchair bound, or in pop culture lyricism -
that competition between R.E.M.'s man on the moon
(yeah yeah yeah yeah), and Nirvana's smells like teen spirit,
hello hello hello 'ola! (later the yeah yeah hitchhiker's story);
did i tell you i got barred from a pub in Collier Row for
speaking poetically? a ****-hole of a pub anyway,
walked in with a pair of dolphin flippers and a shark
fin, spoke some words, made a few friends over grapefruit
ale - then a few days later got barred, because i apparently
"threw a pint glass across the room"; that's me booked
for the Cheltenham Book festival for sure... right next to
the cookbook aisle where people will be expecting to make
humble pie and cider squint tarts.
Àŧùl Sep 2013
Your divine aura surrounding my mind,
The collier of your bangles reminds me,
Beautiful was the last night like always.

The sweet heart ache was astounding,
The remnants still linger in our bodies,
Beautiful is the realization that dawns.

A picture of the previous evening shines,
The picture shines in my mind-your mind,
Beautiful was the setting sun yesterday.

Sweet sugary bourbon biscuit in your lips,
How I chased you down onto the cushion,
Beautiful are those moments of a lip-lock.

Sweet was the biscuit or your sugary lips,
I zoomed onto the smiling curve of yours,
Beautiful is the shape as they pout open.
My HP Poem #427
©Atul Kaushal
marriegegirl Jul 2014
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Une minute encore, madame, et cette année,

Commencée avec vous, avec vous terminée,

Ne sera plus qu'un souvenir.

Minuit ! Voilà son glas que la pendule sonne,

Elle s'en est allée en un lieu d'où personne

Ne peut la faire revenir.


Quelque part, ****, bien ****, par-delà les étoiles,

Dans un pays sans nom, ombreux et plein de voiles,

Sur le bord du néant jeté ;

Limbes de l'impalpable, invisible royaume

Où va ce qui n'a pas de corps ni de fantôme,

Ce qui n'est rien, ayant été ;


Où va le son, où va le souffle ; où va la flamme,

La vision qu'en rêve on perçoit avec l'âme,

L'amour de notre cœur chassé ;

La pensée inconnue éclose en notre tête ;

L'ombre qu'en s'y mirant dans la glace on projette ;

Le présent qui se fait passé ;


Un acompte d'un an pris sur les ans qu'à vivre

Dieu veut bien nous prêter ; une feuille du livre

Tournée avec le doigt du temps ;

Une scène nouvelle à rajouter au drame,

Un chapitre de plus au roman dont la trame

S'embrouille d'instants en instants ;


Un autre pas de fait dans cette route morne

De la vie et du temps, dont la dernière borne,

Proche ou lointaine, est un tombeau ;

Où l'on ne peut poser le pied qu'il ne s'enfonce,

Où de votre bonheur toujours à chaque ronce

Derrière vous reste un lambeau.


Du haut de cette année avec labeur gravie,

Me tournant vers ce moi qui n'est plus dans ma vie

Qu'un souvenir presque effacé,

Avant qu'il ne se plonge au sein de l'ombre noire,

Je contemple un moment, des yeux de la mémoire,

Le vaste horizon du passé.


Ainsi le voyageur, du haut de la colline,

Avant que tout à fait le versant qui s'incline

Ne les dérobe à son regard,

Jette un dernier coup d'œil sur les campagnes bleues

Qu'il vient de parcourir, comptant combien de lieues

Il a fait depuis son départ.


Mes ans évanouis à mes pieds se déploient

Comme une plaine obscure où quelques points chatoient

D'un rayon de soleil frappés :

Sur les plans éloignés qu'un brouillard d'oubli cache,

Une époque, un détail nettement se détache

Et revit à mes yeux trompés.


Ce qui fut moi jadis m'apparaît : silhouette

Qui ne ressemble plus au moi qu'elle répète ;

Portrait sans modèle aujourd'hui ;

Spectre dont le cadavre est vivant ; ombre morte

Que le passé ravit au présent qu'il emporte ;

Reflet dont le corps s'est enfui.


J'hésite en me voyant devant moi reparaître,

Hélas ! Et j'ai souvent peine à me reconnaître

Sous ma figure d'autrefois,

Comme un homme qu'on met tout à coup en présence

De quelque ancien ami dont l'âge et dont l'absence

Ont changé les traits et la voix.


Tant de choses depuis, par cette pauvre tête,

Ont passé ! Dans cette âme et ce cœur de poète,

Comme dans l'aire des aiglons,

Tant d'œuvres que couva l'aile de ma pensée

Se débattent, heurtant leur coquille brisée

Avec leurs ongles déjà longs !


Je ne suis plus le même : âme et corps, tout diffère,

Hors le nom, rien de moi n'est resté ; mais qu'y faire ?

Marcher en avant, oublier.

On ne peut sur le temps reprendre une minute,

Ni faire remonter un grain après sa chute

Au fond du fatal sablier.


La tête de l'enfant n'est plus dans cette tête

Maigre, décolorée, ainsi que me l'ont faite

L'étude austère et les soucis.

Vous n'en trouveriez rien sur ce front qui médite

Et dont quelque tourmente intérieure agite

Comme deux serpents les sourcils.


Ma joue était sans plis, toute rose, et ma lèvre

Aux coins toujours arqués riait ; jamais la fièvre

N'en avait noirci le corail.

Mes yeux, vierges de pleurs, avaient des étincelles

Qu'ils n'ont plus maintenant, et leurs claires prunelles

Doublaient le ciel dans leur émail.


Mon cœur avait mon âge, il ignorait la vie,

Aucune illusion, amèrement ravie,

Jeune, ne l'avait rendu vieux ;

Il s'épanouissait à toute chose belle,

Et dans cette existence encore pour lui nouvelle,

Le mal était bien, le bien, mieux.


Ma poésie, enfant à la grâce ingénue,

Les cheveux dénoués, sans corset, jambe nue,

Un brin de folle avoine en main,

Avec son collier fait de perles de rosée,

Sa robe prismatique au soleil irisée,

Allait chantant par le chemin.


Et puis l'âge est venu qui donne la science :

J'ai lu Werther, René, son frère d'alliance,

Ces livres, vrais poisons du cœur,

Qui déflorent la vie et nous dégoûtent d'elle,

Dont chaque mot vous porte une atteinte mortelle ;

Byron et son don Juan moqueur.


Ce fut un dur réveil : ayant vu que les songes

Dont je m'étais bercé n'étaient que des mensonges,

Les croyances, des hochets creux,

Je cherchai la gangrène au fond de tout, et, comme

Je la trouvai toujours, je pris en haine l'homme,

Et je devins bien malheureux.


La pensée et la forme ont passé comme un rêve.

Mais que fait donc le temps de ce qu'il nous enlève ?

Dans quel coin du chaos met-il

Ces aspects oubliés comme l'habit qu'on change,

Tous ces moi du même homme ? Et quel royaume étrange

Leur sert de patrie ou d'exil ?


Dieu seul peut le savoir, c'est un profond mystère ;

Nous le saurons peut-être à la fin, car la terre

Que la pioche jette au cercueil

Avec sa sombre voix explique bien des choses ;

Des effets, dans la tombe, on comprend mieux les causes.

L'éternité commence au seuil.


L'on voit... Mais veuillez bien me pardonner, madame,

De vous entretenir de tout cela. Mon âme,

Ainsi qu'un vase trop rempli,

Déborde, laissant choir mille vagues pensées,

Et ces ressouvenirs d'illusions passées

Rembrunissent mon front pâli.


« Eh ! Que vous fait cela, dites-vous, tête folle,

De vous inquiéter d'une ombre qui s'envole ?

Pourquoi donc vouloir retenir

Comme un enfant mutin sa mère par la robe,

Ce passé qui s'en va ? De ce qu'il vous dérobe

Consolez-vous par l'avenir.


« Regardez ; devant vous l'horizon est immense ;

C'est l'aube de la vie et votre jour commence ;

Le ciel est bleu, le soleil luit ;

La route de ce monde est pour vous une allée,

Comme celle d'un parc, pleine d'ombre et sablée ;

Marchez où le temps vous conduit.


« Que voulez-vous de plus ? Tout vous rit, l'on vous aime.

- Oh ! Vous avez raison, je me le dis moi-même,

L'avenir devrait m'être cher ;

Mais c'est en vain, hélas ! Que votre voix m'exhorte ;

Je rêve, et mon baiser à votre front avorte,

Et je me sens le cœur amer. »
Élégie VI.

Nuit et jour, malgré moi, lorsque je suis **** d'elle,
A ma pensée ardente un souvenir fidèle
La ramène ; - il me semble ouïr sa douce voix
Comme le chant lointain d'un oiseau ; je la vois
Avec son collier d'or, avec sa robe blanche,
Et sa ceinture bleue, et la fraîche pervenche
De son chapeau de paille, et le sourire lin
Qui découvre ses dents de perle, - telle enfin
Que je la vis un soir dans ce bois de vieux ormes
Qui couvrent le chemin de leurs ombres difformes ;
Et je l'aime d'amour profond : car ce n'est pas
Une femme au teint pâle, et mesurant ses pas
Au regard nuagé de langueur, une Anglaise
Morne comme le ciel de Londres, qui se plaise
La tête sur sa main à rêver longuement,
A lire Grandisson et Werther, non vraiment ;
Mais une belle enfant inconstante et frivole,
Qui ne rêve jamais ; une brune créole
Aux grands sourcils arqués; aux longs yeux de velours
Dont les regards furtifs vous poursuivent toujours ;
A la taille élancée, à la gorge divine,
Que sous les plis du lin la volupté devine.
Nigel Morgan Feb 2015
This is a poem
made by her hand
a poem of marks
you can read
left to right

right to left
any which way
an ascemic script
it tells a tale
late in the day

beside a river still
sunlit clouds vast
in a Maytime sky
down on the mud
and shingled shore

these found things
arrived at her feet
as they do when
waiting for her
dear hand’s touch

upon their metalled
forms rusted and
rivered by the daily
tides the diurnal
wash and dry of

weather and watered
river mud-coloured
beside boats bedded
in the river bank each
plaqued to remember

thirty wooden boats in all
that plied a river’s journey
there and back once
to and fro now
charged up high

on Pulton shore
a motorized trow
a top-sail schooner
Edith and the
New Despatch

steel and concrete
barges Severn Collier
and Mighty Monarch
lying hard into the silt
a yard at rest

a grave of vessels
Pulton is a village beside the River Severn in Gloucestershire, UK. To see the graphic sketch created from objects 'found' at Pulton boat graveyard see: http://instagram.com/p/yuGrLvKtEy/?modal=true
Mateuš Conrad May 2016
nouns are the only stable grammatical units, the main building blocks of any language, they are rarely modified, or indeed if they are the original noun is no longer decipherable in a verb form as etymologically settled cement, it's still a sand dune... cow and cowering... i've seen foxes cower while cows just stood there doing their internalised fly digestion, rather than spitting acid onto their plate of faeces, they regurgitate it back into their mouth and chew once more... i've seen other animals cower, but that's hardly a reason to say cow- / -er will necessarily mean, etymologically, that the origin of the verb (activity) stemmed from cows. indeed let's treat nouns as exclusive units, not inclusive units of a language, let's forget that they can be modified, because modifying nouns gives as the reason we called nouns exclusive units of a language: a potato is still a kartoffel in german and a kartofel in western polish (eastern polish it's called a ziemniak - fruit of the earth, earth being named ziemia) - so let's just pretend that the reason why there's a noun stability, is because there are so many of them, the stability of nouns is due to the fact that there are so many things in this world that require them, all languages are bankrupt in all other spheres of word categorisation, but in the category of nouns they're so rich, they had to invent slang terminology.*

the english public have been asked to note down
precise locations of hedgehogs, due to their
declining population as people were not generous
with their garden fences, not building Gaza
like tunnels for the hedgehogs to walk through
for an easy chance of earthworm grub...
(did you know that only badgers have figured out
a way to eat hedgehogs? the foxes didn't,
actually the foxes live peacefully side by side
with cats around here) -
this is my second spotting of a hedgehog,
spotted on the road, in a critical condition,
shocked at the traffic, a stone-like creature,
cement not his usual traverse medium,
stone-cold the poor ****** was,
location: hood walk, just off Collier Row roundabout,
two beers in tow, nudge the poor ******
with my foot to get a response, then clawed into
him, he curled up once i picked him up,
a mature hedgehog, then walked with him and
placed him beneath the fence so he could
sprout no longer traumatic in the playing fields
of st. patrick's catholic primary school adjacent to
the church of corpus christi - guess the thought
expired and there was no cogitatio christi...
so indeed, hedgehog spotting, better than trains,
and after all, this wasn't the event that defined my
saturday night.
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2018
119
.a six day span, which included five fatal stabbings... even around here, some black kid came from south London... was stabbed on the street which i walk at night, just outside of the Collier Row roundabout... as i walked past the spot one night... i said out-loud: sweet dreams, little *******.

