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Thanks to you I can hear what I think,
And thanks to that my sanity bleeds.
So because of my thoughts I'll have to drink
To wash away all of my bad deeds.
I can't take my depressing thoughts,
The darkness takes me in and tells me what I'm not;
It's the light that screams forget me not,
I guess I'm not who I thought.
The lack of sight is from the lack of light,
The voices in my head thrive at that time.
I’ve never been a fan of the night,
Or a fan of this stupid, every other line rhyme.
The cause of my mind’s insanity,
Is the darkness in which I live and breathe
It’s slowly killing me,
And causing me to lose my sleep
With no hope to carry on;
But along with my sleep, in the endless night I weep;
There's no where I can find to belong.
I find peace within my misery;
The darkness will always take over,
It will take all of my sanity, every part of me,
But it's the light that keeps me mentally sober;
There is hope, because the darkness always comes to an end,
And the black of the night will give me up.
The light I will depend,
The darkness it will disrupt .
The light reminds me of who I am.
It's the dark that I will always fight,
Until the night swallows me whole again,
I’ll have to depend on the light.
Even though I  have failed you much in my life.
Even though at times, I been faithless to you.
Even though I fail, to obey your Holy word.
Even though I continue to struggle with sin.
Even though , life hurts every single day.
Even though, I at times looked like a hypocrite.
Even though I act like a pharisee at times.
Still your Love covers and wash me clean.
Still your Holy word works on and within me.
With the aid of your Holy Spirit cleansing me.
Having a whiskey
With left over dreams
Walked through the park
Empty bottles kissing my feet
Snow flakes falling on dead trees
Dancing in the moonlight
Me and my whiskey
When the full moon fades
Far away in the dawn sky
On this cold winter night
Shall be my turn to lye down and die
Trilogy Poem Part One
Only the moon
Defines our day
With orbit

Only sunshine
Allows our life

Only our ***
Creates our people

Only your love
Made me whole

New moon drifts away
3.87 cenimetres
Each year

The night shall stretch
And die

You left
All at once

Only I cry
I cry
I cry
Reposted because deleted by accident
On a bleak and frosty night
Vexed and weary two travelers rode
Along the pathways-craggy and ragged
From Nazareth, trudging miles on end

Full pregnant, was she with child
Mary -the ******, suffused with Spirit Holy
Divinely ordained to bear the Godly Prince
Conceived before, she had known her spouse.

Abiding in Heaven’s Providence n’ care
They had rode past miles behind
Far too fatigued by the trip
Mary, now badly needed a place to rest.

Heading towards the blinking lights
Not far from the city’s guarded gate
Joseph sighted a tavern-small
Perched high on a tiny hill

A sense of relief beamed past
They have come at last to the journey’s end
Finally found a place to rest!
An interim home away from home

Tethering the donkey outside the gate
Joseph helped Mary alight the brute
In eager search, he hurried inside
With Mary, following with faltering steps.

But the couple, to their dismay found
Within the tavern, room, there was none
For many a man had gathered round
To halt there on that freezing night

Sundry folk from surrounding lands
Had reached Bethlehem for the yearly census
Tradesmen selling clothes and cheese
Nomads of varying clans and clime

Petulant camels, braying donkeys
The place was littered with man and beast.
The tavern small, so packed to full
Had no more space to harbor the crowd

Mary and Joseph, though dejected,
Were encamped within a manger- warm
With tender concern, Joseph joked,
To ease the strain on Mary’s face

“Gaze upon this palace of gold
Where a son shall soon be born to us”!
Mary smiled a gentle smile,
Humored by her husband’s jest

Under the gaze of tethered hosts
In veiled privacy of the midnight gloom
She gave birth to a radiant child,
The great Redeemer to all Mankind

The star studded sky suddenly glowed
With a rare brilliance never beheld
And a celestial voice trailed along
Delivering ‘tidings of joy’ to the globe around
Wish all my dear friends on HP a MERRY CHRISTMAS full of joy and peace!
 Dec 2016 traces of being
susan
the anthem of my heart
sings a low melody
the chords crying
in pain
my soul is touched
my mind awakened
and i listen
     listen
        listen
as the crescendo
tickles my senses
and my pulse
keeps in tune
with the beat
of my heart
   quickening
leaving me breathless
       ecstatic
until the pessimistic downbeat
brings me back
slowly
   slowly
     slowly
to where
i started.
There's a first time for everything, I guess

My initiation to the cult of harm came last night
After I'd made sure everyone had gone to bed
Crept over by the window and moonlight
Placed my arm on the altar in front of me
Mechanically, efficiently swabbing it with alcohol
Scent sterile
For even in this, I will hold onto the pretense of a rationalist

I deride myself, tell myself I'm just going through with it because it's what people would expect from the depressed
That I could stop myself easily and so it's my fault if I don't
But god, I want to lose control so badly

The needle skitters across my skin and I shiver
It dances swirls along my arm
You don't need blood and scars for pain

It scrapes angrier against my skin
And a blissful silence pierces my head
As my own voice fades from between my ears

It's a trance-like happiness
A closed-eyed, fluttering-lashes smile
A beautiful pain throbbing, bringing me back to myself
I could have stayed up hours on that one taste of losing control
But this was just an initiation so I dragged myself away

There's not a trace the next day
Except in my mind where I hunt for all acceptable forms of pain
Push on your bruises, a friend advised
Pencil tips, pens

I stop myself
I resist
I said I wasn't going down this path

I'm on my own in August, I only have to make it to then
Then help, so no more of this

I wait until everyone falls asleep again
And though I am exhausted, stumble toward the moonlight
Sterilize, needle in hand, ready to dance

I refuse to go any farther, I tell myself

Death laughs from inside my head
Baby steps he snickers and
Isn't that what you said last time, doll?

There's a first time for everything after all

I won't,
I reassure the needle tracing kisses across my skin.
I'm fine.
.
I nfinite
S tars
I nfinite
S pace

Her lithe and arched body
protecting her child. Earth.
Holding hands with her sister,
the twin Goddesses of Truth.
Her name stolen by the liars,
Her glory tarnished with the blood
of the innocent and brave.
So, who's voice will be Her hero?
Her modern lover. Champion.
Her contemporary pharaoh?

© Pagan Paul (13/06/16)
Isis - Egyptian Goddess, Mother of the Earth.
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