Everyday i wake up wondering if i will be "normal" today,
my thoughts racing round my mind.
Up and down my moods are like a roller coaster,
Minutes and Hours forever changing rapidly.

one minute i can be happy and smiling,
then like a flick of a switch,
change to rage sadness and pure evil,
I love you yet I hate you too,
Set myself up for the hurt.
I can't control how I feel,
This is all I know how to be,
Yes I want to try to be different
But how can you change who you are?

I hate it when I’m left alone,
I feel like I've been abandoned,
Family hurt me.
Rejected, never did fit in.

I cry with the slightest thing
Hate criticism,
even praise
Don't like to be judged,
I do that myself

my heads saying "No one likes me anyway
Why should I care my?"
Yet my heart whispers
"you do care"
I suffer every day.
On really bad days,
I feel like my world comes crashing down around me,
All I want to do is hide away,

Always trying  to fit in,
I'd do anything,
Lie to make me seem right
Manipulative,
I don’t want to be alone.

I hate everything that I am,
always asking myself... who am i?
No identity,  I feel empty inside.
I need to be someone else to be liked,
I'll run away from myself.
Impulsive nature,
spending money  like no tomorrow.
I laugh yet cry at the same time,
Change my look,
everything just to be liked.

So scared of being rejected and abandoned
I twist everything I hear,
perceived to be hatred for me,
Up go the barriers,
I must protect myself,
I hurt those I care about the most all the time.

Only those who really know me,
See this for what it really is,
Those who don’t know me,
just see an emotional wreck,
A nobody, broken and a mess.

cold and lonely, tired of feeling down
wishing you had someone but no one is around.
thoughts run through your mind,
you think it's better to end your life.
But just hear me out before you go and pick up that knife.

Please don't cut, please don't cut.
I promise you you're loved,
just please don't cut.
If you feel the need to say you're all out of luck,
I'm just a call away when things get tough.
The fact of the matter is you are enough
so please don't cut, please don't cut.

I know things can be a struggle
and sometimes you don't know what to do,
but there is help out there for people like me and you.
You feel like no one understands you,
you feel like your constantly being judged.  
People make you feel like you're worthless and you're not enough. They label you and not a single word is true.
But who cares what the world says about you?
They don't know you or any of the **** that you've been through.
You wish people would listen and not just assume,
that you're fine because you always fake a smile.

No one is there when your sitting alone in your room,
no one is with you when your praying to the clouds above,
no ones there when you need a bit of love,
no body cares when you have nothing left to give,
it's no suprise when you don't want to live.

please don't cut, please don't cut  
I promise you you're loved,
just please don't cut.
if you feel the need to say you're all out of luck
I'm just a call away when things get tough.
the fact of the matter is you are enough
so please don't cut, please don't cut.

You pick up the knife just to feel human and alive.
Cut out all the numbness that people make you feel inside.
I know you want to get out all the pain,
but trust me when I say cutting is not the way,
It really ain't worth it, you'll just end up feeling ashamed.
You cover up the scars with long sleeves hoping that no one will see, but I can see that you're hurting inside.
I just have to look deep into your eyes.

please don't cut, please don't cut
I promise you you're loved,
just please don't cut.
if you feel the need to say you're all out of luck
I'm just a call away when things get tough.
the fact of the matter is you are enough
so please don't cut, please don't cut.

I know it don't seem like it right now,
but things will get better and you will get out,
of this dark place that you feel trapped in.
you're not alone, if you need someone I'm just a call away on the phone.
You might think you're worthless but you're worth so much.
I promise you, you are enough and you are loved.
Just promise me you won't cut tonight.

Sleep tight my angel,
Sweet dreams my dear,
I kiss you one last time,
As my eyes fill up with tears.

To see you laying there,
So motionless and grey,
It breaks my heart,
As people struggle with what to say.

My stomach turns,
With a empty feeling deep inside,
This pain,
So strong i can not hide.

We're the walking wounded,
broken inside,
trying to fight these demons in our mind.
we're the warriors of a war,
you can see from my scars how many times I've fallen apart.
But every time I pick myself up,
I know I'll keep fighting,
I'll never give up.

Dealing with depression and anxiety,
can be a struggle in this society,
It's a dark and lonely path,
but help is never too far.
Sometimes it's hard,
when you feel like everything is falling apart,
but we are warriors,
broken and scarred.

Together we stand,
united as one,
step by step we can overcome,
the demons in our mind,
like soldiers we'll fight.
With the support of one another,
we can shine so bright.