but there was this other incident,
a man decided to walk with a knife...
so?
   he could buy a lemon, peel it,
and place sushi on it...
   how else wold you eat sushi,
if not placed on a slice of raw lemon,
sitting at the roundabout,
on a bench, during the night?!

so the man sees this chubby white
girl running...
  then some skinny black guy running
after her...
the man is sitting there,
in perfect public scrutiny peeling
the lemon and cutting a slice
before putting a sushi piece on it,
with soy sauce, pickled ginger
and a decent smear of wasabi...
    the man looks up at the unfolding
confrontation...
he sees that the girl is pointing
at him and shouting at the guy chasing
her to look at me...
  with headphones in his ears...
he notices a change of dynamic...
the guy chasing the girl starts to run
in the opposite direction...
the girl ends up getting the bus home...

   yeah... weird **** like that happens
to me...
             it's not like carry a knife
on my every day...
   just the days when i feel like eating
sushi on a slice of raw lemon,
in public;

how else? raw salmon works well
with cucumbers, dill and some mayo...
but in sushi form,
   you need the lemon bite.
Mateuš Conrad Apr 2016
an under 30 year old should be partying right now,
gimmicks of chums  and the laid leases on the daisies -
well -  not this one,  he's finishing off a second beer
of his feline promenade  that's english suburbia twirls
rather than a grand archway  of paris -
sitting underneath the sea of black and the moon
marked clearly  hardly scythe or fully chubby -
somewhere half-way between both -
well, the beer was blossom, the cigarette
a morbier cheese - and the traffic,
this traffic night traffic - watching it on
collier row road  by the aquarium store
on the brick up-stand, sometimes the moon,
sometimes the traffic - busy bees and dressed and
attired - ready crowd pleasers - i was there once,
hardly a success story, from pedigree pampering
self-conscious bewilderment, to a near-homeless
mutt ragged with 3 weeks of unwashed hair
prolonged by wetting it -
hardly a stink, but still the grease from the pollution;
and lie the children of dentists are told,
pea sized amount of toothpaste, brush quickly
under 30 seconds... go over it, and as nicotine staining
proved prior to this tactic, indeed teeth became
nicotine stained, now using less toothpaste and
shortening the brushing to under 30 if not under
10 seconds... my teeth have no nicotine stains...
after all, we need dentists and what not, we need
to feed them, we need the middle-men to tell us
it takes 3 minutes and a thumb's length of toothpaste
to get the job done, twice a day...
indeed, my mouth was converted into a toilet -
it's mint in my mouth, it's charcoaled roses on my neck
and cheeks, it's quasi-mint under my armpits
of anti-perspiration unshaken can snow muck,
i'm well oiled like Cleopatra - i have babe powder
on my *** - all the pleasant toiletries you know -
but what i don't have and you won't ever give me
is the smell, the smell like Jack Daniels from the
brothel and the sweet taste of the girls -
see, a pea sized dollop of toothpaste and under 10 second
brushing, and still the nicotine staining doesn't
coat the inner side of your chop chopper chops;
ah but still getting drunk watching saturday night traffic,
everyone's so busy i figured the best job around
was to get a profession in laziness.
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2017
randomly switched on the t.v. after a nap,
tuned in on channel 4's four part drama;
what was it?
    the state, all about four britons travelling
to the "caliphate" state of shram, shrem
sham-boco-boco... daesh, the levant...
**** me, that really enriches my vocabulary...
what's it actually called, mind you?

the conversation went like this:
- what you watching?
- homework.
- homework?
- yep, homework,
better mind these camel jockeys
should they feel like making a runner:
or faking a bang bang as
they make anatomy
made simple; i always felt they were
         bad at stuttering, given the B;
******* are genius when it comes
to anatomy though...
  a body "dissected" in a matter of
fractions of a second: even by standards
of concern: that deserves an encore of
applause.
boom! hey presto! plop's your uncle;
couldn't have asked for a better
pizza topping: so? go along with
the prop plot: shmile and shay... cheese!
grinning that ugly ****-face
into the camera, don't worry, you won't
be charged morally... just with
an irony currency: huh?
you basically get *****-slapped 72 times
in jannah, o.k.?

n'ah, i'm not in it for the *****,
listen, i managed to get two disgruntled
english girls home in the middle
of the night, when i still had a mobile phone,
managing to pet a black cat meanwhile,
walking out of the darkness of a public
park over a fence, rolling a cigarette
for one of them, texting her mom,
checking out her rack,
texting her friend (semi-unconscious)
at a bus-stop, taking my shirt off,
putting it on her, flicking her baseball cap
and saying to her tear-****** eyes:
it's going to be o.k.;

i'm not a hero, but i'm certainly not
a cologne oops-e!

mind you, her dad managed to pick
the two up from the collier row roundabout;
am i noticed?
  now, was adolf ****** ever an artist?
no! so... what's the question?

better know who you're being ****** by
than pretending to be dumb and innocent
at a post-scriptum of a terror attack,
lighting candles and faking vigil,
no?
just asking, worth the question...
mind you, what was i watching today
oink channel 4?
   *the state
...
what's that?

i already said! it's homework!
Paul d'Aubin Jul 2016
De l'embarquement à la traversée sur le cargo «Le Girolata»  

Le plus dur, quand vous allez en Corse, n'est pas la traversée qui relève d'un enchantement, c'est le cérémonial de l'embarquement qui nécessite patience et comme ce coup de dernier collier avant d'être saisi par un univers de liberté et de vacances,
En effet, dès que vous avez franchi le seuil de votre première jeunesse, ou le confort, apanage des êtres fatigués par les coups du sort de la vie, compte bien moins que les découvertes, des amis et des femmes; heureuse période des êtres ou un sac a dos, un fauteuil de pont et surtout un ami et plus **** une amoureuse suffisent a votre ardent goût de vivre que la mer exhale et les étendues marines lavent du fatras des soucis aussi intempestifs que vains.
La traversée rompt avec la monotonie de la quotidienneté suscitant ses magies propres et vous désamarrant des chaînes de l'habitude
Il y a dans cette traversée comme une forme de croisière bien plus libre et moins convenue.
La traversée est reine de la mer alors que l'embarquement se rattache encore aux obligations des terres, a ses empiètements constants sur vos libertés.
Il faut donc franchir et laisser dernière soi, l'embarquement comme un vêtement désormais inutile pour être admis a jouir de cette  autre dimension qui n'est plus terrienne mais exclusivement marine ou océanique.
C'est un autre tempo que celui de la mer ou des océans se substituant a l'ordre contraignant des terres et de leurs frontières.
Dès que vous atteignez les ponts votre esprit est en état d'éveil et de réceptivité. accru de cet appel du large qui s'ouvre sur les infinis virtualités et libertés des horizons non clos.

Paul Arrighi
jeffrey conyers Dec 2013
There's nothing like a mother's love
A mother's love, is like going through thick an thin,
they will love you til the the end of TIME you will
have your UP's and also Down's but they will never
ever give up on you an that one person that will never do
that  is a mother is like a precious diamond once you lose that
diamond you can never get that diamond back


By:Taylor Conyers, Le'Koya Collier
Hummmm.
Mon Immortelle, mes aïeux !
Comme tu es appétissante !
Je n'en crois pas mes yeux !
J'ai agrandi ta photo jusqu'à ce qu'elle crève l 'écran.
J 'aurais pu t'embrasser si je l 'avais voulu,
Tellement tu étais proche, magnifiée !
Mais je me suis retenu
et j 'ai décidé de détourner le regard de ta chair et de me concentrer sur les accessoires
car le risque d'atteindre une illumination visuelle à distance aurait été grand
si j 'avais seulement pris le temps de m'attarder
Une demi-seconde sur le lac de tes yeux profonds
et la moue sur tes lèvres couleur aubergine
Je me suis donc consacré exclusivement à l 'examen minutieux,
Détail après détail,  
de tes accessoires, de tes épices.
Oh ne m'en veux pas
Si ce n 'était pas toi, la déesse, que je regardais défiler
Sur l 'écran à vitesse lente chevauchant une tigresse blanche
Mais tes accessoires
Et tes accessoires en disent long sur ton essentiel !
Ce sont des accessoires magiques, physiques, magnétiques, chimiques
Un simple verre de vin de letchi devient entre tes doigts du divin jus de jade
Tes boucles d'oreille et ton collier  d'argent assorti d'une fleur blanche odorante majestueuse!
Jasmin ? Frangipanier ? Rose ? Orchidée ? Lotus ? Dis moi !
Tes bagues dorées au majeur et à l 'annulaire, main droite comme main gauche, deux par main
Des fleurs, encore des boutons de fleurs !
De veuvage ? De mariage ? De fiançailles ?
Tes deux bracelets  d'argent au poignet gauche
Sans oublier ta robe bleue imprimée à fleurs
Et tes mocassins bleus assortis.
Et ton pantalon blanc bien évidemment !
Laissons de côté ce sublime rouge à lèvres couleur aubergine !
Bref j 'ai passé en ***** tout ce qui t'enlumine et t'illumine
Sans être toi tout en étant toi.
Comme ton sac en bandoulière et ce verre de vin de letchi ou de jade que tu presses entre tes doigts.
Tes accessoires sont la voie royale vers ton essentiel !
Et je sais désormais que tu es fleur caméléon,
Je sais les couleurs de ta quintessence :
Tigresse de jade blanc aux oreilles et au cou
Dorée au bout des doigts
et marron et blanche sur fond bleu,
Toute de lianes et feuilles et clochettes
Toute fleurs de  safran, gingembre, curcuma
Piment, tamarin et cannelle
Des épaules aux cuisses !
Me voilà bien avancé, n 'est-ce pas, ma fleur,
Dragon de jade, sur ton chemin de Compostelle ! ?
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2022
01004    (N18>N25>N86>N365)

i guess it was just one of those days that managed to be split
between two:
get up at 7am: shower, get dressed,
head out for the first shift as a supervisor at the London
stadium: starting at 9am... work until 4:30pm...
shake hands with the stewards at the end of the shift
for making my job all the more easier...
calling control (of the stadium) on my radio telling them:
there's a limping crow on the pitch, could we please remove
him? not so easily done, but done nonetheless...

finishing the shift having to master the art of moving
through spectators also leaving,
heading toward Wembley stadium,
starting the shift at 6pm and working until 11:30pm...
leaving the stadium trapped by more spectators
leaving the stadium... being | | this close to getting into
Wembley Park station: i was already planning
a swift return home... on the metropolitan line
to Liverpool St. then a quick train ride back to Romford...
obviously that wasn't going to happen...
**** man: i love this change of plan...
i watched as people were rushing to Wembley Central
station while i walked into a shop
and bought myself a bottle Coca-Cola for mixing
with whiskey at home, a packet of Sterling cigarillos,
a packet of 10: only £5.30...
a packet of crisps and a magnum milk and white chocolate
raspberry ice-cream... walked to the first bus stop...
PACKED... chicken-brain: hatch a man...
absolutely necessary to walk up stream to the origins
of the bus route... passed one bus-stop back:
packed... passed a third: packed... the fourth
at Wembley Central was empty: for a while...
before i noticed that Wembley Central was closing
and people started congregating...
oh **** this... i walked back to the fifth bus-stop...
or maybe it was the sixth...
no... no way am i going to get on a bus:
watch it get packed like a can of sardines
and stand there like a clueless *****!
i have walk back a mile and sit in the front seats
of a double decker on top: SIT... relax... after a long day...
than stick around with these sheepish folk
that would rather stand at a bus-stop with about
50 other people than figure up what salmon do...