What do you do when your life comes crashing down?
Everyone you loved is no longer around,
You try so hard but keep getting knocked back,
In the end you say "**** it" and hit on a bottle of Jack,
Nothing is going right in your life,
And you cry yourself to sleep at night,
The only thing that sounds appealing,
Is commiting suicide.

Don't give up,
Don't give up on life,
because some day,
Your life will go right.

Life is a rollercoaster,
It has it's highs and lows,
But it's no one elses decision,
But yours on which path you choose to go.
Sometimes we're right,
Sometimes we're wrong,
It doesn't mean you don't belong.

All the people we've loved and lost,
We pray for guidance from up above,
So before you go and grab that knife,
Think about it,
Don't waste your life.

Don't give up,
Don't give up on life,
Because some day,
Your life will go right.

Depression is like an ocean of demons, you have to learn to swim or they will catch you.
it's a battle against your own mind, no matter how hard you try they will come back to haunt you.
It's sleepless nights, tiresome day. Feeling numb, emotions go wild, but you always paint on a smile.
It's pretending everything is ok when really you're trapped in a hell you wish you could escape.

Depression is a cut so deep, you cover it up because you don't want people to see. Everytime you look at it you feel ashamed and weak.
Depression is being in a room full of people and still feeling so alone. It's feeling frustrated with yourself because you wish that for just one second your brain could switch off, it's wishing you could feel true happiness but it's been so long you don't even know what tru happiness is anymore.
What is depression?  it's an ocean of demons, if you don't swim you'll drown.

Your lips so soft and red,
The thoughts of kissing you is stuck in my head,
your beauty so bright and warm,
Shining through  the darkest storm,
Your eyes like fire,
Light my day,
Through darkest night,
you lead my way.

Your neck a vision,
A road to bliss,
A trail from which i plant a kiss.

Your voice like music to my ears,
The sweetest sound of your laugh,
I long to hear.

we hide behind a mask and pretend that everything is ok,
but what you don't see
are the endless amount of tears
that run down out face when we're alone,
the scars we hide with shame from self harming,
the everyday struggle to even get out of bed,
because we are in so much pain and so exhausted
from the on going war inside our head.
It's torture, a constant headache
Its a living hell.. and it's real

Photos, memories of you and me
Us lot smiling together like a proper family.
Why did they have to come and take you away?
Now we're left broken, trying to be brave and pretend that everything is okay.

11 months now since you passed,
I can't believe the months have gone so fast,
And i can't stop the tears from running down my face
As we count down to Christmas Day.

There's so much i wanna say to you,
I dunno where to begin.
I wish i could have saved you,
and watched you grow,
into a young lady,
a beautiful one you'd be.

I know you're in a better place now,
looking down on me.
I wanna make you proud,
but i feel so lost without you around.
I'd give anything to feel your touch one more time,
I'd hold you close and make you smile.

I keep thinking to myself how can i go on?
You were the one who kept me strong,
You were my sis,
my baby girl.
The most beautiful person in this world.
The good times we had,
i will never forget,
The memories shall forever be locked in my head.

Dark thoughts race through my head again,
my demons are back to haunt me like unwanted friends,
a disappointment that's all I am,
I have nothing left in Me,
I've done all I can.

Dear mother hear me now,
try and understand that i just want to make you proud.
All i seem to do is let you down,
why can't you see the person that I am.

The scars on my arm run deeper than you think,
they tell a story of the darkest secrets that i keep.
So many times I've needed a mothers hug
So many times I've wanted a mothers love

I’m the devil on your shoulder,
The voice inside your head,
You don’t deserve to be happy,
You're better off dead.
No one will miss you when you go,
You're just a burden you know,
You're worthless and pathetic,
You’re so fat and ugly it’s disgusting.
Why don’t you just **** yourself,
‘cause your life isn’t worth living.

You'll never get rid of me,
‘cause I'm everywhere you see,
I'll even haunt you in your sleep.
I'm always gonna be there,
Lurking in the shadows,
I just want to be your friend.

You need me,
I control you,
You have no on but me,
Just do what I say and I promise I'll keep you safe,
What have you got to lose?
You have nothing,
Haha you’re just a waste of space!
Why don’t you just cut yourself,
Go on! Pick up that blade...

He's the devil on my shoulder,
The voice inside my head,
He tells me horrible things,
And says I'm better off dead,
He whispers in my ear,
And follows me everywhere,
Feeding me with empty promises,
He's says he can keep me safe,
He thinks he’s in control
But not anymore,
Because I’m stronger than him,
I won’t let him win.

Empty.. feeling numb inside,
These feelings are getting harder for me to hide.
Thoughts of self harm frequently run through my mind,
temptation of the blade i'm craving it like a cigarette.
Just a short fix because the pain i keep inside i can never forget.

I feel the blade rip through my skin,
Release the pain i feel from within.
I watch the blood run down my arm with tears in my eyes.
My body fills up with such despise and frustration as i take my anger out on another wall. So many thoughts inside my head racing,
bouncing around like a basketball.

But this will not be the end of me,
just like a pheonix I shall rise from the fall.
I'm going to fight my demons and conquer them all.
Maybe one day I'll break free, get away from this hell that's caused so much pain and misery.

See this depression keeps dragging me down,
but i will not give up and i refuse to drown.
Every time i fall I'll come back stronger than before.
One day I'll show these demons that I'm not scared of them anymore.

I put myself in the gutter,
helping people out with their mess,
I played my life like a game,
but now my life is a test.
I paint on a smile,
to show them I'm not stressed.
I was never out for anything apart from a bit of respect.

Where are they now,
that I'm living through the struggle?
They're living their own lives,
and I'm left with **** all.
I put myself in that position,
it was my choice to learn to juggle.
These ***** of life,
it's not nice but I've learnt there's only one rule.
You gotta fend for yourself in this cruel world we live in,
everyone's willing to take but there's no giving.

The mistakes that we make and the choices we take,
can only make us stronger.
We live and we learn,
and slowly emerge,
into something greater.

Watch me as I fall apart,
try and fix the pieces of my broken heart,
but there is nothing left to mend,
for the damage is done,
my feelings are so numb,
I keep saying to myself it'll be ok in the end,
but this time I fear I've gone too far,
cut too deep into my scars,
the only way I can escape is into your heart,
but it's too late,
so you can watch me as I fall apart.

Listen to the lyrics,
Feel the beat,
As it ignites your heart,
And moves your feet.

Listen to the lyrics,
Watch it move your soul,
the sentences you hear,
Give you shivers
Like you've never had before.

Listen to the lyrics,
Let them take you for a ride,
A rollercoaster of emotions,
Run through your mind.

Listen to the lyrics,
And you will see,
It's more than a song with a beat,
It's poetry that can melt your heart,
It's memories and scars,
It's inspiration from deep within,
it's music filled with sin,

Listen to the lyrics,
And you will see,
It's more than a song with a beat.

Where do i go? when i have no home,
I walk alone without a place to go,
I'll just go where ever the wind blows,
even if it goes down a lonely road.
I'm not sure why but somehow i know I'm going home.

They say home is where the heart is,
but my heart is lost in the darkness.
Sometimes i wonder, is this hell?
It's getting a little hard for me to tell.
Where am i going?
Where do i go from here?
Where will i be in another year?
will i be stronger, or will i have gotten worse?
I'm not sure why but thinking about it hurts.

It feels like my heart is starting to burn,
but the fire is burning inside the words,
they're what hurt the most.
I'm afraid of nothing but the past.
I'm afraid of losing the people that i love,
because of those who have already passed.

I'm kind of like broken glass,
nothing but worthless trash.
I can't be fixed because i'm already smashed,
shattered into a million tiny pieces,
each shard represents my skin bleeding.
Yet i'm still looking for the reasons,
the more i look the more blood i loose.
I'm tangled in a web of hate and abuse by myself and this hateful earth,
but no matter what it'll always turn,
and knowing that is enough to hurt.

This can never be home,
i gotta leave but i can't get any further than a dream.
I can't leave, all i can do is wait and bleed.
I've found home, but it's all alone in a rope.
This is all she wrote, there's no where else to go,
when you're already home all on your own...

Make your life seem worthwhile,
everyday just wear a smile.
Don't let things get you down,
shake it all off,
turn that frown around.
Life's too short to be feeling blue,
So live your life,
do what you want to do.

Love is pain left out in the rain,
with nothing to gain but teardrop stains,
being haunted by a memory as I think back,
the things we used to do and how we used to act with love trust and passion.
Because a pride never kept things inside,
they were always discussed between us,
never argued about,
and I never gave any dues for you to figure it out.

How I miss being blessed with your sweet finesse,
as we kiss and twist and caress on the mattress.
Sweet body heat, your heartbeat.
I'll grip your hips and both our lips will meet so neat,
staring up at the moonlight with someone to hold tight.
Given a chance for romance, until the sunlight brightens the sky,
it reflects in your eye.
But now the reflection is gone and I cry out she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me.
She loves me looking at your picture as it sits on the table,
as I put on my cable I wish I was able to touch, but it's a shame you had to go.