ha! plan worked... sat up-stairs on the front two
seats... now i said to myself:
this is my favorite bus journey: from Wembley
to Romford...
first the N18... then the N25... then the N86
and finally the N365...
                                    mind you: north London grime
architecture is very different to east London
grime architecture... i prefer the London grime architecture
to the east London grime...

as i sat down i thought to myself: what i really now
for this to be an "Emirates" journey back home
is for some pretty girl to sit down next to me...
hey presto! i'm a firm believer in luck of late...
i was lucky today...
she sat down... a sort of Camila Cabello lookalike:
but much prettier... Spanish... i can decipher Spanish
when i hear it: d'uh... i could never find a Spanish girl
i found attractive: Spanish feminists and French
feminists put me off from looking...
but there she was... sitting pretty... raven hair...
glasses... blue-grey eyes... skin tone: mocha with a hint
of cinnamon and bronze...
i felt an Adam's apple in my throat choking me...
will i speak to her?
a little nudge of the leg on her part...
a little bristle of arm against on arm...
then dozing off her head almost rested on my shoulder...
i just couldn't help admire the difference in size
of our two bodies...
by thumb alone i had a thumb 1.5x larger than hers...
i looked at my shoulders in the reflexion
in the glass lit up by streetlamps...
  then i looked at her petite exposed details...
she kept flicking her hair: at one point the detailed
a style that i greatly admire: no partition down the middle:
although she pulled it off stunningly because
her raven hair was slightly bouncy: not curly:
bouncy... but then she flicked her hair to one side...
so feminine details any woman could wish to have...
naturally gracing some ancient altar of
man's admiration...

  a crescendo came when some ******* came on the bus
and was playing some ****** rap music
for us to listen to... turns out he wasn't a *******...
he ended playing Coldplay's Paradise...
the entire bus erupted in song... everyone was
singing... she was singing: me? i was just smiling...
she then asked this guy who was standing over her
(because the bus was that full that people were
also standing on the upper-deck) about whether
the N18 stops at St. Paul's...
my throat loosened and i turned around to her:

no... what you have to do is get off at Oxford Circus
and turn left onto the Oxford St. and catch
the N25 bus to St. Paul's... and as i did what i instructed
her to do... i got up and realised:
she came a magical puff of smoke never to be seen
again...
          i knew this was going to happen...
make your heart small... make your heart small...
dangerous daydreaming to begin with...
i knew nothing would come of anything like this...
do people still meet people of their dreams
in random locations in life? on buses?
or is the whole dating experience all about profiling
yourself on the internet so that people
have a boring a priori knowledge of you?
that's why dating is so ****... there's nothing to unravel...
there's nothing to discover: absolutely no thrill...

but this is most certainly my favourite route...
esp. at night... and if you can time it perfectly...
you jump on one bus... jump off it then jump onto
another and a maxim you have to wait for the third
is about a minute: enough time to take off your shoe...
pull up your sock, put the shoe back on and not have
time to do the shoelaces...
i was going to get off the N25 at Stratford bus station
but as the bus was circling the station
i noticed a blackened N86 waiting...
the driver just managed to go down from the second
deck to his cabin and pour himself a coffee from
a flask... so i stayed on the bus to Ilford Hill...
but... i started to watch my back...
yep... just before Manor Park i saw the ******
speeding... quickly got the N25 and jumped
straight onto the N86...
i was in lucky... from Goodmayes there were
only three people on the bus...
we sped past Chadwell Heath and entered Romford
without anyone at bus stops or anyone
trying to get off...

walked to the last bus-stop and caught the N365
to Collier Row... then... talked to myself for a while...
literally... i talked to myself...
i only do this "talking to myself" when i tired
of thinking it... then thinking has absolutely no effect
on me: when i can't do any ego-tripping:
i talk to myself when i've exhausted all avenues
of feeling all "high and mighty"... i bring myself
to a level of conversation: since i can talk to myself:
but i can't think to myself... how can i?
i'm not even myself when i'm thinking: all that ego-*******:
shrapnel thinking...

did i hear my company manager just tell me
he gave me an extra hour of the second shift?
call me a legend... because i was the only person in the company
willing to do a double-shift? i must have:
that's why i started talking to myself: i think i misheard
him...
and wasn't i a supervisor today, even though modern
security standards require you to have an NVQ level 3
while i only have a level 2?
and my treating stewards with the utmost respect
having than talking down to them: gaining their trust
and mutual respect, isn't that something?
that golden rule: treat others like you'd like to be treated?

and to think: i was in the trenches and pitfalls
of madness for so long... my 20s are a blur
or psychiatric pharmacology and psychological
scrutiny...
while most people lost their minds during the Corona
virus lockdowns: i regained mine:
i guess people were a given a taste of the sort of medicine
i was prescribed for so long...
i returned like a phoenix... i exploded back into
the realm of human interaction with shedding
my straitjacket... why could it be so weird
that i hear a choir either ascend or descend in a church
and then in a heat of panic hear a great wind
disperse the choir?
what's so weird about that? doesn't anyone who fasts
and smokes marijuana conjure up such auditory
hallucinations daily? sure... sure... blame it on the ****:
i actually gained while others lost...
i returned to a state i remember myself as being
in high school: not-two-faced... just chameleon like...
i can be liked by almost anyone these days...
one guy who's prone to wearing finger-less leather
gloves and that famous Palestinian bandana takes one
of his gloves off and is so happy to shake hands
with me...

even today i walked into a chicken shop before the second
shift and met up with two stewards i've worked with
before... i ordered a spicy five wing meal...
they were waiting for their meal...
we talked about Miranda (the strawberry drink)
was any good... shift times... blah blah... i stood next to them
and ate... they were perched on stools...
we ate together... Somalis?! who cares...
it's not like England is America....
race is a descriptive investment: not a prejudicial
aspect... i need to say if someone is either Somali
or Samoan or Eskimo... it just paints a certain picture
that a white boy can be on level ground...
my greatest concern whenever dealing with
someone is... respect... the surest sign of respect
is: i'll eat with you... i finished my chicken wings ate
some of the fries... i noticed one of the guys
ordered a burger and a wrap... i couldn't finish
the chips... so i asked... hey...
there's some unopened mayo pouch...
i can't finish these chips: do you want them?
you sure: he implored... mate... i'm full...
he gladly took them thanking me...

of the two best quote i have yet to topple:
Bukowski: some people never go mad...
what horrible lives they must live...
and?
there are variations on this one...
quos deus vult perdere, prius dementat
ha! those whom god wishes to destroy,
he first deprives of reason...
there's a double take on that...
point in mind: to destroy: not... to be destroyed...
meaning? if a deity requires a change of pace
for humanity... it's not a maxim directly related
to Hercules...
  to destroy doesn't imply: to be destroyed...
quem Iuppiter vult perdere, dementat prius
is more precise in that assumption...
those whom Jupiter wishes to destroy,
he first deprives of reason... then again? no!
destroy what? himself or the world around him?!
i've seen the world being destroyed...
if the gods truly wanted me sulking, mumbling...
in some mental institution... i would be just there...
but i'm all in the open... i've regained my strength!
i haven't destroyed destroyed myself...
i've regained myself: perhaps it's not the old me
i remember with a rich cognitive-narration lodged inside
my head: but? instead it's lodged in my read:
that's how the Cartesian dynamic works...
you can begin with the "solipsistic" res cogitans...
but end up after a psychotic transformation
as being a res extensa: what you think about in sketches
you write about in a narrative that's "escaped"
the hell of your supposed "thinking"...
couple that with experiences of auditory hallucinations...
letters, words... are better coupled to writing
than anything the Beatnik attempted with exploring
language with hallucinogenic additives...
believe me... first comes music: then music notation:
then... the ambiguities of what's being spoken...
after all: you can speak language in a rainbow of accents...
but you can't exactly play an instrument
idiosyncratically: it has to be universally arrived at...
otherwise it's particular, i.e. out of tune...
whereas music is universal: language is particular...
sure... the strict obligations of the written tongue
being universal... but? how it sounds? there's nothing
universal about language beside the fact that language exists
per se... English is not a universe language:
it's a modern version of the medieval Lingua Franca...
but... how many versions of English are there?

there's a version of English in every language
that already exist...
on the N25 bus i overheard some Hindus giggling
and dropping loan-word-bombs prompto:
chicken... nuggets...

hmm... something strange happens when you strart
leaning on the res extensa (extended thing)
rather than focusing on the egocentric (cogito)
of the res cogitans (thinking thing)...
a res vanus (empty thing) is spawned...
of course in the realm of res extensa you can
mix-up your own thinking with strange hallucinations
that are cognitive in nature and can be misunderstand
as sensual: on the basis that "thinking" is "audible"...
for example:
Matthew: you're a genius.... a strange expression
for an ego to have: given there's a denotation
of a noun, a given name:
a chair doesn't reply to: you're a great table,
does it?
ergo? an "i" doesn't respond to: you're either genius:
or a Matthew...
an i is an i... a hammer is a hammer...

oh god no... Descartes is yet to be properly invested
in intellectually...
he gave the really proper antithesis of
Christian trinity theology...
Freud just created cages for modern modern
to be behaviour-ably: un-stimulating....
predictable: all that ego super-ego id schematic
is ****-pants worth when pointing a finger back
and telling people: just do what as i do:
do some Cartesian-revisionism...
it will do you much good...

you heard that joke about a bilingual "schizophrenic"?
apparently he's exponentially squared and squared root
of a quadratic...
i think i regained my senses by going mad first...
second came the destruction:
given the damage already done:
i had nothing else in me to destroy... the world needed
a fire... so great that it would have to experience
a shackling to either luck, fate, or? circus...
or all three! ha ha!

it was truly a bountiful day... that N18 bus ride
with that pretty Spanish girl gave me flickers of hope...
heavenly Islamic harems exist...
if only... wait... she did have one or two "awkward"
flickers of freckles.... freckles? moles... those "puns"...
i terribly hate people who make millions
scribbling sensibly guised never-good-byes...
i'm supposed to be picking up a second bicycle i'll
be using to go off the road today...
5:30am... i'lll sleep until 1am then thinking about it...

n'ah... two bicycles... i always loved the idea...
one day i ride on the roads...
the other day i ******* into the woods...
chances are i'll come across a blind rabbit..
as you do...
mind you... even with todays? yesterdays!
yesterdays! shift... i was mostly dealing with the early
leavers..
but it's Coldplay... it's not like the Red Hot Chilly Peppers...
if they're doing a world tour...
and they have the same set-list?
i already heard their two best songs
when they play them first... Paradise and
Adventure of a Lifetime...
  Yellow? i couldn't care less... Fix You...
fix constipation first fix diarrhoea thirst...
don't panic, no? we all live in a beautiful world?!
Nicholas Fogle Jun 2015
I was always an Outsider.
Rebellious, social divider.

An Ideal collier.
You say one way and I'll say another

You shall think of,
I shall destruct them.

I know not silence,
I know not compliance.

Social order only orders for chaos.
I am the mayhem and I am  maniacal.

Order only comes when I come with chaos.
Disorder does not dis order it brings it.

Freedom is deviant of it's own means
So even I mean to be free,

Someday.
Self Worth
Mateuš Conrad Jun 2018
assuming a "cave"...
would i be able to
                                    hear the word
                                synchronisity(!)
in echo,
                when shouted at
                              a monkey?
i guess introspection
is much easier,
with a similarity
                 of objects...
there are some parallels...
but then again:
        there's only the enough
few...
    to claim to stand firm...
****... it's not a pop. belief,
but neither is drinking
yourself on silly...
punching walls
    to make an impression
of:
     you notice how herr doktor
herr professor
       is always attached
to his ring finger, and the ring on
it?
        i thought i'd try it out...
as i'm used to doing...
    a well placed punch
against a wall invokes
a plum-pouch "bruise"
           on your 4th knuckle...
there's my equivalence
      of owning a middle-finger
and a ring on it to boot...
being constipated for the past
two days is not much either...
eat a peanut and you're
on cloud 9 of "imagining"
     yourself well "adjusted":
              rather... bloated...
how can you tell
you managed
         plateau punch
against a brick wall?
the fourth knuckle gets bruised...
proof of intelligence
is no grand gesture to
   what... isn't expected...
let me have my leeches, *****,
flies and mosquitos...
and you can have you:
winter palace...
         poetry as the congregation
of divergent narratives...
       never quiet the void
of an opened eye
of a dying sparrow,
   nested in
        the cusp of your hand...
and in a city when a teenager
was stabbed just two days ago...
walking the streets at night?
you notice...
   a scarcity... in terms of pavement
traffic...
           the closest i got
to "another" human being
             was my own shadow...
it's not big news,
given it's romford...
   collier row to exact...
         but the killer hasn't
                    been found, as of yet...
yet...
              a woman emerges
at night with an alsatian strapped
to her stride...
       i'm still found clinging
to a bottle of beer...
thinking: lucky teenage ******* -
gets the martyr ticket
  away from the current
narrative...
             and if i came from a stock of
manual labourers...
          you don't exactly hear
much about what happens
in the construction industry's no-*******
policy currently happening
                  in...            zee off'ease...
never bought illegal cigarettes from
romanians either...
       what... the legal 12+ quid a packet?!
    extortion...
given... a cigarette does less evil
           than the good of a car exhaust...
such a perfect punch
laid onto a brick wall...
               like mike tyson doing
                        a round at disneyland...
still...
            people change as do
posits of said people made toward
rigid localism...
              a stalking shadow of death...
  and you're the only person walking
the streets?
what could possibly be profound
about this advent
   of being localised by a national
news outlet?
         a deathly absence of protagonists
of the bear minimum
that might subsequently
constitute a book...
             i sometimes wish i read
a dickens' novel...
            pickwick papers would have
done me just fine...
              luckily i'm
on the bottom-end of the literary
frontier...
                and god i'm grateful,
that i know it.
Donc, c'est moi qui suis l'ogre et le bouc émissaire.
Dans ce chaos du siècle où votre coeur se serre,
J'ai foulé le bon goût et l'ancien vers françois
Sous mes pieds, et, hideux, j'ai dit à l'ombre : « Sois ! »
Et l'ombre fut. -- Voilà votre réquisitoire.
Langue, tragédie, art, dogmes, conservatoire,
Toute cette clarté s'est éteinte, et je suis
Le responsable, et j'ai vidé l'urne des nuits.
De la chute de tout je suis la pioche inepte ;
C'est votre point de vue. Eh bien, soit, je l'accepte ;
C'est moi que votre prose en colère a choisi ;
Vous me criez : « Racca » ; moi je vous dis : « Merci ! »
Cette marche du temps, qui ne sort d'une église
Que pour entrer dans l'autre, et qui se civilise ;
Ces grandes questions d'art et de liberté,
Voyons-les, j'y consens, par le moindre côté,
Et par le petit bout de la lorgnette. En somme,
J'en conviens, oui, je suis cet abominable homme ;
Et, quoique, en vérité, je pense avoir commis,
D'autres crimes encor que vous avez omis.
Avoir un peu touché les questions obscures,
Avoir sondé les maux, avoir cherché les cures,
De la vieille ânerie insulté les vieux bâts,
Secoué le passé du haut jusques en bas,
Et saccagé le fond tout autant que la forme.
Je me borne à ceci : je suis ce monstre énorme,
Je suis le démagogue horrible et débordé,
Et le dévastateur du vieil A B C D ;
Causons.

Quand je sortis du collège, du thème,
Des vers latins, farouche, espèce d'enfant blême
Et grave, au front penchant, aux membres appauvris ;
Quand, tâchant de comprendre et de juger, j'ouvris
Les yeux sur la nature et sur l'art, l'idiome,
Peuple et noblesse, était l'image du royaume ;
La poésie était la monarchie ; un mot
Était un duc et pair, ou n'était qu'un grimaud ;
Les syllabes, pas plus que Paris et que Londres,
Ne se mêlaient ; ainsi marchent sans se confondre
Piétons et cavaliers traversant le pont Neuf ;
La langue était l'état avant quatre-vingt-neuf ;
Les mots, bien ou mal nés, vivaient parqués en castes :
Les uns, nobles, hantant les Phèdres, les Jocastes,
Les Méropes, ayant le décorum pour loi,
Et montant à Versailles aux carrosses du roi ;
Les autres, tas de gueux, drôles patibulaires,
Habitant les patois ; quelques-uns aux galères
Dans l'argot ; dévoués à tous les genres bas,
Déchirés en haillons dans les halles ; sans bas,
Sans perruque ; créés pour la prose et la farce ;
Populace du style au fond de l'ombre éparse ;
Vilains, rustres, croquants, que Vaugelas leur chef
Dans le bagne Lexique avait marqué d'une F ;
N'exprimant que la vie abjecte et familière,
Vils, dégradés, flétris, bourgeois, bons pour Molière.
Racine regardait ces marauds de travers ;
Si Corneille en trouvait un blotti dans son vers,
Il le gardait, trop grand pour dire : « Qu'il s'en aille ;  »
Et Voltaire criait :  « Corneille s'encanaille ! »
Le bonhomme Corneille, humble, se tenait coi.
Alors, brigand, je vins ; je m'écriai :  « Pourquoi
Ceux-ci toujours devant, ceux-là toujours derrière ? »
Et sur l'Académie, aïeule et douairière,
Cachant sous ses jupons les tropes effarés,
Et sur les bataillons d'alexandrins carrés,

Je fis souffler un vent révolutionnaire.
Je mis un bonnet rouge au vieux dictionnaire.
Plus de mot sénateur ! plus de mot roturier !
Je fis une tempête au fond de l'encrier,
Et je mêlai, parmi les ombres débordées,
Au peuple noir des mots l'essaim blanc des idées ;
Et je dis :  « Pas de mot où l'idée au vol pur
Ne puisse se poser, tout humide d'azur ! »
Discours affreux ! -- Syllepse, hypallage, litote,
Frémirent ; je montai sur la borne Aristote,
Et déclarai les mots égaux, libres, majeurs.
Tous les envahisseurs et tous les ravageurs,
Tous ces tigres, les Huns les Scythes et les Daces,
N'étaient que des toutous auprès de mes audaces ;
Je bondis hors du cercle et brisai le compas.
Je nommai le cochon par son nom ; pourquoi pas ?
Guichardin a nommé le Borgia ! Tacite
Le Vitellius ! Fauve, implacable, explicite,
J'ôtai du cou du chien stupéfait son collier
D'épithètes ; dans l'herbe, à l'ombre du hallier,
Je fis fraterniser la vache et la génisse,
L'une étant Margoton et l'autre Bérénice.
Alors, l'ode, embrassant Rabelais, s'enivra ;
Sur le sommet du Pinde on dansait Ça ira ;
Les neuf muses, seins nus, chantaient la Carmagnole ;
L'emphase frissonna dans sa fraise espagnole ;
Jean, l'ânier, épousa la bergère Myrtil.
On entendit un roi dire : « Quelle heure est-il ? »
Je massacrais l'albâtre, et la neige, et l'ivoire,
Je retirai le jais de la prunelle noire,
Et j'osai dire au bras : « Sois blanc, tout simplement. »
Je violai du vers le cadavre fumant ;
J'y fis entrer le chiffre ; ô terreur! Mithridate
Du siège de Cyzique eût pu citer la date.
Jours d'effroi ! les Laïs devinrent des catins.
Force mots, par Restaut peignés tous les matins,

Et de Louis-Quatorze ayant gardé l'allure,
Portaient encor perruque ; à cette chevelure
La Révolution, du haut de son beffroi,
Cria : « Transforme-toi ! c'est l'heure. Remplis-toi
- De l'âme de ces mots que tu tiens prisonnière ! »
Et la perruque alors rugit, et fut crinière.
Liberté ! c'est ainsi qu'en nos rébellions,
Avec des épagneuls nous fîmes des lions,
Et que, sous l'ouragan maudit que nous soufflâmes,
Toutes sortes de mots se couvrirent de flammes.
J'affichai sur Lhomond des proclamations.
On y lisait : « Il faut que nous en finissions !
- Au panier les Bouhours, les Batteux, les Brossettes
- A la pensée humaine ils ont mis les poucettes.
- Aux armes, prose et vers ! formez vos bataillons !
- Voyez où l'on en est : la strophe a des bâillons !
- L'ode a des fers aux pieds, le drame est en cellule.
- Sur le Racine mort le Campistron pullule ! »
Boileau grinça des dents ; je lui dis :  « Ci-devant,
Silence ! » et je criai dans la foudre et le vent :
« Guerre à la rhétorique et paix à la syntaxe ! »
Et tout quatre-vingt-treize éclata. Sur leur axe,
On vit trembler l'athos, l'ithos et le pathos.
Les matassins, lâchant Pourceaugnac et Cathos,
Poursuivant Dumarsais dans leur hideux bastringue,
Des ondes du Permesse emplirent leur seringue.
La syllabe, enjambant la loi qui la tria,
Le substantif manant, le verbe paria,
Accoururent. On but l'horreur jusqu'à la lie.
On les vit déterrer le songe d'Athalie ;
Ils jetèrent au vent les cendres du récit
De Théramène ; et l'astre Institut s'obscurcit.
Oui, de l'ancien régime ils ont fait tables rases,
Et j'ai battu des mains, buveur du sang des phrases,
Quand j'ai vu par la strophe écumante et disant
Les choses dans un style énorme et rugissant,
L'Art poétique pris au collet dans la rue,
Et quand j'ai vu, parmi la foule qui se rue,
Pendre, par tous les mots que le bon goût proscrit,
La lettre aristocrate à la lanterne esprit.
Oui, je suis ce Danton ! je suis ce Robespierre !
J'ai, contre le mot noble à la longue rapière,
Insurgé le vocable ignoble, son valet,
Et j'ai, sur Dangeau mort, égorgé Richelet.
Oui, c'est vrai, ce sont là quelques-uns de mes crimes.
J'ai pris et démoli la bastille des rimes.
J'ai fait plus : j'ai brisé tous les carcans de fer
Qui liaient le mot peuple, et tiré de l'enfer
Tous les vieux mots damnés, légions sépulcrales ;
J'ai de la périphrase écrasé les spirales,
Et mêlé, confondu, nivelé sous le ciel
L'alphabet, sombre tour qui naquit de Babel ;
Et je n'ignorais pas que la main courroucée
Qui délivre le mot, délivre la pensée.

L'unité, des efforts de l'homme est l'attribut.
Tout est la même flèche et frappe au même but.

Donc, j'en conviens, voilà, déduits en style honnête,
Plusieurs de mes forfaits, et j'apporte ma tête.
Vous devez être vieux, par conséquent, papa,
Pour la dixième fois j'en fais meâ culpâ.
Oui, si Beauzée est dieu, c'est vrai, je suis athée.
La langue était en ordre, auguste, époussetée,
Fleur-de-lys d'or, Tristan et Boileau, plafond bleu,
Les quarante fauteuils et le trône au milieu ;
Je l'ai troublée, et j'ai, dans ce salon illustre,
Même un peu cassé tout ; le mot propre, ce rustre,
N'était que caporal : je l'ai fait colonel ;
J'ai fait un jacobin du pronom personnel ;
Dur participe, esclave à la tête blanchie,
Une hyène, et du verbe une hydre d'anarchie.

Vous tenez le reum confitentem. Tonnez !
J'ai dit à la narine : « Eh mais ! tu n'es qu'un nez !  »
J'ai dit au long fruit d'or : « Mais tu n'es qu'une poire !  »
J'ai dit à Vaugelas : « Tu n'es qu'une mâchoire ! »
J'ai dit aux mots : « Soyez république ! soyez
La fourmilière immense, et travaillez ! Croyez,
Aimez, vivez ! » -- J'ai mis tout en branle, et, morose,
J'ai jeté le vers noble aux chiens noirs de la prose.