So I watch the hands on the clock go real slow,
gone with the wind is love a sin?
If it is then God, bring it back again.
Not a girl that you rate as a fine blind date,
I need a love mate,
so I open the window to feel the wind blow,
try to figure out how a love can end so fast,
and just pass and not even last.

first grow like grass then shatter like glass,
now I stare at the walls, clock five paracetamol,
turn off my phone to avoid any calls.
As I sit and crave for the love she gave,
but when I wake up,
I'm the same *** slave saying; she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me.
She loves me when I lost a good friend, dreams seem to end.

Cause a broken heart and me don't blend,
you move to quick you become seasick.
So I race in space and try to replace the pretty face,
but it's a waste,
this chase is a kiddy case.

Now I whisper how much I miss her,
my lips should have blistered the way I kissed her.
So soft and slow,
laid back and relaxed,
and when I move the groove is as smooth as a sax.
She kissed me low then proceeded up,
bed sheets heated up,the pace is speeded up.
Slowly but surely we reach our destiny,
She got the best of me and  left the rest of me.

All I got is total confusion,
she disappeared and it's not an illusion.
My life bitter, the memories glitter,
my heart's deflated, doctors can't rate it,
I don't know how the hell I made it.
So farewell sweetheart wherever you are,
I'll just look at the stars and say; she loves me, she loves me not....

And then it happened,
In a blink of an eye,
She was gone,
As i say my last goodbye,

She was such a happy girl,
With a beautiful smile,
Although her life was short,
She made everyday worthwhile.

My sister has gone,
With smiles and good times,
I have no one to sing our songs,
No best friend to sing our rhymes.

My little sister,
My heroine,
A true fighter until the end.
I never thought  i'd be the one,
To lose a little sister who was so young.

This world is too much for me,
I live in a free world but i'm not free.
I went to the doctor, the doctor said to me;
"here's a handful of pills, try and get some sleep. "
Five days later, i have no relief.
I've been awake for so long that I'm seeing things,
I feel like a blind man walking in a dream,
more like a nightmare inside my head I'm screaming,
trapped in a prison cell.
From the inside out I'm busting at the seams.
Can somebody tell me "what's wrong with me?"

The paint in the hall is peeling off the wall,
and my brain is bouncing like a basketball.
I used to feel ten foot tall, bulletproof.
But now i feel so small, or worse than that,
I feel nothing at all, like a dead and lonely leaf falling in the autumn fall. You may think you know me by the way that i talk,
but if by chance you were to walk in these shoes of mine you wouldn't know me at all.

Every day i try to fake a smile, but there are some days where I'm so tired, i forget to put my mask on.
I feel numb inside, full of shame there is no pride.
I let my scars out for the world to see,
I feel them burning my skin as the world stares at me.
I go back to the doctor,
they feed me more pills and hush me away,
as if it will make everything okay.
Handing them out like sweets,
but the reality of it all is so bitter-sweet.

I took a shot for you and everything we did,
everything we once was in our relationship.
Now i'm sitting back thinking why the **** do i care?
All the times i needed you, you were never there.

I admit I've made mistakes,
I was trying to fix them but now it's too late.
I really do wish the best for you,
even if it's hurts i hope you find love,

Imagine love without a struggle,
just happiness and peace where a couple never crumbles,
a stumble here and there
but the sand is so suttle when the world seems to rumble.

I promise you,
you won't dare forget my name.
When you needed help I'm the one who always ******* came.
I'm the one who picked you up when you stepped into the rain,
I'm the one who took you back when you left me in so much pain.
Remember all that ******* you said?... That you'd love me until the end..
I should never have believed you because all this time you've been sleeping in someone else's bed.

She gives me butterflies everytime we speak,
everything about her has got me intrigued.
Her eyes so beautiful like the deep blue sea,
Drawing me in like the bird of paradise so magical and sweet.

She gives me butterflies, they grow more and more each time.
Everytime i talk to her she makes me smile.

Late at night my insecurities start to creep inside, so many questions run through my mind. i wonder if she likes me, i wonder if i make her smile? she gives me butterflies i haven't had in a while.

She gives me butterlfies, i how i long to meet,
this talented young lady, so beautiful and sweet.