Et, ce que je faisais, d'autres l'ont fait aussi ;
Mieux que moi. Calliope, Euterpe au ton transi,
Polymnie, ont perdu leur gravité postiche.
Nous faisons basculer la balance hémistiche.
C'est vrai, maudissez-nous. Le vers, qui, sur son front
Jadis portait toujours douze plumes en rond,
Et sans cesse sautait sur la double raquette
Qu'on nomme prosodie et qu'on nomme étiquette,
Rompt désormais la règle et trompe le ciseau,
Et s'échappe, volant qui se change en oiseau,
De la cage césure, et fuit vers la ravine,
Et vole dans les cieux, alouette divine.

Tous les mots à présent planent dans la clarté.
Les écrivains ont mis la langue en liberté.
Et, grâce à ces bandits, grâce à ces terroristes,
Le vrai, chassant l'essaim des pédagogues tristes,
L'imagination, tapageuse aux cent voix,
Qui casse des carreaux dans l'esprit des bourgeois ;
La poésie au front triple, qui rit, soupire
Et chante, raille et croit ; que Plaute et Shakspeare
Semaient, l'un sur la plebs, et l'autre sur le mob ;
Qui verse aux nations la sagesse de Job
Et la raison d'Horace à travers sa démence ;
Qu'enivre de l'azur la frénésie immense,
Et qui, folle sacrée aux regards éclatants,
Monte à l'éternité par les degrés du temps,

La muse reparaît, nous reprend, nous ramène,
Se remet à pleurer sur la misère humaine,
Frappe et console, va du zénith au nadir,
Et fait sur tous les fronts reluire et resplendir
Son vol, tourbillon, lyre, ouragan d'étincelles,
Et ses millions d'yeux sur ses millions d'ailes.

Le mouvement complète ainsi son action.
Grâce à toi, progrès saint, la Révolution
Vibre aujourd'hui dans l'air, dans la voix, dans le livre ;
Dans le mot palpitant le lecteur la sent vivre ;
Elle crie, elle chante, elle enseigne, elle rit,
Sa langue est déliée ainsi que son esprit.
Elle est dans le roman, parlant tout bas aux femmes.
Elle ouvre maintenant deux yeux où sont deux flammes,
L'un sur le citoyen, l'autre sur le penseur.
Elle prend par la main la Liberté, sa soeur,
Et la fait dans tout homme entrer par tous les pores.
Les préjugés, formés, comme les madrépores,
Du sombre entassement des abus sous les temps,
Se dissolvent au choc de tous les mots flottants,
Pleins de sa volonté, de son but, de son âme.
Elle est la prose, elle est le vers, elle est le drame ;
Elle est l'expression, elle est le sentiment,
Lanterne dans la rue, étoile au firmament.
Elle entre aux profondeurs du langage insondable ;
Elle souffle dans l'art, porte-voix formidable ;
Et, c'est Dieu qui le veut, après avoir rempli
De ses fiertés le peuple, effacé le vieux pli
Des fronts, et relevé la foule dégradée,
Et s'être faite droit, elle se fait idée !

Paris, janvier 1834.
Plus criminel que Barrabas
Cornu comme les mauvais anges
Quel Belzébuth es-tu là-bas
Nourri d'immondice et de fange
Nous n'irons pas à tes sabbats

Poisson pourri de Salonique
Long collier des sommeils affreux
D'yeux arrachés à coup de pique
Ta mère fit un pet foireux
Et tu naquis de sa colique

Bourreau de Podolie Amant
Des plaies des ulcères des croûtes
Groin de cochon cul de jument
Tes richesses garde-les toutes
Pour payer tes médicaments.
From Wikipedia

Singapore Sammy is a fictional pulp character written by George F. Worts, primarily for Argosy,[1] one of his primary markets for fiction. The adventures of Sammy Shay are one of the shorter adventure series characters which Worts wrote (although he penned shorter series, such as his interconnected novelettes which took place in a fictional Florida town called Vingo which were also published in Argosy).

Most of Worts' Singapore Sammy stories appeared in Argosy, although there were additional installments in other magazines. Singapore Sammy also made a cameo appearance in Worts' novel, Five Who Vanished, as a crane operator and engineer assigned to a defense project in World War II-era Hawaii.

Series Synopsis
Sailor Sammy Shay roamed the South Seas on a quest to locate his father, who possessed the only copy of a will which left all of his wealth to Sammy alone. The series was well regarded in the Argosy letters column of the time. These stories take place in the South Seas, where Worts had worked as a telegraph operator on the Chinese trade route.

The Singapore Sammy series is similar to Worts' other Far East-located adventure series for Argosy, Peter the Brazen, which was serialized in that magazine during the same time.

List of Stories[2]
Story Title Magazine Dates
"The Blue Fire Pearl" Short Stories March 10, 1928
"Cobra" Short Stories May 25, 1928
"South of Sulu" Short Stories June 25, 1928
"The Pink Elephant" Short Stories October 25, 1928
"Octopus" Short Stories May 10, 1929
"Singapore Sammy" (2 parts) Argosy December 12, 19, 1931
"The Python Pit" (3 parts) Argosy May 6, 13, 20, 1933
"Isle of the Meteor" Argosy August 19, 1933
"Buddha’s Whisker" Argosy May 26, 1934
"The Monster of the Lagoon" (6 parts) Argosy February 23 and March 2, 9, 16, 23, 30, 1935
"Shark Bait" (3 parts) Argosy June 22, 29 and July 5, 1935
"Murderer’s Paradise" Argosy May 16, 23, 30 and June 6, 13, 20, 1936
"Five Who Vanished" (10 parts) Collier's December 26, 1942, January 9, 16, 23, 30 and February 6, 13, 20, 27, 1943
Ô toi qui dans mon âme vibres,
Ô mon cher esprit familier,
Les espaces sont clairs et libres ;
J'y consens, défais ton collier,

Mêle les dieux, confonds les styles,
Accouple au poean les agnus ;
Fais dans les grands cloîtres hostiles
Danser les nymphes aux seins nus.

Sois de France, sois de Corinthe,
Réveille au bruit de ton clairon
Pégase fourbu qu'on éreinte
Au vieux coche de Campistron.

Tresse l'acanthe et la liane ;
Grise l'augure avec l'abbé ;
Que David contemple Diane,
Qu'Actéon guette Bethsabé.

Du nez de Minerve indignée
Au crâne chauve de saint Paul
Suspends la toile d'araignée
Qui prendra les rimes au vol.

Fais rire Marion courbée
Sur les oegipans ahuris.
Cours, saute, emmène Alphésibée
Souper au Café de Paris.

Sois ***, hardi, glouton, vorace ;
Flâne, aime ; sois assez coquin
Pour rencontrer parfois Horace
Et toujours éviter Berquin.

Peins le nu d'après l'Homme antique,
Païen et biblique à la fois,
Constate la pose plastique
D'Ève ou de Rhée au fond des bois.

Des amours observe la mue.
Défais ce que les pédants font,
Et, penché sur l'étang, remue
L'art poétique jusqu'au fond.

Trouble La Harpe, ce coq d'Inde,
Et Boileau, dans leurs sanhédrins ;
Saccage tout ; jonche le Pinde
De césures d'alexandrins.

Prends l'abeille pour soeur jumelle ;
Aie, ô rôdeur du frais vallon,
Un alvéole à miel, comme elle,
Et, comme elle, un brave aiguillon.

Plante là toute rhétorique,
Mais au vieux bon sens fais écho ;
Monte en croupe sur la bourrique,
Si l'ânier s'appelle Sancho.

Qu'Argenteuil soit ton Pausilippe.
Sois un peu diable, et point démon,
Joue, et pour Fanfan la Tulipe
Quitte Ajax fils de Télamon.

Invente une églogue lyrique
Prenant terre au bois de Meudon,
Où le vers danse une pyrrhique
Qui dégénère en rigodon.

Si Loque, Coche, Graille et Chiffe
Dans Versailles viennent à toi,
Présente galamment la griffe
À ces quatre filles de roi.

Si Junon s'offre, fais ta tâche ;
Fête Aspasie, admets Ninon ;
Si Goton vient, sois assez lâche
Pour rire et ne pas dire : Non.

Sois le chérubin et l'éphèbe.
Que ton chant libre et disant tout
Vole, et de la lyre de Thèbe
Aille au mirliton de Saint-Cloud.

Qu'en ton livre, comme au bocage,
On entende un hymne, et jamais
Un bruit d'ailes dans une cage !
Rien des bas-fonds, tout des sommets !

Fais ce que tu voudras, qu'importe !
Pourvu que le vrai soit content ;
Pourvu que l'alouette sorte
Parfois de ta strophe en chantant ;

Pourvu que Paris où tu soupes
N'ôte rien à ton naturel ;
Que les déesses dans tes groupes
Gardent une lueur du ciel ;

Pourvu que la luzerne pousse
Dans ton idylle, et que Vénus
Y trouve une épaisseur de mousse
Suffisante pour ses pieds nus ;

Pourvu que Grimod la Reynière
Signale à Brillat-Savarin
Une senteur de cressonnière
Mêlée à ton hymne serein ;

Pourvu qu'en ton poème tremble
L'azur réel des claires eaux ;
Pourvu que le brin d'herbe semble
Bon au nid des petits oiseaux ;

Pourvu que Psyché soit baisée
Par ton souffle aux cieux réchauffé ;
Pourvu qu'on sente la rosée
Dans ton vers qui boit du café.
Mot-dièse : pharaonne
Synonyme : reine-pharaon
Exemple: Hapshepsout
Attributs : pagne court en chendjit
Coiffe-némès
Double-couronne pschent
Collier
Barbe postiche cérémonielle
Sceptre foral
Mot-cible : pharaonne
Synonyme : maîtresse souveraine
Exemple : Maakarê
Attributs: double plume sur mortier
Robe fourreau
Croix ankh
Serpent-Uraeus
Couronne néret
Mot-balise : momie
Mot-clic : le sistre
Mot-clé : la ménat
Tous les mots du monde
Dièse cible clic clé ou balise
Tous les hashtags du monde
Entre croisillons et carrés
Ne mettront sous étiquette ni label
Qu'une infime parcelle intérimaire
De ma pharaonne titulaire.
Ses hanches généreuses s'imbriquent
Idéalement dans l'architecture des pyramides fanfaronnes
Ses courbes défient les lignes droites lubriques des pierres
Et serpentent en gazouillant
Comme des vautours tumides
Entre les grains de sable humide
Et l'oeil du cyclone solaire.
Ma pharaonne porte barbiche cérémonielle
Tous azimuts elle agite son hochet sacré
Et tous les mois sont avril pour elle
Qui ne se découvre jamais d'un fil de siècle.
Veuve numide jamais nue
Mais toujours vulve sincère à neuf têtes
Jamais postiche, jamais potiche, Jamais cruche, jamais crèche
Pharaonne de plein exercice,
Dame de haute lignée tout simplement fraîche
Et éternellement dispose
A célébrer en elle les clics et les clacs de l'immortalité.
“Collier took Oona and Charlie backstage and introduced them to the star and (Katharine) Hepburn's mother, an outspoken advocate of birth control. Gesturing toward Oona, Collier proudly proclaimed, 'Isn't it wonderful? This young girl is the mother of three children!'; 'Nothing wonderful about that,' Mrs. Hepburn quickly replied. 'The wonderful thing would be not having them.' (One only can imagine what Mother Hepburn might have said upon hearing the final count.)” [From pps. 157-8 of a biography of Charles Chaplin's fourth wife (and mother to 8 of his 10 children), Oona: Living in the Shadows by Jane Scovell, 1998]

WIKI: Oona O'Neill Chaplin, Lady Chaplin (May 14, 1925 – September 27, 1991) was the daughter of Nobel and Pulitzer-Prize-winning American playwright Eugene O'Neill and English-born writer Agnes Boulton, and the fourth and last wife of English actor and filmmaker Charlie Chaplin.