I'm so tired,
tired of feeling empty,
tired of feeling pain,
so scared of getting hurt again.
Tired of feeling worthless,
It's been so long since I felt true happiness.
Tired of constantly fighting a loosing battle,
tired of the roller coaster of emotions every single day,
tired of pretending that I'm okay.
Up down up down and round and round,
my mind's a mess all scrambled like eggs.
Anger, frustration, fed up of being in the same dark place.
And I try my best but I get tired of always getting knocked down every time i try and get back up.
Makes me want to just give up,
throw in the towel and not give a ****.

An empty hole where my heart should be,
my mind is oblivious to the reality,
can somebody tell me what the **** is wrong with me?
Am i going blind, blurred lines- i can't see

Is it me or this society we live in?
everyone so ******, there's so much back stabbing.
Makes it hard to know who to trust,
What has happened to the world, where is the ******* love?

My mind is in such a dark place right now, you don't wanna see.
I feel like i have a monster trapped inside of me,
It's like i have two sides, Jeykll and Hyde.
This monster is fighting to come out and ruin my life.

Forever living a lie,
late at night you can hear her cry.
The doctors say she's fine,
"just give it some time"

But she is not okay,
because this girl took her life today.
She couldn't keep running away,
she couldn't stand the pain.
She felt so alone,
this fear she could not overcome,
the demons in her head had won.

She felt trapped,
a hell in her own head.
She tried to speak out,
but her voice could not be heard.
Every time she spoke about it,
no one understood.

The voices got louder,
as she cut deeper.
One strike after another,
with tears rolling down her face.
She didn't want to be here anymore,
she wanted to be in a better place.

Mirror mirror,
on the wall,
no body around me so I come begging your call,
mirror mirror
on the wall
somebody save me before i fall.

Sometimes it just feels like all the walls are closing in,
my thoughts get so mixed up I don't know where to begin.
Asphyxiated, struggling to get my breath in.
Uneducated on the world we are living in,
wearing a fake smile, feeling so paper thin.
Waiting for a blessing every time that you sin.
Because "God forgives all" who go out to seek him,
kneeling at a wall, staring at the ceiling.
Saying their prayers hoping that they're reaching,
working 9 to 5 and living for the weekend.
Not long before they realise they're in the deep end.

Never choosing one moment of self reflection,
screaming **** THE WORLD and not worried about directions,
see yourself for who you are,
including imperfections,
so mirror mirror on the wall,
you can voice all your discretion's,
for all of us who fear the feeling of self rejection,
for people who have a voice but no platform for projection,
I feel like this is another one of life's harsh lessons.
The pressure building inside feels like it's never ending.

Mirror mirror,
on the wall,
nobody around me so i come begging your call,
mirror mirror
on the wall
somebody save me before i fall.

Looking in the mirror,
hating my own reflection,
thinking about all the times
that I've been rejected.
Why am I like this?
I don't know who I am,
I want to fight these demons,
but I need a helping hand.

I feel so useless,
like I'm letting everyone down,
I want to overcome this,
and turn my life around.
All I want to do is make my family proud,
but my insecurities are becoming a disability,
and bringing me further down.

I went to the GP and all he did was give a load of drugs,
Clearly he don't listen to The Verve,
cause haven't you heard that "the drugs don't work."
All I need is a bit of love and support from my friends and family,
something to keep me going and hold on to my sanity.

They're coming... can't you hear?
The demons footsteps come closer to me,
they're whispers growing louder,
haunting me with fear.
They won't leave me alone,
why won't they just go away?
"come with us" they say,
"you don't belong here anyway."

"You're not worthy of this life, why don't you just grab that knife."
"Just one cut, that's all you need, keep on going until you bleed."
I try to run but i can't,
trapped and alone in the dark.
I try to scream but nothing comes out,
where has my voice gone? Why can't i shout?

Can somebody save me,
please just help.
Get me out of this hell,
I feel like I'm drowning,
suffocating behind the tears of a clown.
Somebody come and save me from myself.

"just get over it" they say,
I wish i could find a way.
Living with it day by day,
Memories won't go away.

Depression is like a tidal wave,
Pulling me further in,
I don't feel up to facing anyone or anything,
It's a huge emphasis on feeling sad and low.
I feel trapped with no where else to go.

Deeper and deeper i fall into a black hole,
My mind feels violated and i have no control.
Many people don't understand,
they say I'm fine,
But they don't see the scars i hide,
I paint on a smile,
no one will see the tears i cry.

We kiss i get a buzz,
my heart pumps fast as our  clothes start to come off.
I lose my breathe as you run your hand up my body and gently caress my breast.

Things get hot as the night goes on,
when you bite my neck girl you really turn me on.
You give me a sensation I've never had before,
girl don't stop you got me wanting more.

I wanna feel your lips touch my skin,
kiss every part of me and go deep in.
Hand cuff me to the bed and have your wicked way,
you're in control now,
keep going hard until I'm screaming your name.

Beautiful, like flowers you blossom.
A love so true with so many memories that can't be forgotten,
An inspiration, the two of you sticking together through thick and thin like glue.
Like Batman and Robin fighting whatever trouble comes infront of you.

My love for you both is undescribable,
having parents with such bravery and strength, keeps me going strong.
With the love and support of my family, makes me feel like anything is possible.

I thank you both from the bottom of my heart, and hope you never grow apart. The love you have, so beautiful and true.

Feel the pain,
deep inside.
Nasty scratches,
hard to hide.

Feel the pain,
It's what I need,
I cut myself,
until I bleed.

Release the anger,
feel the pain,
hide the scars,
I feel so ashamed.

Let down, time and time again,
abandoned by people who you thought were your friends.
What is wrong with this society?
Why can't the government see,
the desperate cries for help,
to stop this pain and misery.

We are not loved,
We are broken down and torn apart.
We've been left wondering who we can trust,
but still we fight for the justice that we seek,
deep within our hearts.

The government they do not care,
about the cruel realities of life,
that some people have to grin and bare.
Homeless people roam the streets every single day,
How can we just walk by and pretend everything is ok?

Broken promises,
Faded dreams,
Everything is not what it seems,
Sleep cures,
But it doesn't last,
Dreams take over,
But reality comes back.

Times change,
People don't ,
Want to love you,
But i wont,
Close your eyes,
No more lies,
Can't go through,
Not for you.

She's a fallen angel lost in a cruel world,
she feels so trapped inside of herself.
If you asked what she was thinking, you would not understand,
Her mind so dark it feels like hell.
The demons whisper grows so loud, haunting her everyday trying to knock her down.

Like a fly tangled in a spiders web,
sometimes she wonders if she's better off dead.
An unwanted friend that won't go away,
negative thoughts cloud over her day by day.

She's a fallen angel with a broken heart,
like a worn out doll all torn apart.
Shattered dreams and a broken soul,
She's empty and lost in a broken world.

Cold and broken,
my heart is frozen,
drinking liquor and writing poems to warm me up,
but it's a temporary fix that only sticks for about a month.
It's a task just to breathe,
I can't focus on anything around me,
the pain it runs deep,
It's forever lodged in my memory.

He haunts me,
he sits on my shoulder and haunts me,
every day i live in fear,
waiting for him to get me.
I try to fight him but i keep falling,
I feel vulnerable,
available to sin,
he's got a hold of me and is pulling me further in.
I feel his darkness shadow over me,
his ***** claws as sharp as a knife scratch my skin.
His breathe makes me shiver,
it's as cold as the winter wind.

He's here,
and he's come to get me,
he can sense the fear from within me,
as he whispers in my ear.
"Time to go, it's time for you to disappear."
" No body loves you, no body cares."

I try to ignore him,
but he won't go away.
He's always there,
haunting me everyday,
the whispers are always the same,
his words are repeated over and over again,
I try to run,
but there is no escape.
" You can't run now, it's too late...."

Hope is found in everything we see,
Hope is found in everyone including you and me.
Sometimes in life it can be a struggle to see the light,
but if we notice the little things we start to believe that we can achieve.

The demons in our mind,
will always find a way to cause disruption in our life,
but if we look deep inside,
we can find the strength to fight.

Lost, feeling empty inside,
I'm a small girl in a big world,
trying to find my feet.
I search deep within me,
in hope that one day I shall be okay.

Everyday I fight with a struggle to see the light,
the demons they try to stop me,
they try to knock me down.
But I am strong,
I will not fall down,
I notice the little things and slowly start to believe.
Everything is possible on this path to recovery.

music is my expression, my passion. i don't know what id do without music in my life. its my escape because for a moment i can get away from all the chaos that goes on in my mind, for that one moment nothing matters but the beat, the rhythm and rhyme. music is emotion, its lyrics and memories you can relate to.

Back to the start,
To fix my heart.
Up goes my wall,
Up goes my guard.
Show no emotion,
Don't want people to see my pain,
Paint on a smile and tell them I'm OK.
This is not the end of me.
I never give up,
I'm battered and bruised,
But I'll come back.