In Hollywood, O'Neill was introduced to Chaplin, who considered her for a film role. The film was never made, but O'Neill and Chaplin began a romantic relationship and married in June 1943, a month after she had turned 18. The 36-year age gap between them caused a scandal, and severed O'Neill's relationship with her father, who had already strongly disapproved of her wish to become an actress. Following the marriage, O'Neill gave up her career plans. She and Chaplin had eight children together and remained married until his death in 1977.
Rien encore n'a germé de vos rameaux flottants
Sur notre jeune terre où, depuis quarante ans,
Tant d'âmes se sont échouées,
Doctrines aux fruits d'or, espoir des nations,
Que la hâtive main des révolutions
Sur nos têtes a secouées !

Nous attendons toujours ! Seigneur, prenez pitié
Des peuples qui, toujours satisfaits à moitié,
Vont d'espérance en espérance ;
Et montrez-nous enfin l'homme de votre choix
Parmi tous ces tribuns et parmi tous ces rois
Que vous essayez à la France !

Qui peut se croire fort, puissant et souverain ?
Qui peut dire en scellant des barrières d'airain :
Jamais vous ne serez franchies !
Dans ce siècle de bruit, de gloire et de revers,
Où les roseaux penchés au bord des étangs verts
Durent plus que les monarchies !

Rois ! la bure est souvent jalouse du velours.
Le peuple a froid l'hiver, le peuple a faim toujours.
Rendez-lui son sort plus facile.
Le peuple souvent porte un bien rude collier.
Ouvrez l'école aux fils, aux pères l'atelier,
À tous vos bras, auguste asile !

Par la bonté des rois rendez les peuples bons.
Sous d'étranges malheurs souvent nous nous courbons.
Songez que Dieu seul est le maître.
Un bienfait par quelqu'un est toujours ramassé.
Songez-y, rois minés sur qui pèse un passé
Gros du même avenir peut-être !

Donnez à tous. Peut-être un jour tous vous rendront !
Donnez, - on ne sait pas quels épis germeront
Dans notre siècle autour des trônes ! -
De la main droite aux bons, de la gauche aux méchants !
Comme le laboureur sème sa graine aux champs,
Ensemencez les cœurs d'aumônes !

Ô rois ! le pain qu'on porte au vieillard desséché,
La pauvre adolescente enlevée au marché,
Le bienfait souriant, toujours prêt à toute heure,
Qui vient, riche et voilé, partout où quelqu'un pleure,
Le cri reconnaissant d'une mère à genoux,
L'enfant sauvé qui lève, entre le peuple et vous,
Ses deux petites mains sincères et joyeuses,
Sont la meilleure digue aux foules furieuses.

Hélas ! je vous le dis, ne vous endormez pas
Tandis que l'avenir s'amoncelle là-bas !

Il arrive parfois, dans le siècle où nous sommes,
Qu'un grand vent tout à coup soulève à flots les hommes ;
Vent de malheur, formé, comme tous les autans,
De souffles quelque part comprimés trop longtemps ;
Vent qui de tout foyer disperse la fumée ;
Dont s'attise l'idée à cette heure allumée ;
Qui passe sur tout homme, et, torche ou flot amer,
Le fait étinceler ou le fait écumer ;
Ebranle tout digue et toute citadelle ;
Dans la société met à nu d'un coup d'aile
Des sommets jusqu'alors par des brumes voilés,
Des gouffres ténébreux ou des coins étoilés ;
Vent fatal qui confond les meilleurs et les pires,
Arrache mainte tuile au vieux toit des empires,
Et prenant dans l'état, en haut, en bas, partout,
Tout esprit qui dérive et toute âme qui bout,
Tous ceux dont un zéphyr fait remuer les têtes,
Tout ce qui devient onde à l'heure des tempêtes,
Amoncelant dans l'ombre et chassant à la fois
Ces flots, ces bruits, ce peuple, et ces pas et ces voix,
Et ces groupes sans forme et ces rumeurs sans nombre,
Pousse tout cet orage au seuil d'un palais sombre !

Palais sombre en effet, et plongé dans la nuit !
D'où les illusions s'envolent à grand bruit,
Quelques-unes en pleurs, d'autres qu'on entend rire !
C'en est fait. L'heure vient, le voile se déchire,
Adieu les songes d'or ! On se réveille, on voit
Un spectre aux mains de chair qui vous touche du doigt.
C'est la réalité ! qu'on sent là, qui vous pèse.
On rêvait Charlemagne, on pense à Louis seize !

Heure grande et terrible où, doutant des canons,
La royauté, nommant ses amis par leurs noms,
Recueillant tous les bruits que la tempête apporte,
Attend, l'œil à la vitre et l'oreille à la porte !
Où l'on voit dans un coin, ses filles dans ses bras,
La reine qui pâlit, pauvre étrangère, hélas !

Où les petits enfants des familles royales
De quelque vieux soldat pressent les mains loyales,
Et demandent, avec des sanglots superflus,
Aux valets, qui déjà ne leur répondent plus,
D'où viennent ces rumeurs, ces terreurs, ce mystère,
Et les ébranlements de cette affreuse terre
Qu'ils sentent remuer comme la mer aux vents,
Et qui ne tremble pas sous les autres enfants !

Hélas ! vous crénelez vos mornes Tuileries,
Vous encombrez les ponts de vos artilleries,
Vous gardez chaque rue avec un régiment,
À quoi bon ? à quoi bon ? De moment en moment
La tourbe s'épaissit, grosse et désespérée
Et terrible, et qu'importe, à l'heure où leur marée
Sort et monte en hurlant du fond du gouffre amer,
La mitraille à la foule et la grêle à la mer !

Ô redoutable époque ! et quels temps que les nôtres !
Où, rien qu'en se serrant les uns contre les autres,
Les hommes dans leurs plis écrasent tours, châteaux,
Donjons que les captifs rayaient de leurs couteaux,
Créneaux, portes d'airain comme un carton ployées,
Et sur leurs boulevards vainement appuyées
Les pâles garnisons, et les canons de fer
Broyés avec le mur comme l'os dans la chair !

Comment se défendra ce roi qu'un peuple assiège ?
Plus léger sur ce flot que sur l'onde un vain liège,
Plus vacillant que l'ombre aux approches du soir,
Ecoutant sans entendre et regardant sans voir,
Il est là qui frissonne, impuissant, infertile,
Sa main tremble, et sa tête est un crible inutile,
Hélas ! hélas ! les rois en ont seuls de pareils !
Qui laisse tout passer, hors les mauvais conseils !

Que servent maintenant ces sabres, ces épées,
Ces lignes de soldats par des caissons coupées,
Ces bivouacs, allumés dans les jardins profonds,
Dont la lueur sinistre empourpre ses plafonds,
Ce général choisi, qui déjà, vaine garde,
Sent peut-être à son front sourdre une autre cocarde,
Et tous ces cuirassiers, soldats vieux ou nouveaux,
Qui plantent dans la cour des pieux pour leurs chevaux ?
Que sert la grille close et la mèche allumée ?
Il faudrait une tête, et tu n'as qu'une armée !

Que faire de ce peuple à l'immense roulis,
Mer qui traîne du moins une idée en ses plis,
Vaste inondation d'hommes, d'enfants, de femmes,
Flots qui tous ont des yeux, vagues qui sont des âmes ?

Malheur alors ! O Dieu ! faut-il que nous voyions
Le côté monstrueux des révolutions !
Qui peut dompter la mer ? Seigneur ! qui peut répondre
Des ondes de Paris et des vagues de Londres,
Surtout lorsque la ville, ameutée aux tambours
Sent ramper dans ses flots l'hydre de ses faubourgs !

Dans ce palais fatal où l'empire s'écroule,
Dont la porte bientôt va ployer sous la foule,
Où l'on parle tout bas de passages secrets,
Où le roi sent déjà qu'on le sert de moins près,
Où la mère en tremblant rit à l'enfant qui pleure,
Ô mon Dieu ! que va-t-il se passer tout à l'heure ?
Comment vont-ils jouer avec ce nid de rois ?
Pourquoi faut-il qu'aux jours où le pauvre aux abois
Sent sa haine des grands de ce qu'il souffre accrue,
Notre faute ou la leur le lâchent dans la rue ?
Temps de deuil où l'émeute en fureur sort de tout !
Où le peuple devient difforme tout à coup !

Malheur donc ! c'est fini. Plus de barrière au trône !
Mais Dieu garde un trésor à qui lui fit l'aumône.
Si le prince a laissé, dans des temps moins changeants,
L'empreinte de ses pas à des seuils indigents,
Si des bienfaits cachés il fut parfois complice,
S'il a souvent dit : grâce ! où la loi dit : supplice !
Ne désespérez pas. Le peuple aux mauvais jours
A pu tout oublier, Dieu se souvient toujours !

Souvent un cri du cœur sorti d'une humble bouche
Désarme, impérieux, une foule farouche
Qui tenait une proie en ses poings triomphants.
Les mères aux lions font rendre les enfants !

Oh ! dans cet instant même où le naufrage gronde,
Où l'on sent qu'un boulet ne peut rien contre une onde,
Où, liquide et fangeuse et pleine de courroux,
La populace à l'œil stupide, aux cheveux roux,
Aboyant sur le seuil comme un chien pour qu'on ouvre,
Arrive, éclaboussant les chapiteaux du Louvre,
Océan qui n'a pas d'heure pour son reflux !
Au moment où l'on voit que rien n'arrête plus
Ce flot toujours grossi, que chaque instant apporte,
Qui veut monter, qui hurle et qui mouille la porte,...
C'est un spectacle auguste et que j'ai vu déjà
Souvent, quand mon regard dans l'histoire plongea,
Qu'une bonne action, cachée en un coin sombre,
Qui sort subitement toute blanche de l'ombre,
Et comme autrefois Dieu qu'elle prend à témoin,
Dit au peuple écumant : Tu n'iras pas plus **** !

Le 28 décembre 1834.
Mateuš Conrad Oct 2017
so i just picked up my wine and whiskey,
and heading toward romford from
collier row tesco,
took a seat on the 175 bus -
fours kids and a mother behind me -
god, i love kids, esp. this cute...
in between a nursery rhyme of
twinkle twinkle little star,
they broke into a song of
lady gaga's bad romance:
      rah rah ah-ah-ah!
rho mah ro-mah-mah
                    gaga oh-la-la! -
up to a point where the mother asked
to keep themselves quiet,
only prior, to what happened when
the no. 66 bus (leystone st. to romford
st.) -
     the kids start their infernal
counting 66, 6... 6, 6, 6...
               the cutest part came
with them not able to sing the words
- want your bad romance -
i'm just as bad when it comes to
concrete lyrics...
     they got the
      rah rah ah-ah-ah!
rho mah ro-mah-mah
                    gaga oh-la-la
right...
but the - want your bad romance?
they sort of "gave up", w- .....................,
more exactly - the letters had already
started forming syllables,
        but the syllables didn't start
forming meanings -
              children:
    you only have them as selfish
psychologists -
who think that all patients are
   patiens ex infans:
what a demeaning position to hold...
and guess: it only takes a highly
concentrated urban environment to
guess a clock's next tick-tock...
              i love children, such innocent
spies that never fail to amaze:
   never the finished canvases -
always the blank slates...
imagine my amazement listening to
them recite lady gaga's goo-goo-poo-poo'h-drip
sunny glaze... and that ripe red
grapefruit for breakfast alongside
champagne...
          i love children:
as much as their sadistic parents realise
not actually realising:
    nature hates vacuums:
      play with this dough like the
inversion of the child reborn...
    i'd request only one reminder:
ensure you manage to keep a pet toward
its mortal exhaustion, before
you talk of replica...
                 sacrificing ***** as
expandible is one way to make man
omnivore -
then again: with all these eggs without
a yoke: such a ****** egg-white washed-up
world of empty.
               but women prefer the extremes
of either the harem baron,
or the beta male mediocre,
surprises are what?
  christmas presents you bribe children
with for what is: less a disaffection
with a lie, but a dis-valuation of
an archetypal sustenance material in shape
of the paternal...
               these kids already sentenced
your idea of fame:
rah rah ah-ah-ah!
rho mah ro-mah-mah
                    gaga oh-la-la!