One strike... two strikes... three strikes...four,
the blood runs down her arm as she crashes to the floor.
She stares at the knife with tears in her eyes,
how has it got to this?
Surely there must be a better life.

Not feeling herself,
overtaken by this hell.
Trying to fight her demons,
but there's no fight left in her.
She needs to get back up,
but the weight of the depression keeps dragging her down.
Maybe it's time to give up,
maybe it's time to drown.

She grabs some paper and starts to write,
a letter to her loved ones it's time to say goodbye.
She wishes it didn't have to be this way,
she just wants the pain to fade.
She feels that she can't go on,
the demons in her head have won.

"Mum, dad i love you both" she wrote,
"I'm sorry but I have to go.
I know you won't understand,
you always questioning why i was so sad."
"But here's the truth,
I feel trapped. Suffocating in a hell inside my own head."
"Sometimes I think I'm better off dead,
I don't want to go, but I don't know what else to do."
"Please don't cry, promise me you will smile and live a happy life."
" If you ever feel low,
just look up to the sky,
I'll be the biggest star shining so bright."
"I love you forever and always.... goodbye"

Tears flood her eyes,
shaking.. feeling cold inside.
Scared of what's coming next,
She grabs a scarf that will hang her to her death.
Puts the letter on her bed and takes one last breathe,
come morning time she'll be dead.

There are voices in my head telling me I'm stupid and worthless,
"might as well give up now 'cause you're never gonna be good enough; you can't do this..."
But the voices are wrong,
and every time I get knocked down,
I will get back up twice as strong.
See you can keep beating me until I'm black and blue,
but you will never defeat me because nothing you say is true.
I am a warrior and I will stand tall,
you can no longer brake me or make me feel small.

Scared, feeling fragile deep within.
My brain is a ticking time bomb as my anxiety kicks in,
All my insecurities make me feel so small, they make me think what if i'm not capable?

I try to stay positive and put on a brave face,
I have so many good things going that i should embrace,
I am proud of how far i've come but still these demons in my head try to over take.

It's the fear of the unknown, thinking of all the things that could go wrong. Trying to stay focused and keep it all under control, the thought of being on my own in London town is daunting to say the least. I hope i can over come this fear and find my feet .

When your days are dark and grey,
I'll be here to chase the blues away.
When you feel like you're falling apart,
I'll be here to bring the warmth back into your heart.

When you feel like you're not strong enough,
I'll be here to lift you up,
Just keep smiling and never give up,
one day this pain will fade,
and turn into love.

When I was 15 I started cutting,
I thought it would help but it did nothing,
so now I'm stuck addicted to the blade,
i think about it everyday,
I just need a quick fix like a cigarette i crave.
I used to think that it would take all my pain away,
but it doesn't I just feel numb,
I sit on my own emotionless watching the blood run down my arm.

But no matter what,
I just can't stop,
I need to find a better way to heal,
a safer way to express how I feel,
my poetry it keeps me going,
when I pick up the pen I get into a flow and,
for a moment all my insecurities fade away.

not today though, today I have no words to write down,
I got writers block.
My head feels so heavy like it's being weighed down by a ******* cloud.
Today I'm not okay, time for me to take the blade and feed my addiction with another round....

He sits on my shoulder everyday,
waiting for me to slip up and lose my way,
he wants me to fall,
and like a spider he'll catch me in his web,
tormenting me with whispers and playing tricks inside my head,
i try my best to ignore him but louder and louder he gets,
you don't wanna get too close,
you'll find nothing but darkness here,
the years of abuse have left me in fear,
constantly thinking that no body cares,
always looking over my shoulder thinking someone is there,
paranoia,
never feeling good enough,
thinking everyone hates me,
that's my BPD and anxiety,
yeah so many times I've been messed about,
lied to and cheated on,
now i date with caution,
because people these days are hard trust,
makes it harder for me to love,
because I'm scared to get left with a broken heart.