     you can't beat that, you can't beat
these kids... don't bother...
the end sentence, i admit, was pushing
it... they mumbled the words -
but as any child would,
  the point was made by the bouncy-castle
of interference...
   and then i sat next to one ******
next to me, reading a book,
and it dawned on me:
   why would a man become so
       overtly-"heroic" concerning his
offspring...
well... it dawned on me...
   merely nibbling a touch with this sprout
next to me in a train seat...
sure, a woman can claim the parasite
incubator, for that is all a foetus is...
   but when the sprout ages to be 5 or 6...
a woman inverts the womb with a:
body to body ratio relevance...
now i know why men really fight children...
women treat children as if they were
frogs, their greatest ****** comes upon
******* a foetus...
                    and they even imply that
religiously: no cesarean!
                            i thought that...
no! that ******* pug snout is going to
get the proper broker pucker out of this
stretch armstrong, whether you like it or not!
now i get the logic,
esp. when i sit next to a child,
   i can fathom the demand for a man claiming
custody of a child,
and **** me, it seems too good to be true
but is nonetheless the truest anti-mantis
rhetoric available...
             man, wake up...
you think that evolution is in your favour?
it's heidegger - he said:  
  the pluralism of being in beings as
accommodating an easy example is what
man is to chimp, but it's also what
woman is to mantis...
                         in dealing with
a "there" or the antithesis of pluralism of
being in man is to look away from
a history in a collective: congratulatory
tone of ex simia ad **** -
     a woman was never a collective -
and never will be -
   femina ex mantis ad mantis reditus libido;
as men who provide the expendable world
of actor -
women provide the expendable world
of: an empty stage - their **** -
both jerks hanky-panky the same
gamble...
           with as many expendable
tadpoles as given, the more incomprehensible
the world becomes...
if i were a man, i'd look beyond
the ape, as woman already knows to
look into the role of the widow...
      as it stands: **** sapiens is a pathetic
argument contra femina vidua...
the rational man is no match for a female widow...
           only an un-understanding man
can match the poker mastery of the femina vidua;
makes sense why a man would
argue for a child -
given the fact that a woman only
took care of a quasi-amphibian -
                           9 months doesn't necessarily
translate into 90, *******, years!
i'd still say you're a cheat if you
think you can shortcut your specialisation
in the field of psychology, by having
both the template of "a priori" in your
children, and an "a posteriori" template
in your grandchildren...
    sure, you'll see more patients,
but none of them will actually be as sick
as you are, in your little short-crust
           shortcut of keeping numbers
to the prim, rather than the meaning of words
absolute, than the ******* mingling
thesaurus relativism of "debate" / "nuance";
psychologists already know that
their children and their grandchildren
are collateral damage in theory,
   and all the more ****** up in real life.
Mateuš Conrad Apr 2019
you can't exactly drink a glass of
bell's whiskey and pepsi
like you might do with a whyte & mackay,
or any bourbon for that matter,
the ***** is too smokey...
   you need a slice of lemon to bite
through the smokey aroma and
subsequent taste...
             but it's doable...
                     the smoke somehow escapes
with the use of a lemon slice...
    but beside that...
i was going to buy some rolling papers
from a shop with a cash machine...
the message i read on the screen:
  this cash machine charged 95 pence
for a debit withdrawal...
   this machine...
   is going to charge me £0.95
    to... take money,
out from, my bank account,
                       things started getting fuzzy...
i walk into the pharmacy for
my "anti-psychotic" fix of
amitriptyline "medication"... walked around
the collier row roundabout to
the tesco cash machine,
withdrew a tenner,
   went in and bought the rolling papers...
there's absolute no conspiracy...
this is illegal, isn't it,
i remember corner shops charging
a debit card holder £0.50 (50 pence)
for purchases below £5.00 (5 quid)...
             the "authorities" cracked down
on this practice...
but now...
   i'm reading a cash machine...
telling me...
   i have to pay: to withdraw my own
money...
   4 digit armed bandit...
          this is not funny...
                    the same cash machine
allowed me to widthraw money for free...
now, all of a sudden,
i have to: "pay" and, yes, literally: pay,
to withdraw money, my money,
to buy rolling papers...
             problem being...
around this collier row roundabout,
there used to be a lloyds bank,
a natwest bank,
   and the post-office,
providing cash machine services:
free of charge...
    i still remember the times
when bank competition was rife,
and you'd have to go to your branch
of stash, and withdraw from there,
rather than facing payment
   withdrawing money from
the competition...
     but we're talking a local shop...
it's not a bank,
it's a convenience store...
     it's either a nightmare,
or a ****** good joke...
  to withdraw money,
   from my bank account,
         i have to, pay a fee...
  £0.95 is not much...
         but... i just paid £1.00 for two
packets of rizla red, rolling papers...
soviet communism worked
for a period of Poland,
1945 through to 1990...
  a unique scenario,
                 a country war-riddled...
given that when the soviets came
they made the dictum:
   either your pride and self-determination,
or... ERP (marshall plan) bail-out...
   it only works,
   when a country needs to be rebuilt...
not when...
    well... you're reading
the script of a cash machine,
telling you: we'll charge you for taking
your money out...
      i became docile with the debit
charge for transactions under £5.00
in these shops...
            until the "authorities" cracked down
on the practice...
    come to think of it:
debit never had it so bad,
      you spend what you have,
not deluded by some mythical dragon
creature akin to credit...
whenever i used the credit system,
i knew i had enough debit reserves
to pay it off...
  but i am still bemused by the credit
system...
   i much preferred to spend what i had,
rather than what i didn't...
   which made the credit card
sort of pointless...
   given that it was only a variation
of delayed payment...
   which became too unsettling for me...
delayed payment...
try telling that to a *******...
        and that munchkin turkish ****
readied to punch your lights out...
          prostitution really clarified
a lot of what is the ergonomic of money...
you pay, you get served,
   the end...
       you don't pay, you don't get served,
the end.
            money isn't even a "thing",
it a medium of linguistics that's more potent
than this language:
               albo ten język (or this tongue)...

it's a language of surds,
             there are unwritten laws,
   so everything becomes nuanced...
               apart from the clarity of transactions...
that **** is clear as daylight...
you can't exactly call it buying,
when you're obviously stealing it...

    so what was that whole affair
i just encountered?
  where a cash machine...
was going to charge me, 95 pence,
to simply withdraw 10 quid?
        is this some sick fantasy of
me being charge those 95 pence,
to support the cost of keeping
this cash machine being functional?

          so i have to pay for
the electricity cost, of a public utility?
is this a sick version of paying
taxes?
             and of course: in england,
land of next in second lineage
of the free...
                   and they kept saying
that i'm a schizophrenic,
                      the mentally unhinged...
sure, i'll take the pills...
   but the justifications to counter my
observations, are dying up...
real ******* fast...

                         i'm already playing
a waiting game,
   30 years...
that's what i have...
   when my student loan debt
   is annulled...
             i'm currently 12 years in,
so half-way...
   and i still haven't managed
to generate the sort of income
that legally requires me to pay
the loan off...
                           namely £15,000...
such basic demands,
a degree in chemistry,
   a job in chemistry...
                 and i'll do my little porky
poetic ******* on the side...
well... the most chemistry i've seen
so far, was primarily concentrated
in looking at the effects
of ethanol on the brain,
       and its subsequent expression...
          
maybe my existential concerns
are off the rails,
    dating...
                 i never... bothered myself
to be concerned with this
"problem"...
   after reading a few continental
existentialists,
    coming to the current,
anglophone existential qualms...
    i really don't know what to say...
like i "once upon a time" said...
you either go for advice
from a priest, a psychiatrist,
or a *******...
                     the prostitutes are
the most honest...
   plus... it's not all mumbo-jumbo
talk of feelings / doubts...
it's the full interface
of not merely two minds
and a conversation, but two bodies,
the minds come after,
  and they sort themselves out...

            and all that's left...
is a waiting game...
                 while looking at thespians...
that perdominant
    cultural paradigm artistic
medium of expression...
    you could have been fooled
that it was once painting,
      i guess... the standard genesis
model, of philosophers
despising poets,
   has something to do with their
love for theatre, for thespians...
   if plato abhorred the sophists /
poets...
      he must have been really
into the thespian superiority
                                should art,
ever have, a life, in the cultural
                        desire... of the people...
    to escape the platitude of verbs / work:
i.e. do this, do that.
Mateuš Conrad Mar 2022
title: copepod
body:
blister-whale:
somewhat: 2. 502 bad gateway give-away