I'm sorry for the **** that i put you through,
I'm sorry for taking my anger out on you,
and I'm sorry for shutting you out when it came to my emotions too,
I guess you treat me in a way that I'm not used to,
all I've ever had is people using me and giving me abuse,
and I just took it because that's what I'm used to,
yeah I admit I'm scared to get close to you,
because I'm scared to let my feelings show,
but the more I push you away the deeper they grow,
that's why I get high smoking this crow,
**** I get high every night on this dope,
I'm damaged goods girl; yeah I'm broke,
broken in two.
You tell me to sort my life out and that's what I'm trying to do,
but at the same time all I can think about is you,
it's ****** up girl and I just dont know what to do,
because every time you're gone I miss you,
every time you're near me I just want to kiss you,
yeah believe me girl it's true,
I've never loved anyone the way I love you.
but then the mood changes,
one of us gets angry,
I snap at you and you snap right back at me,
our relationship turns into a fighting match and it just ain't healthy,
I want us to be together but right now we can't be,
because I got issues I need to work on and you got issues too,
don't think I'm doing this intentionally to hurt you,
that's the last thing I wanna do.
I'm just sorry for all the pain,
I guess I'm just trying to find me again,
they say love hurt and i think it's true,
because you don't know what you got until they leave you,
so now I'm sitting just reminiscing,
looking at all the pictures of me and you,
and I wish there was a way to work this out,
a way for us to be happy and not scream and shout,
just laugh and smile and muck about,
like the old days,
wow how times have changed,
will you wait for me or will you walk away?
my mind full of the same questions every day,
I know you said to give each other space and that's cool,
but what if you move on,
and the feelings you have for me fade away?
what if we leave it and then it's too late,
girl if you go i dunno if i'll ever be okay.

They say there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. "Stay positive things will get better," but I've been walking in the dark for too long. Never feeling good enough because everything in my life seems to go wrong.

Scarred by my past, sometimes words hurt more than actions. Sticks and stones may brake my bones but the words stick in my mind, because you can never take them back. They just run circles in your brain until they drive you insane. It's no wonder I'm so ****** up. Not once have I had someone believe in me, not even my family. Here I go again slashing my skin, hello darkness my old friend, hello loneliness we meet again. I'm screaming out for help, please is anyone there?

You say you love me,
but you're the one who walked away,
you say you want me,
but you're the one who gave up on me,
you tell me you've changed,
but every time I take you back you stay the same.

You tell me to open up to you,
but every time I do you don't want to know,
you want to know what goes on in my head and the truth is I'm scared,
scared of getting hurt,
scared of being left out in the dirt,
truth is I don't know how to feel,
truth is I don't even know what's real,
not anymore,
because all I feel is emptiness,
yeah I'm a mess,
but I'm trying my best,
yeah baby I'm trying my best,
I just want to be happy and not have all this stress,
truth is I love you girl,
more than anything in the world,
but I'm broken,
and so are you,
we're two broken souls,
who don't know what to do

It's insane because i love you and hate you all the same,
truth is I'm drained,
and the tears won't stop falling down my face,
I want us to work,
yeah I want to be able to find a way,
figure something out before we fade away,
I want to tell you that we're gonna be okay,
but how can I when we go round in circles every day,
half of me wants to believe you when you say you've changed,
but half of me wants to show you the door,
tell you enough is enough and I can't do this anymore,
so I sit and reminisce about the good times,
when we would go out to karaoke nights,
when we had good vibes,
before all the fights,

I know I'm no saint,
I know I've made mistakes,
and I'm not proud of the things I've done,
I'm sorry for being such a ****,
I don't wanna lose you,
but I feel so battered and bruised,
I'm trying to hold on,
but I'm hanging by a thread
it's left me thinking
what if there's nothing left,
what if out relationship is dead,
so many questions running around my head,

I need some air to breathe,
I feel like I'm slowly suffocating,
and my arms will continue to bleed,
I need some clarity,
because right now I see nothing but darkness in front of me,
you mean so much to me,
I wish you could just see it,
I wish you could just believe it,
I just want you to see that,
I'm not like your ex girl,
nah baby im no fake girl,
I live in the real world,
I've been through more **** than an episode in Emmerdale,
my whole life is like a TV soap,
why do you think i smoke,
because im so **** stressed and struggling to cope,
so many times I've considered ending it all with a rope.

Everyday I wake up wishing my ***** would disappear,
but then I look in the mirror and there they are; two big boulders stuck on my chest. I wear baggy clothes and cover up, I'd do anything to hide the fact they exist.

Growing up was never easy, I tried to fit in with the girls, started wearing make up and feminine clothes, but nothing felt right. I remember being in my room and looking at myself in the mirror every night, I'd pretend that I was a guy. Alex would be my name, I'd put on some rock music and pretend I was a rock star with thousands of girls screaming my name.

But I'd always come back to reality, there I'd be looking in the mirror a teenage me; ashamed of my body. People would come up to me and ask if I was okay, I'd always smile and say that I'm fine . But I wasn't because at the back of my mind there was this voice saying I'm meant to be a guy.