i have to admit, i took a hiatus from listening to
Marilyn Manson... by chance i came across
a review of... either Born Villain or the Pale Emperor...
clearly: i wasn't paying attention...
ever since i missed the chance to go to a concert
when he was touring the Holywood album...
that same year Mudvayne were touring with L.D. 50...
i switched off after their debut...
i switched off from the music of my youth in general...
went down several rabbit holes...
notably medieval music - blues - jazz -
                      some extra-curriculum classical....
but the artist ages... well... so does his audience...
i don't even remember when i started writing:
let alone posting dotty-doodles on this platform:
i had only one focus... for all the ills that the internet
enhanced... revealed when it comes to the interaction
of people: sure... the older generations found it
convenient to shop... to do banking... to book plane
tickets... but for us younger folk... the ones born
into the years prior to the inception of the internet...
this was our time to build up an underground
of communication... for me? what better way to bypass
the gatekeepers, the publishers...
having amassed some readership... 44 thousand on just
one poem? hmm... let me spell it out: 44,000...
if i were to write it out in matchsticks, i.e. |||||||||| = 10...
what is 44,000 of those pretty stacks of arithmetic?
let me see what 100 looks like...
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what about a thousand?
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                                                  = 1000...
now... i know what 44 thousand looks like... roughly...
how many spectators were there at Wembley...
for the woman's F.A. cup final?
                                        let's say... 41K...
now multiply that space of matchsticks by... 44...
but this is only one poem... i have... thousands of poems...
some are still stashed on my facebook page:
or rather lost on my timeline...
           mind you: i haven't performed any of them...
why? they don't rhyme: for starters...
i like listening to people sing Aud Lang Syne
on new year's eve... and even Shakespeare can't
beat that... Shakespeare's words were never put
to music... and they won't be...
sure... great meter blah blah... but you can't sing
Shakespeare... so there goes the baby...
with the bathtub and the water out of yer
******* window...
                            i'm more a composer than a performer...
i'm more a composer than a performer
therefore not an entertainer...
i gave myself this: jinx... the moment i start
performing... is the moment i stop composing...
i'll just be regurgitating the very few poems
that might be left in my repertoire like...
Ginsberg... having to recite Howl ad nauseam...
me? i'm sort of in the mindset: plough along...
let's not beat around the bush...
   for all the ills of the internet... there's one good...
the possibility to bypass gatekeepers...
publishers... no one would touch my ****...
and yet: they are printing tabloid spew...
           sorry... tabloid *****...
                they are printing propaganda left right
and centre... my work would be... obscure...
revealed: ha ha... perhaps after my death...
let the people judge for themselves...
                     i'm not saying it's Shakespeare...
god forbid writing that stuffy ****...
                             it's contemporary... i don't even think
i'd allow myself to belong to a movement
akin to post-modernism...
   hell: if **** comes naturally... it comes...
if it doesn't... well... i usually need to do something...
ha ha: "cope"... do some cooking, do some cleaning,
do some gardening... so some ironing of the shirts...
go to my part-time job... wait a year until i'll ask
for references and then apply for a job as a teacher...
or take the current route and become a security guard...
which route would allow me to write, more?
probably the latter... then again... experience
as a security guard... could come in handy...
on a curriculum vitae... when it comes to crowd control...
in a classroom of kids...
    but i really don't want to teach chemistry...
i'd love to teach English...
                   - but don't get me wrong.... some artists /
bands got the mix right... they understood
that there needed to be a prominence of the BASS guitar...
Metallica sure as **** didn't catch up...
pretty much all those kinds of bands didn't...
barely audible... well... with the exception of
the intro on Devil's Dance... but then the bass disappears
into inaudibility...
it's like a post-jazz hybrid... in rock music...
the rhythm guitar and all that is considered "melody"
can sort of *******... let's just leave in the screetching
accents of the guitar... keep the vocals...
but... but... let the bass guitar exfoliate...
   and... let the drums compliment it...
    no no... the drums are no longer the building block...
the bass guitar comes first...
  it's a bit like borrowing from opera...
    bass is the baritone... rhythm / solo guitar the soprano...
yada-yada-blah-blah some minutes later...
songs like the Gardener from Born Villain and
Third Day of a Seven Day Binge from the Pale Emperor...
if you listen to them... you can truly... truly: groove...
you can't stop nodding, can't stop swaying...
you start thinking: how is it that pigeons don't
get headaches? i guess they must be listening to cosmic
music only pigeons can hear... like those dog whistle
scenarios... humans can't hear it...
but since... all birds descended from dinosaurs...
they strut... nodding... head-banging... some ancient
music of the cosmos: ergo? no head-ache...
hmm... and this writing coming from a guy who
drinks like a pirate... and is waiting to do psychedelic
drugs if... he might enter the confines of dementia...
oh yeah: i'm keeping that option open...
should i start to slip up... on my pedantic spelling
and punctuation... i'm ******* off to Amsterdam
to a brothel and some magic mushrooms... ****...
i'll need to get a bus out of Amsterdam and find some
forest... something scenic... mind you:
the Netherlands are not that scenic... flat... upon flat...
upon flat... although... that's the jist of things you see
from the motorway when going through...
i'm sure i could find some beautiful spots to trip...
  should the worst come...
but the artists i was fond of listening to in my youth
have finally caught up with what i was thinking:
where, the ****, is, the BASS?
       ****** music jerking off the solo guitar...
no, please... and all that rhythm guitar...
   challenge the drum & bass crowd...
that sputnik crowd of... turning African drumming
into... a stampede of hyenas on amphetamines...
    boomboomboomboomboomboomboom...
mind-blowing load of headache....
the bass guitar can do two things...
it can set the rhythm... it can set the beat...
but it can also can create an undercurrent of a melody...
oh ****... that's three things...
   early Marilyn Manson did respect the bass playing
of Twiggy Ramirez... but... there was still the guitar-maker
melody overload...
the mature artist... given songs like: the Gardener
and Third Day of a Seven Day Binge...
respects the bass guitar... it comes so gloriously to the fore...
something a band like Metallica can never
accomplish... or Led Zeppelin... all those 1970s greats...
those bands had the bass guitar pop up...
in a segment of a song... NIB? by black sabbath?
and then... disappear... don't undermine the Leviathan...
this rock fusion with post-jazz...
oh of course... there's no section in this music...
whereby each instrument takes a chance to solo...
there's no need... everything is just ******* dandy
as it stands...
             - and where would i be... the internet is evil!
ooh: boogie-woogie! sure... people are acting
like ****-storm brainiac... brainiack... brainiak...
   brainiaq...      just four of the possible aesthetic questions
regarding the spelling of: Otto Binder...
not that i'm a massive comic book fan...
well... if you get a chance to meet Declan Tan...
Declan... yeah... for my birthday he gave me a copy
of... Batman vs. Alien... no wait... it was Batman/Aliens...
published in 1997... i think Declan liked me...
i sort of think i liked Declan...
                      the first time i tasted chicken soup that
wasn't Slavic born... with sweetcorn...
(ISBN 1-56971-305-7)...
sure... it's evil... people ghosting each other...
dark-web ******* inner circles etc., the silk road...
hmm... ghosting... poor Jeminah...
how many times did i play roulette... cycling down
Mawney Road in the past... 3 weeks?
not that often... i tried at least once a week...
not that i'm stalking... but it's a decent route...
it's all downhill... and chances of cycling onto sharpnel
is limited... mind you... never... ever...
cycle into the London borrough of Barking & Dagenham...
chances of getting a flat tire... esp. if you're cycling
on 23cm wide tires of a road bicycle?
no brainer...
   before pulling into Mawney Road... i was...
blinded by a sunset... idiot me forgot to wear his sunglasses...
but i stared at the ***** with eyes wide open
waiting for white phosphorus to start pouring
from under my eyelids...
   oh... i'll be looking at you... until the point
where i see you for what you really are:
but you're never really that when you're at sunset...
or sunrise... it's only at your zenith when...
staring long enough at you... exposes you as this
pulverising... vibrating mirror of fluorescence...
sort of silver... sort of white... but not when you're
coming down from your zenith... you're still blinding...
  - only a day prior i thought i saw Frankie...
Friendrich... her son... getting on the bus...
from a 5-a-side football centre off Eastern Avenue...
turned out it wasn't him:
no, it couldn't be him... over-protective mother
would never allow her son to take the bus on his own...
plus... the kid is supposed to be an actor...
she's milking him... "apparently"... he's into bedroom fun
on a games console... you couldn't find him
climbing trees or playing sports... a *****... basically...
the only sport he might have heard of...
is... boxing... to defend him mother from abusive
boyfriends... where: he'd always lose...
- i was waiting for this moment...
the sun blinded me gloriously...
   as i cycled down Mawney Road...
that's the thing about meeting Jeminah... her dog...
i had these self--inflicted knuckle wounds
from putting out cigarette butts on them...
her dog... oh man... her dog loved me...
he really quickened the healing process...
he licked and licked and licked... and licked...
the scabs off... to the point where i started bleeding again...
looking at my knuckles...
nothing prettier in the world... no tattoo could
compensate them...
so as i was cycling down Mawney Road...
who do i see? the over-existed dog... barking... chewing air...
i see the dog first... the dog sees me first...
i later make out that... glorious colour of her hair...
that darkened ginger that's mingling with oak-cask
auburn... i put on my most impressive frown...
i don't look her in the face... mind you:
everything's ******* fluorescent before me
having been blinded by the sun just minutes prior...
i'm not stalking... she was the one that invited me
back to her home twice... yeah... i know where she lives...
that's when i had that mad moment
of leaving her flowers on the porch...
and a Valentine's card through her letter-box...
o.k.: fair enough... that's borderline creepy...
what isn't... with modern woman and feminism?
          a simple boy can't offer up simple love...
i learned from my supervisor...
the daughter of my neighbour that she's no longer
working for the company...
SLANDER... in H'america you can go to court
for that sort of ****... false-accusation, no?
that's what happens...
when a devil tries to outsmart a devil...
the latter devil pushes on... with gifts... with niceties...
the former devil has no option but to retreat...
to its own, former: hellhole... bog...
imagining someone i wanted to love...
stomach pains... mistaking them for butterflies...
single mum, dating much younger men...
or dating men who were big on *******...
former ex-boyfriend women beaters who ran her
into bad credit rating... with... debt...
i know of the mistakes i've made...
   two... in my early twenties... that's why the rest of
my twenties are a blur... that's why only now
i've reemerged as this extroverted silent type...
in my mid-30s... having plans...
   i wouldn't call it: ******* away my youth...
i'd call it... sorry... what? no, sorry... i was sort of absent...
probably alone in the forest... probably at night...
problem being... she can block me on whatsapp...
she block me on the internet...
       hmm... small world... a very small world...
she'll have to move... or commando the minutes she takes
her dog for a walk... the ******* dog licked my scabs / wounds
clean... he has my blood in his veins...
if he sees me... he's going to bark in my direction...
ghost me, *****? in the good old days...
the claustrophobia of a little city where i was born...
my parents lived... let's say... 600 metres apart...
but it took... being jointly invited to a wedding of fellow friends
that brought them together...
Jeminah can't ghost me... like she could forget about
all those guys she flicked left on
when we worked together on a shift on Tinder...
you can't shake off locality...
i'm practically her neighbour... in terms of of how
globalism comes across... what? i'm not allowed to cycle
down this street? she's not even living on the street i'm cycling
down... she's living on the cul de sac...
but i'm not paying for... the debt her ex...
whatever he was racked up in retaliation...
what a pretty face... what pretty hair: hair that i'd give
up drinking whiskey for... it's almost the same colour...
just keeping to the foundation
of routine... i like that street... cycling down it...
if she has any complaints... she better take out
the scab tissue of my DNA from her dog's gob...
but dogs don't simply: forget who they endear...
with affection... the internet distance conundrum
is not going to work on me... the only way she's going
to ghost me... proper... is moving somewhere else...
small world... small town... in the vicinity of Collier Row...
obviously i'm not going to bother her...
god forbid... i have Khedra to mind...
the ******* that gets all the *** that no man
rarely does... and has to text me: come over...
i need you... yeah... that type...
i cycled past with a frown... i just spotted the dog...
ooh... right... well... i know who's behind that dog...
yep... a flicker of dark ginger: disguised brunette...
yeah... that's Jeminah...
but this is counter to how the internet works...
no? in a cosmopolitan setting?
she can't exactly ghost me...
  sure... she can block me... on whatsapp...
   from a ****-show she herself orchestrated... why?
because she didn't have the confidence to compliment
me, directly... she had to: slander me...
she became one of those... idiotic... sappers...
she self-sabotaged herself... notably? after i pushed forward...
with... wine, cake and flowers...
she became a self-saboteur...
   like i said to one of the other girls: lies don't walk on
stilts... lies have short legs...
just wait... see... i've been alone long enough to know...
certain little, ******... analogies?! behavioural patterns
of blah-b'ah black sheep...
             now... i'm waiting for the crescendo...
there's no denying it... i do drink...
   but... allowing women this "sixth sense" of sniffing out
alcohol on... a person you just met...
accusing them of drinking on the job?
i know the territory... my grandmother had the same
sixth sense... when she turned my grandfather into
an alcoholic... he finally broke down and threw her
through a glass door...
        me? ******* prostitutes?! i'm trying to escape that
headache... keeping it sorted behind a... paywall...
   first comes the payment...
i'm not landing on something that's... ahem... "free"...
- it is a big deal! you slander someone
and in H'america you can be taken to court!
i do drink, heavily... but when i'm working...
i half my intake if not third it...
      i wash, i pamper myself... i end up sober on the shift...
at the London Stadium people either take
selfies with me or give me sweets...
i'm a sucker for pop music and... gelatine infused sweets...
i can't refuse them... chocolate can simply not
exist... but... give me a bag of Haribo...
esp. those sour-sweet types... i can't help myself...
i just have to eat them...
- but, this is... a 2nd Jeminah Revelation...
she... she can't swipe left on me... on Tinder...
i'm not on Tinder: never have...
    i'm almost her neighbour if i take out the bicycle...
i can be round her house in a matter of minutes...
London, even Greater London... has... shrunk... for her...
she can block me on an APP-lication...
but she can't... block me... cycling down a road
she takes her dog for a walk...
               i wonder how this dynamic will work out...
on her mind... i was waiting for this moment...
you can't just... ghost me... when i'm living: locally...
sure... you can... "ghost" me... but... that implies:
you have to move... i'm not moving...
i'm rooted... i haven't been this rooted in a long time...
funny how that works...
whatever it is that works... bicycle breaks...
the wheels... the moon and the tides...
that sure as **** works...
the sun and photosynthesis... that also works...
but... the interaction between women
and men, these days?
sure as ****: it's not working...
  which is, rather... a crying shame...
do we really have to go into interracial territory
for it to work?
personally? i don't feel like it...
    no, not really...
                  whoever takes over...
oh... i'm pretty sure the current white overlords
are planning an ultra-coup-uprising of
being the chosen typos...
               whatever...
                i have lost interest in this world...
from about... 2 years ago?
yeah... the world is sort of automated for me...
i lost interest in it...
the whole matter of the "pandemic"... sort of desensitized
toward any sort of attitude toward Ukraine...
i sort... hmm... ahem... don't care...
Ukrainians celebrated the invasion of Poland
by the Nazis during World War II...
if i'm not directly involved: invoked...
i'm going to play the "solipsist" / pacifist card...
the Pontius Pilate poker...
               i'm out... i was already out...
i just don't want to be involved...
                         is that somehow a Buddhist monk
"sentimentality"?
             to hell with Buddhism...
                         1960s cultural appropriate import...
i'm yet to be rid of the **** Christianity that
turned European barbarism into European
secularism.

— The End —